Morning Rituals

My last post brought up some very funny questions and comments. I now feel the need to defend myself and elaborate on this apparently strange issue....as if no1 else has forgotten to brush their teeth before! lol.

Just Toluwa asked about my morning rituals. First of all, I do not usually forget to brush my teeth. In fact, I brush more than once - at least twice, which is why the physical state of my toothbrush was - and still is - an enigma to me. That being said, my bathroom-related morning rituals are as follows...

1. Wash my underwear. [I went to a boarding school in Naija. We used 2 wash our underwear every morning b4 taking a bath. It's been years, but I have not been able to drop the habit. By the way, I wash my underwear first because I feel like it gives me the opportunity to wash my hands b4 brushing my teeth.]

2. Gargle with Listerine pre-brush whitening rinse. [We don't usually buy this @ home, but the regular Listerine mouthwash we just got came with it]

3. Brush my teeth @ least twice.

4. Rinse my mouth with Listerine mouthwash [ooh la la]

5. Wash my face with an Olay Facial Cloth. [I don't know why I use this cloth. I've been using it for years. I keep using it because it's a habit. No complaints from my face anyway]

6. Operation Finally-Take-A-Shower begins. [I wash myself from the top down. Sometimes once; sometimes twice. Then I tie the sponge around my waist, so that the water coming out of the shower head can rinse me & my sponge down. Yes, I also learnt this from boarding school]. The End!!!

So what was the point of explaining all this? Well, I was just tryna defend myself 4 forgetting to brush my teeth on Saturday before attending the baby shower. You see, I woke up @ about six in the morning that day. I did all my rituals except the part of brushing my teeth. Why? I intended to go back to sleep, so I figured there was no point brushing my teeth because I was still going to sleep. My plan was to wake up later and brush my teeth. But alas, I never did go back 2 bed. Instead I had some brunch with the unclean mouth. So you see how I ended up going to the baby shower with my mouth...???

On another note, Temite has been wanting to know the reason for my happiness. Well, who am I to keep hiding it? I will tell the truth o. Why shall I shy? Temite, darling, in order to express my joy well well, I will sing a song 4 u. I had to edit the original version a little bit:

*Vera singing* Temite dey ask me say, Vera wetin dey make you smile? I just dey tell her say, na Jesus dey make me smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, I dey smile. I dey smile, I dey smile, smile, smile. I just dey tell her say, no be me oh na handwork of God. *end of singing*

By the way, while on the issue of forgetting to do some essentials b4 going out, I also once forgot to wear underwear b4 going out...and I was wearing a skirt. But you see, it was totally Busola's fault. I was about to take a shower when she got to my house and we had to go shopping. So I had to just dress up and follow her since she refused to wait for me to take a shower. Apparently, I take too long in the shower. And uhm, no, I did not deliberately forget to wear underwear. Going commando is not really my thing - yet.

P.S. No, I did not try on any pants (trousers) @ the shop. That woulda been risky business....seeing as I had no protection.

Enigma

You’re supposed to change your toothbrush every three months, right? I think so. Anyway, I change mine like every six to eight weeks. Why? I brush too hard and too often – apparently. In the morning, I brush at least twice, but most times three times, and I brush at night too. So in a day, I brush about four to six times. And then, of course, I floss and use Listerine mouth wash at least once a day. Weird?

See these two tooth brushes? The one by the left belongs to my mom, and the one by the right belongs to me. The thing is, my mom started using her tooth brush about two weeks before I started using mine. So why does mine look like I’ve been using it since we entered the new millennium? It probably has something to do with me being unable to withstand the temptation of chewing the bristles of my toothbrush. Why do I chew the bristles? This is just one of the many enigmas in my Verastic life.



Look at the bottom of the toothbrushes sef. On my mom’s toothbrush, you can see ‘Colgate’ written at the bottom. Mine is completely wiped off. When I brushed my teeth two days ago and found stray bristles on my tongue (that I almost swallowed, by the way), I realized three things: (1). I need to change my toothbrush. (2). I need to stop chewing the bristles of my toothbrush. (3). I might need psychotherapy. Could the chewing of my toothbrush be related to some deep childhood trauma? What could it be?? I think it happened when I was a little girl, about 6 or 7 and was forced to use McClean toothpaste instead of Close-Up. I hated McClean! I loved the red, seemingly transparent toothpaste. Oh, mommy…what have you done to me? I know what you’re thinking: what does Close-Up toothpaste have to do with chewing your bristles? Yeah, whatever!

Speaking of my toothbrush, for the past two weeks I have been suffering from a mysterious illness that apparently has no cure. It’s called the HARD & ITCHING NIPPLES SYNDROME. I am not quite sure why they have been mysteriously getting hard and itching. I have scratched and scratched and scratched, yet relief has been far and in between. The itch has been like a mosquito bite: ridiculously itching, sweet to scratch, but tantamount to causing tear and a permanent scar. My nipples, of course, are the last places I wanna have cuts and/or scars.

Last week, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I did the only thing I could think of doing: I went into the bathroom and put my toothbrush to good use. Yeap, I scratched the heck out of those nipples. They don’t itch anymore, but they still get unnecessarily hard (when is it ever necessary?). This, of course, is also an enigma.

Anyway, you might not have noticed, but I just included my address. I figured you all have been dying to send me hand-written letters. LOL. Please, feel very free to include some gifts – you know the usual…perfumes and Range Rovers. Yes, Rovers as in plural. LOL. But if you insist on sending perfumes, *rolling eyes* I’ll appreciate one or all of the following:

1. Miracle Forever by Lancome.
2. Romance by Ralph Lauren
3. Rock n Rose by Valentino
4. Diamonds by Emporio Armani
5. Princess by Vera Wang
6. Vera Wang by Vera Wang
7. Daisy by Marc Jacobs
8. Gucci by Gucci

Wait oh, am I seriously, publicly begging for perfumes on my blog? I have sunk to a new low. Hehehehehe. Needless to say, my love for perfumes is an enigma that I do not wish to figure out. I’m pretty content with just acquiring them.

Oh, I guess I should put that address up now. It can also be found on my profile.

P. O. BOX 7893
Essex, MD 21221