He Kissed Me

Friday, April 16th 2010 was a life-changing day for me. There I was, standing, listening to him, captivated by his smile and playful personality, hanging on to every melody that his lips sang, and then it happened: suddenly, we were all alone, he stood in front of me, gazed into my eyes, his perfect white teeth exposed. He took my hands in his and our hands locked as our fingers intertwined in perfect harmony. Then, he kissed me. Passionately.

That's one version of the story. The other version is: Timaya was in Annapolis, Maryland on Friday, April 16th 2010 for a live concert. As I - like many other frantic fans - stood close to the stage, cheering him on and dancing along to his beautiful songs, he held my right hand and kissed it. But I prefer the first version of the story. 

So, I did not know that I'm such a Timaya fan. In fact, Mr. Shoes gave me his CD since last year, and until Saturday, I had not bothered to listen to it. Bracket and Timaya were in town, and I am so glad that I got to do. Bracket performed first. I thought they did a good job --- until Timaya hit the stage. He was playful, lively, silly, fun, and all around 'totally awesome!'

And he was quite naughty, too. He bopped a girls head back and forth to insinuate that she was going down on him --- and she was just an attendee (like me), but I think she enjoyed it. One girl, also an attendee, touched his chest, but Timaya, in his generosity, helped her by moving her hand to his groin. I won't bother talking about what he did on stage with another girl. I'll just say that when Timaya says [paraphrased], 'I need a girl on stage. If you're underage, please don't come. I might do something funny,' you should probably request that Mr. Timaya define funny.  Unless, of course, you're looking forward to the humor of the something funny.

But that's not important. The important thing is that I got kissed by Timaya. And it is imperative that you remember the first paragraph of this post as the true, original version of this story.  Oh, I guess I could mention that he also did dash Funmie a kiss on her hand. After the show, Funmie and I were ecstatic! We held our heads - and our right hands - high the entire night. I even promised not to wash my right hand for the rest of April. Maybe for the rest of 2010. We took pictures of the famous hands; who knows, you might see them in the kissing hall of fame one of these days. 

The famous hands. Mine is the one on the left. Not quite sure why my pinky sticks out like that.

The famous hands were passionately kissing. Fox News might call this, too, a "terrorist fist jab".

My family has a strict kiss-and-marry rule, so I should probably contact Timaya and tell him that he is now obligated  (by law and by force) to pay my dowry.   But while I'm doing that, why don't you go ahead and watch this video of Timaya kissing me. It was recorded on Funmie's Blackberry Bold 9700 (you know, the phone I have been day dreaming about!). Unfortunately, I don't have good pictures of Timaya because right after Bracket finished performing, my Nikon D40X decided to breathe its last breath. It will be dropped off at Best Buy tomorrow. I'm camera-less ... for now. Thankfully, however, I'm open to receiving the Nikon D90 as a Vera,-you-totally-deserve-this! gift *batting eye lashes*

As you watch the video, begin to pay particular attention from one minute and 30 seconds (1:30). Enjoy.  Needless to say, I love the song that is playing.

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Bless Me Father, For I Have Kissed...

... My last kiss was ---- well, let's leave that alone. There is no need to put that on here now, is there? You and I both know the answer. Let's leave it between me, You, and him.

A while ago, I attended a Singles' Dinner/Conference in church. Funmi was there. Ibukun was there. Even three year old Ireti was there. She's single too, you know. The event was really nice, and I was glad I went. They (the married folks) advised us (the single folks) on how to live the godly single life. Some of the things they told us, I already knew... like sex before marriage is fornication. When a married person has sex with someone other than his/her spouse, that is adultery. All kinds of sex before marriage is a sin. Yes, so whether you engage in vaginal, oral, anal, or whatever other orifice (nose, ears, etc), it is still all sex... and still all fornication. I was not surpised about that. Afrobabe, Shona Vixen, Ibiluv, Roc Naija, Ms Sula, and Word Merchant ... sebi una dey hear me so?

But eventually, I became very surprised by some of the things I heard. Apparently, oral sex between married couples is also a sin. Honestly, I didn't know that. I thought it was okay. But apparently, it's perversion. They said it's unnatural sex. I don't know what to make of this news. I'm not going to tell you otherwise because I would not want to mislead you against the word of God. The truth of the matter is that I am still very confused. For some reason, I was under the impression that it was okay for married couples to have oral sex.

But it gets worse. Before marriage, I am not allowed to do several other things. They are "kissing, necking, smooching, caressing... and even fantasizing." Haba!!! Body no be firewood na! What am I supposed to do when I have a fiance? Shoot, forget fiance. What am I supposed to do when I have a boyfriend? Shake hands??? Oh, and hugging is not recommended either. It's not a sin, but it's not recommended because it can lead to the temptation of kissing, necking, caressing, smooching.... and heavens forbid.... fantasizing!!! And once you fall into the temptation of kissing (or any other of the abominable acts), you may very well fall into bed and indulge in a form of sex. In case you're wondering, the following are also all sins: masturbation, hand job, fingering, and the weird thing where you cocoon the man's member between your breasts. Of course, 3somes and orgies are major sins! Now, that's perversion.

What to do... what to do. I have kissed. And lemme not lie, the kiss was baaaaaad! Bad as in when-can-I-get-the-next-installment kind of bad. Yes, it was that good. But now, they said I'm not allowed to kiss anymore. I'm not even allowed to think about the kiss. Oturugbeke! This is an outrage! I need my attorney (Luscious Ron) to do something about this immediately. Perhaps, we could appeal to God? If only God were to taste this kiss that I'm referring to, He too will understand that resisting this kiss is impossicant.

Okay, even if I manage to resist the kiss, how do I resist the thought of fantasizing about the kiss? Hmmmm. This must be the ploy of my enemies to get me to stop kissing, but they have failed. They want me to stop kissing, so they can start kissing my kisser abi? **laughing in Igbo** It will not work for them @ alllll. I must get to the bottom of this no-kiss rule. How can I stay in the same room with the kisser and not be kissed? In fact, how can we coexist on the same earth and not kiss? Our lips are magnetic. I almost cannot help it, so technically it's not even my fault. I think I need to go and explain this to the Pastor.

But in the meantime inbetween time, I need my dear attorney at law, Luscious Ron to start preparing an appeal document to our Father in Heaven. He should please understand me.... ehn. Dear God, please let me have this one little small sin.