iRep Nigeria

I know hope that all Nigerians know that there's a general dislike for us --- especially by other African nations.  Apparently, Nigerians are rude, arrogant, pompous, ignorant, abraisive, aggressive ... and of course, fraudsters.  These are just a few of the nice words that have been used to compliment us.

A few weeks ago, I was in the computer lab at my former school. There were three other students there when I came in. I chose to sit at the Professor's computer - mistake number two (I would later find out that mistake number one was being a Nigerian).  I knew it was the Professor's computer, but I chose to sit there anyway because (i) They're not personal computers. Nothing is saved there (ii) Walking in, it was the closest one to the door (apart from the other ones that students already occupied), (iii) It was the closest to the printer, and the printer was the reason for my visit (iv) Having witnessed students sit there several times, I really didn't know or think that students were not allowed to sit there.

So, there I sat, quietly working on editing my paper and printing it. That was when a man, obviously an African walked in, and the first thing he decided to say to me was, "That's the Professor's computer. You're not supposed to sit there."

Me: Too bad. I'm here already

Him: Where are you from?

Me: Nigeria

Him: Ohhhh. No wonder.

Me: No wonder, what?

Him: You Nigerians, you're always like that.

Me: Always like how?

Him: Aggressive

Me: Huh? 

He went on to tell me that he was from Ethiopia, that Nigerians scare everyone, that we're all rude, aggressive and unafraid, that we think we're above the law and better than everyone else, that we're thieves, that our Government sucks, that he knows one Nigerian guy who steals from his boss, and could I tell him why our Government sucks ... and why we are the way we are.

I laughed through everything he said. I was not offended or angry. How could I be? To answer his questions, however, I said, I don't know why our Government is the way it is because I have not taken up my job assignment at Aso Rock where I would have access to investigate this issue. I also don't know why we are the way we are, but we love ourselves so. 

He laughed, saying that he was a gentleman, and that in spite of everything he had said, that he would want to marry a Nigerian woman. Why? Well, Nigerian women, he said, are bold. They'll push him to do things he's too afraid of doing. He went on to say that he liked me, that I was nice, and he would want me to "sack" my boyfriend, if I had one. He was a gentleman, he said, so he could not steal another man's girlfriend. 

Well, there you have it. As much as I would have loved to become his bold Nigerian woman, we Nigerians obviously have a flare for the rude, aggressive, unafraid type, the type that scare others. I think I'll stick to them for now.

P.S. You can now vote for me on Nigerian Blog Awards. Please do so here.

Let's Go There ... Again!!!

It's that time of the year again. The Nigerian Blog Award is bizzzzack!!  Before I tell you why I deserve to win, I just want to thank everyone who nominated me. I am very, very grateful --- especially seeing as I did not even know that nominations were already in session. If I had known, well, perhaps, this post from last year will give you a clue about what I would have done.

Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty. Yours truly - yes, the one, the only verastic blogger, has been nominated in five categories (and I did not even have to fight for them), and here are the reasons why I should win all the categories I was nominated in.

1.  Best Daily Read: Pick a day --- like today, and I'll give you something good to read.    

2.  Best Use of Media/ Including Social Media: How many other blogs do you go to where you can both read, hear, and vote?  On Verastically Livin, you can!  I mean, super stars have been created on the Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio! Okay, maybe not  super stars exactly --- but somewhere close. Oh, but it gets better than that! Verastically Livin' also has a 'Prove Your Like' Facebook widget. If this is not head-turning, gotta-vote-Vera-in cool, tell me what is.

3.  Most Humorous Blog: Wasn't it I who came up with the secret formula to fix this so-called economic recession (by seducing men and producing baby girls)?  Wasn't it I who told you of the Priest who inquired of my stance on oral sex?  Wasn't it I who told you that Turai Yar'Adua vanished into thin air after thanking me for my alleged prayers?  And  wasn't it I who told you just how hard men have it? It was I, was it not?

4.  Most Unique Voice: Who, me? *Looking around, confused* Oh, my. How I have longed and waited to hear this. I have a unique voice?? Finally, someone sees [hears] it! People have been falling in love with everyone's voice but mine. I mean, just this Saturday, all my co-hosts [Aribaba, NaijaBloke, and BDON] shamelessly fell in love with Life of a Stranger's voice --- right before my very ears! So, yes, if not for anything else, I need this award to validate me. 

5.  Nigerian Blog of the Year: There are two reasons why I qualify to win this category (i) I'm Nigerian (ii) It's the year 2010. Oh, I have a third reason ... (iii) I'm better than all the other nominees. Yes, all nine of them.

But just in case you need to be persuaded just a wee bit more, here's my history with the Nigerian Blog Awards.

2006 [The first ever Nigerian Blog Award]

• Blogger I'd Most Like To Meet ---> Winner
• Funniest Blogger --> Nominee

2009 [The second Nigerian Blog Award]

• Best Everyday Read --> Winner
• Most Likeable Blogger --> Winner
• Blogger Most Likely To Become A Celebrity Off Blogging --> Winner
• Funniest Blogger --> Winner
• Bloggers' Choice Award --> Nominee
• Most Creative Blogger --> Nominee
• Dedicated Blogger --> Nominee
• Most Likely To Become A Talk Show Host --> Nominee
• Most Popular Blogger --> Nominee
• Most Stalked Blog --> Nominee

By now, your hands must be itching to vote for me. Of course, of course.  Voting commences on the 31st of May right here. Friends, let us remember that this is a war, an unfriendly war, where we must do all that we can to make sure that I win.  Anything and everything that can be done to stop my opponents must be done  --- including, but not limited to holding other opponents and their blog(s) in hostage until the voting season is over.  Alternatively, you could demand that their names be withdrawn from the contest. Doing that will earn them their freedom.  Henceforth, anyone who is not Vera Ezimora is an enemy, and must be treated as such. Yes, in all categories where Vera Ezimora/Verastically Livin' is nominated, blind your eyes to all other nominees, throw e-eggs at their blogs, and cajole them into vote for Vera Ezimora instead.

Voting commences on the 31st of May --- right here.

How I Lost My Virginity

We had talked about it for a while, planned my disvirginization - as he called it. I was a little bit nervous, as you can imagine. I had no experience whatsoever, and he, on the other hand, well, he was a pro. He had done it so many times, with so many partners, and in so many ways, I guess. I was not even experienced enough to be called a novice.

In preparation, he instructed that I light the bathroom with scented candles, take a bath with lavender oils, and pamper my body with a good cream.  He promised to guide me patiently and very gently, saying that though it may hurt, he will be sure that it's coupled with pleasure.

I feared. I doubted. I worried. What is this hurt coupled with pleasure thing?  And so, on that fateful day, we began our disvirginization.  We had a bit of difficulty at first, stemming from miscommunication and lack of knowledge on my part.

"I think you're in now," I told him, apprehension and shyness loud in my tone.

....And that was the first message I typed on the Blackberry Messenger.  The one that took my Blackberry Messenger virginity, he knows himself. And I'm thankful to him for a pleasure-filled ride.  Contrary to what he said, there was no pain --- whatsoever.  Just a bit of mistyped pin.  I'm not a pro yet. Any day now.

Lies Men Told Me

I think every woman must have her list of lies that men told her. Whether she believed them or not is a totally different issue. Men, I know, must have their own lies that were told to them by women, but I'm a female blogger, so what do I care about the lies that were not told to me (or my  specie)? 

Lies I Believed	Lies I Did Not Believe
“You’re my one and only” --> I wasn’t. He was actually engaged. It’s a long story. Technically, however, he was not cheating on me. We’re now very good friends.	“I’ll trek to Africa for you” --> Of course, you would. Start trekking.
“I swear on my mother’s life, I did not get any woman pregnant.” --> He lied. But his mother is still alive.	“I’m going to take you to the promised land” --> I still don’t know if he meant it literally or figuratively.
“That was my last cigarette. I quit smoking for you.” --> Oh, the good ol’ days when I used to think I could change a man.	“You know you’re actually lucky that I’m into you.” --> Lucky?? I was insulted that he was into me.
“I’m 33. I’ll be 34 next year.” --> Yeah, more like, I’m 39. I’ll be 40 this year.	“I told my aunt about you. She cannot wait to meet you!” --> Heck, if I care about you and your aunt. Screw you both.
“I wish I could spoil you.” --> As I’ve come to find out, ‘spoil’ is relative.	“I’m not going to let it go in all the way. I just want the head to go in, that’s all….and I’ll be there for only two seconds.” --> Do I really need to tell you what this conversation was about?
“We’re just friends.” --> … that occasionally bone each other.	“So many girls like me, but you’re the only one I love.” --> I don’t know which part I doubted more: the part about so many girls liking him, or the part about him loving only me.
“You’re like a sister to me.” --> I was treated like anything but a sister.	“I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.” --> That’s what I said to the snail before I cut off its eyes.
“I’m sorry. I’m a changed man now. Please forgive me.” --> Well, he did change --- for about 48 hours.	“I’m not saying I want to date you. I really just want to be friends.” --> But I said I don’t want to be friends.
“I’m jealous because I love you.” --> More like I’m envious, bitter, and angry because I am obsessed with you --- and I have a low self esteem to boot.	“I don’t want to have sex with you. I want to make love to you.” --> Oh! Is this the one where you don’t have to enter me at all?
“I love you.” --> I’ve fallen for this more times than I care to count.	“I love you.” --> But there are those times I just knew they were lies.

I chose to blog about this now because on Saturday, May 22nd 2010, the topic for discussion on the Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio is "In The Name Of All Things Men."  You thought I was going to say, Lies Men Told Me, huh?  Well, we'll be talking about issues related to men, and as you can imagine, lies they have told fall right under there.  I'll be co-hosting with Aribaba and Bdon, and according to Aribaba, he'll be coming to face the "firing squad."

This may be hard to believe, but there are actually positive things to discuss when we talk about men.  Naturally, none of these positive things come to mind right now, but I'm almost completely certain that they do exist J

Join me on Saturday morning (at 10am U.S. Eastern Time/ 3pm Nigerian Time). Let's iron these issues out. Listen here | Call in 1.646.929.1905 | E-mail thoughts,questions, and ideas about this show to radio@verastic.com | Call/text me if you have questions 1.443.934.9039 | Follow me on Twitter | Connect on Facebook.

I Wanna Be A Dancer!

Well --- not exactly.

I have recently fallen in love with Dancing With The Stars. I just cannot get enough!  And guess who introduced me to it? My grandma! Yeap, the same grandma who knows Lady Gaga by name and face.  So, I actually try to do their dance steps at home as I watch their rehearsals on my laptop. It's not easy at all. Whew! 

My favorite couple - Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough: These are the best dancers, hands down. And I especially love how goofy they always are. Love them!  It helps, of course, that they have this on-screen chemistry going on.

Anna Trebunskaya and Evan Lysacek: I just love this guy. I don't know what it is about him that has me smitten. His partner, Anna, is gorgeous, too. Love her red hair.

So, the point of this post isn't just to serenade your eyes with pictures of people that have jobs and look very good and happy while doing it, but rather, to give ABC a subtle hint that they may want to consider having a Nigerian blogger on their show next time.  At this time, only one Nigerian blogger comes to mind: one Miss Vera Ezimora.

Like I said, subtle hint.

*** All pictures were gotten from ABC.COM

I Tried

I tried to put up a post today, I really tried. I was going to blog about how I lost my virginity (as in...?), but I thought about the consequences of such a post. Then I was going to blog about the hope that dead people apparently have. I couldn't make it funny verastic enough, so I quit. I attempted to blog about the bad company that surrounds me, but that post couldn't get verastic enough.  I also tried to blog about the many lies that men have told me [that I believed], but I realized that it's not yet time for that post either.

What to post, what to post?

Why not tell the people about how to you tried to blog, but couldn't quite be possessed by the verastic spirit of writing and blogging?

Yeah, I'll tell them that, I decided.

So, have I told you about how I tried to put up several other posts but couldn't really make any of them worthy of this blog?

Book Review: A Heart To Mend by Myne Whitman

Edward, Edward, Edward. Edward is a character that a lot of women may have met (and probably disliked). He's a man who's got it all: money, looks, some fame --- and an icy cold heart toward love. But somewhere in that icy cold heart is a volcano of love, just waiting to erupt. So, maybe he'd rather fall in love without involving his emotions ... what gives? People don't just become this way. Edward did not just become this way. Somewhere along the line, something happened to him.

And Gladys, she's almost every woman: caring, loving, and in love with love. She doesn't mind going in, head first, but she has to know why she's going in, and who she's going to meet at the other end. Surprises are only good when they are good surprises.

Perhaps, there's a little bit of Edward and Gladys in each of us. I started this review thinking I was more of Edward. Now, I'm not so sure. I can't say the need to fall in love without actually falling in love does not reside somewhere within me. If only you could get that butterfly feeling, that oh-my-God-I-love-you feeling, and then, renege  to get-the-hell-out-of-my-life if it ever comes to that, it'd be so much easier. Edward does not really have an icy heart. He just wants to protect his heart from breaking. Ribs only protect the heart from physical damage, and there's a certain kind of power that a person has over you when you're in love with him or her. Edward doesn't want it. Gladys, however, is brave enough to face it.

Myne Whitman does a magnificent job of bringing the characters together. I stayed up on Friday night last week reading it. I wasn't going to stay up late because I had to wake up early for the show the next morning, and I kept saying, 'I'll just read one more page...' One more page got me to the end of the book, and I was in tears by then. A Heart To Mend is a book that captivates you from the beginning and dares you to put it down. I couldn't take the dare. It holds your attention and lures your senses and imaginations in, so all you want to do is read more, more, more. Not only did I enjoy the romance between Edward and Gladys, but I also learned a few things about business. 

Visit Myne Whitman's Blog | Visit Myne Whitman's website | Connect with Myne Whitman on Facebook | Follow Myne Whitman on Twitter | Buy an autographed copy of A Heart To Mend [directly from Myne Whitman] | Buy A Heart To Mend From The Publisher | Buy A Heart To Mend from Amazon | Buy A Heart To Mend from Amazon U.K | Buy A Heart To Mend from Amazon Canada | Buy A Heart To Mend from Barnes & Noble

To have your book, product, or service reviewed, contact me:

P. O. BOX 7893

Essex, MD 21221

1.443.934.9039

reviews@verastic.com