***Vera singing...***
Today ohhh, I'll lift up my voice in praise. For I know, You are always there for me. Almighty God, You are my all and all. No matter what they say, when trouble comes my way, I will praise Your name......
Happy Thanksgiving y'll!!! I was gonna title this post, What Are You Thankful For? But then I figured it might be too....errrrr..... expected/regular??? So I fugured, why not start out by singing??
If I were to tell you that I am exactly where I thought I would be @ this point in my life, I would be lying to you. There are lots of things I thought I would have accomplished by now that I am yet to accomplish. There are milestones I swore I would meet by now, but they remain to be done. I thought I would have published my book by now, but obviously, that has not happened. I thought I would at least be in a serious relationship by now, but that isn't happening either.
I know I often blog about the ridiculous men I meet, but those are not the only ones I meet. I don't bother blogging about the ones that seem like potentials...... until the bottom falls out and I realize hell would have to freeze over before I date them. Let's face it: relationships are difficult. For this reason, I intend to make it a little less difficult for myself by first dating the right person. In my XX years on earth, I have learnt a few things: if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a damn duck. Soooo when a man begins to have questionable behavior, I flee.
So on this 27th day of November 2008, I am thankful to God for numerous things
1. I am thankful, first & foremost for my life and my health
2. I am thankful for my family, especially mom and dad
3. I am thankful for my friends-turned-sisters, Busola & Funmi (they're the best friends a gal could ask for).
4. I am thankful for the unusual happy days I have been having
5. I am thankful for what I have been able to accomplish thus far.
6. I am thankful for the talent God has blessed me with.
7. I am thankful for the countless times He has forgiven me and taken me back
8. I am thankful for His grace, for His love, and for His kindness
9. I am thankful for who I am
10. And lastly, I am thankful for all you wonderful people - bloggers and non-bloggers alike. You all don't know how much your e-mails, phone calls, text messages, and comments mean to me. They encourage me. They make me more determined. They make me not want to disappoint you, and by His grace, I won't. Keep me in your prayers, please.
And I pray to God...... for wisdom. For patience. For strength. For perseverence. For faith. For long life. For health. For prosperity. For uncommon favor. For His grace.
Alright, I'm done being serious. Now, lemme leave you with the text I sent to almost everyone in my phonebook. No1 is safe from my text messages, I tell ya!
"Happy thanksgiving!!! Remember it's only about a month before Christmas. Hope you're saving up for my gift - a 2009 Range Rover. Make sure it's black & semi tinted with leather interior. And of course, with bluetooth and voice activation features. Need my address?"
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Alright, I Confess.....I DID IT!!!
Yes, I did it!! I cannot take it anymore....the shame. The guilt. The nightmares!!! Oh, for the love of God, forgive me, I did it. I cannot bear this burden in my heart anymore. I must confess.
Several years ago (way before I migrated to US of A), I spent Christmas in my maternal grandmother's house in the village. I loved having several trees of sweet oranges @ my disposal. I loved being able to eat okpa (that thing like moi moi they make in a leaf) any time I wanted. I loved being able to eat that sweet fruit...still don't know its name, but the back is green and inside is white with seeds. So milky & sweet! I loved all the fruits @ my disposal in fact.
But I hated some things too. I hated the heat. I had to take showers several times a day. I hated the dust. I hated my grandmother's huge turkey that used to chase me around the compound. It always stood outside the door whenever I went to take a shower, so I always had to scream 4 help. Someone always had to come and chase the darn thing away. I think it had a crush on my; I don't know if I should be flattered, amused, worried, or scared. Right now, I'm all of the above. I hated the fact that the bathroom and the toilet were outside the house. I hated the way people always felt the need to touch me or pull my cheeks. I hate being touched by strangers.
Most of all, I hated the toilet. It was a pit toilet! I have a big enough problem being in other people's bathroom, so that pit toilet was torture for me. I never saw poop on the floor, but I always imagined it to be there. The sounds of buzzing flies never made it easier for me either. The idea of exposing my butt hole to a pit full of other people's poop was just not appealing to me. What if a fly that had touched someone else's poop came and perched on my butt? Or worse, my face? Eww!! I hated the dinginess of that toilet. I just couldn't stand it. So I devised a plan. Oh, yes, indeed, I did.
You know those 'santana bags?' Those clear bags they use to bag things in Naija (like peanuts)? Yeah, well, grandma had loadz of them. So guess what I did. I only pooped when I was ready to take a shower. And how did I do it, you ask? In the bag of course! I did it in the bathroom where there were no flies buzzing around. So whatever happened to the bagfuls of poop? Oh, well, I kinda sorta flung them over fence..... into my grandma's farm!!
Before you judge me, I did not know that was part of my grandma's farm! I thought it belonged to someone else. Yes, how very selfish of me, I know. And I was only about maybe 13 or 14 then (not that I wouldn't do it again if the chance presented itself...). So all through the time I was in the village, I flung all my poop across the fence. It was a perfect plan. No1 ever knew what I did. Every time I did it, a mischievous smile crept upon my face, a smile that was often confused as innocense. Ah, if only they knew!
But several years later, my grandma migrated to the States (2002, to be precise), and one day, she and my mother somehow talked about the farm. Hehehehehehe. Well, let's just say my grandma told my mother about how she had found bags of poop in her farm. Walahi, it took all the strength I had to not burst out laughing. What made it funnier was that I was my mother's first suspect. I dunno why. Did she really think of me as someone who was that mischievous? My feelings were hurt...NOT!
So, of course, I kept a straight face and denied it squarely. I went as far as saying how nasty it was for someone to do such a terrible, terrible thing! Seriously, how could some1 in their right mind poop in a bag and then fling it into someone's farm? People can be so cruel! Yeah, whatever.
So, there goes my confession. I am free. Let my grandma not say I never admitted guilt.
Several years ago (way before I migrated to US of A), I spent Christmas in my maternal grandmother's house in the village. I loved having several trees of sweet oranges @ my disposal. I loved being able to eat okpa (that thing like moi moi they make in a leaf) any time I wanted. I loved being able to eat that sweet fruit...still don't know its name, but the back is green and inside is white with seeds. So milky & sweet! I loved all the fruits @ my disposal in fact.
But I hated some things too. I hated the heat. I had to take showers several times a day. I hated the dust. I hated my grandmother's huge turkey that used to chase me around the compound. It always stood outside the door whenever I went to take a shower, so I always had to scream 4 help. Someone always had to come and chase the darn thing away. I think it had a crush on my; I don't know if I should be flattered, amused, worried, or scared. Right now, I'm all of the above. I hated the fact that the bathroom and the toilet were outside the house. I hated the way people always felt the need to touch me or pull my cheeks. I hate being touched by strangers.
Most of all, I hated the toilet. It was a pit toilet! I have a big enough problem being in other people's bathroom, so that pit toilet was torture for me. I never saw poop on the floor, but I always imagined it to be there. The sounds of buzzing flies never made it easier for me either. The idea of exposing my butt hole to a pit full of other people's poop was just not appealing to me. What if a fly that had touched someone else's poop came and perched on my butt? Or worse, my face? Eww!! I hated the dinginess of that toilet. I just couldn't stand it. So I devised a plan. Oh, yes, indeed, I did.
You know those 'santana bags?' Those clear bags they use to bag things in Naija (like peanuts)? Yeah, well, grandma had loadz of them. So guess what I did. I only pooped when I was ready to take a shower. And how did I do it, you ask? In the bag of course! I did it in the bathroom where there were no flies buzzing around. So whatever happened to the bagfuls of poop? Oh, well, I kinda sorta flung them over fence..... into my grandma's farm!!
Before you judge me, I did not know that was part of my grandma's farm! I thought it belonged to someone else. Yes, how very selfish of me, I know. And I was only about maybe 13 or 14 then (not that I wouldn't do it again if the chance presented itself...). So all through the time I was in the village, I flung all my poop across the fence. It was a perfect plan. No1 ever knew what I did. Every time I did it, a mischievous smile crept upon my face, a smile that was often confused as innocense. Ah, if only they knew!
But several years later, my grandma migrated to the States (2002, to be precise), and one day, she and my mother somehow talked about the farm. Hehehehehehe. Well, let's just say my grandma told my mother about how she had found bags of poop in her farm. Walahi, it took all the strength I had to not burst out laughing. What made it funnier was that I was my mother's first suspect. I dunno why. Did she really think of me as someone who was that mischievous? My feelings were hurt...NOT!
So, of course, I kept a straight face and denied it squarely. I went as far as saying how nasty it was for someone to do such a terrible, terrible thing! Seriously, how could some1 in their right mind poop in a bag and then fling it into someone's farm? People can be so cruel! Yeah, whatever.
So, there goes my confession. I am free. Let my grandma not say I never admitted guilt.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Oral Sex: To Do Or Not To Do???
Weird topic, I know. Interesting topic, I know that too.
Last week, I attended an African American group meeting where an interesting conversation ensued. As you should know by now, the topic is whether or not oral sex should be done/given. For the most part of the conversation, I sat laughing at what everyone else had to say. I never really said where I stood or did not stand. I just listened. And laughed.
Before I tell you what people had to say, let me tell you that this group consisted of Africans and African Americans; males and females, and also singles and married. So we were pretty much diverse - or at least diverse enough. Most people (let me say about 95%) said oral sex is an absolute necessity. The remaining 5% said it was not a necessity. One lady (who happens to be Nigerian) flat out said she will never give her husband oral sex (and she does not want to receive it either). She also added that her husband does not want it anyway....which brings me to another question...
How possible is this? Is it possible that some man somewhere does not like (to receive) oral sex? By the way, if it means anything to you, none of the men involved in this conversation said that oral sex is not a necessity. In fact, one of them (who also happens to be Nigerian) said that "any woman who is not willing to give her husband oral sex is planning her retirement package." He said that a man might say he does not 'want' or 'like' oral sex, but he'll only say that to respect his wife's wishes. However, once he cannot endure it anymore, he will seek alternatives.... i.e. a woman who is willing to do the deed.
So I'm really curious: how important is oral sex?
Last week, I attended an African American group meeting where an interesting conversation ensued. As you should know by now, the topic is whether or not oral sex should be done/given. For the most part of the conversation, I sat laughing at what everyone else had to say. I never really said where I stood or did not stand. I just listened. And laughed.
Before I tell you what people had to say, let me tell you that this group consisted of Africans and African Americans; males and females, and also singles and married. So we were pretty much diverse - or at least diverse enough. Most people (let me say about 95%) said oral sex is an absolute necessity. The remaining 5% said it was not a necessity. One lady (who happens to be Nigerian) flat out said she will never give her husband oral sex (and she does not want to receive it either). She also added that her husband does not want it anyway....which brings me to another question...
How possible is this? Is it possible that some man somewhere does not like (to receive) oral sex? By the way, if it means anything to you, none of the men involved in this conversation said that oral sex is not a necessity. In fact, one of them (who also happens to be Nigerian) said that "any woman who is not willing to give her husband oral sex is planning her retirement package." He said that a man might say he does not 'want' or 'like' oral sex, but he'll only say that to respect his wife's wishes. However, once he cannot endure it anymore, he will seek alternatives.... i.e. a woman who is willing to do the deed.
So I'm really curious: how important is oral sex?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Morning Rituals
My last post brought up some very funny questions and comments. I now feel the need to defend myself and elaborate on this apparently strange issue....as if no1 else has forgotten to brush their teeth before! lol.
Just Toluwa asked about my morning rituals. First of all, I do not usually forget to brush my teeth. In fact, I brush more than once - at least twice, which is why the physical state of my toothbrush was - and still is - an enigma to me. That being said, my bathroom-related morning rituals are as follows...
1. Wash my underwear. [I went to a boarding school in Naija. We used 2 wash our underwear every morning b4 taking a bath. It's been years, but I have not been able to drop the habit. By the way, I wash my underwear first because I feel like it gives me the opportunity to wash my hands b4 brushing my teeth.]
2. Gargle with Listerine pre-brush whitening rinse. [We don't usually buy this @ home, but the regular Listerine mouthwash we just got came with it]
3. Brush my teeth @ least twice.
4. Rinse my mouth with Listerine mouthwash [ooh la la]
5. Wash my face with an Olay Facial Cloth. [I don't know why I use this cloth. I've been using it for years. I keep using it because it's a habit. No complaints from my face anyway]
6. Operation Finally-Take-A-Shower begins. [I wash myself from the top down. Sometimes once; sometimes twice. Then I tie the sponge around my waist, so that the water coming out of the shower head can rinse me & my sponge down. Yes, I also learnt this from boarding school]. The End!!!
So what was the point of explaining all this? Well, I was just tryna defend myself 4 forgetting to brush my teeth on Saturday before attending the baby shower. You see, I woke up @ about six in the morning that day. I did all my rituals except the part of brushing my teeth. Why? I intended to go back to sleep, so I figured there was no point brushing my teeth because I was still going to sleep. My plan was to wake up later and brush my teeth. But alas, I never did go back 2 bed. Instead I had some brunch with the unclean mouth. So you see how I ended up going to the baby shower with my mouth...???
On another note, Temite has been wanting to know the reason for my happiness. Well, who am I to keep hiding it? I will tell the truth o. Why shall I shy? Temite, darling, in order to express my joy well well, I will sing a song 4 u. I had to edit the original version a little bit:
*Vera singing* Temite dey ask me say, Vera wetin dey make you smile? I just dey tell her say, na Jesus dey make me smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, I dey smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, smile, smile. I just dey tell her say, no be me oh na handwork of God. *end of singing*
By the way, while on the issue of forgetting to do some essentials b4 going out, I also once forgot to wear underwear b4 going out...and I was wearing a skirt. But you see, it was totally Busola's fault. I was about to take a shower when she got to my house and we had to go shopping. So I had to just dress up and follow her since she refused to wait for me to take a shower. Apparently, I take too long in the shower. And uhm, no, I did not deliberately forget to wear underwear. Going commando is not really my thing - yet.
P.S. No, I did not try on any pants (trousers) @ the shop. That woulda been risky business....seeing as I had no protection.
Just Toluwa asked about my morning rituals. First of all, I do not usually forget to brush my teeth. In fact, I brush more than once - at least twice, which is why the physical state of my toothbrush was - and still is - an enigma to me. That being said, my bathroom-related morning rituals are as follows...
1. Wash my underwear. [I went to a boarding school in Naija. We used 2 wash our underwear every morning b4 taking a bath. It's been years, but I have not been able to drop the habit. By the way, I wash my underwear first because I feel like it gives me the opportunity to wash my hands b4 brushing my teeth.]
2. Gargle with Listerine pre-brush whitening rinse. [We don't usually buy this @ home, but the regular Listerine mouthwash we just got came with it]
3. Brush my teeth @ least twice.
4. Rinse my mouth with Listerine mouthwash [ooh la la]
5. Wash my face with an Olay Facial Cloth. [I don't know why I use this cloth. I've been using it for years. I keep using it because it's a habit. No complaints from my face anyway]
6. Operation Finally-Take-A-Shower begins. [I wash myself from the top down. Sometimes once; sometimes twice. Then I tie the sponge around my waist, so that the water coming out of the shower head can rinse me & my sponge down. Yes, I also learnt this from boarding school]. The End!!!
So what was the point of explaining all this? Well, I was just tryna defend myself 4 forgetting to brush my teeth on Saturday before attending the baby shower. You see, I woke up @ about six in the morning that day. I did all my rituals except the part of brushing my teeth. Why? I intended to go back to sleep, so I figured there was no point brushing my teeth because I was still going to sleep. My plan was to wake up later and brush my teeth. But alas, I never did go back 2 bed. Instead I had some brunch with the unclean mouth. So you see how I ended up going to the baby shower with my mouth...???
On another note, Temite has been wanting to know the reason for my happiness. Well, who am I to keep hiding it? I will tell the truth o. Why shall I shy? Temite, darling, in order to express my joy well well, I will sing a song 4 u. I had to edit the original version a little bit:
*Vera singing* Temite dey ask me say, Vera wetin dey make you smile? I just dey tell her say, na Jesus dey make me smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, I dey smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, smile, smile. I just dey tell her say, no be me oh na handwork of God. *end of singing*
By the way, while on the issue of forgetting to do some essentials b4 going out, I also once forgot to wear underwear b4 going out...and I was wearing a skirt. But you see, it was totally Busola's fault. I was about to take a shower when she got to my house and we had to go shopping. So I had to just dress up and follow her since she refused to wait for me to take a shower. Apparently, I take too long in the shower. And uhm, no, I did not deliberately forget to wear underwear. Going commando is not really my thing - yet.
P.S. No, I did not try on any pants (trousers) @ the shop. That woulda been risky business....seeing as I had no protection.
Monday, November 10, 2008
One Of Those Days
What's a girl to do when she cannot summon the strength to blog even though she feels like she has so much to blog about??
I guess she could update her blog and let everyone know that she doesn't quite know what to blog about. Too many issues bouncing around in her head. A flight of ideas, yes?
She could tell everyone about Saturday. She was on her way to a baby shower when she suddenly remembered that she forgot to brush her teeth that morning. She had to stop at a gas station to buy a bottle of water. Parked outside in the dark, she popped her trunk open, went through her in-case-of-incassities bag where she has everything but a bath tub, and pulled out a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, and a bottle of mouthwash. Standing out there in the fierce windy cold, she shamelessly brushed her teeth twice and gargled with listerine mouthwash.
Her breath was minty fresh after that. And then, she proceeded to the baby shower, exuding an air of confidence that could only come from having a fresh breath. Oh, she thanked her God for that in-case-of-incassities bag. Her friends, Funmi & Busola always thought she was crazy for having that bag in her car. The bag also contained a bible, two underwears, a sponge, liquid soap, a towel, a bath robe, lotion, deodorant,, sleeping clothes, and facial cleansers. She just has an obsession with being ready - just in case. The incident on Saturday caused her to add a bottle of water to that bag. Obviously, she'll need water to brush her teeth.
But she'll update properly later.
I guess she could update her blog and let everyone know that she doesn't quite know what to blog about. Too many issues bouncing around in her head. A flight of ideas, yes?
She could tell everyone about Saturday. She was on her way to a baby shower when she suddenly remembered that she forgot to brush her teeth that morning. She had to stop at a gas station to buy a bottle of water. Parked outside in the dark, she popped her trunk open, went through her in-case-of-incassities bag where she has everything but a bath tub, and pulled out a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, and a bottle of mouthwash. Standing out there in the fierce windy cold, she shamelessly brushed her teeth twice and gargled with listerine mouthwash.
Her breath was minty fresh after that. And then, she proceeded to the baby shower, exuding an air of confidence that could only come from having a fresh breath. Oh, she thanked her God for that in-case-of-incassities bag. Her friends, Funmi & Busola always thought she was crazy for having that bag in her car. The bag also contained a bible, two underwears, a sponge, liquid soap, a towel, a bath robe, lotion, deodorant,, sleeping clothes, and facial cleansers. She just has an obsession with being ready - just in case. The incident on Saturday caused her to add a bottle of water to that bag. Obviously, she'll need water to brush her teeth.
But she'll update properly later.
Friday, November 07, 2008
So This Past Weekend...
I went for the naming ceremony like I mentioned in my other post. That ceremony was baaaad!!! ... in a good way, of course. DJ dey there. Live band sef dey there. We danced and danced. The music kept switching from DJ to live band. I danced till I could dance no more - literally. I pulled a muscle, and that was soooo not funny! Both of my legs are still hurting badly. My thighs hurt. My calves hurt. My feet hurt. My toes hurt. I wore heels most of the day - night rather. Funmi drove us to the venue; I drove back. It shoulda taken me an hour to get home; I drove home in like 40 mins. Na so I dey speed 4 road. Funmi and her three siblings all fell asleep in the car and left their lives in my hands. I shoulda driven us all into a ditch.
By the way, you know what time I left the party? Past six in the morning! And the only reason why it was six in the morning was because the time had changed. It would have been seven in the morning. Never in my life have I attended such a naming ceremony. Alcohol was unlimited. Music was unlimited. Dancing was unlimited. Food sef was unlimited. Even though I did not have a drop of alcohol, I felt drunk on something. It musta been the music. Or someone drugged my sunkist.
The party couldn't go without meeting those people. Out of respect for the hosts, I will not blog about everyone I feel like blogging about. I will however, blog about two guys whom I have absolutely no respect for.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Be-Friends: So there I was dancing away, not caring who was looking or what they mighta been thinking about this Igbo gal who was dancing with her ikebe. Mr. I Just Wanna Be Friends decided that he wanted to talk 2 me. After the usual small talk like what's your name, where are you from...blah blah blah, he got down to business.
Him: Can I have your number?
Me: No, I have a boyfriend. (forget about the veracity of this statement. That is my new story, and I'm sticking to it.)
Him: [looking puzzled] I just wanna be friends. (Yeah, right! Gimme a break. Na so dem dey take become friends 4 ur village? *hiss*)
Me: No, I'm sorry I still can't.
Him: What about an email address?
Me: Nope.
Him: Please. I'm begging you.
Me: No, I cannot.
Him: Do you live with your boyfriend?
Me: No.
Him: So what's the problem? Will he beat you if he finds out you're talking to me?
Me: [amused] No, he won't beat me, but I still cannot.
Him: Maybe you'll consider me next time we meet then?
Me: Yeah, maybe.
So I bet you're wondering what's so special about him. Well, the next day, I found out he's married!! And his wife is pregnant. Ah, the God that I serve is a living God oh. What kind of nonsense is this? Tufia kwa. It is not my portion oo. I rebuke all ye married men. If I see him next time and he dares to open his mouth and say that rubbish to me, I'll have a very good answer for him.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Screw-Her: Yes, people. Someone actually said he just wants to screw me, that's all. He told Funmi that he liked me, but he hoped I wasn't the kind who will cling to him after he got what he wanted. After Funmi told him I wasn't that type (who will give it up...unless you're Barack Obama), he said that was even better because he did not wanna share me with anyone else. By the way, this dude is married. With kids. And maybe like two baby mamas. And yes, he's Nigerian - Yoruba to be precise. And that nonsense Funmi of a girl even came to deliver the message to me. So what did I do? I told her to tell him to talk to me himself. Boy, I can't wait to lay his ass out. You should see this guy I'm talking about. Busola swears he looks like a goat. Looking @ the pictures, I cannot say I didn't see the very striking resemblance between him and that goat my grandma used to have. May his soul rest in perfect stomach.
I really am tempted to show pictures of these dudes. I know they know me. The goat-looking one will not have a hard time locating this site. We have plenty mutual acquaintances. I'm not scared of what will happen if I put his picture here, but out of respect for the hosts, I will not.
This is that crazy friend of mine, Funmi. The gal was dancing alllllllllll night long. She swears she was not drunk, but I beg to differ. As we speak right now, a special team is investigating the issue. If it makes you feel better, there are plenty more pictures from where this one came from. In other words, you know I won't leave you without pictures. There were about 1000 (yes, one thousand) pictures, but I have only uploaded 62 for your viewing pleasure. I doubt if any of you wanna see a thousand pictures. Oh, I forgot to mention that the baby's name is Tanitoluwa. She has other names actually, but Tanitoluwa is my favorite, so I will call her, Tani! She's soooo gorgeous. To view the pictures, click HERE
And can I just say, Congrats Obama!!!!!
By the way, you know what time I left the party? Past six in the morning! And the only reason why it was six in the morning was because the time had changed. It would have been seven in the morning. Never in my life have I attended such a naming ceremony. Alcohol was unlimited. Music was unlimited. Dancing was unlimited. Food sef was unlimited. Even though I did not have a drop of alcohol, I felt drunk on something. It musta been the music. Or someone drugged my sunkist.
The party couldn't go without meeting those people. Out of respect for the hosts, I will not blog about everyone I feel like blogging about. I will however, blog about two guys whom I have absolutely no respect for.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Be-Friends: So there I was dancing away, not caring who was looking or what they mighta been thinking about this Igbo gal who was dancing with her ikebe. Mr. I Just Wanna Be Friends decided that he wanted to talk 2 me. After the usual small talk like what's your name, where are you from...blah blah blah, he got down to business.
Him: Can I have your number?
Me: No, I have a boyfriend. (forget about the veracity of this statement. That is my new story, and I'm sticking to it.)
Him: [looking puzzled] I just wanna be friends. (Yeah, right! Gimme a break. Na so dem dey take become friends 4 ur village? *hiss*)
Me: No, I'm sorry I still can't.
Him: What about an email address?
Me: Nope.
Him: Please. I'm begging you.
Me: No, I cannot.
Him: Do you live with your boyfriend?
Me: No.
Him: So what's the problem? Will he beat you if he finds out you're talking to me?
Me: [amused] No, he won't beat me, but I still cannot.
Him: Maybe you'll consider me next time we meet then?
Me: Yeah, maybe.
So I bet you're wondering what's so special about him. Well, the next day, I found out he's married!! And his wife is pregnant. Ah, the God that I serve is a living God oh. What kind of nonsense is this? Tufia kwa. It is not my portion oo. I rebuke all ye married men. If I see him next time and he dares to open his mouth and say that rubbish to me, I'll have a very good answer for him.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Screw-Her: Yes, people. Someone actually said he just wants to screw me, that's all. He told Funmi that he liked me, but he hoped I wasn't the kind who will cling to him after he got what he wanted. After Funmi told him I wasn't that type (who will give it up...unless you're Barack Obama), he said that was even better because he did not wanna share me with anyone else. By the way, this dude is married. With kids. And maybe like two baby mamas. And yes, he's Nigerian - Yoruba to be precise. And that nonsense Funmi of a girl even came to deliver the message to me. So what did I do? I told her to tell him to talk to me himself. Boy, I can't wait to lay his ass out. You should see this guy I'm talking about. Busola swears he looks like a goat. Looking @ the pictures, I cannot say I didn't see the very striking resemblance between him and that goat my grandma used to have. May his soul rest in perfect stomach.
I really am tempted to show pictures of these dudes. I know they know me. The goat-looking one will not have a hard time locating this site. We have plenty mutual acquaintances. I'm not scared of what will happen if I put his picture here, but out of respect for the hosts, I will not.
This is that crazy friend of mine, Funmi. The gal was dancing alllllllllll night long. She swears she was not drunk, but I beg to differ. As we speak right now, a special team is investigating the issue. If it makes you feel better, there are plenty more pictures from where this one came from. In other words, you know I won't leave you without pictures. There were about 1000 (yes, one thousand) pictures, but I have only uploaded 62 for your viewing pleasure. I doubt if any of you wanna see a thousand pictures. Oh, I forgot to mention that the baby's name is Tanitoluwa. She has other names actually, but Tanitoluwa is my favorite, so I will call her, Tani! She's soooo gorgeous. To view the pictures, click HEREAnd can I just say, Congrats Obama!!!!!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Yes, We Can?? Yes, We Have!!!!!!!!
Oh, thank you, Lord!!!!!! I am dancing. Singing. Shouting. Screaming. I am doing anything and everything I can think of right now. Obama is the next President of the United States of America. Thank you, Father!!! Me, I no fit shout.....!!! It is OVER!!!!!!!!!I am so happy right now that I feel like putting up a picture of myself. I need to go offline before I do. I am this close. Walahi.... I am ready to attach the picture.
I'm out!!!
Barack Da Vote!!!
Okay....so this is not a real update. Forgive me. I have been typing up a post for y'll since yesterday, and I still have not been able to post it. I wanted to gist you about the naming ceremony I attended (and also show some pictures, of course), but right now...
I'm scared!!!!
When I came home, Obama had 3 electoral votes while McCain had 16. I was about to pass out. I was shaking like a leaf in winter. For those that are either not following the race or just not into politics, the magic number that each candidate has to get is 270. As of right now, Obama has 103 electoral votes while McCain has 58.
Okay, breath Vera.
The fact that McCain even has any electoral vote at all means that God did not answer my prayer - the one where all McCain supporters will mistakenly vote for Obama.
Okay, I'm off. I'll update properly later. Maybe tomorrow. If Obama doesn't win, I might not blog tomorrow. In fact, I will NOT blog. God, I'm really very scared.
I'm scared!!!!
When I came home, Obama had 3 electoral votes while McCain had 16. I was about to pass out. I was shaking like a leaf in winter. For those that are either not following the race or just not into politics, the magic number that each candidate has to get is 270. As of right now, Obama has 103 electoral votes while McCain has 58.
Okay, breath Vera.
The fact that McCain even has any electoral vote at all means that God did not answer my prayer - the one where all McCain supporters will mistakenly vote for Obama.
Okay, I'm off. I'll update properly later. Maybe tomorrow. If Obama doesn't win, I might not blog tomorrow. In fact, I will NOT blog. God, I'm really very scared.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Goodbye Public Picture Of Vera
My goodness, my heart has just been beating gbam gbam gbam ever since that Busola of a girl put up her wedding website. Busola got engaged in 2006 (can't believe it's been two years already) and I blogged about her engagement. Anyway, she made one of those wedding websites, of course. As her maid of honor (which really was an honor to her), she had to have my picture up there in her Bridal Party section...
So there it was.....a very clear picture of me with my name, Vera Ezimora clearly inscribed beside it. The thing was giving me hives. Every time I visited her site, I shrieked. Of course, I conveniently forgot to mention to bloggers that Busola's wedding website was up and that my picture was there. In fact, my blogging life came to a halt. Honestly, I didn't stop blogging because of my picture. I just got busy, but it all worked out, I guess because I know myself; I mighta let it slip out of my mouth (fingers).
Some people discovered me sha although they weren't bloggers, or at least not that I know of anyway. But this other website that I will also conveniently not mention here, their amebo members discovered me. Chei. They were having a 5th year anniversary party here in Maryland, but I sternly declined the invitation, feigning anonymity, only to be told, "But Vera, we already saw your picture na. We saw it on Busola's website. One of the members saw your picture and brought it to everyone's attention. He/she started a thread and told everyone that one of our writers is there." Well, isn't that just lovely! So, I bowed my head in shame and attended the party. lol.
But now, the website has expired. It expired ever since actually, and I have been making attempts to visit it, trying to trick the internet into leading me to it, just in case the big world wide web is hiding it, lol, but so far, nothing. Yay!!! I can now breathe and go to sleep easily. I'm not quite sure why I'm so into this picture thing. I'm not even 'anonymous.' A buncha people already know what I look like. And I am actually readily available to meet with people. I might as well be out with it, yes? I dunno how long I will keep hiding my face. A picture of me seems to surface on facebook every month. How long am I supposed to stalk facebook and untag all pictures of me? Ko easy oooo!!!
Anyway, now that the picture is gone, I'm sooooooo excited. I can now go around and look for trouble anywhere, anyhow, any time, knowing that no1 knows what I look like. I can go to SolomonSydelle's house and pee in her closet. She'll never know it was me. I can go to Naapali's house and steal one of his expensive bikes. He'll never know it was me. I can go to Standtall's house and steal Molly or Garfield (and use them to cook cat fried rice which I will serve to Standtall to eat). I can go to Aloofar the Effiko's house and steal his books (or pour coffee on them). Who will tell him I did it? I can throw a rock thru Bumight's window and she'll never know it was me. I can send a text to Qmoney, borrow some money and run away. She'll never see me. I can remove all the pegs on Oluwadee's clothes hanging on the line outside. I can post the video of Mizchif receiving a lap dance from the female stripper @ the strip club (Yeah, I bet she didn't know I knew! lol). I can kidnap Tobenna's fiancee and stand in her place. He'll never notice (wait, has the wedding passed???). I can steal Temmy Tayo's son. I can steal Simi Speak's daughter. Okay.... enough. Shebi you get the idea??? I am invincible!! Simply unstoppable.
By the way, happy one-year wedding anniversary to Busola!! She got married on the 27th of October 2007. Yes, I know today is November 1st, but so what??? And you will not believe what Funmi suggested she give her husband as an anniversary gift - I can just hear Funmi's heart pounding here. She thinks I'm gonna rub shit all over her face and tell all of blogville. Well, I'd like to, but ---- Happy Anniversary, Busola!!!
Shebi una remember Y?? The one we had a baby shower for where Funmi was shamelessly yahoozeeing?? Well, she had a bouncing baby gal!! As you read this now sef, I might be over there 4 the naming ceremony. If Funmi yahoozees today, you bet I'll capture it. Anything for you, blogville!! What can I say? I have no social life. You, blogville, are my social life.
So there it was.....a very clear picture of me with my name, Vera Ezimora clearly inscribed beside it. The thing was giving me hives. Every time I visited her site, I shrieked. Of course, I conveniently forgot to mention to bloggers that Busola's wedding website was up and that my picture was there. In fact, my blogging life came to a halt. Honestly, I didn't stop blogging because of my picture. I just got busy, but it all worked out, I guess because I know myself; I mighta let it slip out of my mouth (fingers).
Some people discovered me sha although they weren't bloggers, or at least not that I know of anyway. But this other website that I will also conveniently not mention here, their amebo members discovered me. Chei. They were having a 5th year anniversary party here in Maryland, but I sternly declined the invitation, feigning anonymity, only to be told, "But Vera, we already saw your picture na. We saw it on Busola's website. One of the members saw your picture and brought it to everyone's attention. He/she started a thread and told everyone that one of our writers is there." Well, isn't that just lovely! So, I bowed my head in shame and attended the party. lol.
But now, the website has expired. It expired ever since actually, and I have been making attempts to visit it, trying to trick the internet into leading me to it, just in case the big world wide web is hiding it, lol, but so far, nothing. Yay!!! I can now breathe and go to sleep easily. I'm not quite sure why I'm so into this picture thing. I'm not even 'anonymous.' A buncha people already know what I look like. And I am actually readily available to meet with people. I might as well be out with it, yes? I dunno how long I will keep hiding my face. A picture of me seems to surface on facebook every month. How long am I supposed to stalk facebook and untag all pictures of me? Ko easy oooo!!!
Anyway, now that the picture is gone, I'm sooooooo excited. I can now go around and look for trouble anywhere, anyhow, any time, knowing that no1 knows what I look like. I can go to SolomonSydelle's house and pee in her closet. She'll never know it was me. I can go to Naapali's house and steal one of his expensive bikes. He'll never know it was me. I can go to Standtall's house and steal Molly or Garfield (and use them to cook cat fried rice which I will serve to Standtall to eat). I can go to Aloofar the Effiko's house and steal his books (or pour coffee on them). Who will tell him I did it? I can throw a rock thru Bumight's window and she'll never know it was me. I can send a text to Qmoney, borrow some money and run away. She'll never see me. I can remove all the pegs on Oluwadee's clothes hanging on the line outside. I can post the video of Mizchif receiving a lap dance from the female stripper @ the strip club (Yeah, I bet she didn't know I knew! lol). I can kidnap Tobenna's fiancee and stand in her place. He'll never notice (wait, has the wedding passed???). I can steal Temmy Tayo's son. I can steal Simi Speak's daughter. Okay.... enough. Shebi you get the idea??? I am invincible!! Simply unstoppable.
By the way, happy one-year wedding anniversary to Busola!! She got married on the 27th of October 2007. Yes, I know today is November 1st, but so what??? And you will not believe what Funmi suggested she give her husband as an anniversary gift - I can just hear Funmi's heart pounding here. She thinks I'm gonna rub shit all over her face and tell all of blogville. Well, I'd like to, but ---- Happy Anniversary, Busola!!!
Shebi una remember Y?? The one we had a baby shower for where Funmi was shamelessly yahoozeeing?? Well, she had a bouncing baby gal!! As you read this now sef, I might be over there 4 the naming ceremony. If Funmi yahoozees today, you bet I'll capture it. Anything for you, blogville!! What can I say? I have no social life. You, blogville, are my social life.
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