Oh, How I've Been Spoiled!

I stopped by the local 7-11 yesterday to get something when the alarm on my car suddenly went off. To cut the already short story shorter, my car's remote does not work anymore! May I be completely honest with you? Okay, I'll be honest. I cried when I found out. I've gotten so used to just pressing the remote and getting in and out of the car. How in the world am I supposed to start locking the car by pressing the button inside the door and then unlocking it with a key before getting in?

Let me explain: I am not the kind of girl who should be trusted with locking her car by pressing that button. I mean... this is the girl who gets to her destination, puts the car in park and steps out before she remembers that she has to turn the car off and take the keys out of the ignition. Sometimes, I even attempt to step out of the car before putting it in park! So how can I be trusted to press that button when I'm supposed to? I'm so paranoid about locking my keys inside the car. The poor car - whose name is Fotunatus - has been so nice to me, but this time, he's really messed up!

There is obviously only one solution to this mighty problem. Is anyone thinking what I'm thinking? Yeap. I'm glad we're on the same page: I NEED A NEW CAR. The question is WHICH ONE?

P.S. Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio will be airing on Saturday at 10am U.S. EST. as usual. What should one expect when he/she travels to Nigeria from abroad? Heat? Multiple marriage proposals? (I actually like the sound of this ... *coughs*). Sudden relatives?? Or maybe much more. There's a poll. Actually, there are two polls. Vote if you haven't voted. Talk to you on Saturday morning! Rosie will be co-hosting.

P.P.S. If you're interested in co-hosting for 2010, now is the time to let me know. I am currently putting the schedule together. Thanks, folks!! radio@verastic.com

P.P.P.S. My birthday is coming up.

P.P.P.P.S. My birthday is coming up ---- on the 14th of January.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I should add 'new car' to my birthday list.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. No, I should start by adding it to my Christmas list first.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I will name the new car, 'Serakus.' [pronounced se-rah-koos] I learnt it from an Igbo song.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Per the title of this post, there's actually nothing wrong with being spoiled. As long as I'm the one being spoiled. J

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Talk to you on Saturday morning here J

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. There is no such thing as too many P.S.s --- which is why I have 10. Don't forget to vote.

My Husband Is Pregnant With My Baby

So I was working on my laptop the other day, not paying any particular attention to what was on the television, until I thought I imagined a voice saying, "My husband is pregnant with my baby..." Naturally, that got my attention.

It turned out I had not imagined it. The voice really did say that her husband was pregnant with her baby. The only thing is that the voice belonged to a male. So it was a male then who said, "My husband is pregnant with my baby..." Wait, huh??? You're probably as confused as I was when I was watching it. Let's start from the beginning. Assume that the person who said, "My husband is pregnant with my baby..." is a female - the wife. Yes, I know I'm confusing you, but let's take it from there:

• The female and wife [who said her husband was pregnant] used to be a male, but had been transitioning into a female for the past ten years - hence the female-looking parts and gender role switch.
• The male and husband [who was pregnant] used to be a female, but had been transitioning into a male for the past two and half years - hence the male-looking parts and gender role switch.
• Sooo... the husband in this household actually used to be a woman. And the wife in this household used to be a man. Are you with me thus far? Good.

How then did the husband [who used to be a woman] end up being pregnant??? Well, easy. The woman [who used to be a man] mistakenly got him [her?] pregnant. I say mistakenly because they didn't know it was possible - considering how much hormones they have consumed. The pregnant husband didn't even know that he [she?] was pregnant until seven months into the pregnancy. He just thought he was gaining weight. The couple plans on breast-feeding the baby. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? WHOSE BREASTS??? .... and CAN I WATCH???

I cannot pretend that I understand what it means to be transgendered. From what I have heard and read, I am grateful that I have never had to, do not now, and by God's grace, will not ever have to be confronted with the dilemma of deciding what sex I want to be. I can say, however, that in all things, God must truly take all the Glory. This couple has done almost everything to not be what God made them. I have no right to judge, of course. But it's very interesting that in spite of this, God has made the man do what men do to women when they enter them: get them pregnant. So Who gets the Glory?

This must be God's way of reminding everyone that He is God - the Alpha and the Omega. The Beginning and the End. He that openeth and no one shuteth; He that shuteth, and no one openeth - literally. I've always known that God has an incredible sense of humor. This is just another living proof.

P.S. The husband is now in labor. You should hear him. He sounds just like a woman. I never thought I'd see the day that a man would have labor contractions, breathe through pursed lips, be dilated, push a baby out, and scream 'Oh, God!' the entire time. Oh, that's right. She isn't a man. But don't tell her I said so.

Ho! Ho!! Ho!!! Merry Discounts!!!!!

Conceiving the idea of offering discounts was a lot more fun and a lot easier than actually putting it into action. I had big dreams and grandiose plans. Oh, well. Each of the following vendors have given these discounts out of the goodness and generosity of their hearts. I did not twist their arms. Okay, maybe a little. The things I do for you. Here goes --- in alphabetical order...

A Heart To Mend: Love Happens by Nkem Okotcha

This is an e-book by our very own blogger, Myne Whitman [Nkem Okotcha]. The book is regularly sold here on lulu for $9.99, but for this weekend only, Myne Whitman is discounting it to $5.99. A Heart To Mend: Love Happens is a business thriller and romance, set in Lagos, Nigeria. To read the synopsis and/or order a copy, click here.

Funmie's Avon Shop

Avon has good stuff ... at affordable prices. And Funmie's Avon shop has Verastic prices = even more affordable prices! Personally, I love Avon's eye shadows. But take a look around. If you have not shopped Avon in a while, you'll be pleasantly surprised. They have broadened their horizon; they now have a lot more items: for both men and women! So here are the details:

• Mention Verastic and either receive FREE shipping, or Funmie can personally deliver your products to you - if you live in the Baltimore/DC area. Does anyone else smell a rat in Funmie's alleged nice offer to personally deliver???
• Place an order of $49.99 and above by December 31st and receive a separately mailed FREE gift.
• The last day to place orders in order to receive them in time for Christmas is December 16th.
• Contact Funmie >>> Funmie@verastic.com <<>> 1.410.497.7671

One3Snapshot

Culture. Art. Expression. That's their slogan. You don't have to look too far or too long to realize why. If a picture speaks a thousand words, then these three pictures from One3snapshot should speak three thousand words. And you know what's so cool about them? They'll listen! Send them your design project, if you have one. In case you can't read what's on that white tank tee above, it says, 'You never imagined I'd get this far.' Tell me: how many people are you just itching to say this to? Am I the only one who wants to rip it off that model's body and keep it for myself?

• Save 10% at checkout with this code: VERASTIC

Sparkle Fashion Store

Ever visited a store and wanted everything ... as in everything??? Sparkle Fashion Store really sparkles! From hand bags to bracelets to necklaces to hair accessories. Sparkle Fashion Store has them all --- and I want them all. So many styles and colors. Considering how beautiful these items are, you won't believe how ridiculously affordable they are. If this were a brick and mortar store, I would go in there and get lost in it. Mr. Shoes will never follow me in.

• Save 5% on all sales of $25 to $70 >> Discount code: Vera5
• Save 10% on all sales of $75 to $200 >> Discount code: Vera10
• Save 15% on all sales of $201 to $350 >> Discount code: Vera15
• Save 20% on all sales of $351 and above >> Discount code: Vera20
• Contact: patricia@mysparklejewelry.com <<<>>> 1.973.704.9651
• Also, become a fan of My Sparkle Jewelry on Facebook.

The White Dress Shop

Every woman and her cat has heard that she should own a little black dress. But what about a white one - whether little or not? What are you going to wear to that all-white party? Sometimes, stylish and white become mutually exclusive --- but not at The White Dress Shop! It's a good thing they don't stop at dresses. The shop goes on to blouses. And coats. And skirts. And accessories. And vintage jewelry. And even colored wildcard outfits! So what are you still waiting for? Come on down!

• Receive 15% off all orders from now till December 31st with this coupon code: TWDS09 (It's a zero between S and 9).

.........My sincere gratitude to all the vendors.

And, of course, to all of you ... readers and listeners. What would I do without you? Oh, yeah ... I'd sleep! It's past three in the morning!

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Is it safe then to say that at the mention of my name, prices will fall off? Ho! Ho!! Ho!!! You should try using my name at Shop-Rite and Bloomingdale's. Let's see what will happen.

On that note, please vote in the poll. And meet me here tomorrow morning for show. It's past 3am. It took me four hours to put this together. Sweet dreams, folks! Talk to you tomorrow morning (Saturday, December 5th 2009 at 10am U.S. EST./ 4pm Nigerian time) HERE.

You Got What For Christmas???

When I was 14 (in Nigeria), my dad went to the store and bought me a Christmas dress - as was the tradition for Christmas and Easter. Big mistake for this particular year. Mom should have gone with him - as she usually did. He came back with a peach and ivory poufy dress. Not only was the dress a mama-tie-me-for-back dress, but it was also a Mary-Amaka dress. In other words, it had a very long belt that had to be tied at the back, and it (the dress) was also very long. Did I mention I was 14 --- and in JSS3 (9th grade)???

My father is the reason why I am now very adamant about letting a man shop for me. He is also the reason why I am now also very adamant about eating a man's food. Memories of my father's burnt-tomato stew and ball-filled pap (akamu) still linger in my mind. Until they fully dissipate, I'll shop for myself, and when eating any food cooked by a man, I'll have Pepto Bismal handy. I feel obligated to mention that Mr. Shoes, however, is a fantabulous cook. If I don't mention it, he'll start whining grumbling.

My mother did not like the dress, but she said I had to wear it because dad had bought it already. That Christmas was just --- just --- I don't even know the word. The entire time we were in church, my head was bowed down in shame; I didn't want anyone to see me in that dress. Needless to say, that was a futile aim. It was Christmas for Pete's sake. Even the witches went to church on Christmas Day, so of course, everyone got to see me in the dress. That was the first and last time I ever wore that dress. It was so poufy that at least one child could hide under me and not be found.

When I think of horrible-gift stories, the humorous story that usually comes to mind is the episode of Cosby where someone - can't remember who - gave Bill Cosby a soap-on-a-rope as a gift. Seriously?!?! Christmas is upon us, so when you're giving someone a gift, think about its usefulness. If you're going to spend money buying a gift, don't you want the gift to be used?

On Saturday, December 5th 2009, I'll be talking about Christmas and gifts on the radio. Be rest assured you'll enjoy the show. But more than that, on Thursday or Friday, I'll update my blog and introduce you to some kind and generous vendors who are willing to give you discounts on their products - just for being Verastic readers/listeners. Thank you!!! Watch this space. As usual, there's a poll for next week's show. It's on the top of the right sidebar.

So tell me, what horrible, totally useless gift(s) have you received?

My Boyfriend Used To Date My Friend.

No, I do not now have, nor have I ever had a boyfriend who has dated my friend. But if I did, I guess that's how it'll slip out of my mouth, "My boyfriend used to date my friend." Perhaps, there are more fanciful ways to put it, but that's not important right now.

Tomorrow, Saturday, November 28th 2009, Mustapha and I will be talking about dating a friend's ex. Is it okay to do so? I'm not going to speak for everyone, but I know that before I took the time to sit down and think critically about tomorrow's show, I had a different outlook. If you had asked my thoughts on dating a friend's ex, I would have said, No! No!! No!!!

But what if you're destined to be with this friend's ex? How do you even know you're destined to be together? What if the relationship with the friend went stale years before you and the ex got involved? What if you were instrumental in the break-up of the relationship? What if the friend and the ex used to be married? What if the friend and the ex have children? What if the friend is now dead? Would it feel better if the friend gives his/her consent? Would it feel better if you and the friend's ex live in a different place - like a different continent?

Someone asked via twitter "Is this question any different from 'would you date your ex's friend'?" Hmm. You tell me ... would it be any different? I'll let you marinade in these scenarios until tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I hope you had a fabulous Thanksgiving. I'm still enjoying my okoro soup - with assorted meats, of course! I'll tell you all about it later - my Thanksgiving Day and my soup, I mean.

If you haven't voted on the poll, there's still time to do it. It's on the top right sidebar.

Click here at 10am U.S. EST (4pm Nigerian time) tomorrow to listen to the show live.

** Next week Saturday (December 5th 2009) is the Christmas show. I'm still accepting ideas for gifts. If you sell a product or service that you would like to offer to the Verastic readers and listeners, e-mail me asap radio@verastic.com

** If you have song suggestions for the show, e-mail radio@verastic.com

You've probably forgotten, so let me remind you >>>>> GO VOTE!!! J

Vehicular Crushes

Anyone that has been reading my blog and/or articles probably knows that I have a certain - let's call not call it obsession - with Range Rovers, but what no one knows is that the Range Rover is actually my second vehicular crush.

My first vehicular crush is the Beetle Bug (Volks Wagen Beetle). I started liking it when I was about five or six years old, thanks to Dad. He gave me a key. I still don't know what that key was for. I now suspect that it was a key to an old car he no longer had. But Dad gave me a key and told me that it was the key to my Bug. I guarded that key with everything I had. It never did occur to me that it was impossible to have a key without actually owning the car. Oh, the gullibility of a child. Since then, I have not quite gotten over it - the car, I mean.

Every chance he got, Dad asked, "Do you still have that key?" And I would run and go get it from wherever I hid it. And when I was bad, he even threatened not to give me my Bug (he made it sound as if the Bug was already parked behind the house or something). I am ashamed to say that I believed this fable for a very long time. I will not say the age, but I was almost an adolescent before I thought critically about my prospective Bug and realized it was not forthcoming - at least not from my Dad.

When I went to Carmax to buy my car, I badly, badly, badly wanted a Beetle bug. But my budget was below the asking price for all the Bugs I found, so I came home with a Toyota Corolla instead. I named him Fotunatus. Don't ask me why. He's been pretty good. Has given me no problems. But I digress.

This is what I picture when I think of a Bug. White is my favorite Bug color. Green is my worst. Yuck. Picture courtesy of www.vwvortex.com

I hear Volks Wagen is changing the design of the Beetle Bug. This is what it's going to look like. I don't know how I feel about this change. Is it just me, or is it starting to look like a Mini Cooper? Picture courtesy of www.autoworld.wordpress.com

I don't know at what point I fell in love with the Range Rover. I don't even know which one I like better: Range Rover or Range Rover Sport? I think the Range Rover Sport, but I'm not very sure of the difference. I was almost going to test drive one of it, but I backed out. What if I mistakenly put a dent in it? I cannot even afford to buy one of its tires. Perhaps, I should test drive it later, I decided. I love the Range Rover Sport in charcoal black. White or off-white won't be so bad either.

Can you picture me in one of these babies? I promise I'll pop my hood if you need a ride. Picture courtesy of www.rangerover.com

Yeap, there goes the other color I love. Picture courtesy of www.rangerover.com

Then the Toyota Rav-4 happened. Now, this one took me by complete surprise because I used to hate dislike the Rav-4. I now know that it's the older models I had a problem with. I still hate dislike the older ones, but the newer ones ... wow. Mr. Shoes thinks I'm a very girly girl for liking the Rav-4 and the Beetle Bug. I happen to disagree! The prettiest colors are in white (off white actually) and Magnetic Gray Metallic.

This is the magnetic gray metallic color of the Rav-4. Love it! Picture courtesy of www.toyota.com

This is what the front of the Rav-4 looks like. Picture courtesy of www.toyota.com

I don't have the money for any of these vehicles, but I do intend to get as many of them as I can... for FREE. How? Wouldn't you like to know?

To Hold On Or To Let Go: That Is The Question!

"Sometimes, the best way to hold on is to let go..."

Spoken by my newest co-host, Mustapha.

I'm not sure what is easier to do in a relationship: holding on or letting go? If I had to take a wild guess, I'd say it's easier to hold on than it is to let go, but I don't have any scientific proof. Scientific proof is needed for everthing these days. Even God needs to scientifically prove that He is God, and that He really did create us and the world we live in. But I digress.

In exactly ten (10) hours, Verastically Speakin Talk Radio (that is now fondly called the Verastic Show by its wonderful listeners) will go LIVE, and we will be talking about when to hold on and when to let go of a relationship. I cannot promise that listening to the show will give you an epiphany about what the next step should be in your relationship; what I can promise is that you'll enjoy the show, you'll learn a little - hopefully a lot, and you'll definitely laugh.

Funmie is one of the co-hosts. If you've never heard her voice; don't worry... you'll know it's her. Just listen for the loudest person. According to the Verastic Show listeners, she often sounds like she's talking with a microphone. But that's just her voice - her inside voice for that matter!

Reverence is also one of the co-hosts. You'll probably know it's her. She'll be the one shaking like a dry leaf in winter, afraid of disagreeing with the loud one (Funmie).

And finally, Mustapha will be there. He'll give us words of wisdom - like that quote in the beginning of this post - and he might make us laugh. He's quite the comedian as I've come to realize. Hopefully, though, he won't sing. Sorry, Mustapha... that karaoke scarred me! J

Between the time this post comes up and the time the polls close, you have exactly 9.5 hours to vote, so go vote! It's on the top right sidebar. Thank you, sweethearts.

When you're done voting, click here at 10:00 am U.S. EST (4: 00 pm Nigerian time) to listen to the show.

E-mail radio@verastic.com if you have any comments. Or call/text 1.443.934.9039. Of course, you can always tweet away too www.twitter.com/verastic

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Reminder:

The December 5th show - The Christmas Gifts That Should - is already being organized. If you have any suggestions for gifts that should or should not be given and/or to whom said gifts or any other gifts should be given, e-mail radio@verastic.com asap

If you sell a product or render a service that you wish to offer to the Verastic readers/listeners, e-mail radio@verastic.com asap.

Other than that, you can expect to hear my beaurriful voice in 10 hours. How lucky are you! Hehehe.

18th Of November?? Really???

The other day, I was talking to Baroka aka K Travula on the phone, and he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. That was when it struck me: my birthday is in two months time! I don't remember ever being asked what I want for my birthday and not having an answer. This just goes to show one thing:

• 2009 has moved along wayyyyyyyy too quickly. I've barely had time to enjoy being XX.

On that note, I will now go and work on my Christmas [December], birthday [January], Valentine [February], and just-because [March - November] gifts. It's imperative that God and everyone else know what I want. Yes? Yes!

That said, I should bring you in on the few remaining shows on Verastically Speakin this year. I'm quite excited about them - especially the last one. The schedule is on the left sidebar, so I won't reiterate everything here.

However, I just need to point out that on Saturday, December 5th 2009, we'll be talking about Christmas gifts (what to give, how to give, whom to give...), so I need ideas and sponsors. If you own a business and would love to pitch in and offer discounts, please let me know. If you have ideas about how to give or what to give, let me know too >> radio@verastic.com 1.443.934.9039

On Saturday, December 12th 2009, we'll be talking about travelling to Nigeria. This is going to be one funny show. What do you pack when you're going to Nigeria? How do you pack? What do you expect? Mosquitoes? Heat? Endless supply of suya? Limitless sponsorship by fine, rich men? *cough* Maybe this last one is just me then. I'll be co-hosting with Rosie. Interestingly, she doesn't know it yet. If she reads this post, this would be her first time finding out. Hehehe.

On Saturday, December 19th 2009, we'll be having the FINAL show for the year. And this is the funnest one of them all, I think. It's called Randomisity. And that is exactly what it would be: random. I have a few co-hosts lined up. They're looking forward to it, I believe. I'll know their exact feelings once I actually tell them that they're co-hosting. Callers will have 5 minutes - and 5 minutes ONLY - to call in and talk with us about anything. People in the chat room are welcome to suggest things too. If you have something you want us to discuss for five minutes on that day, but won't be able to call in, e-mail it now radio@verastic.com I don't know the volume of topics we'll be getting, so we'll do them on a first-come, first-serve basis. In other words, the sooner you send your topics, the better. And for the callers, the sooner you call in, the better too.

Now, I must return to thinking about my gifts. Very, very, very important stuff!

P.S. There's a new poll [on the right sidebar] for the upcoming show - When To Let Go & When To Hold On - co-hosted by Funmie and Reverence.

I feel sorry for Reverence. On my last post, she had this to say about Funmie,

"She does not look as scary as she sounds on the show. Sometimes I am almost scared for the life of the people that disagree with her...."

Anyone else looking forward to this collaboration as much as I am? Go vote!!!

Styling & Profiling: Funmie

I talk about Funmie a lot here. Funmie this. Funmie that. By the way, she's the one who insists that her name be spelled with an e - Funmie instead of Funmi. She thinks it's special that way. I guess it is. I'm styling and profiling her because I realize that each time I mention her name, I don't have any single post to link her name to. For first time readers, they might want to know who the heck Funmie is and why her name appears so many times on Verastic dot com.

I met Funmie in 2002. Since then, it's seemed like we have gotten closer by the minute. We have a lot in common. Too many sad, unfortunate things in common. But it has helped build our character. Of course, there are also those moments that we think or say the same thing at the same time. Spooky. I'm trying hard not to make her big head swell - the head is really big already - but this babe is more than words can say. She's so giving, so generous, so nice, and so flippin' annoying because of that. I hate that she can be so --- so --- what's the word? Passive?? I hate it.

Her niceness overwhelms me sometimes - and not in a good way. I just want to scream. The way I'm sounding, you'll think I'm one fierce, no-nonsense girl, but that's hardly the case. Or maybe it's the case. I'm not even sure about myself. I think I'm an under cover fierce babe. I usually start off smiling and pretending to be nice. But I digress...

Funmie is my self-hired administrative assistant. Yes, she employed herself as my administrative assistant, and so far, I'm not quite sure how I feel about her job performance. I still end up doing what I want her to do, and she claims it's my fault because I'm supposed to send her reminders. Seriously???

I have to commend Funmie though. She is my biggest [female] fan. (We'll get to the biggest male fan later). I cannot even believe I have a friend who is this excited and interested in me. She reads every single blog post. She's even subscribed to it. She listens LIVE to every single radio show. The only time she did not call in was the weekend she was seriously ill, but even then, she still listened to it LIVE. When she was very busy helping a friend cook, she still listened via phone and called in. The chic just surprises me.

She's done a lot more actually. But these will have to suffice for now. I often fantasize about the day I'll have some money, take her shopping, and totally blow her mind. Enjoy the pictures.

If I lay my hands on that red belt, it's mine forever.

Only Funmie can tell you what she was doing to that Christmas light decoration (Oh, my goodness! Can't believe it's already almost a year since we took this picture).

Someone is trying to pretend to be quiet...

But this is her true color right here .... the crazy girl you hear shouting on Verastically Speakin Talk Radio.

...And yes, I know I spelled her name as Funmi (instead of Funmie) in the tag. I can't be bothered to change the tag in all the posts with her name, so her tag will have to remain as Funmi.

Date Me Jeje, Date Me Tender... Yes ooo!!!

"Is it not a bit problematic that at my age, I have never been on a date? It is days like this one that make me wonder if my fears and preconceived notions are true: are there really no Nigerian or at least African men on E-Harmony dot com? That website has promised to match me on twenty-nine different dimensions of compatibility. That is a whole lot more than what I have been able to do for myself. And what about Match dot com? Dr. Phil has told me that it is okay to look there. So I have looked – but just at their home page. I am not quite ready to divulge into anything else yet. Chemistry dot com has vowed to find me a person who will make me go weak in the knees. Now, that is the kind of passion I want!"

The above paragraph was pulled from an article written by yours truly - yes me - in December of 2008. That was when I was desperately in need for someone to date me jejely and tenderly. Wait a minute, I was not desperately in need. I just thought it'd be nice to be dated jejely and tenderly for once.

In case you're wondering, I really did visit the homepage of Match dot com, and I really did wonder if there are Nigerian/African men on E-Harmony dot com, although I did not plan on signing up. Overall, my favorite site's slogan was and still is Chemistry dot com. They promised to find me a man who would make me go weak in the knees. Mm mm mm!!! I'm weak in the knees already just thinking about it. Who does not want weak-in-the-knees chemistry?

Why do I bring this up now? On Saturday, November 14th, Good Naija Girl and I would be discussing virtual dating on Verastically Speakin. Oh, yes!!! Have you voted in the poll up there? Well, go vote, please, and then click here on Saturday morning to listen.

P.S. I've been a little busy with church this entire week, but it has been a blessing to say the least. If you're in the Baltimore area, it's not yet late to attend the Shiloh Festival at House of Praise, Baltimore Church. See the bottom of this post for more details.

Or else .... talk to you on Saturday - 10am U.S. EST (4pm Nigerian time). >>> radio@verastic.com for e-mails concerning this show or any other show on Verastically Speakin.

Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid (1)

This post is probably one of them.

You ever notice how people conveniently avoid the woman with the baby on the flight? You can't blame them really. What are the chances that the baby will not scream them to oblivion? It's not like they can yell at the baby. Well, they can --- but imagine who would be the bad guy after that. Besides, that would probably cause the baby to scream longer and louder.

I remember this flight I was on, and there was a woman, her baby, and another woman whom I assumed to be her mother. I sat next to them because that was the nearest open seat I found. I happen to be one of those people who avoid the baby-having passengers like a plague. When we were however-many-thousands of feet in the air, I decided to pull out that tiny little table - if you would call it that - attached to the back seat of the passenger in front of you. With my text book on it, I decided to tackle my 30-questions long assignment.

But this baby, this cute little blonde, blue-eyed baby ... it just could not resist the shine of my pencil. It kept pulling it away from me. I did not really mind. I was bothered by something else. I could not tell if this baby was a boy or a girl. Its ears were not pierced, so it was hard to tell. The style and colors of its clothes were unisex - a dull green color. Its hair was short, and it had not yet received its first hair cut - I was sure - so the style of its hair was misleading. Besides, I know how Black babies' hair can morph into a Punk-lookalike hair cut. If you did not know better, you'd swear the baby's mother was trying to make her child look like Bobby Brown - back when he was somebody. Or maybe that only happens to Nigerian babies. But I digress.

So this baby kept pulling my pencil. If I could steal it - yes, the baby, take it to the bathroom and open its diapers, I would have. I was so curious to know if it was a boy or a girl. Not knowing was terribly uncomfortable. It kept smiling at me. Its smile said nothing about its gender. I think it was probably because it did not have teeth. It was not the flirtatious smile of a boy baby to a female; neither was it the mischievous smile of a girl baby to a girl [sorry girls!]. I just had to know; if not for anything, I needed to stop the mental argument going on in my head where I referred to the baby as he, she, and it - all at once. No, calling it the baby just wouldn't do either. So why didn't I just ask? I don't know. I just could not bring myself to ask the question. How would I have asked?

• Is it a boy or a girl?
• He's a boy?
• What's her name?
• So uhm ... did you get its gender checked before you had it?
• May I see its birth certificate for a second?
• Do you mind if I borrow your baby for a minute? Just need to go to the bathroom and check something real quick.

D'oh! I just got an idea. I could have asked: So what's the baby's name? Well, too late now! I'll never find them again. But now that I think of it, the baby could have had a unisex name like Jamie or Chibuzo. Okay, fine. Maybe the chance of a White, blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby answering Chibuzo is slim, but it's not totally impossible.

Maybe I should not have blogged about my desire to take a woman's baby into the bathroom and expose its genitals. You think that might be sending the wrong message? Yeah, me too. The good news is that I am semi anonymous, and most of you don't know what I look like - hopefully. The bad news is that I am kidding myself and the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) peeps might start looking at me weird.

Yeap. Some things are definitely better left unsaid.

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Something that does need to be said, however, is the Annual Shiloh Festival at House of Praise Baltimore Church. It started yesterday, Nov. 8th, and it will end on Sunday Nov. 15th 2009. I was there yesterday [Apostle Sunny Aiyemo (from Nigeria) preached], and it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E - to say the least. If you're the Baltimore area, consider making a date with the LORD. I'll be doing the same for the days I can make it. The schedule is below.

Day	Date	Time	Pastor
Monday	Nov. 9th	7:00 pm	Apostle Sunny Aiyemo
Tuesday	Nov. 10th	7:00 pm	Apostle Sunny Aiyemo
Wednesday	Nov. 11th	7:00 pm	Apostle Sunny Aiyemo
Thursday	Nov. 12th	7:00 pm	Apostle Charles Ndifon
Friday	Nov. 13th	7:00 pm	Apostle Charles Ndifon
Saturday	Nov. 14th	7:00 pm	Rev. Sunday Akingbelure
Sunday	Nov. 15th	9:00 am & 11:00 am	Rev. Sunday Akingbelure

** Saturday's service is actually a praise event, so come there with your singing voice and your dancing shoes. And wear your African outfit, if you can.

** For Tuesday's service, Apostle Sunny Aiyemo has requested that you bring a bottle of water with you.

Contact info:

Address: 6101 Moravia Park Drive

Baltimore, MD, 21206.

Tel: 1.410.483.6101n OR 1.410.483.6107

E-mail: admin@houseofpraisebaltimore.org

Website: www.houseofpraisebaltimore.org

What Do Women Want?

I am not due for an update till tomorrow, but tomorrow is when the show on Verastically Speakin will come up, asking and tackling what I will now dramatize and call the ultimate question: What Do Women Want??? That is why I have decided to blog about it today. I want you to have at least twenty-four hours to think about it. I will be co-hosting with Diamond-Hawk & Rosie. Rosie has conveniently changed her name to Lucid Lilith, which has been a tongue twister for me - even now as I type it, it's a finger twister, so I have reserved my right to call her Rosie. So....

What exactly do women want?

• Love?
• Romance?
• Respect?
• Companionship?
• Loyalty?
• Security?
• Stability?
• All of the above ... plus a totally smackable bum? [Okay, maybe just me then].

I know what I want, but you'll have to wait till tomorrow to find out. And no, it's not just about the smackable bum. Thank you very much. I also know what the men think women want. They think we don't know what we want. Well, do we have news for them or what?

I remember when I used to want a man who will want to do a lot of public display of affection with me. I quickly realized that I had to narrow my want; apparently, the public display of affection didn't feel quite good when I was not into the man in the first place. I remember when I used to want a man who would have all sorts of sweet terms of endearment for me - baby, honey, sweetie - then I realized I would prefer that he not say baby every five seconds. I remember when I used to want a man who would know the little things about me. Oh, yes... then I got that one that remembered my bra size, but not my last name. I would have probably felt better if he had at least seen the bra. But to think that my very public last name was WAEC to him....

Tsk. Tsk.

I know I know what I want now.

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The poll is up there. If you have not voted, please do. If you have voted, try to vote again because your vote might not count. Reason is that I had to redo this poll four times, and each time I redid it, I had to take off the one you already voted on, so please vote again. Thank you.

Last but not least, the time for the show has changed. Well, the time in U.S. is the same, but outside of U.S., it might not be the same. U.S. changed time on Sunday; the clock went back one hour, so Nigeria, for example, is now six hours ahead of us, instead of five. That said, if you're in Nigeria, Verastically Speakin' will air at 4pm your time NOT 3pm. I said 4pm oooo!!!! It's still 3pm GMT. Apparently, it used to be 4pm GMT - even though I've been proudly saying 3pm GMT and none of you corrected me. Confused? Maybe the table below will help.

U.S. Eastern Time [ex: New York]	10am
U.S. Central Time [ex: Chicago]	9am
U.S. Mountain Time [ex: Arizona, Utah]	8am
U.S. Pacific Time [ex: Los Angeles, Seattle]	7am
Nigerian Time	4pm
U.K. Time	3pm
GMT Time	3pm

If I do not have your general vicinity listed up there, I apologize. Please check www.greenwichmeantime.com I did, of course, consider listing all the countries in the world and their time on my blog - cause you know how the entire world just can't wait to tune into Verastically Speakin,' - but the space on my blog just wouldn't do. Plus, it's kind of late, and I just want to sleep.

So make sure you tune into Verastically Speakin tomorrow and find out what women want. Yippee! E-mails go here >> radio@verastic.com Phone calls before and after the show go here >> 1.443.934.9039 Phone calls during the show [to join the conversation on air] go here >> 1.646.929.1905 Tweets go here www.twitter.com/verastic

And of course, money goes here >> P. O. BOX 7893

Essex, MD 21221

United States of America

$$$ *Hint, hint* Women [Vera] want[s] money!! $$$

>>>>Don't forget to vote in the poll!! Talk to you tomorrow! J

It's Official

Majid Michel is my favorite [young] African actor.

Sorry, Naija folks! The Ghanaian one stole my heart. Is anyone as crazy for Majid as I am? Well, it's his acting that I am really crazy about. And no, seeing his bare bum in his latest movie, Heart of Men has absolutely nothing to do with my decision.

About Heart of Men ... have you seen it? Compared to your typical African movies, this one is good. I mean, it has a good plot with twists and turns. This movie has earned the right to say it's full of suspense. You know how every Nigerian movie - especially the stupid ones - always say they are full of suspense and intrigue. :::HISSSSS:::

That said, the movie could have been better. The plot, that is. The way it ended left me wondering some things, and even before it ended, I felt one or two things could have been done differently. I do have to commend them on the whole reminiscing thing. You know how Nigerian movies reminisce. Usually, the camera zooms into the sweaty face of the character, and then they replay the entire scene of whatever the character is remembering - which is usually like all of part 1! But that didn't happen in this movie. Nope. Enough about Heart of Men. This is about Majid ...

Good guy or bad guy, nice or mean, sensitive or insensitive, romantic or thoughtless .... he really gets into his character. I'll watch any movie, if Majid is in it. I'll watch a stupid movie to the end, if Majid is in it. Do you know how many smacks I could have given his bare bum in Heart of Men? ::Clearing throat:: It won't, of course, feel as good as smacking Mr. Shoe's bum. Hehehe. That was one heck of a smackable bum. [Hopefully, my mom will not read this]. Oh, but back to Majid ... did I forget to mention that Heart of Men has a lot of sex scenes? Oh, boy! Chics with no shirts on, Majid with no pants on .... mm mm mm!!! I should clarify that the part with shirtless chics totally didn't go anything for me... although I got to admire their bras - before they came off. Wonder where they got them. Oh, whatever. They'll be too small for me anyway.

Now, does anyone know where or how I can get Majid's number??? I just want to say hi, that's all.

There She Goes Again...

My mom.

There she goes again.

Yesterday was Halloween. For the Non-Americans, Halloween is a day that people - children and adults alike - dress up in costumes and go around at night (or evening time, rather) knocking on people's doors and begging for candy. As a Christian - a Nigerian one for that matter - I don't celebrate Halloween. Several years ago, I read up on the history of Halloween. It's been years, so my details might be rusty, but according to what I read and what I remember, Halloween Day is a day that ghosts of dead people are believed to roam the earth. So in order not to be attacked by the ghosts, people dress like them, so that way, they blend right in with the ghosts.

That said, Halloween is not quite as scary as it used to be. It's gone sexy all of a sudden - just like every other thing. People now dress in skimpy little outfits (like Wonder Woman, Cat Woman, etc) all in the name of Halloween. Some people dress like bugs - example, my neighbors. I wonder if I would be held responsible for hitting a human being if I were to knock down one of these human sized bugs with my car. I wouldn't want to find out anyway. People were roaming the streets today looking like all sorts of things. Some were cute, I admit. But I'm still not celebrating Halloween - and neither are my future children.

So, back to mom. few days ago, she was complaining about how she did not want to take part in Halloween by handing candy to the kids that knock on the door. Typically, people that don't want to take part in Halloween just turn off their lights and call it a night. But not my mom! She came up with her own handy dandy plan, which made perfect sense - in her head: she'll hand the kids akara. Yes, akara. As in the greasy balls we [Nigerians] make from beans and deep fry in oil. Yeap, that one.

No, the kids are not Nigerians. In fact, in my neighborhood, they are mostly White.

Yes, this idea made perfect sense in my mom's head.

Her reason? "It's just to show them what else they can do with beans ...."

I've got a few questions for mom:

1. Who told you these kids want to know else what they can do with beans?
2. Who even told you they eat beans?
3. How are we going to serve this akara? In ziplock bags or straight into their little palms?
4. Will the akaras also accompany a recipe?

Thankfully, we never did get around to handing out akaras - not because mom changed her mind and decided to save us the humiliation, but because she was too busy to make the akara.

Thank God for small mercies, huh?