Feeling A Bit Down

UPDATE: Thank you all for all your wonderful comments, e-mails, and offline messages.  I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday.  I'm feeling a lot better.  Expect my update tomorrow.  Thanks!!!

I know I'm supposed to update today, but I'm not feeling too good.  I'm running a mysterious fever and just generally feeling sick.  Can't explain how I'm feeling.  Mom asked, "How am I supposed to carry someone who has broken hips?  If you don't tell me how you're feeling, I can't help you."  I'll tell her how I'm feeling once I figure it out.  

I'm cold even though it's hot.  Cold goosebumps have nested on my arms, telling me I'm cold.  Yeah, thanks for telling me.  Every deep breath I take, the goosebumps fatten.  They must feed on oxygen.  Or maybe they feed on carbon dioxide.  They fatten when I exhale.  Yeah, definitely carbon dioxide.  I've popped a couple of ibuprofens.  Hope to be better by morning.  Will update in three days.  Hate feeling like this.

Anyone know if goosebumps can be auctioned on Ebay?  Everything sells on Ebay.  When I exhale, my scalp itches. Feels like the hairs on the center of my head are all standing.  They must be congregating, literally having a meeting on my head.  They ought to keep it quiet - or at least limit their movement.

Seriously feel like crying.  Did I mention I hate feeling like this?  Maybe my body is just tired. Mom thinks I've eaten too many peanuts in the last couple of days.  [Funmi brought some Naija peanuts back, and I've been munching away - with soaked garri, of course.  Come to think of it, that's all I've eaten today.  A bowl of garri, peanuts & sugar].  Maybe I've taken in too much sugar recently.  I don't know.  Doubt if it's the peanuts.  They're so pretty.  They have to be innocent.  But sugar is evil.  It tastes so sweet, but one never knows its intention in the body.

I'm asking, praying, and hoping that the long, healing arm of God touches me and cleanses me completely - from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet.  I'll also prefer for the blood of Jesus to replace my blood.  His blood is wayyy cooler.  It heals, protects, and cleanses.  Mine is just blood.  Regular good ol blood.  It's Verastic blood, but blood nonetheless.  I'll be well tomorrow.  I'll be cleansed completely.  It's been written.  So shall it be.  Amen.  I'll feel better tomorrow.

Well, I just wanted to come here and write two lines or so, telling you that I'm down.  So much for being too weak to update.  I think I've just updated.  May the Lord be praised.  So have me in your prayers, please.  Even if you have other things to pray about - which I'm sure you do - just cancel them all and put me first.  No, it's not selfish of me to request that of you.

I'll be back.  Miss me.  Seriously, miss me.  I'll be checking everyone's Verastic Missometer, and God help you if you're not missing me.  Don't be found not missing me.  

Ironic, huh?

Something funny has been happening these days.  I step out of the car, lock it (with the remote), walk toward my destination, and then, suddenly feel like I didn't lock the car.  So I just walk right back to the car to make sure it's locked.  So far, every time I have come back, the car has been locked.  I laugh at myself sometimes.  I wonder why I bother coming back every single time (knowing somewhere in my heart that the car is locked), but it's because I never remember locking it.

On the contrary, some days, I am too sure about locking the car (what's that they say about being too sure again?); I walk to my destination (sometimes my destination is my home; I'm retiring for the night), and I settle down with easeness and calmness.  And confidence.  And assurance.  Because I know I locked the car.

But then I come back to the car later (or in the morning), and I am almost shocked out of my pants.  Except that sometimes I'm not wearing pants (trousers).  Or maybe my pants are too tight, so I can't really be shocked out of them.  But I digress.  My car isn't locked.  It's wide open.  One time, the back passenger window at the right was winded down.  But my car is always safe.  And so is everything in it - not that there is much anyway.  I only have a box of tissue sitting on the front passenger seat.  Sometimes, a few sheets of paper on the back seat.

But I cannot help but wonder, why do I even bother locking this car?  It's evident that I am not the reason why the car has not been broken into.  Someone higher than me has been watching over it.  Locked or unlocked, if someone wanted to, someone would break into it.  But someone has not wanted to.  No one has wanted to.  

So He that watches over me also watches over my property.  He watches over everything that concerns me.  He sees to it that I am well taken care of.  He sees to it that I, his unloyal, unworthy daughter, lack nothing.  And even though I always falter, and I always disappoint him, and I always make mistakes, somehow, he anticipates them because He knows what I will do before I even do them.  He did after all know me before I was. 

My people, this is the year of joy unspeakable.  Make sure nothing stops you from experiencing that God-given joy.

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT an endorsement to leave your car unlocked oooo!  If you do, whatever you see, that one is your own.  Let no one say Vera said....

P.S. Funmi is coming back from Naija today - after one long month.  *sigh*  Thank goodness!  I need someone to say silly things to me.  Hehehehe.  If it seems as if I'm saying Funmi is silly, well.... that's your judgement, not mine.

Men, Men, Men!!!

That is apparently all we, women talk about.  I was looking at the table of contents for this month's Today's Black Woman magazine (with my girl, Jennifer Hudson on the cover), and look what I found...

So apparently, we have nothing else to discuss but men.  Well, I disagree!!  What about uhm...?  And uhm....?  Well, how about....?  Hmmmm.  Interesting.  Oh, well.  You can't say I never tried to defend womanhood.  Hehehehe.

Men Are Under Immense Pressure

All this time, I thought women were under so much pressure.  Well, we are.  We are under pressure to be skinny, wrinkle-free, spotless, and forever 21.  Oh, let's not forget the pressure of having breasts that don't succumb to gravity, a booty that can hold a glass of water, a stomach as flat as an ironing board... you get the idea.  

But I was going through my spam folder (for my verastic email), just in case any good mail ended up there, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for men.  My spam folder has been bombarded will emails calling for me to immediately enlarge my penis size.  They must think I'm a man.  Either that or they think I'm a shemale.  Why else would my folder be flooded with crap like this? 

I was really curious to open some of them, but I cannot imagine the kind of trojan horse that will attack my laptop, so I'm just gonna pass.  However, their subjects are quite funny.  Here are a few.  My thoughts are in parenthesis.

1.  The best way to prove your virility is to get a Submariner SS watch. (What the heck is a submariner ss watch???)

2.  Impress Her In The Bedroom (I'd really rather not.)

3.  Make Her Say Yes - 3 Tips To Getting Your Lover Into Bed (So these are tips to trick her into bed.)

4.  Masturbation Myths (Tempting, but I'll pass.)

5.  Feeling Unneeded In Bed?  We Can Change It To A Different Feeling (LOL!  Honestly, I'm feeling unndeed in bed.  Those stuffed animals do not appreciate my body warmth @ all!)

6.  Your Time For Growth Enhancement (If you're talking about enhancing what I think you're talking about enhancing, then I'm sorry, I don't have it).

7.  From Now On, You Will Be Able To Please Any Size Queen (I don't know if I should be pleased about this, but I'm not.)

8.  She Can Have An Orgasm Just By Looking At Your Submariner SS Watch (Nawa o!  What is this watch made out of biko?  One thing is for sure: I have never, ever seen it.)

9. Thicker, More Muscular Manhood (For who exactly?)

10.  Make An Impression Of A Lady From The Highest Circles (I don't understand.)

11.  Lion Power In The Bedroom (I'd prefer Lioness)

12.  Shove Your Giant And Give Her Real Tension (I know this is supposed to sound dirty, but goodness, does it have to be so graphic?)

13.  Now You Can Please Your Brand New Girlfriend Easily (Brand new, yes.  Girlfriend, no.)

14.  Your Super Mega Beast Will Grow Like On Yeast (I don't understand, but I think 'super mega beast' and 'yeast' should not appear in the same sentence.)

15.  Your Bulge Will Be So Noticeable You Will Have To Wear A Kilt (And where exactly  would this bulge be located?)

16.  Your Watch Will Understand You Better Than Anyone Else (This watch again????  I'm too afraid of trojans. Or else, I woulda googled it).

17.  Women Love Enormous Tools, and Believe Us, That's The Rule (Women, let your voices be heard: how true is this?)

18.  Break Those Chains That Have Forged Your Manhood (LOL!  This almost sounds like we're binding the devil.  Break those shackles!)

19.  Now You Don't Have To Look For Something To Cover Your Manhood When You're Naked (Men do that?  Eyaa.  Poor them.)

20.  You Can Have A VIP Male Toy Inside Your Pants (Please explain.)

Now, ladies, aren't you glad you're a woman???  Imagine if you were under so much pressure to increase your manhood, please her in bed, and make her have an orgasm just by looking at your watch.  Boy!!!  I'm glad I'm a woman. 

Now all I have to do is figure out how to stay become skinny, remain spotless clean up all my spots, keep my breasts from falling have a breast reconstructive surgery, remain wrinkle-free, keep my flat tummy have surgery to take off some ribs and liposuction to flaten my stomach, plump up my butt (so that it can comfortably sit at least 5 people), and of course, remain 21 reverse my age to 21.

Yeap, being a woman is soooooooooooooooo much easier.  

100 Truths

If it looks like I have put up a lazy post, that's because I have.  I was tagged by Purple Streak.  I totally forgot I was supposed to update today, so here goes....

1. Last drink: Water (Last night when I had dinner)
2. Last phone call: Mr. Shoes (LOL! I sooo did not mean to bring his name into this post).
3. Last text message: Twitter (seriously, I need to disable the mobile alerts. Oh, who am I kidding? I love them. The chiming of my phone makes me feel important)
4. Last song you listened to: African Queen by 2Face (can never get enough of it)
5. Last time you cried: Thursday, May 14th 2009. (Was watching 'Smallville;' Chloe lost her fiance. So not fair!)

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: Tufia kwa! I'm usually regretting dating them once.
7. Been cheated on: Yeah. More than once too.  You see why I usually regret dating them? LOL
8. Kissed someone: Honey, but of course.
9. Lost someone special: Yes.  Still hurts
10. Been depressed: Clinically? Nope.
11. Been drunk and threw up: Never been drunk.

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. Blue
13. Black
14. Green
15. Yellow

HAVE YOU:
16. Made new friends: Of course. I'm not an island
17. Fallen out of love: Hehehehe. The better question should be,"Have you ever truly fallen in love?" 
18. Laughed until you cried: Happens all the time
19. Met someone who changed you: Oh, yeah.
20. Found out who your true friends were: Yes!!  How did you know? 
21. Found out someone was talking about you: Yea, but people will always talk.  Who cares?
22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: My friends never have someone I wanna kiss
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: On Facebook? LOL. Too few.  Don't ask.
25. Do you have any pets: No. Had a fish, but Uju prayed for it to die.  And it did. 
26. Do you want to change your name: Right now? No.  Why would I wanna do that?  After marriage? Sure.
27. What did you do for your last birthday: Funmi took me out for ice cream and a movie.
28. What time did you wake up today: Bout 10 AM 
29. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping, I think.
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for: August... and those miracles from God.
31. Last time you saw your father: Too long
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: This lil situation
33. What are you listening to right now: Mr. Shoes, tooting his own horns.
34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah.  He has a fraternal twin, Mike.
35. What's getting on your nerves right now?: Google
36. Most visited webpage: Gmail, facebook, my blog, twitter, the site for my upcoming radio show
37. What's your name?: Vera AKA Verachi AKA Oluwavera
38. Nicknames: Verastic
39. Relationship Status: Unavailble
40. Zodiac Sign: Capricorn
41. Male or female or transgendered: Trans gini?? One order of female with a cup of fanta orange & two cubes of ice.
42. Primary School: Alama Private School, Jos
43. Middle School: St. Louis College, Jos
44. High school: St. Louis College, Jos
45. Hair color: Black
46. Long/medium/short: Medium
47. Height: 5' 5"
48. Do you have a crush on someone: This one don pass crush oo
49: What do you like about yourself: My "niceness" LOL
50. Piercings: Ears only.  Nipples later.  Calm down; I'm just kidding
51. Tattoos: None. I hear they hurt.
52. Righty or Lefty: Righty... controlled by the left brain.

FIRSTS: 
53. First Surgery: Never had one
54. First Piercing: Still my ears
55. First Best Friend: Abimbola (in Elementary school.  Then she went away to Queens College & grew breasts.  She betrayed me; she didn't wait for me!)
56. First Sport you Joined: Marching band.  Does that count?
57. First Pet: Cece, our late dog
58. First Vacation: The fact that I don't remember is really, really sad.
59. First Concert: Can it really be possible?  Have I really never attended a concert? Oh, boy! 
60. First Crush: Stanley in elementary school.  

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating: Nothing
62. Drinking: Nothing either
63. Already missing: You just want me to say his name again, and I won't :-)
64. I'm about to: Publish this post and watch a Naija movie (Life is Wicked.)
65. Listening to: You asked me this question before (#33), but I'm not listening to him anymore. Not listening to anything at all.
66. Thinking about: The month of March... and what happened in the far away land of ehm...
67. Waiting for: God.

YOUR FUTURE:
68. Want kids: Yes, ke!  My kids will make up a football team
69. Want to get married: Are you seriously asking me that?  I already have my asoebi colors picked out.
70. Careers in mind: Writing, broadcasting, and who knows... maybe acting... if I don't suck @ it.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
71. Lips or eyes: Lips, I guess
72. Hugs or kisses: You can't make me pick one.  They're both very vital.
73. Shorter or taller: I've done shorter.  So, Taller, please.
74. Older or Younger: Older (than me, that is... not older than Nnamdi Azikiwe)
75. Romantic or spontaneous: I have both
76. Nice stomach or nice arms: Indifferent
77. Sensitive or loud: I've also done loud.  Gimme Sensitive.
78. Hook-up or relationship: What rubbish hookup???
79. Trouble maker or hesitant: That's like comparing apples to oranges.  But who in their right mind would want a trouble maker?  

HAVE YOU EVER: 
81. Drank hard liquor: Had a bone krusher once; don't know if that counts as hard liquor
82. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope.
83. Kissed on 1st date: No
84: Broken someone's heart: I don't know for sure.  
85. Had your own heart broken: Yeap
86. Been arrested: No.
87. Turned someone down: For what exactly?
88. Cried when someone died: Ehen now! 
89. Liked a friend that is of the same sex: Ehn?? Biko, that is a taboo in my village

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself: Sometimes …most times, I do
91. Miracles: Of course.
92. Love at first sight: Nope.  Like @ first sight, maybe
93. Heaven: Yes. Is there any other way?
94. Santa Claus: I used to, but he has refused to deliver my Range Rover!!
95. Kissing on the first date: Believe in it ke?  What is my own? Unless my lips are going to be involved, I couldn't care less.
96. Angels:  They do exist.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: Oh, boy, yes! How did you know?
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?: More than one ke?  I'm usually tryna get rid of the one I have sef and you're talking about having two.  Now, that would be depressing.
99. Wish you could change things in your past?: Yes.
100. Are you posting this as 100 Truths?: Yes, now.  Isn't that what you want???

P.S. I'm working on starting an online radio show.  I've finally figured out a name I think I like.  Now, I just have to figure out a time to do it.  Hope you'll tune in & listen and/or talk.  Yeah, you can call in.  Will give you more details later.

At Age 27?????????????????????

I read something the other day. Apparently a woman's fertility begins to significantly decline at age 27. 27?!?!?!?!?!?! As if it isn't bad enough that we are born with all the eggs we will ever, ever have in our lives (not to mention that we lose half of those eggs at birth)?? Now, I have to go and find out that our fertility potential begins to significantly decline at age 27. **insert very, very, VERY angry face**

I am yet to get over my anger of not getting married at age 22. Ah, that was my plan when I was about 12 or 13 in Naija. I was sure that by the age of 22, I would be married. Of course, by the time I was 22, marriage was the last thing on my mind for several reasons:

1. I was 22. I still had my life ahead of me biko.

2. I was still in school = broke

3. There was no man worth marrying in my life.

4. I knew nothing about marriage. In retrospect, I thought I did. I thought I was mature enough then, but I have learnt so much between then and now. Of course, I realize I will learn even more once I do become married.

5. Did I mention there was NO MAN as in NO MAN worth marrying in my life?

So anyway, now that I think of it, I guess I'm not so mad that I didn't get married at age 22. If I had gotten married, I mighta turned out to be an immature, unsupportive wife - no kidding - and not to mention, a liability and a burden to my husband. Tufia kwa. That is not my portion in Jesus' name. Whatever the case might be, I am mad that at age 27, there is a significant decline in a woman's fertility. But no stress. I've got it alllllllllll figured out.

Where is that shoe owner? We have to make babies!

For The Mommies In My Life

For my grandma ... 

... she gave birth to my precious, yellow mommy.  And her sarcasm remains unbeatable  

For my mommy ...

... she never tires of bending backwards for me.

For my favorite aunty ...

... what can I say?  She remains my favorite.

For Busola ...

... still can't believe you're a mommy.  Hurry up & get knocked up again.

For Aunt O ... 

... never seen a mother so hyper.

For Aunt C ...

... my favorite [more like only] Camerounian aunt.  Funny lady.

For Aunt N ...

... may God see you thru a safe pregnancy & delivery for baby #3

For Funmie's mom, Busola's mom, & Uju's mom ...

... thanks for having such beauriful daughters to be my friends.

For the blogger mommies especially Temmy Tayo, Solomon Sydelle, & FluffyCuteThing ... and most especially ... Neffie - our newest blogger mommy!

... keep giving us blogger babies

Last, but certainly not least...

For the Mrs. ... 

... thank you for giving birth to such an awesome son whose shoes are too big to be filled.

For every other mommy out there ...

Happy Mommy's Day.

These Shoes Fit...

... And that is all I'm willing to say about it - for now.

Well, except a few casts & credits

Date Pictures were taken: March 5th 2009

Location: Classified above top secret

Owner of feet in the shoes: Vera Ezimora

Owner of legs attached to feet in the shoes: Vera Ezimora

Owner of pants clothing legs attached to feet in the shoes: Vera Ezimora

Owner of shoes comforting feet belonging to legs clothed in pants owned by Vera Ezimora: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. I laugh in Nnewi South.

Bookish

Farafina is having a book tour (in Naija).  **sigh** I'd give almost anything to be there.  I'd give even more to be one of the authors.  **double sigh**

Faith Without Action Is Dead...

...That is what James 2:17 says: "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

This must be the reason why that Nigerian woman I met at the store bought a pair of shoes she did not need and wrote out a check of hundred dollars.  But of course, she prayed while writing the check: "Oh, God, I don't even have money in my account.  This check will not bounce in Jesus' name.  I cover my account with the blood of Jesus."

Sometimes, I think I have faith, but when I meet people like this woman, I conclude that their faith must be on some kind of steroids.  Standing next to them, my faith is but a mustard seed (maybe smaller) while theirs is a watermelon fruit.  Either that or my Naija folks have just taken that verse in the bible to a whole new level.  Yeap.  They've definitely taken it to a whole new level.  It's only a typical Nigerian that will buy a pair unneeded shoes, write a check from a fallow account, pray against the unavoidable result, and then even plead the blood of Jesus on top of it.  Only a Nigerian.

But I have had my moments of having faith in God (and I continue to have faith in Him).  I woke up this morning thinking about all the times He has been there at the nick of time.  I remember when I applied to a four year college that was an hour away from me - even though I did not have a car, and therefore had no means of getting there.  Mom thought I was crazy.  But I just figured God would do it - like He always does.  That year, school started in January as usual.  By His grace, I bought the car on the 26th of December.

There isn't anytime that I think God is unable to do it for me.  Sometimes, I just find myself wondering if He will.  Why should He?  I am but a sinner.  Everyday, I sin.  Everyday, I beg for forgiveness.  And everyday, I go back and sin again.  I wouldn't do it if I were Him.  I wouldn't hear my prayers if I were Him.  But I am not Him.  I should learn that.  Sometimes, I try to tell Him the best way to perform my miracle for me.  How can I, a mere mortal sinner tell God how to do His job?  Where was I when He was creating the entire world?  Where was I when He was creating me?  I did not tell Him how to make me, and look how I turned: a fine babe - if I do say so myself :-)

So here is to God... I'm looking forward to more miracles.  Awe-inspiring miracles.  Unfathomable miracles.  Breath-taking miracles.  Unbelieveable miracles.  Never before seen or heard miracles.  Divine miracles.  Huge miracles, the kind that will perplex me and leave me at a loss for words.  The type of miracles that will have me scratching my scalp and rumpling my forehead.  The kind of miracle that will have my jaw sitting in the palm of my hand, my mind thinking, 'this can't be real.'  You know what I mean, God.  This is a toast post to that order.  Amen.  And so shall it be.