What Happens When...

...you're boiling eggs and you let the water dry out?

Apparently, the eggs explode!

Now, before you go judging me, I was not the one who put the eggs on fire; my mother did - although she did tell me to watch over them. But in my defense, she obviously put too little water because it was barely five minutes after she told me to watch them that the eggs exploded. Alright, fine. The truth is that it was about thirty forty-five minutes after she told me to watch them that the eggs exploded... and I forgot because I was *drumroll* blogging. *sigh*


But let's look @ the bright side. I have discovered something new: pesin fit use boiled egg do explosive oo! (Boiled eggs can be used as explosives).


Now, I'm wondering if I should have typed the word, "explosives" on my blog (and then dared to make it bold & italic). Hmmmph! If I don't update after today, please know that the Pentagon people have gotten me and locked me up in Guantanamo Bay. Oh, wait... my brother is now in power. Shoot, wetin I dey fear?! (What am I afraid of?!)

P.S. I keep forgeting to tell you about my new article, Facebook - The 9th Planet. Check it out, please. Click HERE.

In Preparation For Marriage....

"It will be a very big shame for you to get married to an Igbo man and not know how to cook onugbu (bitterleaf) soup."

- Spoken by Vera Ezimora's mom on Friday, March 20th 2009 10:41 PM

You know, sometimes, I just don't understand my mother. When and where did she see an engagement ring on my finger? To my recollection, I have not told her that any man - let alone an Igbo one - is seeking my hand in marriage. She has not told me that any Igbo man has come to pluck the ripe flower in our garden either - unless they (mom, dad & the Igbo man) are planning to give me a surprise wedding. So where did mom come off telling me it will be a shame to get married to an Igbo man without knowing how to cook onugbu (bitterleaf) soup??? Alright, I'll explain.

Prior to that verbal assault you read up there, I did not know how to cook onugbu (bitterleaf) soup. I was curious enough to ask mom to teach me. Remember that I said I asked her. She did not tell me I had to learn it. I
asked
begged her on my own to show me. We have been attempting to do this mother-daughter cooking for the longest time - I'm talking years now - but you know how time is exactly what we don't have enough of. Finally, we agreed to do it on Thursday (March 19th), but mom was too tired. I guess that meant it was automatically postponed to Friday, March 20th, but I didn't know. So off I went to hang out with Funmi #1 and Funmi #2 (Yes, there are two Funmis, but Funmi #1 is the one who comments on my blog).

I decided to call mom at 10:41 PM to check up on her... as per good daughter and all, and that verbal assault up there was what I heard. And after speaking, she hung up on me ooo! LOL. Couldn't stop laughing walahi. I finally got home more than an hour later to realize the woman had not even started cooking the soup - even though prior to hanging up she said, "Don't worry, I'm cooking my soup myself" ... you know one of those things they say to make you feel guilty. Anyway, I ended up joining her in cooking.

I was required to
wash
scrub the bitterleaves till they were no more bitter. I wanted to wear my rubber gloves because I didn't want the finger nails I had been growing to turn green after washing the leaves, but I was chastised by my mom, "How can you wear gloves to wash what someone will eat?" After two minutes of washing, I became tired, but I had to keep going; apparently, the leaves were still bitter. By the end of it, I came to one conclusion: I must have a house-help! I am not cut out for this. I refuse to bend over the sink to wash bitterleaves. My mom laughed @ me. She asked, "So you'll have a house help as soon as you enter your husband's house?" I said, "Yeap. She'll be my hand luggage."

Mom: What if your house help is not Igbo? Or what if your house help is not a female?

Me: I don't even want a female anyway. Too many house-girl/husband casualties. But if he/she isn't Igbo, he/she will be trained on how to wash bitterleaves.

Mom: Who will train them?

Me: Obviously not me.

Mom: *Shaking head.* You're not serious.

Me: Very serious, mom.

Soooo after about an hour in the hot kitchen, a pot of yummy onugbu soup emerged. It is safe to say that I am now ready to be given away to an Igbo man. I took pictures to show you my soup. Oh, but you know what my mom said after we finished cooking? She said, "You know you didn't learn anything. All you did was walk around here and take pictures; we have to do this again." Lai lai! We don't have to do anything again. I have learnt. I'm good.

The bitterleaves I was washing...


After I washed them...


You know what that is? Blended cocoayam. It makes the soup thicker. In Naija, we woulda pounded it, but as per Yankee, we had to blend it instead.

"Assorted meat" but no "roundabouts" lol

Stockfish

Ogili (stinky Igbo spice. It stinks! But darn it, it makes the food yummy)

Voila... the result!

Dear Igbo man, I am now ripe to become your wife. When is the wedding gonna be??? :-)

Bless Me Father, For I Have Kissed...

... My last kiss was ---- well, let's leave that alone. There is no need to put that on here now, is there? You and I both know the answer. Let's leave it between me, You, and him.

A while ago, I attended a Singles' Dinner/Conference in church. Funmi was there. Ibukun was there. Even three year old Ireti was there. She's single too, you know. The event was really nice, and I was glad I went. They (the married folks) advised us (the single folks) on how to live the godly single life. Some of the things they told us, I already knew... like sex before marriage is fornication. When a married person has sex with someone other than his/her spouse, that is adultery. All kinds of sex before marriage is a sin. Yes, so whether you engage in vaginal, oral, anal, or whatever other orifice (nose, ears, etc), it is still all sex... and still all fornication. I was not surpised about that. Afrobabe, Shona Vixen, Ibiluv, Roc Naija, Ms Sula, and Word Merchant ... sebi una dey hear me so?

But eventually, I became very surprised by some of the things I heard. Apparently, oral sex between married couples is also a sin. Honestly, I didn't know that. I thought it was okay. But apparently, it's perversion. They said it's unnatural sex. I don't know what to make of this news. I'm not going to tell you otherwise because I would not want to mislead you against the word of God. The truth of the matter is that I am still very confused. For some reason, I was under the impression that it was okay for married couples to have oral sex.

But it gets worse. Before marriage, I am not allowed to do several other things. They are "kissing, necking, smooching, caressing... and even fantasizing." Haba!!! Body no be firewood na! What am I supposed to do when I have a fiance? Shoot, forget fiance. What am I supposed to do when I have a boyfriend? Shake hands??? Oh, and hugging is not recommended either. It's not a sin, but it's not recommended because it can lead to the temptation of kissing, necking, caressing, smooching.... and heavens forbid.... fantasizing!!! And once you fall into the temptation of kissing (or any other of the abominable acts), you may very well fall into bed and indulge in a form of sex. In case you're wondering, the following are also all sins: masturbation, hand job, fingering, and the weird thing where you cocoon the man's member between your breasts. Of course, 3somes and orgies are major sins! Now, that's perversion.

What to do... what to do. I have kissed. And lemme not lie, the kiss was baaaaaad! Bad as in when-can-I-get-the-next-installment kind of bad. Yes, it was that good. But now, they said I'm not allowed to kiss anymore. I'm not even allowed to think about the kiss. Oturugbeke! This is an outrage! I need my attorney (Luscious Ron) to do something about this immediately. Perhaps, we could appeal to God? If only God were to taste this kiss that I'm referring to, He too will understand that resisting this kiss is impossicant.

Okay, even if I manage to resist the kiss, how do I resist the thought of fantasizing about the kiss? Hmmmm. This must be the ploy of my enemies to get me to stop kissing, but they have failed. They want me to stop kissing, so they can start kissing my kisser abi? **laughing in Igbo** It will not work for them @ alllll. I must get to the bottom of this no-kiss rule. How can I stay in the same room with the kisser and not be kissed? In fact, how can we coexist on the same earth and not kiss? Our lips are magnetic. I almost cannot help it, so technically it's not even my fault. I think I need to go and explain this to the Pastor.

But in the meantime inbetween time, I need my dear attorney at law, Luscious Ron to start preparing an appeal document to our Father in Heaven. He should please understand me.... ehn. Dear God, please let me have this one little small sin.

Do You Like Men?

Him: Are you married?

Me: No.

Him: So you're single?

Me: Yeah.

Him: Are you into men?

Me: What...?!

Him: Do you like men?

Me: Excuse me?

Him: I'm sorry; I didn't mean to offend you... I was just... I just didn't wanna come out straight and ask if you are straight. I mean you look straight...

Me: I have a boyfriend (do not question me about the veracity of this statement; thank you very much!)

Him: Oh. So you're seeing someone then?

Me: Yes.

Him: You're a very pretty lady. Again, I apologize if I offended you.

See me see wahala ooo! I still don't know what this guy was attempting to do: flirt with me? Strike up a conversation? Satisfy his curiosity? Dumbfound me? Well, he sure did dumbfound me, and not in a good way.

This is how you know the world don kpafuka finish (is spoilt). Whatever happened to the good ol' days when you just approached someone and flirted with him/her or asked him/her out? Now, you have to wonder if the person is into men, women, both, neither, or possibly animals sef. Mama mia! I have never, ever been asked if I was into men. What do people who are into men look like? I mean, he said I look like I'm into men, so what do women who are into men look like?

It was funny the way he started stammering. I guess he read the look on my face. I know he did not mean any harm by the question, but is there really any way to ask, "are you into men?" without being offensive? That's almost as bad as rubbing a woman's tummy and asking her when she's due, only to find out she's not even pregnant. How pesin go fit remove for dat kin situation (how does one escape that kind of situation)?

Anyhoo, I have no other choice than to be into men. Let's face it: you women are just toooooo much to handle. You bleed and PMS once a month (sometimes twice), you never have enough shoes, bags, and clothes, you are too sensitive, you are overly dramatic, you think too much about everything and over analyze every situation, you always think you are fat, you always think someone is talking about you, you're so darn petty, you read between non existent lines, you don't seem to know what you want in a man until you have your heart broken a few times, you talk too much (shut the heck up!), you listen to Beyonce and Oprah way too much ... sheesh the list goes on.

So yeah, come on boys ... you're just what the doctor ordered. :-)

P.S. Thanks to all those who voted for me in the Naija Bloggers Awards competition. I was nominated in five categories, and I walked away with two awards. Thanks!!! To all those who didn't vote for me... in your face... ha!!! LOL. Now, voting has begun for Category B, so biko, go and vote for ya gal! I was nominated in 5 categories. I will put up an acceptance speech when the whole thing is over. Why not, if not?

Oh, What Da Heck! I'll Indulge You!!

Why be normal when you can be Verastic?? And that's a serious question by the way.

I told you about the wonderful Verastic ideas I have for my bridesmaids, and Lolo Bloggs couldn't help but ask what plans I have for myself as the bride, so Lolo Bloggs, this post is especially for you. Yes, I realize other people asked too, but Lolo Bloggs asked first. Listed below are a few ideas for my wedding; they will be implemented from the time of my engagement to the wedding. Some might call these plans drastic, but I prefer to call them Verastic.

1. My fiance will propose to me every month after the initial proposal - just to reinforce that he wants to marry me. And no, he does not need to buy a new ring for each proposal - unless he wants to, of course.

2. My friends must throw me a surprise bridal shower every month. This is because I don't think one bridal shower will be enough for everyone and all the gifts I intend to receive.

3. My husband and I will renew our vows every year, and we will have a big reception. This will be to remind ourselves (and others) that we are married. Of course, each renewal will preceed a huge compulsory asoebi party and a bomb-diggitified honeymoon where we will procreate till --- whenever.

4. For my first wedding, I cannot have it in only one location because not everyone will be able to make it there. I'll have it in Yankee, in London, in Naija, and in Iraq (for our soldiers at war; I wouldn't want them to miss this golden opportunity).

5. My husband and I will go on three honeymoons. A pre-wedding honeymoon, a wedding honeymoon, and a post wedding honeymoon.

6. In other to include everyone in our wedding, my husband and I will have almost all types of weddings. I said almost. We will have a court wedding, a Christian (white) wedding, a traditional wedding, an Islamic wedding, a Jewish wedding, a Hindu wedding, Sikh wedding (is there any such thing?), a Budahist wedding, and any other kind we can think of.

7. Between the wedding (in church) and the reception, my husband and I will be secluded in a locked room for some private talking time. We may not do much talking, but we sure will have some private time. Hmmmm.... wonder what we will be doing. Ideas, anyone???

8. Considering all the money we'll be spending on our wedding, it is only fair that we try to cut the costs a bit. We'll tell our guests to bring their own food and water, and we'll provide the cups & utensils - all disposable, of course.

9. If we do provide the water, we will not provide cups, and it will not be one bottle per guest. Instead, everyone must take a gulp from the bottle and pass the rest to his/her neighbor. There is joy in sharing, you know.

10. But just in case over-richness begins to worry my husband and I (AMEN!!!), we will provide each table @ the reception with one cow. Yes, I said each table will have a cow. Each table will have 8 guests, and they must finish that cow b4 they go home. No take away! Oh, of course, it will be cooked.

11. The beef will be served with a bag of rice. Yes, each table must eat one bag of rice. After which they will drink it down with a carton of beer. Each guest = a carton of beer. Failure to comply with the rules will result in panel beating by a panel beater.

That's it for now. As you can see, I don't ask for too much. I only ask that my wedding - like yours truly - be Verastic.

P.S. Does any1 have info about making graphic tees? I mean those tees with inscriptions on them. I need a lot of it, so that means wholesale price, please. The earlier you help me out, the earlier we will have this Verastic wedding. No, I'm not engaged, but like I always say...a gal can plan ahead, can't she?

**Vera thinking** Hmmm....what if all the guests wear a tee-shirt that says, "Some idiot invited me to her wedding and said I must share a cow with 7 other people..." Hehehehe. But on second thoughts, I don't know how I feel about 7, 500 people calling me an idiot on my wedding day.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I will be having 7, 500 guests?? Not a lot, is it?

Speaking Of Vacations...

Does anyone actually listen to all the instructions they give on the plane? I mean all that supposedly good stuff about emergencies and how to exit in the event of what…. a crash???? I don’t listen. While I was away on vacation – yes, the one I didn’t mention…hehe – the crew members gave us all these instructions about how to pull down the oxygen mask and where the exit door was. Abeg!

As a proper Naija girl, I was busy praying that the weather and plane should be perfect, and that God should pilot the plane safely back to Baltimore. We will not meet any birds along the sky that will make our plane to plummet downward into any river – Hudson or not – because frankly, I cannot swim to save my life. Although, of course, if I had to pick one, I’d rather crash on water (than on land). And if any birds were to come close to our plane, may holy ghost fire consume them and send them into the abyss. Or the bottomless pit – whichever one is closer and more permanent.

Soooo I went on a much needed vacation to a place where the sun shines and keeps its inhabitants warm. It was very different from Maryland where it was 25°F the morning I left. I was treated like royalty, I tell you. I ate some good food the whole time I was there; it kinda makes me feel like going back. I visited alligators and even carried a baby one. Maybe I should have adopted it and brought it back to my house. That should be enough to keep Funmie away from my house for a while. The alligators in this picture are very real, and no, that is not the size of the one I carried. Abeg ooo!

I had the fabulousest time of my life! I was served strawberries & apples every morning – not the kind that was cut by some woman wearing latex gloves. These strawberries & apples were washed and cut by the bestest hands ever. Just look @ them.... *batting eye lashes*

For the first time, I went kayaking. My partner and I almost fell into the water, and of course, it was all his fault. He might beg to differ, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. We kayaked to the middle of the ocean/beach; the water was so beautiful, and I could not help think, “Chineke God of heaven above… if I fall inside this ocean, what will become of me? I cannot swim. I don’t even know if I can float. Hopefully, this life jacket I’m wearing is in good working condition. But what if there are alligators in here? Or worse, sharks and/or crocs? Oh, God! Please blind them. Let them not see me … or my bright blue life jacket.” As it came to pass, my dear readers, they did not spot me. I made it out alive and with all my limbs & appendages.

I had apple pie for the first time. It was warm and had cold creamy vanilla ice cream on top of it. Yummy. I ate oxtail pepper soup with mixed vegetables. Still can’t get it off my mind. I ate lasagna for the first time too. Try as I might to pick out the finely chopped onions, I just couldn’t find them. Me thinks it was a conspiracy against me to get me to eat onions. But it was surprisingly yummy. Yesterday, I found myself thinking about it. I saw the movie Madea Goes To Jail. Good stuff. Couldn’t stop laughing. Watched several episodes of the old British comedy, Mind Your Language. Too funny! My kind of comedy.

There were a few highlights: the dough I traveled with finally got kneaded. Had been wondering how and where to get that done. They do the best kneading over there, I tell ya. I had some French whispered into my left ear. Yeah...you could say I had a fantabulous time. :-)

Soooo.... any idea who I went to see? Me neither. :)

I'll be back on Tuesday. Have you voted for me? If not, do so asap HERE. And if you have not yet nominated me for all the categories in Category B, then please get to it HERE. (It ends by midnight today....so hurry!). See ya Tuesday!

P.S. I'm totally willing to give all the details about my vacation .... for the price of one Pour Femme by Bvlgari.

P.P.S. Per Temite's request ... if I win all the Category A categories I was nominated in, I will post a full picture of myself. Walahi talahi ... so you berra start voting.

Breaking News...!

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Vacations End Wayyyyyyy Too Quickly!

Considering the amount of time that goes into planning a vacation - no matter how short - it is appalling that it ends so swiftly. Why does time fly by so fast when you're having fun? It's never the same thing when that teacher is talking about all the different ways to dissect the brain. I have barely traveled in the last few several years. I hope to make 2009 a traveling year. AMEN!!!

But when I get married - here she comes with her future marriage plans again! - my husband and I must travel to all places travelable. Of course, I can travel now, but I think the traveling will be a lot more fun if you have the opportunity of being naughty with someone @ odd times of the day and/or night. You know what I mean now! Don't make me say it; I'm shy. *blushing*

So when I get married, my husband and I might just wake up one morning and decide to go have breakfast in Germany, lunch in Peru, and dinner in India. The next day, we'll go bake ourselves under the Australian sun. We might even hunt a few crocodiles - just like Steve, the Crocodile Hunter used to do before his unfortunate demise. Then we'll go to Senegal - just to visit those huge flies I saw there several years ago. I wonder if their flies are still so huge. Another day, we'll go to Puerto Rico to look for J'Lo's people. When we find them, we'll wave to them and keep it moving.

We'll vacation to Leningrad, Russia - the land of my birth. We'll see if we can actually see Alaska. If we can, we might just ski dive into Alaska. That should be fun. We'll go to Italy to have real pizza. And I'll buy an expensive pair of shoes. We'll go to Israel to visit the garden of Eden. There, I will get down on my knee and feed my husband an apple. He will eat it and we will know the difference between good and evil. [I wonder if we'll get banned from returning to Israel if we get caught procreating under one of the trees. I guess we'll just have to find out]

We'll go to Nigeria to eat from one of those Mama Put joints. And we'll give her a big fat tip. We're gonna wash our own dishes and stand in line to wait for our food just like everyone else. That's all part of the fun. We'll go to Paris - the City of love & romance and we'll fall in love all over again....and of course, we'll 'romance' each other. He'll whisper sweet nothings in my ear in the language I wish I could speak - French.

Okay, enough of the imaginations. This has become a self-induced hypnosis. I'm finding it hard to snap out of it. Goodness, that French part was really good. So what was I saying anyway? Oh yeah, vacations end too quickly. I know this sounds like a random post. It sounds like I have no reason to be talking about vacations, but you know there is no smoke without fire. *wink*

P.S. Category B of the Naija Blogger Awards is up and running. Please go & vote (FOR ME!!!!) immediately. Click HERE to go to the Naija Blogger Awards blog. I woulda given the link directly to the voting site, but Geisha (even from her blogger grave....sebi she stopped blogging??) has been threatening me to put the link to the Blogger Awards blog instead. She said my votes will not count if I did not heed her instructions. I'm not afraid oh, but.... anyway, when you go to the blog, the link for Category B is on the right hand side. And please, ignore whatever Afrobabe & Iyabo Opeke says. They're both crazy. Vote 4 me and me alone.

P.P.S. On Thursday, I blogged about the few and very simple things I require of my future bridesmaids, and Lolo Bloggs asked what I had planned for myself as the bride. Now, I feel compelled to tell you all. I just don't know how you're gonna take the news. Should I indulge you?

On Bridesmaids...

So, Bumight struck a chord with me on her recent post about wanting to be a bridesmaid. I have been a bridesmaid only one time in my life, and that was when I was Busola's maid of honor. It goes without saying that it was Busola's honor to have me as her maid of honor. Soon, I'm gonna be a bridesmaid for another friend, and no, I'm not gonna tell you who, when, or where. I talked about Busola's nuptials so much that my picture was found by many people. Once bitten, twice shy. I refuse to talk about this wedding. There were two other times I was part of a wedding: once when I was my aunt's little bride (gosh, I was too hawt!), and the other time, I was an usher (or was it a hostess??); the point is that we wore a beautiful burgundy gown.

Our dear Bumight has never had the honor expense of being a bridesmaid. Sure, you'll look cute (if you're not made to wear some butt ugly dress that highlights all your flaws), and sure, you'll have your pictures taken by a professional photographer. Let's not forget the chance to walk arm in arm with what is hopefully an eligible bachelor - if only for that day. I think my favorite part is when the bridal party dances into the reception. That's when I can show my kolomentality in the name of dance moves - not that I really have any.

Anyways, Bumight wants to be my bridesmaid. What wedding, you ask? Well, Bumight has joined the other crazy people (Funmi & Busola) in planning my wedding to my valentine. Bumight, don't worry; you, Funmi, and Busola are obviously all being carried in the same boat. Funmi and Busola have already started planning the speech they will give at my wedding. They even argue about whose speech will be better. Needless to say, I am not part of this conversation, but it is quite entertaining to listen to. Sometimes, I do indulge them, I must admit. I have long since removed all doubts about Funmi's and Busola's insanity. They're certified 'crase people.' And you, Bumight, have joined them. Congratulations!

For you, Bumight (and anyone else who might be interested in being my bridesmaid), please read below.

1. All bridesmaids must have their dresses (which I will design) sewn by Vera Wang.

2. Once chosen as a bridesmaid, no bridesmaid, can decline the offer.

3. Each bridesmaid must get to the wedding in a stretch hummer limousine that will be paid for by the bridesmaid. One bridesmaid per limo, please!

4. Each bridesmaid must buy the aso-ebi lace, of course, which will cost only $2000 for 5 yards.

5. Each bridesmaid must use that asoebi material to sew a style that I have designed: micro mini skirt & half top - with the words, "Vera's Maid" inscribed boldly across the chest.

6. Each bridesmaid must wear a pair of gold metalic stripper shoes designed by either Manolo Blahnik or Christian Louboutin. And no, they will not be stripping @ my wedding! The groomsmen are welcome to, though. :)

7. Anyone who is interested in being a Verastic bridesmaid should please answer the 5 questions below & mail it to my P.O.BOX immediately. Though I am not getting married yet (in fact, I'm not even engaged), it is imperative that I plan ahead, no? Please mail in your Verastic Bridesmaid application ASAP, and you will get a response once the wedding date has been set.

Verastic Application Form [all areas marked with asteris (*) are required, and the number of *s denotes how much power this question has...in determining if you get the honorable position or not. Answer wisely, my friends.]

*Name:

*Address & Number:

**********How much are you willing to donate to the Verastic wedding?

**********How soon can you start the donation?

Why do you want to be a Verastic bridesmaid?


All readers are eligible to become Verastic bridesmaids. I have even decided to shatter myths by allowing men to become my bridesmaids, so RocNaija, Rethots, Aloofar, Chari, Black007, Fine Agbero Boy, Jaguda, Nuggetzman, Danny Bagucci, Dabizniz, Darius Williams, Tobenna, Webround, Aribaba, Doug, NaijaDude, Banky W, Emeka Amakeze, Boorish Male, Naughty Eyes, Dante, NaijaLeta, Engineer Ayo, Mr C, Carlang and the rest of our male bloggers (and readers) are all free to apply. C'mon, I know you've all been picturing yourselves in pretty dresses & gowns, sashaying down the aisle all prim & proper. Admit it already and do the right thing!

This may come as a shock to you - considering how competitive this position is - but it costs absolutely nothing to apply for this position. Yes, I know.... I'm awefully sweet! Sometimes, I don't know what to do with myself!

So Bumight, how you take see am?

The Injustices Of The World.

I know I have been putting up a lot of funny, unserious posts lately, but please take a moment to be Verastically serious - if that is possible.

I have always been aware of the injustices in the world - like Black vs White, Men vs Women, Rich vs Poor, and Young vs Old. Before Friday (Feb 27th), I had not been hit hard by any of this. Before Friday, everything was just same ol' same ol' and you would have probably never heard me complaining of the injustice(s) of the world, but after what I experienced at Wal-Mart on Friday evening, my views have changed - and not for the better.

On Friday evening, I went to Wal-Mart (the All-American superstore) to buy the movie, Transformers for my cousin. He had been bugging for it, so I decided to finally go get it. In the clothes section, I noticed there were several yellow clothes and accessories. As you know, yellow is a bright color which makes it almost impossible to miss it. I went closer and realized that everything there was about Spongebob. High in the ceiling hung a banner that read, "Happy Spongebob." I actually don't remember if it read, "Happy Spongebob Month" or just "Happy Spongbob."

Anyway, there was a pair of yellow spongebob sleep-pants and a yellow spongebob sleep-top. I immediately moved in for the kill. It was only then that I realized the clothes were only for kids. No adult sizes. Now why would they go and do that?! I really, really, really, really liked it, but for any of it to fit me, I would have to lose I-don't-even-know-how-many-pounds and definitely lose some inches off my height too.

With regret, I succumed to the harsh reality: The yellow spongebob sleepwear was just not for me. My oldness had deprived me of a spongebob sleepwear. Talk about the great injustice of the world: Young vs Old. Sooooooooo not fair!!!!

I don't know where I should submit my complaint: To Wal-Mart? I could tell them how uncool & unfunny it is that they are selling cute spongebob sleepwear that is not not available in normal people's sizes. Or maybe to Nickelodeon? They're the owners of Spongebob, so I'm sure they approved of this injustice. Come to think of it, maybe I should take this straight to Obama. He needs to write and pass a bill that mandates Spongebob outfits to be made for adults.

Yeap, that's what I'm gonna do.

Let's Go There....!

Naija Blogger Awards is up...yay! I am not dedicating an entire post to the awards because I'm tryna create awareness & all that ish, but rather because I want to warn all of you: failure to vote for me will result in the permanent deletion of my blog. Yes, I realize this action will hurt me more than it will hurt you since I love and cherish my blog and its contents, but at least, my point will be made.

So what makes Vera - the one who lives Verastically - qualify? Please, read on. There are 17 categories for 'Category A' of the Naija Blogger Awards, and I intend to qualify for all of them. Yes, I said all of them.

1. Best Personal Blog: This shouldn't be difficult. Verastically Livin' is as personal as it can get. I have told you about my bathing routine (so now, you can practically picture me doing it); I have told you about my tropical rain forest (the jungle that hides within); I have told you about my shotput days (when I supplied free manure to grandma's farm); I have told you about my lactose intolerance (so now you know what not to serve me when I visit you), and I have even told you what kind of underwears I wear. What, do you need me to post a picture of my butt cheeks too?

2. Best Student Blog: So maybe I don't talk a lot about school, but I did mention that I had to do a school project when I had to visit a strip club and observe people. Well, what more do you want from me? Vote me there jare!

3. Most Inspiring Blogger: I inspired Temite, Funmie, and someone else whose name I can't remember right now to start blogging. How much more of an inspiring blogger do you want me to be? On February 14th, I even inspired God to answer my prayers and send me my Valentine. Hehehe. If I can inspire God, then what da heck?? If you ask me, I'll even say I inspired Barack Obama to run 4 President, but let's not get in2 that. We're keeping it on the down low.

4. Best Literary Blog (prose, poetry, story telling): Uhm, this might be a bit tricky. The stories I have told on Verastically Livin' are not exactly prose-type material BUT hey, they are stories nonetheless, no? Remember the story about the young boy who woulda wooed me if he wasn't so much younger than me? Well, that counts for something!

5. Best Use Of Theme In A Blog (religion, politics, social commentary, fashion, family, etc): How about "Totally Awesome" for a theme? If you ask me, that should count for something. And that is exactly what Verastically Livin' is all about. Someone might call this tooting my own horns, but what does he know?

6. Best Political Blog: Oh, this one is soooooo easy! On the day of the election, I blogged TWICE. I never, ever blog twice in a day, but that day I blogged twice - all for Obama. The posts are HERE & HERE. Now how's that for best political blog!!

7. Best Relgious Blog: I don't like the term 'religious;' I prefer 'spiritual,' but for the purpose of this award, I'll tell you that this is the best religious blog because on Sunday, October 19th, I rededicated my life to Christ. I also have a direct line to God. Who else has written a letter to Him and had it answered so swiftly and perfectly?

8. Best Fashion Blog: On Valentine's Day, I told you I wore a pink and black shirt. I only wore the pink shirt because it was Valentine's Day and I was tryna honor St. Valentine.

9. Best Entertainment Blog: Who else entertains you so much with the type of weird men she meets? Remember Mr. Kisser? TAB? Mr. Multiple Personality? Mr Slow? The Delivery Man? The weekend with three men - all of whom were either married, almost married, and probably married?

10. Best Everyday Read: By qualifying for categories one to nine, I automatically qualify for this one. It's no hard ball.

11. Most Creative Blogger: Me, of course! I came up with "Verastic" all by myself. I named Funmi "Fufustic" also (because I call her Fufu for short). And of course, I came up with the beautiful name that all of you are supposed to call me - Madam Interviewee Vera. Needless to say, you're doing a sucky job @ it. And one of these days, I'll shut all your blogs down.

12. Intellectual Blog: I know how to spell everyone's blogger/blogville name without looking. It's not easy, but what can I say? I have a rather high blogville IQ.

13. Dedicated Blogger Award (updates most frequently, comments, active blogger....): If you have not noticed, Verastically Livin' gets updated every three days (except for a few times when I have to delay because I need to update on a particular date. I am committed, darn it!

14. Most Likeable Blogger: I like myself, and that is all that should matter. The rest of you better get on board.... or else!! Yeap, I'm deleting Verastically Livin' and going to a far away land where I'll be known as the green-eyed one - Facebook.

15. Best Use Of Visuals In A Blog (images, themes, colors...etc): Every word you see in color in this post is a link. Do you have ANY idea how long it took me to hyperlink all these words???? Do you???? Well, that counts as visuals. That's my story & I'm sticking to it!

16. Best Use Of Media In A Blog (widgets, graphics, music...): Well, I have the 'Follow Verastic' widget, the 'Subscribe to Verastic' widget, and even the 'View My Complete Profile' widget. What more do you want?

17. Bloggers' Choice Awards (Naija blogger of the year): How many other bloggers have taken their time to put up this type of post? It is obvious I deserve this. Now, give it!

By now, I'm sure there is only one question on your mind: where do I cast my Verastic vote? Right HERE. The administrators require that no category be left blank, so please fill everything in. On a serious note, if you do not know which blogger to nominate for a category, just put 'N/A' or something like that. But don't leave it blank. This voting is open to any1 & everyone, so come one, come all.

I exit now....... to go & work on my acceptance speech.

*Vera singing* ... Winner oh oh oh, winner/winner oh oh oh oh winner/Vera you don win oh, winner/kpata kpata you go win forever, winner!

*Another song* It shall be permanent/it shall be permanent/what the Lord has done for me/it shall be permanent....permanent.....

Dear Host, Please Stop Inviting Me!

I dunno about other States, but there is a new trend (ok, maybe it's not so new) here in Maryland. People - and I'm not referring to the "party promoters" - throw parties to celebrate their birthday and then they charge you a gate/entrance fee. What nonsense!!!

Where do people come off inviting you for their "birthday party" and then charging you $30 before 11 o' clock or some nonsense like that??? So how much is it gonna be after 11? It doesn't even matter. If you wanna throw a birthday party, then do so and let people come and merry with you for free. If you don't have money to throw a party, then who says you have to? Why throw a party and tell me to pay? You might as well require all the guests to bring gifts. Whatever happened to good ol' staying home with friends and eating cake (and ice cream, of course)?

My phone and email have been bombarded with invitations to birthday parties where I am required to pay. Sometimes, there is even an enforced dress code. Why now??? I don't mind if there is a dress code; I just don't understand why it should be enforced for a birthday party. When you invite people to join you to celebrate your birthday, you're begging them for a favor - I think. In a large scale public event, of course, people have to pay and dress codes can be enforced. But for a birthday party??? Gimme a flippin' break! I could have been doing something else @ home - like watching funny commercials or something.

This is how all this nonsense starts ooo. Before I know it, couples getting married will start charging their guests at the door and even enforcing a strict asoebi dress code...with matching Italian shoes & bags sef! That will be the day. Yes, that will be the day that I, the Verastic lover will quit attending weddings and plan my own instead. By the day my wedding date rolls around, I'm sure a man would volunteer to stand in as my husband. And I'll make sure I renew my vows every month - just in case the man begins to forget he's married. But don't lemme get into all the plans I have for my wedding and marriage. That will be for another post.

Of course, there is a slight chance that I might be over reacting...seeing as I am not much of a party person (except when a dancing catharsis is necessary). So my reason for not attending these pay-at-the-door birthday parties isn't usually because I am required to pay, but rather, first and foremost because I just don't wanna go. If I did wanna go, having to pay @ the door would then become the reason why I will not be found there. Pay at the door for someone's birthday party????????? Please!!!

Oh, well. What do I know? I'm just a gal with an overactive imagination who thinks she can make certain things & places disappear. Hehehe. (Yes, I am aware that almost no1 knows what the heck I'm talking about. I said almost no1). But seriously, I think this is simply ridiculous. If you want to become a party promoter, then knock yourself out and stop hiding under the cloak of having a birthday party. *HISS*

Oh! And "Category A" of Naija Blogger Awards has started, so please COME ON DOWN!!! If you don't have a name for any category, don't leave it blank, write N/A or something. Better yet, fill every category with Vera Ezimora. Just a thought...! :-) Alright, I'm begging, please vote 4 me!!! If you do, I will.... I don't even know what I will do. What do you want me 2 do? Pray, do tell! Click HERE to vote.

Eat. Drink. Lick. Suck.

Get your mind outta the gutter; I'm talking about ice cream. What do you do to ice cream?? I have a hard time picking out the right word from my vocabulary. What do you do to ice cream??

Eat: If you say you're eating ice cream, something about it doesn't seem right. Eat?? Does ice cream get chewed between our molar teeth? The thought of it sounds painful. Do we ever need to floss it out? 'Eat' just doesn't sound like what we do to ice cream.

Drink: Now this is even weirder, but people do say they're drinking ice cream. Unless the ice cream is melted and you're literally gulping it down from a cup (or bottle), I don't understand how ice cream can be drunk. Can it? If it can, it kinda defeats the whole purpose of it being ice cream.

Lick: This sounds naughty. When I think of licking ice cream, I imagine sticking my tongue out and licking it off of something...like a plate or a bowl. Or even a spoon. Try as I might, I cannot help but associate the licking of ice cream to naughty stuff. The question is: how many licks does it take to get to the middle of the ice cream?? Ah, naughty, naughty thoughts. The hardcore truth is that cunninglingus has made it difficult to hear "lick" without thinking dirty thoughts. Bad world we live in. But this is about ice cream.

Suck: This is the naughtiest. How do you suck ice cream? People say they're sucking ice cream, but how is that possible?? I picture a hard ice cream that is on a stick, one that cannot be melted by licking. Only sucking will do. Ever since the invention of fellatio (I have deliberately used this word instead of the O.S. word to avoid further complicated Google Analytics searches), the word "suck" has just not remained the same. Of course, this predicament has also befallen the word, "lick," but I digress...

So seriously, what do you do with/to ice cream? This is a serious debate that has been going on in my head. Unable to habor anymore of these daunting thoughts, I have decided to bring it to you: the grand jury. If you're wondering what I do - or say I do - with ice cream, I just say, "I'm having ice cream."

....That in itself could be interpreted to mean something else. People can have other people. The alternative is that I'm just overthinking this ice cream consumption terminology too much. Perhaps, I should just eat, drink, lick, suck, have, and shut up.

Your thoughts?

This Valentine Day Sha..!!

***Vera smiling from ear to ear***

Where do I start from??? Hmmmm. I'll make this short and sweet. And by the time I'm done, you'll feel one or more of these emotions: happy, jealous, confused, curious, doubtful, angry.... did I mention jealous already? Hehehe.

So there I was on Saturday, jejely minding my own business @ home. I wore a black and pink blouse and a pair of black jeans. I wore the pink shirt to commemorate Valentine. It was either that or something red, but I didn't have anything I liked in red. Well, my red tops were either dirty, too casual, or too formal. So pink it was.

I decided to make some moi moi. I had been putting it off for over a week. I was home, listening to music, and dancing every now and then. I was gonna watch a Naija flick after cooking. Funmi called and said she was coming over to eat. I told her not to come to my house. I did not want to spend my Valentine with a girl. But did she listen? Nope! The babe showed up here and ate my food. I even washed her dishes when she was done.

We started watching a Naija movie, and that was when it happened. He called. He was downstairs. He surprised me with a heart-shaped box of chocolates, a funny Valentine card, and loadza starbursts. He brought me starburts! Can you believe that??? That was too sweet!!

By the way, he flew in from a different state. AND we had never met before Valentine's day.... AND I did not give him my address.

......So that's all I'm willing to say about Valentine's Day. Hehehehehe. If you need more details, you know the drill: send a bottle of perfume to my P. O. BOX.

P.S. I know this sounds like fiction, but apparently, miracles happen. Ask Funmie. She was there. I'm glad she was. Or else, I would have thought I had started imagining things. Funmie was so excited, she almost locked us both out of the house in our quest to welcome our surprise guest. Funny thing is, that morning, Busola was laughing @ me and asking me if Saint Valentine had sent my Valentine yet. I said, "Not yet." We laughed about it. I didn't actually think I was going to have a Valentine, but voila...!!

So tell me, how are you feeling?? Happy, jealous, confused, curious, angry..... maybe a bit more jealous???? Hehehe. What can I say? I did ask God for unmerited favor. Now, if only He (God) can do me this other favor. Hmmmmmmm.

Love Is In The Air

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!!!

I wish I could tell you about the detailed plans I have for a very romantic evening, but alas, I have no such plans - for now. I'm hoping that I will receive a mysterious knock on my door, and when I open it, there he will be standing. Who is he? Beats me. But I sure do hope to find out later.

If you're in a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged, married), please do something special. The man doesn't have to fly you to Paris for breakfast in a private jet - although that would be nice, of course. But if you both stay home and watch something funny, that would be just as sweet. Maybe I'm just talking about myself anyway. If I had it my way, I would stay home, cuddled on the sofa (with a person who is anatomatically different, of course!) and watch Zeburudaya all day. If while laughing hysterically @ Zeburudaya, he happens to present me with a necklace from Jared....or the keys to my Range Rover...or a good ol' starburst (berries n creme) candy, who am I to say no??? I wouldn't dare! :-)

I don't have any memorable Valentine Day experience. I've always been either single or wishing I was single. lol. This year, I am obviously single. But when next I'm not single, I won't be wishing to be single. I will check very well before I enter into another precarious situation. Heaven knows I don't wanna find myself in another God-please-make-him-stop-calling-me situation. But I digress.

Wish you all a very wonderful Valentine. In case you haven't, please read my new note on Valentine - Dear Saint Valentine. See you on Tuesday!

What Do I Blog About Today?

I'm feeling a little rusty. I can't blog right now. I need to take a blog-shower and blog-refresh myself. I'll be back on Valentine's Day.

In the mean time, enjoy my new article Dear Saint Valentine.

Searching For Something?

Ever heard of Google Analytics? Azuka installed it on my blog a while ago (although I had to reinstall it later ....all by myself, and I feel so smart!). Anyway, you install it on your blog and it tracks number of visitors, how visitors got referred to your site (facebook, someone else's blog, etc), on what day you had the most visitors, and what search words brought people to your blog. Now, this is where it gets interesting. Here are some funny searches people made. Some of them are perpeplexing, funny, ridiculous, and well, Verastic. I cannot help but wonder why some of these searches brought the searcher to Verastic.com; my thoughts are in blue.

1. "Vera Ezimora" (Okay, so this is the top search, but it's understandable why it brings people to my blog. Obviously, it's my name. Moving along.)

2. "Affluence.org scam" (Yes, apparently, that website affluence dot org is a scam. A while ago, I blogged about it, saying I was invited to join the site.)

3. "Vera Ezimora and oral sex" (Now, this is a bit tricky. Is the person looking for me having oral sex??? Or is the person looking for a piece written by me on oral sex?? I hope it's the latter. Dear searcher, I have never written an article on oral sex, but here is a blog post I wrote a while ago that might help...)

4. "Vera Ezimora university in Essex" (Vera Ezimora owns no University in Essex, but now that you have brought the idea up, I will start working towards it. God be my strength.)

5. "Danny Bagucci" (Oti o! Danny, pesin don find you come my blog. Ehm, dear searcher, please find Danny Bagucci HERE)

6. "Girl wedgies." (Yes, I reckon I know what that feels like. Please feel free to read about my experience HERE)

7. "Push up bra before and after." (I own a push up bra that I have never worn; let's just say it leaves my boobies a little too pushed up for comfort. But the search for it was interesting. You can read that too HERE)

8. "Naapali" (You came too late. He stopped blogging. But you can visit the tombstone of his blog)

9. "search myspace of girls without a bra." (What???? Well, this is not MySpace, and there sure isn't any1 without a bra here. Well, maybe Funmi. She likes being naked 24/7. Some1 pls tell her her husband will get tired of seeing her naked.)

10. "Sexting" (Isn't that the thing where you send sexy pictures thru text messages? Funmie blogged about that here)

11. "sharing thongs" (That's disgusting! Yuck!)

12. "tropical rain forest" (Oh, I remember the days of my tropical rain forest. It has long been shaved. You can read about it here)

13. "Anambra people hate Imo people." (When did this happen?? I must be behind schedule.)

14. "bananas in oral sex" (What is it with people and oral sex sef???)

15. "big booty wedgies" (I might know something about that. *wink*)

16. "big wedgie to my mother" (You wanna give your mom a wedgie? That's just wrong!)

17. "body research on watch how a clit grows" (Ehn??? Watch how what grows?)

18. "can a woman take extenze" (I've been wondering the same thing too! Read here)

19. "can you disvirgin someone with a condom" (With the condom alone? No. With a member inside the condom? Yeap.)

20. "can women stink up the bathroom" (Of course not! We're perfect.)

21. "do Nigerians engage in oral sex" (Another oral sex question! Yes, they do. I see you wanna know before you get involved, ey? lol)

22. "garden of eden oral sex" (I have read the entire book of Genesis. There is no record of Adam & Eve engaging in oral sex....)

23. "how to get a guy horny" (Which kin pesin dey ask dis kin question? That's like the easiest thing 2 do. Shoot, breeze blowing on their member makes them horny. This is not an endorcement to make him horny ... unless he's your husband, then I'll say fire on!)

24. "how to increase size of hips in males" (Hips in males??? I don't think that's a very good idea. But then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.)

25. "how to make my man do oral sex" (I don't think I can help you there)

26. "I love to suck my sister's 44dd boobs" (Just in case you didn't know, that's incest. And not to mention, disgusting!)

27. "love dating Igbo men" (Sadly, I dunno what that feels like - yet)

28. "my waist is way bigger than my hips" (Ah, e get as e be oo! That's probably a bit problematic)

29. "snakes on a nipple" (Whose nipple???)

30. "tobenna and j wedding" (LOL. Ehm, please go to brother Tobenna's blog to get all details about his wedding to J. Me, I no know!)

31. "Verastically livin lyrics" (Verastically livin' has no lyrics. Who dash monkey banana?)

32. "why do we have oral sex" (Ask the person you're having the oral sex with)

33. "what is D'banj's email address" (Hahahahaha. Well, his manager might have it, but Vera sure doesn't. U wan send am email? LOL)

34. "what not to do to her during oral sex" (Not biting her would probably help. Let's start with that).

35. "what sex position is good for having twins" (Biko, if you find out, tell me ooo! Once I get married, my husband and I will be restricted to this sex position. I must have twins by fire!)

36. "what would happen if you didn't have a heart" (I'm assuming you'll meet Baba God. But I might be wrong.)

37. "who broke D'banj's heart" (Some1 broke D'banj's heart?? When? No!!! Not my D'banj! Not my D'banj!!!)

38. "who is the girl having sex on snakes on a plane" (I don't know. But I bet people will run & go see that movie now)

39. "Why do guys never give oral sex" (Honestly, I don tire for oral sex questions.)

40. "why do my nipples itch" (I don't know. But mine itch a lotta times too. Hmm. Ehn, just scratch the thing na..!)

41. "How long does it take to get approval from affluence.org" (Affluence dot org is a scam ooo! Be warned. If you have already applied, then goodluck to you.)

Whew!! There were actually 450 searches, but I chose the 41 funniest/weirdest ones. What have I learnt from all this? People lovvvvvvvvve oral sex AND it apparently brings traffic to my blog. Well, who woulda thunk it?! Oh, and uhm Google Analytics rawks!

p.s. For those that asked questions after I had answered, please check the comment section of my previous post for replies to your question(s).

Shalom!

Honestly Answering

Thank you all for your very ridiculous - I mean nice - questions. Some of the questions made me laugh my head off and some of them made my mouth hang open. As I type this, my mouth is still hanging open. Una get serious audacity o! So because I said you should ask me any question, you think you can now ask me any question abi? What nerves! lol. In order to give you my full attention and not overwhelm myself in the process, I actually started responding to the questions from Monday (Jan 26th 2009). In other words, this is a scheduled post. Now, let the fun begin!

Naughty Eyes: Vera, SERIOUSLY, will you marry me? Before answering, take note that I have no money oh but my mum keeps looking at me and saying: "This boy, I know you have POTENTIAL" Whatever that means...

Vera: Seriously, of course, I will marry you. But you know there is a way to these things. Ur people have to meet my people, and then our people will discuss. lol. Together, you and I can make your potential become actual. :)

OluwaDee: Where will you hide my pegs if you steal them?

Vera: It's quite unfortunate you're a girl. If you were a guy, I woulda hidden them in my bra. Actually, come to think of it...what stops me from hiding them in my bra? Yeap, that's where I will hide them. They better not pinch my nipples. Or else, major law suit! U know I know LusciousRon abi?

Standtall: My question be say, u never anwer the true-lie post. SO, which is which and thanks for abandoning my blog. I am taking it personally!

Vera: Number 1 is the lie. Of course Vera Ezimora is my real name. Number two is true. I really am celibate, and no, it has nothing to do with me not having a boyfriend. I would still be celibate if I had a boyfriend. And yes, it is tres difficult. Number 3 is also true. I was a nursing student. Hated it with everything in me. Coudln't be creative with nursing. They wouldn't let me freestyle with the injection and inject it anywhere...like the eye for example, so I quit. Mom & Dad were supa disappointed. Apparently, dad was hoping on me to takeover his clinic. Me ke? No oh. As for abandoning your blog, honey, would I dare? No!

Xprexxion Magazine: so when are you getting married?

Vera: Mr Xprexxion, sooo not funny! I am not laughing with you. And weldone for that stunt you pulled the other day. I'll be getting married when he proposes. If you know who he is, then tell him to propose ASAP so that you can come and take my pictures.

Folake: Why do you blog and what's your blog(ging) goal?

Vera: When I started blogging, I started because I just wanted to write down the thoughts that were going on in my head. As time went on, I began to blog about things that happened to me. I wasn't tryna be funny; I just wrote things the way I thought about them. People found them funny. Now, I guess my goal is to write humorous events about my life and bring as many smiles as I can to people's faces.........and become rich and famous in the process, of course. LOL :)

Write Freak: So will you consider marrying a younger man?

Vera: Boy! This is a hard one. I'd like to instantly say, heck no! But what if he's everything I ever wanted (except younger than me)? I definitely will not let his age stand in the way. We'll just have to start lying to people (and me) about his age. lol.

Tisha: what is your motivation for life? what is your wildest dream, the thing you want the most but think you will never have?

Vera: My motivation for life? It's quite simple: once there is life, there is hope. Things are not always fruity and fun, but once there is life, one can always hope for a better tomorrow. I have no wildest dream that I think I can never have. There is nothing new under the sun now. As long as I'm not aspiring to get a woman pregnant, I'm sure that whatever else I'm aspiring for, someone has either done it or come very close to it. And that someone doesn't have two heads, so why not me? I aspire to be a national best selling author, a multiple award winning author, a business woman extraordinaire, and one heck of a wife and mother. Za best eva! Besides, with God, everything is possible

Temite: How many lovers have you had? hehehehehe. since i know you wont answer that question, silly girl, I will ask this one...what do you want in Mr. Vera?

Vera: Hehehehe. Dis ur first question get K leg oo. I would have actually answered, but since you assumed I wouldn't, I have no choice but not to. That's what you get for assuming things. As for Mr Vera, lemme bring out my list: First of all, Mr. Vera has to be God-fearing because the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. Obviously, that means Mr. Vera has to be an intelligent, wise man. Mr Vera has to have an impeccable sense of humor, he has to be humble, assertive, a man of vision, and of course, he has to be totally crazy about me. Oh, no smoking and/or drinking, please. This is just a summary. The list is wayyyy longer. lol.

Funms-The-Rebirth: Wat's one thing u will like people to see in you?

Vera: In me, I will like people to see God's love and favor. It probably sounds like a cliche, but that is really what I want people to see in me (plus some amount of craziness, fabulosity, sweetness....alright fine, I want people to see the total package, darn it! That includes God's love & favor o!)

Marjoram: What's your favourite colour?

Vera: My favorite color is blue. It became my favorite color when I was in elementary school; and I was in the blue house which was called Lamingo. Don't have a favorite shade of blue though.

Anonymous: (1). How will you define "Intelligence"? (2). Do you think everyone is born intelligent? (3). If yes, why are there some seemingly "dumb" people? (4). If No, How does one develop intelligence? (5) Is academic achievement a measure of intelligence? For example is an "A" student who seems not to study at all more intelligent than a "B" student who has to read extra hard to make an "A"? (6). If you had to choose between beauty devoid of brains and brains devoid of beauty, which will you choose?

Vera: Wow! Loadza questions. I love you, Anonymous Person. Lemme go get a cup of tea; I need to balance well to answer your questions.

1. Intelligence is being book-smart, street-smart, and wise....all rolled into one handsome virtue: intelligence. I'm glad you asked me this because I never really thought about the meaning of intelligence to me.

2. Yes, I think everyone is born intelligent. God is not foolish, and since we were all made in His image, we cannot be born foolish.

3. I am no expert, but I think there are some seemingly dumb people because they choose - unconsciously, albeit - to not make use of their intelligence. They reason differently, and perhaps, factor in things that should not be factored in.

4. All good things come from God. We pray to God for health and wealth, so why not intelligence? If you want more intelligence, pray to God for more intelligence, and then do your part - whatever it might be. If you're looking to be more book smart, then read more and concerntrate more. If you're looking to be more street smart, then you could still read more. Start with the book of Proverbs. Good stuff.

5. Academic achievement is only part of intelligence, so it's not a complete measure. Besides, sometimes a student can Ace a course without putting in too much effort because he/she is naturally good @ it. I, for example, usually excel in writing assignments, courses, and essay questions. I usually don't put too much effort into it; someone else find writing to be the most difficult thing ever. But when I took chemistry, I had to study extra, extra hard to ace it. Some others just breezed thru it.

6. This is the easiest question you have asked. I will definitely pick brains devoid of beauty. Beauty without brains is such a huge waste. Beauty can only take you so far, and even when it takes you there, it won't keep you there. Brains will take you places, keep you there, and open doors you never even tried to get into.

Aloted: Honestly, what vices will you say you have?

Vera: Not a lot. I'm almost perfect. lol. I joke a lot, you know. It's great a lot of times cos I crack people up, but sometimes, people are not in the mood to laugh. (I should mention, though that I have never cracked a joke during a burial, so I'm not all that bad.) Sometimes I try too hard to see the good in people...in spite of all the red flags. It is almost as if I am desperate to see some good in the person. My biggest vice right now is my sometimes wavering faith in God. Sometimes, the mountain just seems too big for God; I HATE feeling this way.

Miss Definitely Maybe: How open minded are you about finding the one, would you seriously consider someone who was blind, etc (seriously)

Vera: I'm quite open minded. I'm not gonna kid myself and say I'm open to marrying a Chinese Puerto Rican who lives in Jamaica and has a child by an Iraqian woman, but you know... I'm definitely open. :) Obviously, I'd prefer that my love not be blind, but if he's everything I ever wanted and blind, then screw that, blindness will not stop me.

Nefertiti: (1). What's one misconception people have about you? (2). How tall are you?

Vera: (1). Because of how honestly I blog about my experiences (with yeye guys), I think I give off the impression that I am kinda sorta mean and maybe judgmental and unapproachable, which is really not the case. At the risk of tooting my own horns, I would like to say that I am very, very approachable and friendly. Alright, do I sound pathetic enough? I also wonder why people think I am a star/celebrity; that too is a misconception. If I am a star, I don't know about it. When I become a star/celebrity, you will know. I will fashy Funmi, Busola, and Uju...right after they gimme my birthday gifts, of course.

(2). I'm 5'5"... although the other day I went for a checkup and the nurse took my height and had the audacity to tell me I was only 5 feet and four-three-quarter inches. Imagine the nonsense! How I go fit explain the remaining inches??? *hiss* Like I said, I'm 5'5". That's my story and I'm sticking 2 it.

Shona Vixen: Considering I've blogged about romance, What's the most romantic thing you've done? and what's the most stupid thing you've done all in the name of 'love'?

Vera: Five years ago, the biggest crush of my life was sent to Iraq (he was in the military). I liked him sooo much. I never liked any1 as much as I liked him. While he was in Iraq, he called every now and then (when insurgents weren't tryna blow his cute butt up); he emailed me frequently, and yahoo messenger was our bestest friend. So the romantic thing I did was every Saturday, I wrote him a letter. It was a letter telling him how things were going, things that happened that while he was away, how I missed him, etc. I never posted any of the letters. I never told him I wrote them either. I intended to give them all to him when he returned. But somewhere along the line sha, things ended abruptly (we weren't dating by the way, just liking each other). I was still gonna give him the letters when he returned, but he pissed me off. In my anger, I ripped them up. I also printed out alllll our chats, and they were a lot too. Yeah, I ripped those up in my anger too. Wish I didn't though. By the way, we're friends now. I mean friends as in just friends. Never even kissed the guy. Ah, if I could turn back the hands of time.... lol. I seriously hope he doesn't read this.

Dumbest thing I did for love? I borrowed money to a boyfriend. He's now an ex. The money has still not been paid; it has gone to wherever unpaid money goes to. Hope he loses tripple that amount from every salary he receives. Yeah, I said it.

The Experiences of an Achiever: have you found THE GREAT LOVE yet?

Vera: No, I have not. The closest I came was my fine military man, but that wasn't even love. That was extreme like. If nurtured, it would have probably become love. But there is no time for coulda-woulda-shouldas.

Just Toluwa: wats ur account # and how do i get ur signature?

Vera: LOL. Let's do this the simple way. Gimme your account number. I'll transfer some money to you; that way, you'll have my account number. Send me a perfume, then I'll send you a hand written thank-you note with my signature.

Temi: how come you have never visited my blog? i'mma paste a link and God help you if i dont see ur comment(lol)

Vera: LOL! My darling, I am sorry ooo! Have I really never visited your blog??? Well, consider than changed. God will not let me incure Temi's wrath.

Fine Boy Agbero: "You promised all d male bloggers one child each, abi? Oya, when I go get my own? And I want am kia-kia o!"

Vera: Fine Boy Agbero, you have to let me know when you want your own. Whenever you're ready, just meet me at my house so we can set the ball rolling. I must warn, we do have strong genes. Your child is likely gonna look like me.

Bumight: when last were u in a relationship and for how long?

Vera: Honestly, this is one question I was hoping I wouldn't get asked. If I could explain it in 'Facebook terminology,' I would say "It's complicated." But for the purpose of Verastically Livin,' the last time I was in a relationship was August 2007. And that lasted for two years - unfortunately. Wish it had ended sooner. lol.

Senator: (1). can u do silly things in a strange place where nobody knows u. (2). How ve u been telling suitor, pls am not interested. (3). what is d answer to your 2 truth 1 lie (4). which of my personal names do u like most?

Vera: Another multiple questionaire, ehn?

(1). It depends on what 'silly things' means. Sorry, Senator, I'm sure my answer is too vague for you, but your question is not totally clear.

(2). When you say 'suitor,' do you mean a man who asks for my hand in marriage or a man who is interested in dating me? I'm assuming you mean the former coz that's what I've always known a suitor as. On that note, I have never had a suitor that is a potential husband. I mean, I've never any1 actually propose to me; I've only had men claim to want to marry me (a week after meeting me). And there are also those who want me to introduce them to my mother. But as what na??? When did we start history that we're drawing map? Ehn to answer your question, I say 'no' as diplomatically as possible.

(3). Please refer to my reply to Standtall (the 3rd question).

(4). @onebox. Too funny

Buttercup: whats the one thing(or things) u wish to do that u've never done?

Vera: Apart from publishing my book & starting my businesses, I wish to fall in love.

Luscious Ron: Happy blog birthday. We should have a mini party abi what do you think?

Vera: You might not consider this a question, but since it ends with a question mark, I must answer. Yes, we should have a mini party. Where will you be hosting it for me, babe? By the way, did you really send me something thru NIPOST? E never reach o! Abi na traffic jam?

N.I.M.M.O: (1). So how has it been? (2). You promised male bloggers a child each, how you gonna do it?

Vera: (1) I'm assuming you're talking about blogging. It's been beautiful albeit many times challenging. There have been countless times that I did not feel like blogging, but I just willed myself to do it because I felt like people were counting on me to read something new. Plus, I paid for my domain name. lol.

(2). The old fashioned way, of course! Just come to my house when you're ready and we'll set the ball rolling. *wink*

Anonymous: Why do you have a P.O. Box or is it a joke?

Vera: LOL. I have the P. O. BOX for the same reason I have an email address and phone number: means of contact. And no, it is definitely not a joke. It works. You should try sending me a perfume to confirm that it's not a joke. *wink*

Doug: Do you have siblings?

Vera: No, I do not. Yes, I know I have never, ever, ever, EVER mentioned that publicly, so go ahead and win the 'Best Revealer of Vera' Award. lol. Didn't want y'll to assume I'm spoilt (which is usually the assumption), but now that you know..... well, just know that my husband has his work cut out for him. I have to be spoilt o! And no, I am not currently spoilt. lol.

Rethots: Why will you not "...answer all the questions to....satisfaction."?

Vera: Because I anticipated that some of the questions might be risqué, so I had to put out a disclaimer. You know now! lol.

Zara (my alter ego): what do u weigh?

Vera: I don't weigh myself. I hear people have heart attacks by the knowledge of their weight. Besides, I think all the weights are broken. Dat's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Anonymous: ARE YOU STILL A VIRGIN?? IF NOT..HOW MANY SEX PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD??

Vera: Anonymous, answering the question would take all the fun out of it. You can find out for yourself.

Femi B: How are you now?

Vera: This might not be a real question, but my dear, I am fine.

Danny Bagucci: if you had 3 words to describe yourself what would they be?

Vera: Only 3 words?????????? Danny, you wan kill me?! LOL. Okay, let's see: jovial, loving, and a wee bit spoilt... in spite of what I may have told Doug, but sssshhh, don't tell him. [Can I add other words like beaurriful, funny, loyal, energetic, fun, blessed, favored, nice, sweet, kind-hearted, friendly, outgoing, totally loveable..... you understand now!]

Thank you all sooooooooooooo much for your lovely questions! This has been fun. Now I can resume my regular blogging routine. Thank you to all those wished me congratulatory messages too; you guys rock! And thanks to those who sent me emails...you deserve some Verastic hugs & kisses.

P.S. To those who subscribe (or rather attempt to subscribe) to Verastically Livin' through email: after you submit your email address, you will receive a confirmation email. Please make sure you confirm the subscription. There are a buncha email addresses that are not confirmed. I guess I could email all the unconfirmed email addresses.

This is definitely my longest post. I apologize. See you on Thursday, February 5th 2009.