Kitu Kizuri

First of all, I wanna apologize for not updating for sooo long; it has been due to the extra writing I have had to do and some other issues...like coming to New York and planning Grandma's surprise party (which I will invite bloggers to later when I have all the details straightened out). But that's another story.

Kitu Kizuri is a new quarterly African Women's magazine, which is currently in print, and will be available in April for the public. I'm pretty sure there are lots of other African magazines out there...maybe not, but Kitu Kizuri is very different. Think of it as the Essence of African women, xcept, it is by us, for us, and about us.

Personally, I have never read any African women's magazine that really touches home with me; in fact, I doubt if I have ever read any African women's magazine at all. They might claim to be African, but after reading one page, you quickly realize that they are geared towards one country only or towards only one part of Africa (ex: West Africa), so it's Kitu Kizuri to the rescue. Kitu Kizuri features the whole of Africa, and it is absolutely brilliant because we as Africans need to stop segregating ourselves and come together as one Africa. We may have different languages and be located in different countries, but we are still one and the same Africa. Deep down, we have the same belief in the core of our being. Trust and love has brought us thus far, and it will continue to. That is what Kitu Kizuri is all about.

If you care to know, Kitu Kizuri means something beautiful/good in Swahili. Please, visit www.kitukizuri.com for more details. And subscribe! I did not type this whole sermon out of boredom; I typed it for you to be knowledgeable of the beautiful something around us and subscribe to it....ASAP.

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Due to the obvious (but surprising) lack of time that I have, I would not be able to blog as often as I used to. I have decided to dedicate myself to update once a week (or more than once if I have some interesting news to share). But I will still be doing my blog rolls every chance I get o! I was gonna pick either monday or tuesday as my 'update day', but seeing as it is already Wednesday and no update was made on said Monday & Tuesday, I have decided to make Wednesday my 'update day'. I will still reply any comments you leave at any time o...but I need to concentrate on my books if I intend to have them published.

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I'm currently in NY. I got here yesterday with my mom, grandma, aunt, and nephew. It was an unplanned trip. My Uncle who moved to the States in June got called to Bar (i.e. he passed his Bar & has been officially sworn in as an American Lawyer). I'm really, really proud of him; he just came here in June of last year, and he has accomplished what many have not been able to. He didn't go to Law school here, and did not attend any classes for Law when he got here. He just read, prayed and passed. Na so God dey work wonder. So it goes without saying that people in my family are smart...hehehehe.

Needless to say, sitting in that car for 3.5 hours with my family (on the way to NY) was not as joyous as you'd expect. Mom was driving and I was sitting in the front, giving her directions. Grandma was constantly saying, "Vera, we just passed another sign board o! I hope you're looking because I don't wanna get lost". And every time my mother hit the brake, my Grandma screamed, "Jesus!"

We leave here tomorrow at 5am. I can't wait to go back home, although I do dread having to sit thru another Grandma drama, but I miss my laptop. I saw all the comments on my previous post, but I did not wanna reply cause I didn't wanna open my blog on uncle's desktop. You never know what kinda incriminating evidence one can find about me on my blog. I will reply them soon as I get home.

So that is it for now, my wonderful ladies and gents. We go yarn next wednesday.

Have a wonderful week.

My Feet Are On Fire

So how was every1's weekend? How many people got hitched, got pregnant, got beaten, stole someone's partner? Hooked up with an ex? No1? Was it just me then? LOL. Calm down, nothing like that happened to me. I be good gal now!

On Saturday (Feb 17th), I went for a wedding. I know the bride, but I don't know her personally. I only know her face, but she's a member of Busola's church, so Busola dragged me (and Frank, her fiance) along, while I dragged Uju along. A typical African thing.

Due to the fact that I am not an anonymous blogger, I cannot tell you how I actually felt about the wedding, but one thing is for sure, my friends and I had some mad fun dancing. I wore a pair of pink shoes. They're not high, but when you stand, walk and dance in them for hours, they start killing your feet. I just took a picture of it for your viewing pleasure. You can thank me later.

As usual, I took a buncha pictures, and you can view the pictures HERE

Lemme know what u think of the pix. As usual, I was the photographer. *sigh* No1 else eva bothers 2 bring a camera! Oh yea, Busola has that useless 2.0 mega pixel camera that I refuse to be captured by. Seriously, shouldn't that be illegal? Funmi has a 5.0 mega pixel camera, but you will NEVER see the pictures. I dunno wat the yeye girl does with them.

I checked out my analytics page thing, and I have compiled some funny search words below for your laughing pleasure. My thoughts are in pink....or whatever color that is.

# I'm horny
Ehen? Why did this bring you to my blog? Have I ever written on my blog that I'm horny? I think not!

# man forced to wear menstrual pad
I have to admit, I have always wanted to make a man do this.

# boobs blogs
I dunno if there is a blog about boobs, but it's not this one

# my little brother wore my thong
I hate to be the one to break this news to you, but your brother has a lil sugar in his tank...yeap, he's definitely playing 4 the other team

# I have a crush on an engaged man
Been there, done that.... waste of time

# Things to do with ur wife
I'm thinking a married man's blog might be the best to tell you

# Wait till i show u my birthday suite
Wait till you show who? You better be a man o!

# Horny and wet
Once again, I ask, why did these words bring you to my blog??

# Vera Ezimora's picture in Joy magazine
Na who be this sef? Mind ursef o; stop looking 4 me!!

# Kpom blog
Are you kidding me?


That's all for today, folks. I shall return!

The Silly Things We Do (3)

Read One & Two

I live in an apartment with my mom, and the story I'm about to tell you happened in the summer of 2005.

It was a hot evening as usual, so I was jejely sleeping on my bed, wearing only my underwear. I was along @ home as usual, my bedroom door was open, and the TV in the living room was on. I woke up @ a point, but I was still drifting in and out of sleep. I could hear the TV, and if I listened well enough, I woulda been able to make out whatever was being said.

I thought I heard a sound in my room, so I opened my eyes, but I didn't see anything. I drifted off to sleep again, but I kept hearing sounds. Each time I opened my eyes, I didn't see anything. It was about 9pm, so it was dark. Then I thought I heard wings flapping, so I opened my eyes, and lo and behold, there was something black flying towards me. So I jumped out of bed, turned my light on, and there it was...

.....a bat!

I jumped out of bed, screamed, and ran out of my bedroom, still wearing only my underwear. In my haste to run out, I left my cell phone and the cordless phone on my bed, and I was too scared to go back, so I decided to use the phone in my mom's room. I called my mom @ work to tell her of our uninvited guest. She said I should call 911. I said, "Mom, I don't think people call 911 for bats". By the time I got off the phone with mom, I was questioning my decision 2 call her. She was of no help 2 me. But then again, what did I xpect her to do?

So I sat on her bed, my heart in my mouth, trying to think of what to do next. I lay on her bed, looked up on the vent in her room, and I thought I saw something, so I turned her lights on...

....yeap, another bat.

So, I jumped up. Put on a t-shirt I saw on her bed, tied her wrapper and rushed out to the living room. I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom, but I didn't for 2 reasons:
1. There might be a bat in there
2. Staying in there would not help me in anyway.

So I sat on the couch....just for me to see a bat flying around in the living room.

At this point, I grabbed my keys and ran out of the house. I didn't run out of the building, but I was out of the house. I didn't know what else to do, so I knocked on my neighbour's door (He's a young Igbo guy in his late 20s/early 30s).

I: N, can you come 2 my house & help me please? I have bats
N: You have bats?
I: Yea, so can u help me, please? I need 2 get rid of them.
N: R u sure they're bats?
I: (getting irritated) Yes, I'm sure, go take a look.

He opened my door, and the bat that was in the living room was now perched on the window blind.

N: Wow, that's really a bat. But where did they come from? Did you offend any1 in the village?
I: N, are you seriously thinking these bats came from Naija?
N: Yes now! Bats don't come 2 people's houses, so who did you offend in the village?
I: N, those bats r not from the village.
N: Okay, maybe they're not, but where did they come from? If they're not from the village, then they must all be born from one mother, and their mother is in your house, so she released two children to go and get food. But who sent the mother?
I: So basically, what you're saying is that these are not ordinary bats abi? Whether it's mother and children or only two children, someone must have sent them.
N: Yes.

I: Okay, that's good. N, are you going 2 help me chase these bats away or not?!

I couldn't believe it! This person was born here o (though he was raised in Naija) but he came back over ten years ago. I called animal control and they said they couldn't do anything about it because it was a weekend, and it was already about 10pm @ this time. But they said I had bats because my house was close to the woods/trees, and apparently, it was a normal thing 4 them 2 get into houses. I called the apartment maintenance people, and they said they were coming.

N finally decided to help me get rid of the bats. By the way, they were two bats (it was the one in my room that came out 2 the living room). So N opened the windows and took the screens (nets) out. So we (more like he) chased the bats while I screamed. Homeboy didn't want to hit the bats...just in case they were witches. He didn't want them 2 be mad @ him and come back to kill him. One of the bats actually died cause I guess he mistakenly hit it.

The apartment maintenance people finally showed up....@ one AM! We told him the bats were gone, but they (apartment people) had 2 send their men in the following day to fix the window screens, and guess what the moo moo said? He said, "I hope y'll didn't kill any of the bats because it is illegal to kill bats, and you could go to jail for that...and even pay a high fine."

Wat rubbish! The bats shoulda thought about that b4 invading my house and nearly sending me 2 an early grave. Apparently, there was a hole in the ceiling of the equipment room - that's where they came in from. I screamed tire that day o! Bats r just very ugly creatures. They look like flying rats. I do not think there is anything demonic about them, but I don't like them.

Sorry 4 making this post so long; wasn't my intention.

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There's a new movie coming out called, Overwhelmed's Pictures...featuring her boobs & famous bowlegs. It will be showing in all theatres near you. But you have to buy ur tickets in advance. They cost only $5, so make ur check payable 2 Vera Ezimora.

I was gonna catch up on blogs, but my waist is falling down right now. Today is my 2nd day with Ms. Flow, and I am not finding it funny @ all. I've been holding my waist like an old woman, so lemme go lie down for a few minutes. I'll be back 2 catch up on my fav blogs.

Wish me well, please.

Hopefully, I'm Back On Track

So because I was absent for a lil while, all these small small girls (AKA Diamond, Nilla, Calabar Gal & the rest of them) think they can start bugging me 2 update ehn? Take time o!

Who woulda thought that getting engaged to my boo, Guy Horny would disrupt my life so much. I tell you, that guy never gets tired. He is taking a shower right now, and that is how I am currently able to update. He is a tiger!

Yesterday, I went to see Norbit. I laughed so hard, my stomach was hurting, and I had tears running down my face. The movie just came out on Friday, 9th Feb., featuring Eddie Murphy being the regular funny entertainer he always is. If you like silly comedies, then you should see this. Click HERE to see the preview.

Thanks a lot for reading chapter five of Every Woman, and thanks to every1 that wrote and left comments, thanks! And for those that have not read it, don't lemme get you o.

So what are you all planning for Valentine? It's hard for me to believe that a whole me, Vera Ezimora AKA Hopleless Romantic, I am not looking 4ward 2 Valentine. How can this be?! I dunno why or how oh, but I have absolutely no anticipation 4 Valentine; I am not looking forward to it, and I am not excited about it. In fact, the only reason why I even thought about it was because I was looking thru my day planner. I dunno if Boyfriend has anything planned; if he does, that would be great, but if not...oh well. But thank God sha that GH, my fiance has some Blogville plans 4 us... isn't that right, baby? But in my life away from Blogville, ain't nothing happening....to my knowledge anyway. Now if any of you were to buy me gifts (platinum/silver jewelry), of course, I won't refuse it.

Calabar Gal, I checked Eubury Press out; it seems they only publish non fiction? Abi was I just seeing things?

I have been away from Blogville for quite a while, and I feel like I have soooo much catching up 2 do, which I will get to soon as I publish this post. I have been keeping up with Diamond's bachelorette though. Interesting stuff. I didn't bother tryna figure out who the bachelors are, but I think I know who the bachelorette migiht be. I might be wrong sha, but then again, when am I ever wrong?

I've been having some issues with my Blog. When I wanna put up a new post, I don't have the option of changing my font, font size, font color, and page allignement. Is this an issue with Blogger, or is something just wrong with mine? If it's just mine, then how do I fix it, please? Azuka, where art thou?! Abeg help me cause not having color on my post is driving me bananas.

Alright, I'm out. I'll be back in a few. *KISSES*

Every Woman 5 Has Been Published

Sorry oh! I know I have been missing for a while. Well, being newly engaged comes with its own perks....especially when you're engaged to someone like Guy Horny. Let's just say he's been living up to his name - not that I'm complaining, of course.

GH has been absolutely wonderful! You know how you dream of your ideal man, and hope that you meet a man with some of the features you dream of? Well, GH comes with all the features, and then some! Oooh, am I lucky or what?

Anyways, I have published chapter five of Every Woman, and you can click HERE to read it.

I'll be back to update better tomorrow.

Forgive me, please.... but my baby calls!

Of Course...I Accept, Guy Horny

My Dearest One,

What started out as a mere joke has turned into something overwhelmingly delightful. I have always dreamt of having it all, but I never really thought I could have it all...until I met you, of course.

I cannot believe that YOU have asked ME to spend the rest of my life with you. The thought of going to bed in your arms and waking up to see your breathe-takingly handsome face is more than I have ever wanted. And this is only the beginning...

I have a lot more to say, but I will save that for my vows. However, lemme just mention that I am the luckiest woman alive to be given the honor to share her life, love, body, soul and spirit with a man of your caliber. Does it really get any better?

So yes, GH, I am accepting your proposal! With the kind of proposal you made, how can any girl in her right mind say no?

Click HERE to see the proposal.