First of all, I would like 2 apologize 2 the crew for not being able to put up my 'I Believe In God' post. I have been really busy and even more tired. This blog was supposed to have been updated since Sunday, November 30th, but because of how tired I've been....well, you know the rest.
Also, I'd like 2 publicly apologize to Geisha.Song for not having sent in my record-breaking, eardrum-blasting, platinum-winning single (aka my Christmas carol). I hope it's not too late. I'd still wanna shock people with the horror of my singing. I tell you, you'll be so shocked @ how badly a person can suck @ singing. But I console myself with the fact that I'm not as bad as the rest (Busola, Funmi, & Uju).
Lastly, I'd like to tell you all that I had a fabulous weekend. I met three ridiculously goodlooking bloggers: one thing is for sure....we have to do this again! Dave & Busters, anyone???
Now, excuse me while I straighten a few things out. I'll be right back.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
What Shall We Do Today?
***Vera singing...***
Today ohhh, I'll lift up my voice in praise. For I know, You are always there for me. Almighty God, You are my all and all. No matter what they say, when trouble comes my way, I will praise Your name......
Happy Thanksgiving y'll!!! I was gonna title this post, What Are You Thankful For? But then I figured it might be too....errrrr..... expected/regular??? So I fugured, why not start out by singing??
If I were to tell you that I am exactly where I thought I would be @ this point in my life, I would be lying to you. There are lots of things I thought I would have accomplished by now that I am yet to accomplish. There are milestones I swore I would meet by now, but they remain to be done. I thought I would have published my book by now, but obviously, that has not happened. I thought I would at least be in a serious relationship by now, but that isn't happening either.
I know I often blog about the ridiculous men I meet, but those are not the only ones I meet. I don't bother blogging about the ones that seem like potentials...... until the bottom falls out and I realize hell would have to freeze over before I date them. Let's face it: relationships are difficult. For this reason, I intend to make it a little less difficult for myself by first dating the right person. In my XX years on earth, I have learnt a few things: if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a damn duck. Soooo when a man begins to have questionable behavior, I flee.
So on this 27th day of November 2008, I am thankful to God for numerous things
1. I am thankful, first & foremost for my life and my health
2. I am thankful for my family, especially mom and dad
3. I am thankful for my friends-turned-sisters, Busola & Funmi (they're the best friends a gal could ask for).
4. I am thankful for the unusual happy days I have been having
5. I am thankful for what I have been able to accomplish thus far.
6. I am thankful for the talent God has blessed me with.
7. I am thankful for the countless times He has forgiven me and taken me back
8. I am thankful for His grace, for His love, and for His kindness
9. I am thankful for who I am
10. And lastly, I am thankful for all you wonderful people - bloggers and non-bloggers alike. You all don't know how much your e-mails, phone calls, text messages, and comments mean to me. They encourage me. They make me more determined. They make me not want to disappoint you, and by His grace, I won't. Keep me in your prayers, please.
And I pray to God...... for wisdom. For patience. For strength. For perseverence. For faith. For long life. For health. For prosperity. For uncommon favor. For His grace.
Alright, I'm done being serious. Now, lemme leave you with the text I sent to almost everyone in my phonebook. No1 is safe from my text messages, I tell ya!
"Happy thanksgiving!!! Remember it's only about a month before Christmas. Hope you're saving up for my gift - a 2009 Range Rover. Make sure it's black & semi tinted with leather interior. And of course, with bluetooth and voice activation features. Need my address?"
Today ohhh, I'll lift up my voice in praise. For I know, You are always there for me. Almighty God, You are my all and all. No matter what they say, when trouble comes my way, I will praise Your name......
Happy Thanksgiving y'll!!! I was gonna title this post, What Are You Thankful For? But then I figured it might be too....errrrr..... expected/regular??? So I fugured, why not start out by singing??
If I were to tell you that I am exactly where I thought I would be @ this point in my life, I would be lying to you. There are lots of things I thought I would have accomplished by now that I am yet to accomplish. There are milestones I swore I would meet by now, but they remain to be done. I thought I would have published my book by now, but obviously, that has not happened. I thought I would at least be in a serious relationship by now, but that isn't happening either.
I know I often blog about the ridiculous men I meet, but those are not the only ones I meet. I don't bother blogging about the ones that seem like potentials...... until the bottom falls out and I realize hell would have to freeze over before I date them. Let's face it: relationships are difficult. For this reason, I intend to make it a little less difficult for myself by first dating the right person. In my XX years on earth, I have learnt a few things: if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a damn duck. Soooo when a man begins to have questionable behavior, I flee.
So on this 27th day of November 2008, I am thankful to God for numerous things
1. I am thankful, first & foremost for my life and my health
2. I am thankful for my family, especially mom and dad
3. I am thankful for my friends-turned-sisters, Busola & Funmi (they're the best friends a gal could ask for).
4. I am thankful for the unusual happy days I have been having
5. I am thankful for what I have been able to accomplish thus far.
6. I am thankful for the talent God has blessed me with.
7. I am thankful for the countless times He has forgiven me and taken me back
8. I am thankful for His grace, for His love, and for His kindness
9. I am thankful for who I am
10. And lastly, I am thankful for all you wonderful people - bloggers and non-bloggers alike. You all don't know how much your e-mails, phone calls, text messages, and comments mean to me. They encourage me. They make me more determined. They make me not want to disappoint you, and by His grace, I won't. Keep me in your prayers, please.
And I pray to God...... for wisdom. For patience. For strength. For perseverence. For faith. For long life. For health. For prosperity. For uncommon favor. For His grace.
Alright, I'm done being serious. Now, lemme leave you with the text I sent to almost everyone in my phonebook. No1 is safe from my text messages, I tell ya!
"Happy thanksgiving!!! Remember it's only about a month before Christmas. Hope you're saving up for my gift - a 2009 Range Rover. Make sure it's black & semi tinted with leather interior. And of course, with bluetooth and voice activation features. Need my address?"
Monday, November 24, 2008
Alright, I Confess.....I DID IT!!!
Yes, I did it!! I cannot take it anymore....the shame. The guilt. The nightmares!!! Oh, for the love of God, forgive me, I did it. I cannot bear this burden in my heart anymore. I must confess.
Several years ago (way before I migrated to US of A), I spent Christmas in my maternal grandmother's house in the village. I loved having several trees of sweet oranges @ my disposal. I loved being able to eat okpa (that thing like moi moi they make in a leaf) any time I wanted. I loved being able to eat that sweet fruit...still don't know its name, but the back is green and inside is white with seeds. So milky & sweet! I loved all the fruits @ my disposal in fact.
But I hated some things too. I hated the heat. I had to take showers several times a day. I hated the dust. I hated my grandmother's huge turkey that used to chase me around the compound. It always stood outside the door whenever I went to take a shower, so I always had to scream 4 help. Someone always had to come and chase the darn thing away. I think it had a crush on my; I don't know if I should be flattered, amused, worried, or scared. Right now, I'm all of the above. I hated the fact that the bathroom and the toilet were outside the house. I hated the way people always felt the need to touch me or pull my cheeks. I hate being touched by strangers.
Most of all, I hated the toilet. It was a pit toilet! I have a big enough problem being in other people's bathroom, so that pit toilet was torture for me. I never saw poop on the floor, but I always imagined it to be there. The sounds of buzzing flies never made it easier for me either. The idea of exposing my butt hole to a pit full of other people's poop was just not appealing to me. What if a fly that had touched someone else's poop came and perched on my butt? Or worse, my face? Eww!! I hated the dinginess of that toilet. I just couldn't stand it. So I devised a plan. Oh, yes, indeed, I did.
You know those 'santana bags?' Those clear bags they use to bag things in Naija (like peanuts)? Yeah, well, grandma had loadz of them. So guess what I did. I only pooped when I was ready to take a shower. And how did I do it, you ask? In the bag of course! I did it in the bathroom where there were no flies buzzing around. So whatever happened to the bagfuls of poop? Oh, well, I kinda sorta flung them over fence..... into my grandma's farm!!
Before you judge me, I did not know that was part of my grandma's farm! I thought it belonged to someone else. Yes, how very selfish of me, I know. And I was only about maybe 13 or 14 then (not that I wouldn't do it again if the chance presented itself...). So all through the time I was in the village, I flung all my poop across the fence. It was a perfect plan. No1 ever knew what I did. Every time I did it, a mischievous smile crept upon my face, a smile that was often confused as innocense. Ah, if only they knew!
But several years later, my grandma migrated to the States (2002, to be precise), and one day, she and my mother somehow talked about the farm. Hehehehehehe. Well, let's just say my grandma told my mother about how she had found bags of poop in her farm. Walahi, it took all the strength I had to not burst out laughing. What made it funnier was that I was my mother's first suspect. I dunno why. Did she really think of me as someone who was that mischievous? My feelings were hurt...NOT!
So, of course, I kept a straight face and denied it squarely. I went as far as saying how nasty it was for someone to do such a terrible, terrible thing! Seriously, how could some1 in their right mind poop in a bag and then fling it into someone's farm? People can be so cruel! Yeah, whatever.
So, there goes my confession. I am free. Let my grandma not say I never admitted guilt.
Several years ago (way before I migrated to US of A), I spent Christmas in my maternal grandmother's house in the village. I loved having several trees of sweet oranges @ my disposal. I loved being able to eat okpa (that thing like moi moi they make in a leaf) any time I wanted. I loved being able to eat that sweet fruit...still don't know its name, but the back is green and inside is white with seeds. So milky & sweet! I loved all the fruits @ my disposal in fact.
But I hated some things too. I hated the heat. I had to take showers several times a day. I hated the dust. I hated my grandmother's huge turkey that used to chase me around the compound. It always stood outside the door whenever I went to take a shower, so I always had to scream 4 help. Someone always had to come and chase the darn thing away. I think it had a crush on my; I don't know if I should be flattered, amused, worried, or scared. Right now, I'm all of the above. I hated the fact that the bathroom and the toilet were outside the house. I hated the way people always felt the need to touch me or pull my cheeks. I hate being touched by strangers.
Most of all, I hated the toilet. It was a pit toilet! I have a big enough problem being in other people's bathroom, so that pit toilet was torture for me. I never saw poop on the floor, but I always imagined it to be there. The sounds of buzzing flies never made it easier for me either. The idea of exposing my butt hole to a pit full of other people's poop was just not appealing to me. What if a fly that had touched someone else's poop came and perched on my butt? Or worse, my face? Eww!! I hated the dinginess of that toilet. I just couldn't stand it. So I devised a plan. Oh, yes, indeed, I did.
You know those 'santana bags?' Those clear bags they use to bag things in Naija (like peanuts)? Yeah, well, grandma had loadz of them. So guess what I did. I only pooped when I was ready to take a shower. And how did I do it, you ask? In the bag of course! I did it in the bathroom where there were no flies buzzing around. So whatever happened to the bagfuls of poop? Oh, well, I kinda sorta flung them over fence..... into my grandma's farm!!
Before you judge me, I did not know that was part of my grandma's farm! I thought it belonged to someone else. Yes, how very selfish of me, I know. And I was only about maybe 13 or 14 then (not that I wouldn't do it again if the chance presented itself...). So all through the time I was in the village, I flung all my poop across the fence. It was a perfect plan. No1 ever knew what I did. Every time I did it, a mischievous smile crept upon my face, a smile that was often confused as innocense. Ah, if only they knew!
But several years later, my grandma migrated to the States (2002, to be precise), and one day, she and my mother somehow talked about the farm. Hehehehehehe. Well, let's just say my grandma told my mother about how she had found bags of poop in her farm. Walahi, it took all the strength I had to not burst out laughing. What made it funnier was that I was my mother's first suspect. I dunno why. Did she really think of me as someone who was that mischievous? My feelings were hurt...NOT!
So, of course, I kept a straight face and denied it squarely. I went as far as saying how nasty it was for someone to do such a terrible, terrible thing! Seriously, how could some1 in their right mind poop in a bag and then fling it into someone's farm? People can be so cruel! Yeah, whatever.
So, there goes my confession. I am free. Let my grandma not say I never admitted guilt.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Oral Sex: To Do Or Not To Do???
Weird topic, I know. Interesting topic, I know that too.
Last week, I attended an African American group meeting where an interesting conversation ensued. As you should know by now, the topic is whether or not oral sex should be done/given. For the most part of the conversation, I sat laughing at what everyone else had to say. I never really said where I stood or did not stand. I just listened. And laughed.
Before I tell you what people had to say, let me tell you that this group consisted of Africans and African Americans; males and females, and also singles and married. So we were pretty much diverse - or at least diverse enough. Most people (let me say about 95%) said oral sex is an absolute necessity. The remaining 5% said it was not a necessity. One lady (who happens to be Nigerian) flat out said she will never give her husband oral sex (and she does not want to receive it either). She also added that her husband does not want it anyway....which brings me to another question...
How possible is this? Is it possible that some man somewhere does not like (to receive) oral sex? By the way, if it means anything to you, none of the men involved in this conversation said that oral sex is not a necessity. In fact, one of them (who also happens to be Nigerian) said that "any woman who is not willing to give her husband oral sex is planning her retirement package." He said that a man might say he does not 'want' or 'like' oral sex, but he'll only say that to respect his wife's wishes. However, once he cannot endure it anymore, he will seek alternatives.... i.e. a woman who is willing to do the deed.
So I'm really curious: how important is oral sex?
Last week, I attended an African American group meeting where an interesting conversation ensued. As you should know by now, the topic is whether or not oral sex should be done/given. For the most part of the conversation, I sat laughing at what everyone else had to say. I never really said where I stood or did not stand. I just listened. And laughed.
Before I tell you what people had to say, let me tell you that this group consisted of Africans and African Americans; males and females, and also singles and married. So we were pretty much diverse - or at least diverse enough. Most people (let me say about 95%) said oral sex is an absolute necessity. The remaining 5% said it was not a necessity. One lady (who happens to be Nigerian) flat out said she will never give her husband oral sex (and she does not want to receive it either). She also added that her husband does not want it anyway....which brings me to another question...
How possible is this? Is it possible that some man somewhere does not like (to receive) oral sex? By the way, if it means anything to you, none of the men involved in this conversation said that oral sex is not a necessity. In fact, one of them (who also happens to be Nigerian) said that "any woman who is not willing to give her husband oral sex is planning her retirement package." He said that a man might say he does not 'want' or 'like' oral sex, but he'll only say that to respect his wife's wishes. However, once he cannot endure it anymore, he will seek alternatives.... i.e. a woman who is willing to do the deed.
So I'm really curious: how important is oral sex?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Morning Rituals
My last post brought up some very funny questions and comments. I now feel the need to defend myself and elaborate on this apparently strange issue....as if no1 else has forgotten to brush their teeth before! lol.
Just Toluwa asked about my morning rituals. First of all, I do not usually forget to brush my teeth. In fact, I brush more than once - at least twice, which is why the physical state of my toothbrush was - and still is - an enigma to me. That being said, my bathroom-related morning rituals are as follows...
1. Wash my underwear. [I went to a boarding school in Naija. We used 2 wash our underwear every morning b4 taking a bath. It's been years, but I have not been able to drop the habit. By the way, I wash my underwear first because I feel like it gives me the opportunity to wash my hands b4 brushing my teeth.]
2. Gargle with Listerine pre-brush whitening rinse. [We don't usually buy this @ home, but the regular Listerine mouthwash we just got came with it]
3. Brush my teeth @ least twice.
4. Rinse my mouth with Listerine mouthwash [ooh la la]
5. Wash my face with an Olay Facial Cloth. [I don't know why I use this cloth. I've been using it for years. I keep using it because it's a habit. No complaints from my face anyway]
6. Operation Finally-Take-A-Shower begins. [I wash myself from the top down. Sometimes once; sometimes twice. Then I tie the sponge around my waist, so that the water coming out of the shower head can rinse me & my sponge down. Yes, I also learnt this from boarding school]. The End!!!
So what was the point of explaining all this? Well, I was just tryna defend myself 4 forgetting to brush my teeth on Saturday before attending the baby shower. You see, I woke up @ about six in the morning that day. I did all my rituals except the part of brushing my teeth. Why? I intended to go back to sleep, so I figured there was no point brushing my teeth because I was still going to sleep. My plan was to wake up later and brush my teeth. But alas, I never did go back 2 bed. Instead I had some brunch with the unclean mouth. So you see how I ended up going to the baby shower with my mouth...???
On another note, Temite has been wanting to know the reason for my happiness. Well, who am I to keep hiding it? I will tell the truth o. Why shall I shy? Temite, darling, in order to express my joy well well, I will sing a song 4 u. I had to edit the original version a little bit:
*Vera singing* Temite dey ask me say, Vera wetin dey make you smile? I just dey tell her say, na Jesus dey make me smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, I dey smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, smile, smile. I just dey tell her say, no be me oh na handwork of God. *end of singing*
By the way, while on the issue of forgetting to do some essentials b4 going out, I also once forgot to wear underwear b4 going out...and I was wearing a skirt. But you see, it was totally Busola's fault. I was about to take a shower when she got to my house and we had to go shopping. So I had to just dress up and follow her since she refused to wait for me to take a shower. Apparently, I take too long in the shower. And uhm, no, I did not deliberately forget to wear underwear. Going commando is not really my thing - yet.
P.S. No, I did not try on any pants (trousers) @ the shop. That woulda been risky business....seeing as I had no protection.
Just Toluwa asked about my morning rituals. First of all, I do not usually forget to brush my teeth. In fact, I brush more than once - at least twice, which is why the physical state of my toothbrush was - and still is - an enigma to me. That being said, my bathroom-related morning rituals are as follows...
1. Wash my underwear. [I went to a boarding school in Naija. We used 2 wash our underwear every morning b4 taking a bath. It's been years, but I have not been able to drop the habit. By the way, I wash my underwear first because I feel like it gives me the opportunity to wash my hands b4 brushing my teeth.]
2. Gargle with Listerine pre-brush whitening rinse. [We don't usually buy this @ home, but the regular Listerine mouthwash we just got came with it]
3. Brush my teeth @ least twice.
4. Rinse my mouth with Listerine mouthwash [ooh la la]
5. Wash my face with an Olay Facial Cloth. [I don't know why I use this cloth. I've been using it for years. I keep using it because it's a habit. No complaints from my face anyway]
6. Operation Finally-Take-A-Shower begins. [I wash myself from the top down. Sometimes once; sometimes twice. Then I tie the sponge around my waist, so that the water coming out of the shower head can rinse me & my sponge down. Yes, I also learnt this from boarding school]. The End!!!
So what was the point of explaining all this? Well, I was just tryna defend myself 4 forgetting to brush my teeth on Saturday before attending the baby shower. You see, I woke up @ about six in the morning that day. I did all my rituals except the part of brushing my teeth. Why? I intended to go back to sleep, so I figured there was no point brushing my teeth because I was still going to sleep. My plan was to wake up later and brush my teeth. But alas, I never did go back 2 bed. Instead I had some brunch with the unclean mouth. So you see how I ended up going to the baby shower with my mouth...???
On another note, Temite has been wanting to know the reason for my happiness. Well, who am I to keep hiding it? I will tell the truth o. Why shall I shy? Temite, darling, in order to express my joy well well, I will sing a song 4 u. I had to edit the original version a little bit:
*Vera singing* Temite dey ask me say, Vera wetin dey make you smile? I just dey tell her say, na Jesus dey make me smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, I dey smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, smile, smile. I just dey tell her say, no be me oh na handwork of God. *end of singing*
By the way, while on the issue of forgetting to do some essentials b4 going out, I also once forgot to wear underwear b4 going out...and I was wearing a skirt. But you see, it was totally Busola's fault. I was about to take a shower when she got to my house and we had to go shopping. So I had to just dress up and follow her since she refused to wait for me to take a shower. Apparently, I take too long in the shower. And uhm, no, I did not deliberately forget to wear underwear. Going commando is not really my thing - yet.
P.S. No, I did not try on any pants (trousers) @ the shop. That woulda been risky business....seeing as I had no protection.
Monday, November 10, 2008
One Of Those Days
What's a girl to do when she cannot summon the strength to blog even though she feels like she has so much to blog about??
I guess she could update her blog and let everyone know that she doesn't quite know what to blog about. Too many issues bouncing around in her head. A flight of ideas, yes?
She could tell everyone about Saturday. She was on her way to a baby shower when she suddenly remembered that she forgot to brush her teeth that morning. She had to stop at a gas station to buy a bottle of water. Parked outside in the dark, she popped her trunk open, went through her in-case-of-incassities bag where she has everything but a bath tub, and pulled out a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, and a bottle of mouthwash. Standing out there in the fierce windy cold, she shamelessly brushed her teeth twice and gargled with listerine mouthwash.
Her breath was minty fresh after that. And then, she proceeded to the baby shower, exuding an air of confidence that could only come from having a fresh breath. Oh, she thanked her God for that in-case-of-incassities bag. Her friends, Funmi & Busola always thought she was crazy for having that bag in her car. The bag also contained a bible, two underwears, a sponge, liquid soap, a towel, a bath robe, lotion, deodorant,, sleeping clothes, and facial cleansers. She just has an obsession with being ready - just in case. The incident on Saturday caused her to add a bottle of water to that bag. Obviously, she'll need water to brush her teeth.
But she'll update properly later.
I guess she could update her blog and let everyone know that she doesn't quite know what to blog about. Too many issues bouncing around in her head. A flight of ideas, yes?
She could tell everyone about Saturday. She was on her way to a baby shower when she suddenly remembered that she forgot to brush her teeth that morning. She had to stop at a gas station to buy a bottle of water. Parked outside in the dark, she popped her trunk open, went through her in-case-of-incassities bag where she has everything but a bath tub, and pulled out a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, and a bottle of mouthwash. Standing out there in the fierce windy cold, she shamelessly brushed her teeth twice and gargled with listerine mouthwash.
Her breath was minty fresh after that. And then, she proceeded to the baby shower, exuding an air of confidence that could only come from having a fresh breath. Oh, she thanked her God for that in-case-of-incassities bag. Her friends, Funmi & Busola always thought she was crazy for having that bag in her car. The bag also contained a bible, two underwears, a sponge, liquid soap, a towel, a bath robe, lotion, deodorant,, sleeping clothes, and facial cleansers. She just has an obsession with being ready - just in case. The incident on Saturday caused her to add a bottle of water to that bag. Obviously, she'll need water to brush her teeth.
But she'll update properly later.
Friday, November 07, 2008
So This Past Weekend...
I went for the naming ceremony like I mentioned in my other post. That ceremony was baaaad!!! ... in a good way, of course. DJ dey there. Live band sef dey there. We danced and danced. The music kept switching from DJ to live band. I danced till I could dance no more - literally. I pulled a muscle, and that was soooo not funny! Both of my legs are still hurting badly. My thighs hurt. My calves hurt. My feet hurt. My toes hurt. I wore heels most of the day - night rather. Funmi drove us to the venue; I drove back. It shoulda taken me an hour to get home; I drove home in like 40 mins. Na so I dey speed 4 road. Funmi and her three siblings all fell asleep in the car and left their lives in my hands. I shoulda driven us all into a ditch.
By the way, you know what time I left the party? Past six in the morning! And the only reason why it was six in the morning was because the time had changed. It would have been seven in the morning. Never in my life have I attended such a naming ceremony. Alcohol was unlimited. Music was unlimited. Dancing was unlimited. Food sef was unlimited. Even though I did not have a drop of alcohol, I felt drunk on something. It musta been the music. Or someone drugged my sunkist.
The party couldn't go without meeting those people. Out of respect for the hosts, I will not blog about everyone I feel like blogging about. I will however, blog about two guys whom I have absolutely no respect for.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Be-Friends: So there I was dancing away, not caring who was looking or what they mighta been thinking about this Igbo gal who was dancing with her ikebe. Mr. I Just Wanna Be Friends decided that he wanted to talk 2 me. After the usual small talk like what's your name, where are you from...blah blah blah, he got down to business.
Him: Can I have your number?
Me: No, I have a boyfriend. (forget about the veracity of this statement. That is my new story, and I'm sticking to it.)
Him: [looking puzzled] I just wanna be friends. (Yeah, right! Gimme a break. Na so dem dey take become friends 4 ur village? *hiss*)
Me: No, I'm sorry I still can't.
Him: What about an email address?
Me: Nope.
Him: Please. I'm begging you.
Me: No, I cannot.
Him: Do you live with your boyfriend?
Me: No.
Him: So what's the problem? Will he beat you if he finds out you're talking to me?
Me: [amused] No, he won't beat me, but I still cannot.
Him: Maybe you'll consider me next time we meet then?
Me: Yeah, maybe.
So I bet you're wondering what's so special about him. Well, the next day, I found out he's married!! And his wife is pregnant. Ah, the God that I serve is a living God oh. What kind of nonsense is this? Tufia kwa. It is not my portion oo. I rebuke all ye married men. If I see him next time and he dares to open his mouth and say that rubbish to me, I'll have a very good answer for him.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Screw-Her: Yes, people. Someone actually said he just wants to screw me, that's all. He told Funmi that he liked me, but he hoped I wasn't the kind who will cling to him after he got what he wanted. After Funmi told him I wasn't that type (who will give it up...unless you're Barack Obama), he said that was even better because he did not wanna share me with anyone else. By the way, this dude is married. With kids. And maybe like two baby mamas. And yes, he's Nigerian - Yoruba to be precise. And that nonsense Funmi of a girl even came to deliver the message to me. So what did I do? I told her to tell him to talk to me himself. Boy, I can't wait to lay his ass out. You should see this guy I'm talking about. Busola swears he looks like a goat. Looking @ the pictures, I cannot say I didn't see the very striking resemblance between him and that goat my grandma used to have. May his soul rest in perfect stomach.
I really am tempted to show pictures of these dudes. I know they know me. The goat-looking one will not have a hard time locating this site. We have plenty mutual acquaintances. I'm not scared of what will happen if I put his picture here, but out of respect for the hosts, I will not.
This is that crazy friend of mine, Funmi. The gal was dancing alllllllllll night long. She swears she was not drunk, but I beg to differ. As we speak right now, a special team is investigating the issue. If it makes you feel better, there are plenty more pictures from where this one came from. In other words, you know I won't leave you without pictures. There were about 1000 (yes, one thousand) pictures, but I have only uploaded 62 for your viewing pleasure. I doubt if any of you wanna see a thousand pictures. Oh, I forgot to mention that the baby's name is Tanitoluwa. She has other names actually, but Tanitoluwa is my favorite, so I will call her, Tani! She's soooo gorgeous. To view the pictures, click HERE
And can I just say, Congrats Obama!!!!!
By the way, you know what time I left the party? Past six in the morning! And the only reason why it was six in the morning was because the time had changed. It would have been seven in the morning. Never in my life have I attended such a naming ceremony. Alcohol was unlimited. Music was unlimited. Dancing was unlimited. Food sef was unlimited. Even though I did not have a drop of alcohol, I felt drunk on something. It musta been the music. Or someone drugged my sunkist.
The party couldn't go without meeting those people. Out of respect for the hosts, I will not blog about everyone I feel like blogging about. I will however, blog about two guys whom I have absolutely no respect for.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Be-Friends: So there I was dancing away, not caring who was looking or what they mighta been thinking about this Igbo gal who was dancing with her ikebe. Mr. I Just Wanna Be Friends decided that he wanted to talk 2 me. After the usual small talk like what's your name, where are you from...blah blah blah, he got down to business.
Him: Can I have your number?
Me: No, I have a boyfriend. (forget about the veracity of this statement. That is my new story, and I'm sticking to it.)
Him: [looking puzzled] I just wanna be friends. (Yeah, right! Gimme a break. Na so dem dey take become friends 4 ur village? *hiss*)
Me: No, I'm sorry I still can't.
Him: What about an email address?
Me: Nope.
Him: Please. I'm begging you.
Me: No, I cannot.
Him: Do you live with your boyfriend?
Me: No.
Him: So what's the problem? Will he beat you if he finds out you're talking to me?
Me: [amused] No, he won't beat me, but I still cannot.
Him: Maybe you'll consider me next time we meet then?
Me: Yeah, maybe.
So I bet you're wondering what's so special about him. Well, the next day, I found out he's married!! And his wife is pregnant. Ah, the God that I serve is a living God oh. What kind of nonsense is this? Tufia kwa. It is not my portion oo. I rebuke all ye married men. If I see him next time and he dares to open his mouth and say that rubbish to me, I'll have a very good answer for him.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Screw-Her: Yes, people. Someone actually said he just wants to screw me, that's all. He told Funmi that he liked me, but he hoped I wasn't the kind who will cling to him after he got what he wanted. After Funmi told him I wasn't that type (who will give it up...unless you're Barack Obama), he said that was even better because he did not wanna share me with anyone else. By the way, this dude is married. With kids. And maybe like two baby mamas. And yes, he's Nigerian - Yoruba to be precise. And that nonsense Funmi of a girl even came to deliver the message to me. So what did I do? I told her to tell him to talk to me himself. Boy, I can't wait to lay his ass out. You should see this guy I'm talking about. Busola swears he looks like a goat. Looking @ the pictures, I cannot say I didn't see the very striking resemblance between him and that goat my grandma used to have. May his soul rest in perfect stomach.
I really am tempted to show pictures of these dudes. I know they know me. The goat-looking one will not have a hard time locating this site. We have plenty mutual acquaintances. I'm not scared of what will happen if I put his picture here, but out of respect for the hosts, I will not.
This is that crazy friend of mine, Funmi. The gal was dancing alllllllllll night long. She swears she was not drunk, but I beg to differ. As we speak right now, a special team is investigating the issue. If it makes you feel better, there are plenty more pictures from where this one came from. In other words, you know I won't leave you without pictures. There were about 1000 (yes, one thousand) pictures, but I have only uploaded 62 for your viewing pleasure. I doubt if any of you wanna see a thousand pictures. Oh, I forgot to mention that the baby's name is Tanitoluwa. She has other names actually, but Tanitoluwa is my favorite, so I will call her, Tani! She's soooo gorgeous. To view the pictures, click HEREAnd can I just say, Congrats Obama!!!!!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Yes, We Can?? Yes, We Have!!!!!!!!
Oh, thank you, Lord!!!!!! I am dancing. Singing. Shouting. Screaming. I am doing anything and everything I can think of right now. Obama is the next President of the United States of America. Thank you, Father!!! Me, I no fit shout.....!!! It is OVER!!!!!!!!!I am so happy right now that I feel like putting up a picture of myself. I need to go offline before I do. I am this close. Walahi.... I am ready to attach the picture.
I'm out!!!
Barack Da Vote!!!
Okay....so this is not a real update. Forgive me. I have been typing up a post for y'll since yesterday, and I still have not been able to post it. I wanted to gist you about the naming ceremony I attended (and also show some pictures, of course), but right now...
I'm scared!!!!
When I came home, Obama had 3 electoral votes while McCain had 16. I was about to pass out. I was shaking like a leaf in winter. For those that are either not following the race or just not into politics, the magic number that each candidate has to get is 270. As of right now, Obama has 103 electoral votes while McCain has 58.
Okay, breath Vera.
The fact that McCain even has any electoral vote at all means that God did not answer my prayer - the one where all McCain supporters will mistakenly vote for Obama.
Okay, I'm off. I'll update properly later. Maybe tomorrow. If Obama doesn't win, I might not blog tomorrow. In fact, I will NOT blog. God, I'm really very scared.
I'm scared!!!!
When I came home, Obama had 3 electoral votes while McCain had 16. I was about to pass out. I was shaking like a leaf in winter. For those that are either not following the race or just not into politics, the magic number that each candidate has to get is 270. As of right now, Obama has 103 electoral votes while McCain has 58.
Okay, breath Vera.
The fact that McCain even has any electoral vote at all means that God did not answer my prayer - the one where all McCain supporters will mistakenly vote for Obama.
Okay, I'm off. I'll update properly later. Maybe tomorrow. If Obama doesn't win, I might not blog tomorrow. In fact, I will NOT blog. God, I'm really very scared.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Goodbye Public Picture Of Vera
My goodness, my heart has just been beating gbam gbam gbam ever since that Busola of a girl put up her wedding website. Busola got engaged in 2006 (can't believe it's been two years already) and I blogged about her engagement. Anyway, she made one of those wedding websites, of course. As her maid of honor (which really was an honor to her), she had to have my picture up there in her Bridal Party section...
So there it was.....a very clear picture of me with my name, Vera Ezimora clearly inscribed beside it. The thing was giving me hives. Every time I visited her site, I shrieked. Of course, I conveniently forgot to mention to bloggers that Busola's wedding website was up and that my picture was there. In fact, my blogging life came to a halt. Honestly, I didn't stop blogging because of my picture. I just got busy, but it all worked out, I guess because I know myself; I mighta let it slip out of my mouth (fingers).
Some people discovered me sha although they weren't bloggers, or at least not that I know of anyway. But this other website that I will also conveniently not mention here, their amebo members discovered me. Chei. They were having a 5th year anniversary party here in Maryland, but I sternly declined the invitation, feigning anonymity, only to be told, "But Vera, we already saw your picture na. We saw it on Busola's website. One of the members saw your picture and brought it to everyone's attention. He/she started a thread and told everyone that one of our writers is there." Well, isn't that just lovely! So, I bowed my head in shame and attended the party. lol.
But now, the website has expired. It expired ever since actually, and I have been making attempts to visit it, trying to trick the internet into leading me to it, just in case the big world wide web is hiding it, lol, but so far, nothing. Yay!!! I can now breathe and go to sleep easily. I'm not quite sure why I'm so into this picture thing. I'm not even 'anonymous.' A buncha people already know what I look like. And I am actually readily available to meet with people. I might as well be out with it, yes? I dunno how long I will keep hiding my face. A picture of me seems to surface on facebook every month. How long am I supposed to stalk facebook and untag all pictures of me? Ko easy oooo!!!
Anyway, now that the picture is gone, I'm sooooooo excited. I can now go around and look for trouble anywhere, anyhow, any time, knowing that no1 knows what I look like. I can go to SolomonSydelle's house and pee in her closet. She'll never know it was me. I can go to Naapali's house and steal one of his expensive bikes. He'll never know it was me. I can go to Standtall's house and steal Molly or Garfield (and use them to cook cat fried rice which I will serve to Standtall to eat). I can go to Aloofar the Effiko's house and steal his books (or pour coffee on them). Who will tell him I did it? I can throw a rock thru Bumight's window and she'll never know it was me. I can send a text to Qmoney, borrow some money and run away. She'll never see me. I can remove all the pegs on Oluwadee's clothes hanging on the line outside. I can post the video of Mizchif receiving a lap dance from the female stripper @ the strip club (Yeah, I bet she didn't know I knew! lol). I can kidnap Tobenna's fiancee and stand in her place. He'll never notice (wait, has the wedding passed???). I can steal Temmy Tayo's son. I can steal Simi Speak's daughter. Okay.... enough. Shebi you get the idea??? I am invincible!! Simply unstoppable.
By the way, happy one-year wedding anniversary to Busola!! She got married on the 27th of October 2007. Yes, I know today is November 1st, but so what??? And you will not believe what Funmi suggested she give her husband as an anniversary gift - I can just hear Funmi's heart pounding here. She thinks I'm gonna rub shit all over her face and tell all of blogville. Well, I'd like to, but ---- Happy Anniversary, Busola!!!
Shebi una remember Y?? The one we had a baby shower for where Funmi was shamelessly yahoozeeing?? Well, she had a bouncing baby gal!! As you read this now sef, I might be over there 4 the naming ceremony. If Funmi yahoozees today, you bet I'll capture it. Anything for you, blogville!! What can I say? I have no social life. You, blogville, are my social life.
So there it was.....a very clear picture of me with my name, Vera Ezimora clearly inscribed beside it. The thing was giving me hives. Every time I visited her site, I shrieked. Of course, I conveniently forgot to mention to bloggers that Busola's wedding website was up and that my picture was there. In fact, my blogging life came to a halt. Honestly, I didn't stop blogging because of my picture. I just got busy, but it all worked out, I guess because I know myself; I mighta let it slip out of my mouth (fingers).
Some people discovered me sha although they weren't bloggers, or at least not that I know of anyway. But this other website that I will also conveniently not mention here, their amebo members discovered me. Chei. They were having a 5th year anniversary party here in Maryland, but I sternly declined the invitation, feigning anonymity, only to be told, "But Vera, we already saw your picture na. We saw it on Busola's website. One of the members saw your picture and brought it to everyone's attention. He/she started a thread and told everyone that one of our writers is there." Well, isn't that just lovely! So, I bowed my head in shame and attended the party. lol.
But now, the website has expired. It expired ever since actually, and I have been making attempts to visit it, trying to trick the internet into leading me to it, just in case the big world wide web is hiding it, lol, but so far, nothing. Yay!!! I can now breathe and go to sleep easily. I'm not quite sure why I'm so into this picture thing. I'm not even 'anonymous.' A buncha people already know what I look like. And I am actually readily available to meet with people. I might as well be out with it, yes? I dunno how long I will keep hiding my face. A picture of me seems to surface on facebook every month. How long am I supposed to stalk facebook and untag all pictures of me? Ko easy oooo!!!
Anyway, now that the picture is gone, I'm sooooooo excited. I can now go around and look for trouble anywhere, anyhow, any time, knowing that no1 knows what I look like. I can go to SolomonSydelle's house and pee in her closet. She'll never know it was me. I can go to Naapali's house and steal one of his expensive bikes. He'll never know it was me. I can go to Standtall's house and steal Molly or Garfield (and use them to cook cat fried rice which I will serve to Standtall to eat). I can go to Aloofar the Effiko's house and steal his books (or pour coffee on them). Who will tell him I did it? I can throw a rock thru Bumight's window and she'll never know it was me. I can send a text to Qmoney, borrow some money and run away. She'll never see me. I can remove all the pegs on Oluwadee's clothes hanging on the line outside. I can post the video of Mizchif receiving a lap dance from the female stripper @ the strip club (Yeah, I bet she didn't know I knew! lol). I can kidnap Tobenna's fiancee and stand in her place. He'll never notice (wait, has the wedding passed???). I can steal Temmy Tayo's son. I can steal Simi Speak's daughter. Okay.... enough. Shebi you get the idea??? I am invincible!! Simply unstoppable.
By the way, happy one-year wedding anniversary to Busola!! She got married on the 27th of October 2007. Yes, I know today is November 1st, but so what??? And you will not believe what Funmi suggested she give her husband as an anniversary gift - I can just hear Funmi's heart pounding here. She thinks I'm gonna rub shit all over her face and tell all of blogville. Well, I'd like to, but ---- Happy Anniversary, Busola!!!
Shebi una remember Y?? The one we had a baby shower for where Funmi was shamelessly yahoozeeing?? Well, she had a bouncing baby gal!! As you read this now sef, I might be over there 4 the naming ceremony. If Funmi yahoozees today, you bet I'll capture it. Anything for you, blogville!! What can I say? I have no social life. You, blogville, are my social life.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Now That I've Been Interviewed By Standtall...
Certain things have to change around here. I am no longer on you people's level oo! I am now an interviewee. This means that I can no longer be addressed as Vera, but rather as Madam Interviewee Vera. Shey una grab??
Here are a few rules and regulations that all bloggers and commentors must follow
1. No one is allowed to start a blog without first consulting Madam Interviewee Vera and getting her permission.
2. No one is allowed to put up a blog post or comment on any post (including theirs) without first consulting Madam Interviewee Vera and getting her permission.
3. All bloggers must send a bottle of perfume to Madam Interviewee Vera's P. O. BOX monthly. Failure to do this will result in area boys beating the defiant blogger up.
4. All male bloggers are required to give Madam Interviewee Vera a foot rub and a back massage once a month. Please email your schedule to her immediately.
5. All female bloggers are required to come & wash Madam Interviewee Vera's plates, underwears, and bras once a month. Please email your schedule to her immediately.
6. All bloggers are required to send a text to Madam Interviewee Vera's phone once a month. The text must read: "I love you, Madam Interviewee Vera. You're the most beautiful woman in the world. What will I ever do without you?" To which Madam Interviewee Vera will respond, "Nothing, of course."
7. All bloggers are required to do a Tribute to Madam Interviewee Vera post once a month. This tribute will discuss all the wonderful things about Madam Interviewee Vera, and how Blogville is nothing without her.
8. After much deliberation, Madam Interviewee Vera has decided that Blogger/Blogspot will no longer be a free service. There will now be a payment of $50 per month. All cash, money orders, and checks should be mailed to Madam Interviewee Vera's P. O. BOX.
9. A 2010 Range Rover is no longer sufficient for Madam Interviewee Vera. It just doesn't quite befit her status. Madam Interviewee Vera is now requesting a 2011 Range Rover instead. Black exterior, leather interior, and semi-tinted windows.
10. Finally, all male bloggers are required to propose to Madam Interviewee Vera with an engagement ring that costs at least $5000. And all female bloggers must ooh and ahh during each proposal.
***As much as Madam Interviewee Vera would like to accept all the proposals, the fact is that she will be overwhelmed. She may not say yes to marriage, but she will take the ring, and then there will be a no-wedding wedding (a wedding celebrating the non-existence of a wedding).
Rules for the no-wedding wedding.
1. All bloggers and commentors must attend.
2. Each guest must arrive in their own Limousine - rented and paid for by the guest.
3. Each female guest must buy the asebi lace ($650 for five yards), matching scarf ($80), and Italian shoes & bag ($1000).
4. All asebi laces will be designed by Vera Wang herself. No exceptions.
5. No male blogger/commentor is allowed to come with a date. I will be everyone's date - whether they want me to be or not.
6. Each guest must come with a gift. I will set up my registry very soon.
7. Finally, each guest must come with at least $200 to throw on me while I'm dancing. No one is allowed to throw money on anyone else - not even on themselves. I will have a mobile ATM hanging on me too, so that people can slide their card and punch in the desired amount they want to throw on me. That way, no1 will have the excuse of not having enough change.
Shikena!!!
Oh yeah, check out this new blogger. Show her some love, please. She's Nouveau Afrique.
Here are a few rules and regulations that all bloggers and commentors must follow
1. No one is allowed to start a blog without first consulting Madam Interviewee Vera and getting her permission.
2. No one is allowed to put up a blog post or comment on any post (including theirs) without first consulting Madam Interviewee Vera and getting her permission.
3. All bloggers must send a bottle of perfume to Madam Interviewee Vera's P. O. BOX monthly. Failure to do this will result in area boys beating the defiant blogger up.
4. All male bloggers are required to give Madam Interviewee Vera a foot rub and a back massage once a month. Please email your schedule to her immediately.
5. All female bloggers are required to come & wash Madam Interviewee Vera's plates, underwears, and bras once a month. Please email your schedule to her immediately.
6. All bloggers are required to send a text to Madam Interviewee Vera's phone once a month. The text must read: "I love you, Madam Interviewee Vera. You're the most beautiful woman in the world. What will I ever do without you?" To which Madam Interviewee Vera will respond, "Nothing, of course."
7. All bloggers are required to do a Tribute to Madam Interviewee Vera post once a month. This tribute will discuss all the wonderful things about Madam Interviewee Vera, and how Blogville is nothing without her.
8. After much deliberation, Madam Interviewee Vera has decided that Blogger/Blogspot will no longer be a free service. There will now be a payment of $50 per month. All cash, money orders, and checks should be mailed to Madam Interviewee Vera's P. O. BOX.
9. A 2010 Range Rover is no longer sufficient for Madam Interviewee Vera. It just doesn't quite befit her status. Madam Interviewee Vera is now requesting a 2011 Range Rover instead. Black exterior, leather interior, and semi-tinted windows.
10. Finally, all male bloggers are required to propose to Madam Interviewee Vera with an engagement ring that costs at least $5000. And all female bloggers must ooh and ahh during each proposal.
***As much as Madam Interviewee Vera would like to accept all the proposals, the fact is that she will be overwhelmed. She may not say yes to marriage, but she will take the ring, and then there will be a no-wedding wedding (a wedding celebrating the non-existence of a wedding).
Rules for the no-wedding wedding.
1. All bloggers and commentors must attend.
2. Each guest must arrive in their own Limousine - rented and paid for by the guest.
3. Each female guest must buy the asebi lace ($650 for five yards), matching scarf ($80), and Italian shoes & bag ($1000).
4. All asebi laces will be designed by Vera Wang herself. No exceptions.
5. No male blogger/commentor is allowed to come with a date. I will be everyone's date - whether they want me to be or not.
6. Each guest must come with a gift. I will set up my registry very soon.
7. Finally, each guest must come with at least $200 to throw on me while I'm dancing. No one is allowed to throw money on anyone else - not even on themselves. I will have a mobile ATM hanging on me too, so that people can slide their card and punch in the desired amount they want to throw on me. That way, no1 will have the excuse of not having enough change.
Shikena!!!
Oh yeah, check out this new blogger. Show her some love, please. She's Nouveau Afrique.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Sooooo....9ice Was In Maryland
9ice came to Maryland to perform on Friday night. I'm not clear on who the promoters of the event were, but I feel as though they owe me some change. The ad/flyer said the thing would start at 9pm @ this nice banquet hall (where Busola got married last year) called Potter's Place. I went with Funmi, and Potter's Place is not close to either one of us, especially me. I picked Funmi up, and we got there at about 9:30 thinking we wouldn't find parking. Potter's Place is a really nice hall, but the parking can make a person homicidal. But to our shock, the parking lot was almost empty. We got a terrific parking spot! Sure, I loved the parking I got, but why was it so easy? I was starting to think they had pulled a P-Square on us (abi was it Styl-Plus?). There was a time that either P-Square or Styl-Plus was supposed to perform but didn't show due to the lack of a visa or some story like that.
So in we went (or attempted to go). There were security guards @ the door that told us the rules of the game. No chewing gum (In your mouth or in your purse, so Funmi had to spit her gum out, which I didn't mind anyway cos she's always chewing gum. Soooo annoying!!). No cigarette lighters (Okay, I didn't mind. I'm not a smoker; I didn't have a lighter on me anyway). No cameras (Say what??!! No cameras ke? After paying my $35 ticket to see 9ice performing, you're telling me no cameras?????? U gotta be kiddin me!). So the female security guard, very nice lady apologized and said she didn't make the rules; she was only adhering to what she was told. Right in front of us, she asked the people inside, and yes, they really did not want any cameras inside. Very well then. So Funmi and I walked back to the car, took some shots of ourselves, left the camera in the trunk and came back. Our bags were searched, our bodies were legally fondled in the name of being patted down, and then we entered. There were like what.... 20 people in there???
Funmi asked the ticket lady why we couldn't bring in our cameras. She said it was "because of the way Nigerians act." Whatever the heck that meant. They shoulda thought about that b4 organizing an event for Nigerians....yes? But she told us not to worry because there was a photographer inside who was taking pictures. Well, whoop-tee-doo! She said it as if the photographer was going to be @ my beck & call. Nonsense. Was he going to be taking pix of me & my friend? I think not! The DJ was doing something. He called it spinning tunes. I called it driving-Vera-up-the-wall. He played the good songs for like a minute, and the nonsense songs were there 4ever!! He wasn't totally bad though. At some point he was good - right before he went back to being bad. Little by little, people began to trickle into the hall.
Ramsey Noah was there again (NOTE to Naapali: Ramsey Noah is one of Naija's biggest Nollywood actors. Go thru the album of this event & you'll see his picture there). He was in the "VIP" section. I saw some gal taking pictures with him. That was when I decided to go outside and sneak my camera in. Alas, I somehow went past security without being searched...and voila, camera came in! And about that "VIP" section, it was a JOKE! Do you know what separated us from VIP? Tables. That's right. Long tables were used as barricades from wall to wall....as if we couldn't go beneath or above the tables. *hisses* By the way, it cost $130 to get into VIP. lol. I laugh in Russian. They kid me. Unlike us (the regular, coach class folks), the "VIP" section had tables and wine. Anyway, Ramsey waited, sotey the boy's yellow face began to turn pink. Okay, I lie. It was dark in there; I couldn't tell if his face was pink, but I suspect it was. He later left. The star just couldn't wait for the other star (9ice). By the way, people that knew people in the VIP section just kept getting into the VIP. Before we knew what was going on, the VIP section became as crowded as Ajegunle market.
Do you know what time they finally started? 12:45 AM!!! Yes, almost four hours later, they started. Some groups performed before 9ice. Can't remember the first group's name. The second group was Apexx, and then there was some guy Gucci Wally Wa (hope I have not mispelt this name). Apparently, he only wears gucci. Walahi, that's what he said. Anyways...the ladies seemed to love him. I just wanted 2 see 9ice. Gucci or Prada Wally Wally wasn't on my agenda. My anger wasn't that they were performing. My anger was that I had been there since 9:30 PM. As if the designers artist wasn't bad enough, a man with a talking drum began to play, and we were supposed to interprete what he was saying. What kinda nonsense is that?! Some gal - God bless her ignorant heart - took the mic and actually said, "Common people, I know you all understand Yoruba." If looks could kill.... or @ least make people lose a few teeth and maybe swallow their tongue.... well, you know where I'm going with this. Some people there were not even Nigerians. Someone needz 2 tell home girl that Yoruba is not a universal African language.
9ice finally came out. My people, I dunno how it happened, but somehow the VIP section ceased to exist. We (the coach class folks) took over! We raided the place. One minute, I was behind the barricade; the next minute, I was in front, almost on stage. lol. Everyone raced to the front. Camera flashes were going off everywhere...so much for not having cameras in there. 9ice's performance was nothing less than I expected. He was very lively. In fact, he exceeded my expectations, and I went in having very high expectations. Girls were pushing each other left, right, and center to be on stage with 9ice. I wasn't on stage with 9ice. I just wanted to go close enough to take a good pic. But what surprised me was that guys sef were fighting to be on stage. Nawa ooo! lol. Wetin we go call this one now? Could this be love? lol.
I went to the other side of the stage to take a picture with fellow blogger Toni Payne (who also happens to be 9ice's beaurriful wifey). Ramsey Noah came back when 9ice started performing and I took a pic with him again ....although I really wished it was Barack Obama (or at least Chidi Mokeme) standing in his place. The event was over @ about 3:30 AM, I think. I wish I could blog about how I sold my dignity for Funmi's sake, but I realize this blog has more readers than the comments may reflect. So I refuse to implicate myself!!
Whew! That was a long post sha. Sorry. I guess I shoulda given you a long-post alert @ the beginning. I really don't like giving you long posts, so please bear with me. I'll compensate by showing you some pictures from the event. Click HERE to view them. I also put descriptions on all the pics to help you understand what was going on. By the way, please read my new write-up The First Impression. Thanx!!!
So in we went (or attempted to go). There were security guards @ the door that told us the rules of the game. No chewing gum (In your mouth or in your purse, so Funmi had to spit her gum out, which I didn't mind anyway cos she's always chewing gum. Soooo annoying!!). No cigarette lighters (Okay, I didn't mind. I'm not a smoker; I didn't have a lighter on me anyway). No cameras (Say what??!! No cameras ke? After paying my $35 ticket to see 9ice performing, you're telling me no cameras?????? U gotta be kiddin me!). So the female security guard, very nice lady apologized and said she didn't make the rules; she was only adhering to what she was told. Right in front of us, she asked the people inside, and yes, they really did not want any cameras inside. Very well then. So Funmi and I walked back to the car, took some shots of ourselves, left the camera in the trunk and came back. Our bags were searched, our bodies were legally fondled in the name of being patted down, and then we entered. There were like what.... 20 people in there???
Funmi asked the ticket lady why we couldn't bring in our cameras. She said it was "because of the way Nigerians act." Whatever the heck that meant. They shoulda thought about that b4 organizing an event for Nigerians....yes? But she told us not to worry because there was a photographer inside who was taking pictures. Well, whoop-tee-doo! She said it as if the photographer was going to be @ my beck & call. Nonsense. Was he going to be taking pix of me & my friend? I think not! The DJ was doing something. He called it spinning tunes. I called it driving-Vera-up-the-wall. He played the good songs for like a minute, and the nonsense songs were there 4ever!! He wasn't totally bad though. At some point he was good - right before he went back to being bad. Little by little, people began to trickle into the hall.
Ramsey Noah was there again (NOTE to Naapali: Ramsey Noah is one of Naija's biggest Nollywood actors. Go thru the album of this event & you'll see his picture there). He was in the "VIP" section. I saw some gal taking pictures with him. That was when I decided to go outside and sneak my camera in. Alas, I somehow went past security without being searched...and voila, camera came in! And about that "VIP" section, it was a JOKE! Do you know what separated us from VIP? Tables. That's right. Long tables were used as barricades from wall to wall....as if we couldn't go beneath or above the tables. *hisses* By the way, it cost $130 to get into VIP. lol. I laugh in Russian. They kid me. Unlike us (the regular, coach class folks), the "VIP" section had tables and wine. Anyway, Ramsey waited, sotey the boy's yellow face began to turn pink. Okay, I lie. It was dark in there; I couldn't tell if his face was pink, but I suspect it was. He later left. The star just couldn't wait for the other star (9ice). By the way, people that knew people in the VIP section just kept getting into the VIP. Before we knew what was going on, the VIP section became as crowded as Ajegunle market.
Do you know what time they finally started? 12:45 AM!!! Yes, almost four hours later, they started. Some groups performed before 9ice. Can't remember the first group's name. The second group was Apexx, and then there was some guy Gucci Wally Wa (hope I have not mispelt this name). Apparently, he only wears gucci. Walahi, that's what he said. Anyways...the ladies seemed to love him. I just wanted 2 see 9ice. Gucci or Prada Wally Wally wasn't on my agenda. My anger wasn't that they were performing. My anger was that I had been there since 9:30 PM. As if the designers artist wasn't bad enough, a man with a talking drum began to play, and we were supposed to interprete what he was saying. What kinda nonsense is that?! Some gal - God bless her ignorant heart - took the mic and actually said, "Common people, I know you all understand Yoruba." If looks could kill.... or @ least make people lose a few teeth and maybe swallow their tongue.... well, you know where I'm going with this. Some people there were not even Nigerians. Someone needz 2 tell home girl that Yoruba is not a universal African language.
9ice finally came out. My people, I dunno how it happened, but somehow the VIP section ceased to exist. We (the coach class folks) took over! We raided the place. One minute, I was behind the barricade; the next minute, I was in front, almost on stage. lol. Everyone raced to the front. Camera flashes were going off everywhere...so much for not having cameras in there. 9ice's performance was nothing less than I expected. He was very lively. In fact, he exceeded my expectations, and I went in having very high expectations. Girls were pushing each other left, right, and center to be on stage with 9ice. I wasn't on stage with 9ice. I just wanted to go close enough to take a good pic. But what surprised me was that guys sef were fighting to be on stage. Nawa ooo! lol. Wetin we go call this one now? Could this be love? lol.
I went to the other side of the stage to take a picture with fellow blogger Toni Payne (who also happens to be 9ice's beaurriful wifey). Ramsey Noah came back when 9ice started performing and I took a pic with him again ....although I really wished it was Barack Obama (or at least Chidi Mokeme) standing in his place. The event was over @ about 3:30 AM, I think. I wish I could blog about how I sold my dignity for Funmi's sake, but I realize this blog has more readers than the comments may reflect. So I refuse to implicate myself!!
Whew! That was a long post sha. Sorry. I guess I shoulda given you a long-post alert @ the beginning. I really don't like giving you long posts, so please bear with me. I'll compensate by showing you some pictures from the event. Click HERE to view them. I also put descriptions on all the pics to help you understand what was going on. By the way, please read my new write-up The First Impression. Thanx!!!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Have You Heard?
That on Sunday, October 19th 2008, I rededicated my life to Christ? I went to House of Praise's dedication of their new church, and their General Overseer, Pastor Adeboye was there. Boy, am I glad I went! Pastor Adeboye preached about uncommon favor and uncommon success, and he talked about how one will flourish and succeed extraordinarily when God is with him. On the flip side, when God isn't with you...well, you know the rest. One passage from the bible resonated with me. Ps 127:1-2 "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for He grants sleep to those He loves."
Now, let me explain why I said I rededicated my life to Christ (instead of just saying I dedicated it). It is because I don dedicate my life tire!! Honestly, almost each chance I get, I rededicate my life to Christ. Sometimes, it's face to face (in church, or @ a revival/vigil type thing), sometimes it's while watching a pastor (like Pastor Joel Osteen preaching), sometimes, it's on the radio while listening to 95.1. I think I have even considered doing it after reading a letter from Franklin Graham!! One thing has been constant in all my attempts: I keep going back to the same ol' me.
So why do I keep trying? Twice in my life, I was very serious with God, and honestly, those were the best times of my life. When I was about 13, I gave my life to Christ. I used to attend revivals and everything with my cousin. It was great! I even used to sing some solo songs for them, and they used to praise my voice. By the way, my cousin was in the university then, so this Christian community was pretty much her fellow students, but they were on fire for God. They loved the Man passionately. Anyway, looking back on it now, I see they lied to me! I cannot carry a note to save my life, yet every Friday night, they let me belch out those lyrics with beautiful smiles plastered across their faces. They even talked of me releasing an album. Kai. Those uni students no do me well @ all. I remember one guy (can't remember his name now) who told me God wanted to use me in my generation. I never forgot that. I have often wondered when, where, how, and WHY God will wanna use me.
But then I fell off the wagon. And when I was about 16, I became close to Him again. It was great. I used to read my Bible, pray every night and morning, and it was just great. I don't know what happened, when it happened, or why it happened, but I was right back to square one. Since then, I have been playing catch-me-if-you-can with God, deceiving myself really. I keep going back because I am never truly happy or complete or satisfied when I am not where He is. So I am back again, but this time, with more determination. A lady in church said a good place to start reading the Bible is in the book of John. Phew! I wish someone woulda told me that sooner!! No offense to you, oh dear Father, but that book of Genesis ehn, e get as e be oh. I have read from the book of Genesis to the book of Deuteronomy, and so far, all I remember is that God made the world in seven days, Adam was the first man, Eve was the first woman, and they ate the forbidden fruit. Ko easy @ all to read it.
I started reading the book of John, and the feeling has been different. It was a pleasure reading it. I'm not gonna overwhelm myself. I'm gonna take it one day @ a time. I'm making this public, because when you make such public comittments, it usually makes you less likely or more afraid of breaking them off. Of course, as we have come to find out, this does not apply to marriage. People are usually happier at the time of their divorce than they are at their wedding. On a side note: how come no1 gets cold feet for divorces?? Anyway...
I shouted so many 'Amens' in church that my voice is now suffering a little. Naija people sabi claim blessing oh. Na so so blessing Pastor Adeboye take dey slap our face that day. The thing nyafu nyafu everywhere, but I was not complaining. I kuku claimed them all in Jesus' name. Why shall I shy? I thought Pastor Adeboye would say, "There is a girl in this room who has been dreaming of a black, semi tinted 2010 range rover. The Lord wants you to know that when you go home today, that range rover will be parked outside, waiting for you - all expenses paid!" I for just run go dance naked outside. Ah, I am serving a living God...the God that answereth by black, semi tinted 2010 Range Rovers!!
Needless to say, I didn't get my range rover. My corolla was not mysteriously replaced by a range rover. And no disturbingly handsome man was sitting on my hood waiting for me. However, Ireti did blatantly refuse to follow her family home; she wanted to follow me instead. Could this have been part of the uncommon favor? I said thank you, Jesus, but how I fit manage this kin favor...especially in this time of austerity? Mba o. Na so I just package the girl go give am back to her people. She cried her cute, little eyes out. On a serious note, I really did rededicate my life back to Christ, and I have begged Him to not let me go. I have begged Him to hold me tight because I really, really, really wanna walk this walk with Him.
Now that you're done reading this and congratulating and encouraging me (aka commenting), go over to Standtall's blog, and read my interview. Happy reading!!! And thanks again for the interview, Babe.
Now, let me explain why I said I rededicated my life to Christ (instead of just saying I dedicated it). It is because I don dedicate my life tire!! Honestly, almost each chance I get, I rededicate my life to Christ. Sometimes, it's face to face (in church, or @ a revival/vigil type thing), sometimes it's while watching a pastor (like Pastor Joel Osteen preaching), sometimes, it's on the radio while listening to 95.1. I think I have even considered doing it after reading a letter from Franklin Graham!! One thing has been constant in all my attempts: I keep going back to the same ol' me.
So why do I keep trying? Twice in my life, I was very serious with God, and honestly, those were the best times of my life. When I was about 13, I gave my life to Christ. I used to attend revivals and everything with my cousin. It was great! I even used to sing some solo songs for them, and they used to praise my voice. By the way, my cousin was in the university then, so this Christian community was pretty much her fellow students, but they were on fire for God. They loved the Man passionately. Anyway, looking back on it now, I see they lied to me! I cannot carry a note to save my life, yet every Friday night, they let me belch out those lyrics with beautiful smiles plastered across their faces. They even talked of me releasing an album. Kai. Those uni students no do me well @ all. I remember one guy (can't remember his name now) who told me God wanted to use me in my generation. I never forgot that. I have often wondered when, where, how, and WHY God will wanna use me.
But then I fell off the wagon. And when I was about 16, I became close to Him again. It was great. I used to read my Bible, pray every night and morning, and it was just great. I don't know what happened, when it happened, or why it happened, but I was right back to square one. Since then, I have been playing catch-me-if-you-can with God, deceiving myself really. I keep going back because I am never truly happy or complete or satisfied when I am not where He is. So I am back again, but this time, with more determination. A lady in church said a good place to start reading the Bible is in the book of John. Phew! I wish someone woulda told me that sooner!! No offense to you, oh dear Father, but that book of Genesis ehn, e get as e be oh. I have read from the book of Genesis to the book of Deuteronomy, and so far, all I remember is that God made the world in seven days, Adam was the first man, Eve was the first woman, and they ate the forbidden fruit. Ko easy @ all to read it.
I started reading the book of John, and the feeling has been different. It was a pleasure reading it. I'm not gonna overwhelm myself. I'm gonna take it one day @ a time. I'm making this public, because when you make such public comittments, it usually makes you less likely or more afraid of breaking them off. Of course, as we have come to find out, this does not apply to marriage. People are usually happier at the time of their divorce than they are at their wedding. On a side note: how come no1 gets cold feet for divorces?? Anyway...
I shouted so many 'Amens' in church that my voice is now suffering a little. Naija people sabi claim blessing oh. Na so so blessing Pastor Adeboye take dey slap our face that day. The thing nyafu nyafu everywhere, but I was not complaining. I kuku claimed them all in Jesus' name. Why shall I shy? I thought Pastor Adeboye would say, "There is a girl in this room who has been dreaming of a black, semi tinted 2010 range rover. The Lord wants you to know that when you go home today, that range rover will be parked outside, waiting for you - all expenses paid!" I for just run go dance naked outside. Ah, I am serving a living God...the God that answereth by black, semi tinted 2010 Range Rovers!!
Needless to say, I didn't get my range rover. My corolla was not mysteriously replaced by a range rover. And no disturbingly handsome man was sitting on my hood waiting for me. However, Ireti did blatantly refuse to follow her family home; she wanted to follow me instead. Could this have been part of the uncommon favor? I said thank you, Jesus, but how I fit manage this kin favor...especially in this time of austerity? Mba o. Na so I just package the girl go give am back to her people. She cried her cute, little eyes out. On a serious note, I really did rededicate my life back to Christ, and I have begged Him to not let me go. I have begged Him to hold me tight because I really, really, really wanna walk this walk with Him.
Now that you're done reading this and congratulating and encouraging me (aka commenting), go over to Standtall's blog, and read my interview. Happy reading!!! And thanks again for the interview, Babe.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Oops! I Did It Again!
First of all, I apologize for the long silence. I have been feeling mighty uneasy. It's been quite a while since I stayed this long without updating. I will try my best to not let it ever happen again. It's shameful! That being said, I credit my inability to update on the little human being that spent the weekend with me. Her name is Ireti (Funmi's little darling).On Friday, I went to Funmi's house to chill. Before I left, Funmi was getting ready to attend Pastor Adeboye's vigil. I couldn't make it. Ireti was not cooperating with Funmi. She refused to wear her clothes, refused to wear her shoes, and even took off her underwear - a move I was very troubled by. She's only three years old; it's a little early to be going commando...don't you think? lol. Eventually, she agreed to put on her underwear, but I think she wanted to wear the underwear on top of her pantyhose. Let's say she's not fashion-conscious yet.
To cut the long story short, I ended up going home with her that night. Looking @ the gorgeous gal in my house, I could not resist the urge to dress her up, paint her face, and take a few shots. So that is how Ireti ended up looking like that. She's absolutely gorgeous...don't you think? The outfit does not belong to her. In fact, nothing you see on her belongs to her. They all belong to me. When I decide to use any of the jewelry, I'm wondering if people will start looking @ me and wondering if I have no shame....you know, with borrowing jewelry from a three year old et al.
There are plenty more interesting pictures, including one where she was reading - or looked like she was reading, Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Needless to say, Ireti was with me till Sunday and refused to go back to her people. Her mother (Funmi is not her mother by the way) said I could keep her till Monday - a generous offer that I generously refused to take. I just couldn't see myself waking up so early to give a three year old a shower, prepare lunch for her, and then take her to school. Kai. That one too much 4 me abeg.
There were a total of 83 pictures, but I only uploaded 32 for your viewing pleasure. Click HERE to view them all. The album is the most recent album on top of the page. Happy viewing!! Oh, I should explain the reason for the title of this blog is because this is not the first time I have done this to Ireti.
By the way, Standtall will be interviewing me on her blog on Thursday....yay!!! I'll be signing autographs afterwards. Each autogragh will cost a little fee of one 2008 Range Rover. :)
Thursday, October 16, 2008
My Fat Check
Do you sell your books @ the end of the semester? I sell mine depending on the subject. Sometimes, I just know or think I know I'll never use the book again. So last semester, I went to Book Holders and attempted to sell a Research textbook to them. They were going to buy it for an amount I don't recall right now. I think it was $80, but then the girl said they could either pay me $80 right there and then, or they could take the book from me and sell it online at a higher price of $120, and then mail me the check. Honestly, I didn't care too much for how much I got for the book. I didn't pay a dime for the book (it was bought for me), and it was pretty useless to me throughout the semester. But what do you think I opted to do? Of course, I opted to have the book sold online. The more money, the merrier!
I filled out a form and left the book there. I had forgotten about the book when I received an email some months later saying that due to an over supply and a lack of demand of the book (no wonder there; it was a useless) on the market, they would have to reduce the amount they originally promised to sell it. I was given an option to come and pick my book up if I did not want it to be sold at a lower price. I didn't go and pick the book up. What was I going to do with it?
Two days ago, I received an email from Book Holders telling me that they know I'm "excited to receive that fat check". Considering the fact that lately, I have been spending way more than I care to remember, I was so happy to receive Book Holder's email. So how much was the check?
$8.61
I cannot help but wonder if my greed did not put me in this condition. Really, I could have, should have taken the $80 I was offered initially. I now await my fat check of $8.61 in the mail. The sad part is....I will cash it!! I must be rich in Jesus' name. *Raising a glass of mango-guava beverage to that*
I filled out a form and left the book there. I had forgotten about the book when I received an email some months later saying that due to an over supply and a lack of demand of the book (no wonder there; it was a useless) on the market, they would have to reduce the amount they originally promised to sell it. I was given an option to come and pick my book up if I did not want it to be sold at a lower price. I didn't go and pick the book up. What was I going to do with it?
Two days ago, I received an email from Book Holders telling me that they know I'm "excited to receive that fat check". Considering the fact that lately, I have been spending way more than I care to remember, I was so happy to receive Book Holder's email. So how much was the check?
$8.61
I cannot help but wonder if my greed did not put me in this condition. Really, I could have, should have taken the $80 I was offered initially. I now await my fat check of $8.61 in the mail. The sad part is....I will cash it!! I must be rich in Jesus' name. *Raising a glass of mango-guava beverage to that*
Monday, October 13, 2008
Blogger I'd Most Like To Meet: Vera
Lemme rewind to that moment.
I started this blog in January 2006, and at that time, I knew only one other Naija blogger. She has since stopped blogging. I don't even remember her name and/or her blog. In 2006, I blog tire oh!! I blogged my heart out. More than half of my entire blog posts were done in 2006. You can say it was a very good year for me - Blogville wise. I met a lotta bloggers too (virtually, that is).
Anyway, TaureanMinx (who has disappeared off the face of Blogville along with many of my former Blogville colleagues) and Azuka came up with the Blogville Awards (which was a very good idea, by the way). The categories were listed on Tminx's blog, and people - bloggers and anonymous people alike got a chance to vote. I was kinda-sorta-new-but-not-really, so I didn't vote (I think). In fact, I didn't really follow that voting thing (I'm thinking). Imagine my pleasant surprise when I found out that I had won the category of Blogger I'd Most Like To Meet. I happy no be small oh. I was elated!!
So why am I bringing this up now??? I mean, it's been what...two years??? Well, I need a favor. Actually, I need two. And they both require me meeting you...or you meeting me - however this works.
Favor Number 1: I'm taking a class. It's called Psychology of Human Sexuality. It's been interesting. I have to do an observation where I watch human interaction...blah blah blah. Be still, oh beating heart of my reader. I am not proposing that you have sex with someone while I watch - unless you insist, of course. And no, you don't have to have sex with me either. Instead, I'm gonna be going to a strip club for guys (as in where women strip) to watch. I've never been into any kind of strip club, so this should be an interesting experience. I'm not quite sure what to expect, but I will go there with an open heart...(is that possible?). My professor and the rest of my classmates insist that I take a guy for my safety. And therein, lies the problem: who to take??? If you're up for the challenge, let me know. Of course, you'll have to be in the general vicinity of Baltimore, Maryland.
Favor Number 2: I cannot give details here because it's a secret...even Funmi doesn't know. But what I do know is that she will be calling me as soon as she reads this. Note to Funmi: Don't bother asking; I won't tell. For this favor, we'll also have to meet. If you think you might be interested, let me know. When you contact me, I will discuss the details with you. I can probably find someone without advertising this on my blog, but I figured I might as well make use of that two year old award (logo) of mine. LOL.
P.S. That Blogger Award thing was really fun. Someone (meaning anyone other than me) should try it this year. You can view the results on Tminx's page HERE. You should read the comments too. Very funny. LOL.
I started this blog in January 2006, and at that time, I knew only one other Naija blogger. She has since stopped blogging. I don't even remember her name and/or her blog. In 2006, I blog tire oh!! I blogged my heart out. More than half of my entire blog posts were done in 2006. You can say it was a very good year for me - Blogville wise. I met a lotta bloggers too (virtually, that is).
Anyway, TaureanMinx (who has disappeared off the face of Blogville along with many of my former Blogville colleagues) and Azuka came up with the Blogville Awards (which was a very good idea, by the way). The categories were listed on Tminx's blog, and people - bloggers and anonymous people alike got a chance to vote. I was kinda-sorta-new-but-not-really, so I didn't vote (I think). In fact, I didn't really follow that voting thing (I'm thinking). Imagine my pleasant surprise when I found out that I had won the category of Blogger I'd Most Like To Meet. I happy no be small oh. I was elated!!
So why am I bringing this up now??? I mean, it's been what...two years??? Well, I need a favor. Actually, I need two. And they both require me meeting you...or you meeting me - however this works.
Favor Number 1: I'm taking a class. It's called Psychology of Human Sexuality. It's been interesting. I have to do an observation where I watch human interaction...blah blah blah. Be still, oh beating heart of my reader. I am not proposing that you have sex with someone while I watch - unless you insist, of course. And no, you don't have to have sex with me either. Instead, I'm gonna be going to a strip club for guys (as in where women strip) to watch. I've never been into any kind of strip club, so this should be an interesting experience. I'm not quite sure what to expect, but I will go there with an open heart...(is that possible?). My professor and the rest of my classmates insist that I take a guy for my safety. And therein, lies the problem: who to take??? If you're up for the challenge, let me know. Of course, you'll have to be in the general vicinity of Baltimore, Maryland.
Favor Number 2: I cannot give details here because it's a secret...even Funmi doesn't know. But what I do know is that she will be calling me as soon as she reads this. Note to Funmi: Don't bother asking; I won't tell. For this favor, we'll also have to meet. If you think you might be interested, let me know. When you contact me, I will discuss the details with you. I can probably find someone without advertising this on my blog, but I figured I might as well make use of that two year old award (logo) of mine. LOL.
P.S. That Blogger Award thing was really fun. Someone (meaning anyone other than me) should try it this year. You can view the results on Tminx's page HERE. You should read the comments too. Very funny. LOL.
Friday, October 10, 2008
This Delivery Man Sha...
This delivery man wants to start delivering more than packages oh. Everyday he comes, he makes it a point to compliment my alleged beauty (yes, I said alleged). At first, I thought he was just being a gentleman, but this one don pass my power oh. He always says, "Oh, you're so beautiful," or "God, your eyes are so beautiful." All this time, I've just been smiling like a fool and saying, "thank you," exposing all my teeth.
On Tuesday, he came to deliver a package as usual. I was on the phone with my friend, Dee, so I told her that I'll call her back. He said, "Yeah, get off the phone, baby cause you know I want your full attention." Like a fool, I smiled. In fact, I laughed sef. Gosh, I can be so slow sometimes. lol. I collected the package and signed for it.
As usual, the man started talking about what lovely eyes I had and how beautiful I was. I was not fazed by this. I mean, this was pretty standard for us. Next thing, the man said, "I love a lady with beautiful eyes. When you're making love to a lady with beautiful eyes and she looks at you, it just makes you wanna keep going..." And then he grunted before he continued with so much confidence, "You have such pretty eyes."
Tufia kwa!!! Mr. Delivery Man, I rebuke you!!! Making love to who? God forbid!!! See, warn this man oh. Who gave him the right to be picturing making love to me in his head? *Vera spitting, irritation almost choking her* I can charge this man with mental rape oh (abi isn't that a legitimate charge?). To add, insult to injury, he touched my ringless finger and said, "And I see you ain't got a ring on neither." (darn Ebonics). I just jejely snatched my hand away from his reach. What does the ringlessness of my finger have to do with him? Kai!! You see how 'singleness' is insulting me? lol.
I think I was so shocked by the man's statements that I could not even react. I was caught off guard. Not that it matters, but the man doesn't work for USPS (United States Postal Service). He works for another postal service that I will not mention, and he's African American.
This guy's actions are making me look @ the other delivery guy some kind of way. That one is White and works for a different delivery service too. Even though he doesn't need to bring the mails in, he still does - something I assume he's doing out of niceness. Am I being naïve? He brings the mails in, and then he asks me how my day is going, blah blah blah. I think I need to start having my pepper spray handy. LOL. I can't have people making love to me in their mind all willy nilly....and even having the guts to stare into my eyes while doing it!!!
Temite, where do I get that taser we talked about?
On Tuesday, he came to deliver a package as usual. I was on the phone with my friend, Dee, so I told her that I'll call her back. He said, "Yeah, get off the phone, baby cause you know I want your full attention." Like a fool, I smiled. In fact, I laughed sef. Gosh, I can be so slow sometimes. lol. I collected the package and signed for it.
As usual, the man started talking about what lovely eyes I had and how beautiful I was. I was not fazed by this. I mean, this was pretty standard for us. Next thing, the man said, "I love a lady with beautiful eyes. When you're making love to a lady with beautiful eyes and she looks at you, it just makes you wanna keep going..." And then he grunted before he continued with so much confidence, "You have such pretty eyes."
Tufia kwa!!! Mr. Delivery Man, I rebuke you!!! Making love to who? God forbid!!! See, warn this man oh. Who gave him the right to be picturing making love to me in his head? *Vera spitting, irritation almost choking her* I can charge this man with mental rape oh (abi isn't that a legitimate charge?). To add, insult to injury, he touched my ringless finger and said, "And I see you ain't got a ring on neither." (darn Ebonics). I just jejely snatched my hand away from his reach. What does the ringlessness of my finger have to do with him? Kai!! You see how 'singleness' is insulting me? lol.
I think I was so shocked by the man's statements that I could not even react. I was caught off guard. Not that it matters, but the man doesn't work for USPS (United States Postal Service). He works for another postal service that I will not mention, and he's African American.
This guy's actions are making me look @ the other delivery guy some kind of way. That one is White and works for a different delivery service too. Even though he doesn't need to bring the mails in, he still does - something I assume he's doing out of niceness. Am I being naïve? He brings the mails in, and then he asks me how my day is going, blah blah blah. I think I need to start having my pepper spray handy. LOL. I can't have people making love to me in their mind all willy nilly....and even having the guts to stare into my eyes while doing it!!!
Temite, where do I get that taser we talked about?
Monday, October 06, 2008
Err...Don't Really Have A Title
If anyone can tell me what that psychopath by the left who calls herself Funmi is doing, then please do. If you ask her, she'll say she was dancing - yahoozeeing to be precise, but if you ask me, I'll say she had one too many whatever-she-was drinking. I guess it's not too bad since her dimple looks so pweety. That's the only good thing about the yeye gal. Oh, and her culinary skills too. Other than that.... *hiss* The past week & weekend has been so busy for me, hence the lack of an update. All I wanna do right now is close my eyes and sleep, but duty calls. On Saturday, we hosted a beautiful surprise baby shower for a dear friend, Y. We had mad fun. I mean, how many times do you attend a baby shower where there is a DJ and an after-party? lol. So yeah, you can say we had a lotta fun. I took lotsa pics. After I deleted the unnecessary and blurry ones, I was left with 250. I uploaded 28 of them for your viewing pleasure. Now, b4 any1 starts asking questions, lemme respond... No, I am not the one on the home page of my photo collections page. That's Uju & her nephew. I didn't even put the pictures there; the website automatically put them. And no, I am not in any of the pictures you're about to view from the shower...sorry. Just click on the most recent album, which is the one on top. Anyway, click HERE to view the pics.
Mom drove my car to work the other day because she was running late and didn't have time to stop by the gas station to put gas in her car. The next day, I went out with my car. Time to come down from the car and I realized the damage the woman had done. Chei. And she didn't even bother telling me. Maybe she thought I wouldn't notice? lol. So now, every time I wanna get outta the car, I have to wind down the window to open the door. This reminds of the molues in Naija. Haba, I'm too fine 4 this oo! What if I attend a posh party where there is valet parking? Wait, what if there are fine boys outside the parry and they see me getting outta my car in that manner?? That na scandal o. Chai!! Mommy, you no do me well @ all. It has been very inconvenient, as you can imagine because I keep forgetting that the door handle is bad. I turn off the car, attempt to get out, and then realize I have to start the car again to wind the window down. Ah, I will be rich in Jesus name. Shebi money is doing shakara 4 me now abi? lol. Anyway, I will try & fix it by this weekend. When I asked my mom about it, she gave the classical Naija response to everything, "It was the devil."Come Friday, I may or may not be attending the African Bankers Award. I have never attended it before; in fact, I had never heard of it before now, but I was invited by the publisher of Kitu Kizuri Magazine. Why do I feel like this is one of her attempts to hook me up with an eligible bachelor? lol. She has been telling me to "get out there and meet new people". I've been meeting new people ooo! Look @ all the new bloggers I have discovered lately. lol.
Speaking of meeting new people, I met Ramsey Noah on Thursday. He was pretty cool. I took a picture with him. You can see it on my camera *sticking tongue out* I'll update in two or three days.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Time Changes Things
Sometimes, you have such a deep connection with someone that you swear that nothing can ever, ever change it. Not even time. You think that out of sight is not out of mind, but sadly, it is. Or at least, it can be. I know I can testify to that.
I don't remember how old I was when I met C, but I know that we had a kind of connection that was uncanny. I thought nothing could ever, ever separate us. We were so intimate. I knew C like the back of my hands. I used to see C almost every morning and night; we were inseparable. I was pretty sure that C and I were going to be together forever.
But life happened. Life came and changed things, changed our plans, restructured what we thought was going to be our future.
For eight long years, there was no communication between me and C. I never forgot C, of course. There are some people that you never forget, but I just figured that distance was like a temporary thing, you know. I figured that once we reunited, we were going to pick up right where we left off like nothing ever happened. Like we didn't miss 8 years. Like I didn't grow up. Like I didn't change. Or like C didn't change. How wrong I was.
I ran into C at the African Store the other day. Imagine my elation. I thought to myself, 'this must be fate!!' After 8 long years, I have run into C again? I was determined to not let C go. But to my disappointment, what we had was not there anymore. It seemed to have dissipated. I had changed, and so had C. We were no longer the C and Vera of eight years ago. Even if C hadn't changed, I definitely had. I had experienced new things, new people, a new culture, a new way of life. Things that used to come easily to me before were now foreign. Being with C felt so new - not the exciting kind of new, but rather, the unfamiliar kind of new. Everything about our union was so shaky and precarious. The way I touched C even, I did it with so much trepidation, like I was afraid of what will happen. It was just so unnatural.
It is with sadness that I have come to the heart-breaking admission: I AM NO LONGER A PRO @ MAKING CUSTARD!! I had not had custard for 8 long years; I finally saw it at the African store, bought it, took it home, but have not been able to make a decent bowl since then. Something is always wrong with it. Too thick. Too watery. Full of those little balls that nauseate me. Goodness, what happened???!!! I used to be the Custard Queen. It just goes to show how fast things change in life.
Oh, Dear Custard, what happened to our love?
Update: I forgot to say Happy Independence Day. Here's a joke a friend just sent to me via text: when you find your life in darkness, pray to God for deliverance. If after praying you are still in darkness, pay your NEPA bill.
God Bless Naija!!! Happy Independence Day!!!
I don't remember how old I was when I met C, but I know that we had a kind of connection that was uncanny. I thought nothing could ever, ever separate us. We were so intimate. I knew C like the back of my hands. I used to see C almost every morning and night; we were inseparable. I was pretty sure that C and I were going to be together forever.
But life happened. Life came and changed things, changed our plans, restructured what we thought was going to be our future.
For eight long years, there was no communication between me and C. I never forgot C, of course. There are some people that you never forget, but I just figured that distance was like a temporary thing, you know. I figured that once we reunited, we were going to pick up right where we left off like nothing ever happened. Like we didn't miss 8 years. Like I didn't grow up. Like I didn't change. Or like C didn't change. How wrong I was.
I ran into C at the African Store the other day. Imagine my elation. I thought to myself, 'this must be fate!!' After 8 long years, I have run into C again? I was determined to not let C go. But to my disappointment, what we had was not there anymore. It seemed to have dissipated. I had changed, and so had C. We were no longer the C and Vera of eight years ago. Even if C hadn't changed, I definitely had. I had experienced new things, new people, a new culture, a new way of life. Things that used to come easily to me before were now foreign. Being with C felt so new - not the exciting kind of new, but rather, the unfamiliar kind of new. Everything about our union was so shaky and precarious. The way I touched C even, I did it with so much trepidation, like I was afraid of what will happen. It was just so unnatural.
It is with sadness that I have come to the heart-breaking admission: I AM NO LONGER A PRO @ MAKING CUSTARD!! I had not had custard for 8 long years; I finally saw it at the African store, bought it, took it home, but have not been able to make a decent bowl since then. Something is always wrong with it. Too thick. Too watery. Full of those little balls that nauseate me. Goodness, what happened???!!! I used to be the Custard Queen. It just goes to show how fast things change in life.
Oh, Dear Custard, what happened to our love?
Update: I forgot to say Happy Independence Day. Here's a joke a friend just sent to me via text: when you find your life in darkness, pray to God for deliverance. If after praying you are still in darkness, pay your NEPA bill.
God Bless Naija!!! Happy Independence Day!!!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Afronuts, Standtall, Favored Girl, & Naapali
What better way to honor these beautiful people than to use their names as the title of my post? The 4th time has been the charm for me. I have received this award four times. This could mean one of two things:
1. I'm a very honest blogger, and you wonderful people have finally noticed and certified me.
2. I have fooled all of you, and y'll don't know what da heck you're talking about.
...I'm gonna go with number one. It's the certified, honest truth.
1. Afronuts: My dear, thank you for being the first to present me with this award. I know I promised to come back & make a speech, but I never did make it back. For this, I am so, so sorry. That being said, I have a question I have been meaning to ask you. Don't laugh; I'm serious. What does your name mean? I know what 'Afro' means, but what about the 'nuts??' If it's what I think it is, then I'll say, you naughty, naughty, boy!
2. Standtall: Times without number, I have imagined you having a conversation with my cousin, Nachi. He still believes that the Virgin Mary is not a Virgin. Why? She had breasts when she got pregnant. Who on earth made her breasts grow? Surely, someone (maybe Joseph) had to have been squeezing them. Apparently, no woman can grow breasts without a man first laying his hands on them. What say you, Standtall? lol. For those that are wondering, his last name is Ezimora too. I'm really starting to think that something is wrong with these Ezimora people. I'm clearly the only one who is sane.
3. Favored Girl: My love, you are truly favored. I learnt from Pastor Joel Osteen that I should believe I have the crown of favor on my head. So since then, I have been praying about it. I truly have. That being said, you're truly, truly favored. Your 'frumpiness' did not stop you from catching your husband's eyes. lol. Babe, I hope you have upgraded your wardrobe oh. No more grandma panties!! lol. Not many women can be frumpy yet sexy in their husband's eyes. But let's not push it, okay?
4. Naapali: My personal pesin! I've been thinking...of what use are you in my life sef? How can I have a doc in my life and not be using him? I have decided that I will go out today and badly scrape my knees and elbows, and you, Doc Naapali must take care of my injuries, by fire, by storm... FREE OF CHARGE. So please, go & buy your ticket to Baltimore. I hope you don't expect me to fly to Chi-Town for treatment. Now that I think of it sef, the scrapes might not be enough. Where is that butcher knife? I'm off to butcher my left leg off. Bring needle & thread on your way o! My color is a little light, but not yellow. I want the thread you use to sew me to match my skin tone perfectly, please.
Ehen, the rules (which I don't feel like pasting here) state that I should pass the award on to other people and let them know on their blog. Yeah, whatever. First of all, I'm passing this award to ALL MY LOVERS (aka my blog roll). So if your name is there, please consider yourself certified or recertified. For you to own a blog, it means there is an ounce of honesty in you, yes? Secondly, I refuse to visit 70+ blogs to tell them that they have been certified. That would be glorified spamming. Besides, I have better things to do with my time. I don't know what they are yet, but I know I have them.
Unlike Doc Naapali who shameless told people whose names were not on his list to meet him somewhere with their bank account number, I will be dignified. I will not stoop so low and ask for bank account details. I will respect myself, and say instead that...
...I am sorry if your name is not on my list of lovers, but not to worry, my list is not written in stone. It is ever growing and changing. Change is the only constant thing in life anyway, right? Simple measures can and should be taken to rectify this situation. To have your name added, send @ least one of the following perfumes to my address ASAP. Number 1 & 2 are my most precious ones. I know it's a rather short list, but I didn't wanna be greedy, you know...
1. Secret Obsession by Calvin Klein
2. Pour Femme by Bvlgari
3. Romance For Her by Ralph Lauren
4. Rock n Rose by Valentino
5. Absolutely Irresistable by Givenchy
6. Miracle Forever by Lancome
7. M by Mariah Carey
8. Magnifique by Lancome
9. Notorious by Ralph Lauren
10. Vera Wang by Vera Wang
11. Princess by Vera Wang
12. Daisy by Marc Jacobs
13. Gucci by Gucci
14. Ninna by Ninna Ricci
15. Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker
...Yeap, this method is so much more dignified. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. If you've got a problem with it, let your complaints be known by sending one or more of the perfumes above to
Vera Ezimora
P. O. BOX 7893
Essex, MD 21221
United States of America
***All complaints that are not accompanied by @ least one bottle of perfume will NOT be attended to. Shikena!!***
1. I'm a very honest blogger, and you wonderful people have finally noticed and certified me.
2. I have fooled all of you, and y'll don't know what da heck you're talking about.
...I'm gonna go with number one. It's the certified, honest truth.
1. Afronuts: My dear, thank you for being the first to present me with this award. I know I promised to come back & make a speech, but I never did make it back. For this, I am so, so sorry. That being said, I have a question I have been meaning to ask you. Don't laugh; I'm serious. What does your name mean? I know what 'Afro' means, but what about the 'nuts??' If it's what I think it is, then I'll say, you naughty, naughty, boy!
2. Standtall: Times without number, I have imagined you having a conversation with my cousin, Nachi. He still believes that the Virgin Mary is not a Virgin. Why? She had breasts when she got pregnant. Who on earth made her breasts grow? Surely, someone (maybe Joseph) had to have been squeezing them. Apparently, no woman can grow breasts without a man first laying his hands on them. What say you, Standtall? lol. For those that are wondering, his last name is Ezimora too. I'm really starting to think that something is wrong with these Ezimora people. I'm clearly the only one who is sane.
3. Favored Girl: My love, you are truly favored. I learnt from Pastor Joel Osteen that I should believe I have the crown of favor on my head. So since then, I have been praying about it. I truly have. That being said, you're truly, truly favored. Your 'frumpiness' did not stop you from catching your husband's eyes. lol. Babe, I hope you have upgraded your wardrobe oh. No more grandma panties!! lol. Not many women can be frumpy yet sexy in their husband's eyes. But let's not push it, okay?
4. Naapali: My personal pesin! I've been thinking...of what use are you in my life sef? How can I have a doc in my life and not be using him? I have decided that I will go out today and badly scrape my knees and elbows, and you, Doc Naapali must take care of my injuries, by fire, by storm... FREE OF CHARGE. So please, go & buy your ticket to Baltimore. I hope you don't expect me to fly to Chi-Town for treatment. Now that I think of it sef, the scrapes might not be enough. Where is that butcher knife? I'm off to butcher my left leg off. Bring needle & thread on your way o! My color is a little light, but not yellow. I want the thread you use to sew me to match my skin tone perfectly, please.
Ehen, the rules (which I don't feel like pasting here) state that I should pass the award on to other people and let them know on their blog. Yeah, whatever. First of all, I'm passing this award to ALL MY LOVERS (aka my blog roll). So if your name is there, please consider yourself certified or recertified. For you to own a blog, it means there is an ounce of honesty in you, yes? Secondly, I refuse to visit 70+ blogs to tell them that they have been certified. That would be glorified spamming. Besides, I have better things to do with my time. I don't know what they are yet, but I know I have them.
Unlike Doc Naapali who shameless told people whose names were not on his list to meet him somewhere with their bank account number, I will be dignified. I will not stoop so low and ask for bank account details. I will respect myself, and say instead that...
...I am sorry if your name is not on my list of lovers, but not to worry, my list is not written in stone. It is ever growing and changing. Change is the only constant thing in life anyway, right? Simple measures can and should be taken to rectify this situation. To have your name added, send @ least one of the following perfumes to my address ASAP. Number 1 & 2 are my most precious ones. I know it's a rather short list, but I didn't wanna be greedy, you know...
1. Secret Obsession by Calvin Klein
2. Pour Femme by Bvlgari
3. Romance For Her by Ralph Lauren
4. Rock n Rose by Valentino
5. Absolutely Irresistable by Givenchy
6. Miracle Forever by Lancome
7. M by Mariah Carey
8. Magnifique by Lancome
9. Notorious by Ralph Lauren
10. Vera Wang by Vera Wang
11. Princess by Vera Wang
12. Daisy by Marc Jacobs
13. Gucci by Gucci
14. Ninna by Ninna Ricci
15. Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker
...Yeap, this method is so much more dignified. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. If you've got a problem with it, let your complaints be known by sending one or more of the perfumes above to
Vera Ezimora
P. O. BOX 7893
Essex, MD 21221
United States of America
***All complaints that are not accompanied by @ least one bottle of perfume will NOT be attended to. Shikena!!***
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