Certain things have to change around here. I am no longer on you people's level oo! I am now an interviewee. This means that I can no longer be addressed as Vera, but rather as Madam Interviewee Vera. Shey una grab??
Here are a few rules and regulations that all bloggers and commentors must follow
1. No one is allowed to start a blog without first consulting Madam Interviewee Vera and getting her permission.
2. No one is allowed to put up a blog post or comment on any post (including theirs) without first consulting Madam Interviewee Vera and getting her permission.
3. All bloggers must send a bottle of perfume to Madam Interviewee Vera's P. O. BOX monthly. Failure to do this will result in area boys beating the defiant blogger up.
4. All male bloggers are required to give Madam Interviewee Vera a foot rub and a back massage once a month. Please email your schedule to her immediately.
5. All female bloggers are required to come & wash Madam Interviewee Vera's plates, underwears, and bras once a month. Please email your schedule to her immediately.
6. All bloggers are required to send a text to Madam Interviewee Vera's phone once a month. The text must read: "I love you, Madam Interviewee Vera. You're the most beautiful woman in the world. What will I ever do without you?" To which Madam Interviewee Vera will respond, "Nothing, of course."
7. All bloggers are required to do a Tribute to Madam Interviewee Vera post once a month. This tribute will discuss all the wonderful things about Madam Interviewee Vera, and how Blogville is nothing without her.
8. After much deliberation, Madam Interviewee Vera has decided that Blogger/Blogspot will no longer be a free service. There will now be a payment of $50 per month. All cash, money orders, and checks should be mailed to Madam Interviewee Vera's P. O. BOX.
9. A 2010 Range Rover is no longer sufficient for Madam Interviewee Vera. It just doesn't quite befit her status. Madam Interviewee Vera is now requesting a 2011 Range Rover instead. Black exterior, leather interior, and semi-tinted windows.
10. Finally, all male bloggers are required to propose to Madam Interviewee Vera with an engagement ring that costs at least $5000. And all female bloggers must ooh and ahh during each proposal.
***As much as Madam Interviewee Vera would like to accept all the proposals, the fact is that she will be overwhelmed. She may not say yes to marriage, but she will take the ring, and then there will be a no-wedding wedding (a wedding celebrating the non-existence of a wedding).
Rules for the no-wedding wedding.
1. All bloggers and commentors must attend.
2. Each guest must arrive in their own Limousine - rented and paid for by the guest.
3. Each female guest must buy the asebi lace ($650 for five yards), matching scarf ($80), and Italian shoes & bag ($1000).
4. All asebi laces will be designed by Vera Wang herself. No exceptions.
5. No male blogger/commentor is allowed to come with a date. I will be everyone's date - whether they want me to be or not.
6. Each guest must come with a gift. I will set up my registry very soon.
7. Finally, each guest must come with at least $200 to throw on me while I'm dancing. No one is allowed to throw money on anyone else - not even on themselves. I will have a mobile ATM hanging on me too, so that people can slide their card and punch in the desired amount they want to throw on me. That way, no1 will have the excuse of not having enough change.
Shikena!!!
Oh yeah, check out this new blogger. Show her some love, please. She's Nouveau Afrique.
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38 comments:
hehehee! Nice one Vera~!
Madam interviewee vera...PLEASE your permition to say; na wa o for this your request! I no fit laugh again...
Madam Intervieweee Vera I hereby see permission to comment and to divert you to my post ASAP.
So now that Standtall has interviewed you you don change name? I will report to your mum!
You are something else!
Can you see my virtual self washing all your bras and dishes already?
hahahahahaha. how do you come up with this stuff???
vera don grow wings oh. note i did not refer to you dear madam interviwee vera. who will was ur undies, u will joned ehn, pzcheeeeeeeewwwwwwwww
I guess we can call you MIV for short?
You are Queen Interviewee Vera. You are a Queen mi-lady and you rock!
madam interviewee Vera? lmao!
ah Standtall...see what u have caused o...lol...this one pass me o
VERAAAAAA...joblessness dey worry u abi...abi na dat ur head still dey swell like garri in water..lol
oya o i don update..so madam vera pls come and comment to make the post complete o...
lol naapali. MIV- i like! lol.
so, MIV, permit me to say, that because of how much i love your blog -and your esteemed self of course- and while my dainty hands would be hard put to find themselves anywhere near your washing,
i would like to volunteer my free services towards the assitance of your Most Madamcious Interviewee-istically Verastic(MMIV) self in all affairs financial. you see, it is unbefitting for such a one as yourself to be left alone to grapple with strewn cash all around your MMIV'd person.
i propose to be your designated money-picker-up(MPU) at your non-wedding wedding;
and in order to free your account of its inevitable overload, i also propose in addition, to forward some of the excess funds to my account so as to lighten your Most Madamcious Interviewee-istically Verastic load.
because i love you so much, i am also open to the extension of my duties beyond the above description, to cover the close and very personal monitoring of all perfums, jewelry, and motor vehicles aquired at no added fee.
my services are second to none; if you don't know better ask somebody.
miss it and miss out...
MIV sounds like some viral infection or some ish like that. But its about time we gave the virus u spread a name. MIV it shall be called cos how else can u explain the reason why u bully every blogville resident and they still come back to ur street everyday for their daily blockparty.
By the way call me a bombastic element for calling MIV a virus. Lol
LOLLL...are you sure you're willing to show us your underwear and bras, so that we can wash them? Muhaha...
You sef...
Lollll @ not having the excuse of not enough change to spray u...
lol!! You have lsot it ooo...madammeee interviewweeeee VERA!!!..looooooool!!!
miv, pls permission to adopt the new abbrev miv..
so miv permission to say that ur regime makes abacha's regime look like heaven...
long live miv , long live all the blogers and long live the federal republic of blogville...
Madam Intervieweee Vera I hereby seek permission to comment on this post. You don kolo finish o, you don kolo. Hahaha!!! But sha, Since I am your legal assistant, it's my responsibility to pick the excess money and to watch over the perfumes and the new cars. No worry Vera I take my job very seriously and I promise to do it well. And if you feel overwhelmed with all the love, massages and foot rubs and all the washing of your clothes, plates and otherwise then, by all means, I will take the pain away. I gat mad luf for you boo!
LMAO- Chief, Mrs, Dr., ambassador,queen,honorable, MIV... you be big tif o. See ya head like range rover. I'll still stalk your blog though. MIV or not... ole-shious fellow
Tummy: Thanks!!! Make sure you do as I say.
J. Ifeme: LOL. Abeg keep laughing jo. But make sure you ovey my commands ooo.
Lusciousron: I no want virtual washing. I want actual washing - live and direct. And ehm, wetin my mommy fit do sef??? I no fear ooo.
Wordsmith: LOL. Babe, I dunno. I think I was high on something good. lol.
Rayo: Oya come back here right now. Did you just hiss @ me? Did you?! This babe, you no dey fear your seniors again ooo. Shey na because I dey, na him be say you just dey insult me abi? Oya kneel down and fly ur hands.
Naapali: Y does it rhyme with HIV? I no like ooo.
Standtall: Thank you my love. You rock even more. Na you rock pass me o.
Toluwa: Yes oh. And I mean it too.
Funmie: See as jealousy just dey worry you. Nawa o. lol.
Aloted: U may call it head swelling. I call it level changing. Levels don change oh, so I must change right along with it. Abeg, make una just provide me with my fleet of cars and bottles of perfumes make I carry dey go.
Geisha Song: Walahi, if I rush you ehn...!!! U want to offer me services to help with my money??? Don't you know I'm a proper Igbo gal? Money is the last thing I need help with. I can handle it all on my own. On that day, I shall have a huge back-pack ghana-must-go (with wheels sef, just in case I get tired of carrying it on my back). In addition to that, my mobile atm will also be able to take cash in. So you see, I need no help @ all. As for the cars, I shall have more than a few garages built outside the venue. And I shall have an iron safe for my perfumes. I no need your help ooo. "Thanks, but no thanks!" (Gov. Palin)
Chief: How dare you call me a virus??? A whole me? You know you're an epidemic. Respect urself o. People come back because they love me, okay...! I am a very nice person, that's all.
Jaycee: Yes oh. I will show you my underwears and bras. Why shall I shy? No be the same thing una dey wear? lol. And of course, the mobile ATMS must be there. U know how people can start claiming lack of change. lol.
Ms. O: LOL. I never lose am yet oh. I'm just saying things the way they are. Follow my rules ooo.
Simeone: LOL. Hahahaha. Been cracking up @ ur post. Is my regime really that bad? Hehehehe. That is serious oh. LOL. Anyway, permission granted to call me MIV, but thou must do as I say!
Temite: This your love for me...I no like am o! Y are you offering to help me out with perfumes, cars and money? Who told you I need help? LOL @ taking the pain away.
Nefertiti: LOL. Ole-shious? Me? LOL. I'm only asking for what is mine. Make sure you do what I said you should do oh...!
ROTFL
Madam Interviewee Vera...where does one start from? No negotiations?
Dang Vera! To be your friend dey costly oh abeg! Lol @ Rule no 10...you're a case
hmmph.... Madame interviewee vera! I bow 2 u oh! U have a highly overactive imagination. I wonder how u come up with all these ur rules & laws.
Only you can come up with this Vera, only U. See ya throat as e long reach. I bet a thousand perfumes would not fill it up, lol.
LOL - hilarious!
when u sleep tonite, dream about everybody obeying the new rules. nobody will force u to wake up from the dream 'cos u will experience "real over work".
The good side though is that you will then have to hire assistants to help you process the numerous demands on ur time now. And there are so many people out there looking for work today...
Rita: No negotiations @ all!!! The rules are the rules. Please submit your schedule for my pant & bra washing asap.
Naija Vixen: So na because of this small $5000 ring wey you complain? Wait first...I neva start oh.
Mizchif: No dey ask me nonsense question. Just submit your schedule for washing my pant abeg.
Naijalines: Until there are no more perfumes (that I like) left to acquire, I will not be satisfied.
Darius: Thanks. And I hope you know this applies to you too???
Chari: What r u calling me a broke ass for? You'll be so sorry when I get all my range rovers.
Blame it on me Aloted. Queen Vera rocks
see what Standtall has caused...........
hey e gbami! see this MIV o! in fact, i refuse to use that title!
perfume ko, *ear splitting, rattlesnake-like long hiss*!
@standtall: see what u have caused now! even u cant comprehend!
NIZE my girl vera, nize!
lol. again, u are not well at all, at all.. heheheheh
u can have her every other weekend! wink!
hahahaha! Vera! You are too Verastic!
Don't forget to join us in the online rally this Friday October 31st. Just use "FREE JONATHAN ELENDU NOW!" as the title of your blog post and FaceBook Status. Visit the Facebook page here or stop by Nigerian Curiosity.
Take care my sista!
Standtall: Awwww, thanks Standtall. You're da bomb!!!
Ibiluv: lol. Yes, oh. Blame is on Standtall.
Omotee: Hiss @ me one more time and I will deal with you squarely. U no dey fear?? Oya kneel down & wash my panties.
Congrats o! aunty madam!!!
Thank God you're not God... you for dey collect oxygen from our nostril!!!
Permission to update ma...
U r welcome o The Queen.
Ibiluv ah blame me o. I am happy to be blamed
No Limit: LOL @ collecting oxygen. I just might ooo! Hmmm. You never know. Ehen...permission granted 2 update. You're my type of babe; you heed instructions.
Standtall: lol. Don't mind them; they're just jealous of us, that's all.
I can see u really thought this through.
Be careful on no 4; asking all male bloggers for a foot rub and a back massage. Are u sure thats all u want (rather let me put the question this way "are you sure thats all u would get"?)
*wink *wink.
Mr. C: LOL. Naughty, naughty you!! Yes, that is definitely all I will be getting. Any attempt by a male blogger to deliver more than I asked for will lead to the untimely death of that member of his body. You know the member. lol.
Doja: But of course I am!! Babes are expensive in the market these days oo. Forget what you know. You berra jump on my band wagon and let's make this happen.
omo, na wa o! this interview thing no be small thing o...
i should prolly be dobale-ing to type this. abi? lol!
Hahhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...and there I was feeling special....
see what I mean by being smart??? Now why didnt I think of that...mcheeeewwww
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