Finally, A Perk!

I have been menstruating for the past decade (Hey! Don't try to calculate my age. I was a late bloomer!), and just when I thought I would never be rewarded for the gallons of blood I have lost and the combined hours of menstrual cramps I have endured, Always came in and changed my story.

So, there I was, shopping for my favorite brand of pads - really, Always is the best! - when I spotted this on the box.

This is the pad I always get - the overnight ultra thin - and I use it whether it's day or night.

No matter how bold the word 'FREE' was written on the box, I refused to get excited. This, after all, is America, and nothing, as I have come to learn, is free. That said, I still bought this gifted box of Always pad. 

I took it home, opened the box, and pulled out the slip with a 14-character alpha-numeric code.  I was instructed to go online (with the code) and redeem my free movie ticket. Still, I refused to get excited. They'll probably tax me or demand my credit card information, I concluded.

I printed my e-ticket online and took it to my favorite movie theater where I presented it and asked for a ticket to see Killers (Watch the trailer here). It worked! Yes, I actually got a FREE ticket. No hanky panky --- for now anyway. I did not want to blog about this before seeing the movie for fear that the Always people would revoke my ticket. But now that I have seen the movie, my new fear is that they'll send me a bill.

Having received the opportunity to watch a free movie, I am sincerely grateful to Always (No, I was not paid to blog about this!), and I wonder what's next. Are they going to send me to a free dinner at Chilis Restarant (I love that place!)?  Are they going to send me a Macy's gift card? I could always use that.  Hopefully, I wouldn't have to wait for a decade before receiving this reward from Always.  

P.S. All of a sudden, I feel like menstruating!

Four Days After Getting Older

This post is about forty hours late.  If you're going to accuse me - like the Twitters did - of disappearing off the face of the world wide web because Mr. Shoes kidnapped me for my birthday, then well, I cannot confirm or deny that accusation.  I still feel pretty brand new in my new age.  And, of course, as far as I'm concerned, it's still my birthday.  For those that are concerned about late gifts, please fear not, for I will be accepting gifts till January 13th 2011.  My birthday was a quiet one --- just like me.  At this time, I demand that all comments not in favor of me being a quiet person should cease and desist!

Thank you so very, very much to everyone who called, sent a text, e-mailed, wrote on my facebook wall, tweeted, and/or left a comment on my blog.  Thank you to the church folks and family members that serenaded my life with prayers.  And of course, thank you to my friends and family, who, in spite of the difficult economy, still spent their money buying me gifts.  I am especially grateful to these bloggers and e-friends:

To ChinnyN who sent me my peep toe booties.

To Rita who sent me Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

To Myne Whitman who pleasantly surprised me with an autographed copy of her book, A Heart To Mend (which can be purchased here, by the way).

To Gabriel who sent me the beautiful necklace.

To 36 Inches of Brown Legs who sent me two books from my wish list.

I am extremely tempted at this time to mention what my close friends did and did not do.  I am tempted to list everyone's name and what they gave me and/or did for me .  I am even more tempted to mention Mr. Shoes and what he did, but I promised myself that nowhere in this post will the words 'Mr. Shoes' appear. I might be wrong, but I think I have failed woefully.

But best and most of all, I am thankful to God who has given me the best birthday gifts of all: life, health, faith, favor, grace, and blessings.

That said, I feel compelled to warn Funmie and Ibukun that failure to present me with birthday gifts soon will mean the termination of this oh-so-great friendship we have.  Speaking of Ibukun, this is the cake she bought me (and no, it does not count as a birthday gift).  I could not take a picture of the entire inscription in one shot, but just in case you don't get it, it reads, 'PAIN IN THE ASS'  So you see how they treat me???

If you have read this and now feel a little guilty for not sending me a gift, despair not, for I will be accepting gifts till January, 13th 2011.  And, of course, there are lots and lots of gifts for you to choose from.  Take a look here.

But before you do, please vote on this week's poll.

On The First Day Of 2010

My readers, friends, and family asked of me, "What do you want for your birthday?"

Oh, come on!  You knew the day was coming; you knew I couldn't celebrate my birthday without giving you the list, the birthday list, the one you have been secretly, unconsciously dying to have.  Yes, that list.  In my usual manner, I have taken the pain to put this oh-so-verastic list together.  You're going to love it!  You're going to be eager to just buy, buy, buy.  Of course, I'll gladly let you buy me more than one gift.  Unlike last year's gift list, this one is not full of perfumes.  I think that's what happens when you grow up.

The List:

*** Update: Number 21 has been purchased.
*** Update: Number 10 has been purchased.
*** Update: Number 9 has been purchased.
*** Update: Number 17 has been purchased.

1.  The Nikon D90.  Ever since I saw Ashton Kutcher in the commercial, I have wanted needed this camera.  Oh, I can only imagine the kind of chemistry we would have.  12.9 megapixels of beauty.  Picture courtesy of Best Buy.

2.  Toyota Rav-4: It was a tough decision, but I decided to only add the Rav-4 to my birthday wish list this year. With the state of the economy, I thought it'd be rather insensitive to ask for a Range Rover.  I'm quite understanding, I know.  Picture courtesy of Toyota dot com.

3.  Motorola Cliq phone (in the winter white color): Both of my phones are a sorry sight.  My blackberry has gotten so bad that it now deletes my call records and text messages.  It's so old that instead of Blackberry, it now reads Blacky.  Picture courtesy of T-Mobile.

4.  Blackberry Bold 9700: I use two phones; they're both equally pathetic.  Trust me.  They're pathetic.  So, this Blackberry will replace my second phone.  Picture courtesy of T-Mobile.

5.  Sony Cyber Shot:: Why do I need this?  Because the camera I own is a D-SLR, so I can't just throw it into my purse and go anywhere I want to.  Sometimes, I'm somewhere and I want to take a picture for the blog, but there's no camera - except the phone camera, and well, I'd rather not use the phone camera to take pictures for my blog.  Picture courtesy of Best Buy.

6.  Sony Reader - Touch Edition: I have tried not to cave into this new technology; I have tried to keep doing the paper thing, but goodness, this is so much lighter.  Picture courtesy of Best Buy

7.  Kindle Wireless Reading Device (From Amazon): I actually prefer this one.  But, of course, I'm totally understanding and flexible. I'll gladly take either the Kindle or the Sony Reader - not both - but I do prefer the Amazon Kindle.  Unless you insist, of course, but please don't.  One is fine, really. Picture courtesy of Amazon.

8.  An external hard drive - 500 GB (Toshiba).  Considering how much I write, it is a shame that I do not own an external hard drive.  Yes, that means that nothing - absolutely nothing - is backed up.  So, if Nwoke Ocha were to decide to pack up right now, that would be it for me.  Picture courtesy of Best Buy.

9.  Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe: Believe it or not, I have never, ever read this book.  Sure, I know the story, but that's just because I watched the movie (with Pete Edochie starring as Okonkwo), and of course, many are the things that have been said about this great novel --- and the one who wrote it.  So now, I want it for myself.  Picture courtesy of Amazon.

10.  The Lion And The Jewel by Wole Soyinka: Nope, have not read this either.  *sigh*  Picture courtesy of Amazon.

11.  Cuff Down Ankle Boots from Bakers: These Western boots are made for walking.  I want to walk in them!  Who is buying?  I wear a size 9, BUT let's be safe and go with a 10.  Picture courtesy of Bakers Shoes.

12.  These peep-toe pumps: I don't know this obsession I have with peep toe shoes, but it's gotta stop.  Okay, it doesn't have to stop right now.  I just love them.  What else is there to say?

13.  I want to carry this bag.  Enough said.  Courtesy of Macy's.

14.  Liz Claiborne Marietta sunglasses: Simple.  Not too flashy.  Me likes.  Picture courtesy of Macy's.

15.  A/X Armani Exchange Sunglasses: I love, love, LOVE these glasses.  I love them better than the previous one (number 14).  I can just imagine myself on a hot summer day.  HAWT!  Picture courtesy of Macy's

16.  Efuru by Flora Nwapa.  This, too, is another book that I need to read.  So who wants to help mama?  Mama being me, of course.  Picture courtesy of Amazon.

17.  That Devil's No Friend Of Mine by J. D. Mason.  I love J. D. Mason.  I think she's a brilliant writer.  I don't remember the name of the first book I read from her, but I loved it.  I have loved everything from her since then.  Picture courtesy of Amazon.

18.  Be Careful What You Pray For by Kimberla Lawson Roby: I love her books, too.  It's usually dramatic and family oriented, the kind of stuff that happens to regular people.  It's almost like a Nigerian movie, and by that, I'm referring to the good Nigerian movie, not the ones that insult our intelligence.  Picture courtesy of Amazon.

19.  God Only Knows by Xavier Knight. I have never read anything from this author, but something about the name of the book, and even the name of the author just makes me want to grab it and read it right now.  Picture courtesy of Amazon.

20.  Elaine boots from Baker's Shoes.  I really, really like them.  No, seriously, I like them.  Size 10, please.  Goodness.  I'll look so hot in them.  Don't you think?  Picture courtesy of Baker's Shoes.

21.  Caden peep toe boots from Baker's Shoes.  I have admired these boots from afar, and I have thought to myself, "Why would I need peep toe boots?"  But recently, I saw a pair of peep toe boots that I just couldn't stop looking at.  Hence, my new love for the peep toe booties.  Picture courtesy of Baker's Shoes.

22.  Lancome Teint Idole Ultra foundation.  I've been using this foundation since Lancome jazzed me in 2008.  After I bought their ridiculously expensive eye pencil, I took it back and bought this foundation instead.  It's been love ever since.  Well, I need a new one.  I need it in the Suède 1 (N) color (not to be confused with the Suede On color).  In the picture below, I highlighted the color, and by the left, where you'll select the color, my color is the one with the highlighted (yellow) frame (the last one on the leftest column).  Picture courtesy of Macy's.

23.  Nintendo Wii.  I don't remember if I had this on my wish list last year, but I know I've been wanting this for quite a while.  Well, here's your chance to do me good :-)  Picture courtesy of Best Buy.

24.  Sony - Xplod 52W x 4 Apple: The CD player in my car is crappy.  It's way too sensitive for my liking, but that's only the beginning of the problem.  It goes off right in the middle of the song, and I think it does it on purpose too, because it always waits till the song gets to my favorite part ... and then pffft.  It's off.  Picture courtesy of Best Buy.

25.  Sony Handycam camcorder: Wouldn't it be nice, if I could serenade you with videos??  Exactly!  So this is where and how this camcorder comes into play.  Picture courtesy of Best Buy.

26.  If you feel like none of these is expensive enough, I'll gladly welcome the cash you would have spent on a gift.



**** List will continuously be updated till June 30th 2010.  On June 30th 2010, the new birthday wish list (for 2011) will start being compiled.  Happy buying.

Happy New Year .... once again.

Oh, how could I forget?!  You need my address!

P. O. BOX 7893

Essex, MD 21221

United States of America.

You Got What For Christmas???

When I was 14 (in Nigeria), my dad went to the store and bought me a Christmas dress - as was the tradition for Christmas and Easter. Big mistake for this particular year. Mom should have gone with him - as she usually did. He came back with a peach and ivory poufy dress. Not only was the dress a mama-tie-me-for-back dress, but it was also a Mary-Amaka dress. In other words, it had a very long belt that had to be tied at the back, and it (the dress) was also very long. Did I mention I was 14 --- and in JSS3 (9th grade)???

My father is the reason why I am now very adamant about letting a man shop for me. He is also the reason why I am now also very adamant about eating a man's food. Memories of my father's burnt-tomato stew and ball-filled pap (akamu) still linger in my mind. Until they fully dissipate, I'll shop for myself, and when eating any food cooked by a man, I'll have Pepto Bismal handy. I feel obligated to mention that Mr. Shoes, however, is a fantabulous cook. If I don't mention it, he'll start whining grumbling.

My mother did not like the dress, but she said I had to wear it because dad had bought it already. That Christmas was just --- just --- I don't even know the word. The entire time we were in church, my head was bowed down in shame; I didn't want anyone to see me in that dress. Needless to say, that was a futile aim. It was Christmas for Pete's sake. Even the witches went to church on Christmas Day, so of course, everyone got to see me in the dress. That was the first and last time I ever wore that dress. It was so poufy that at least one child could hide under me and not be found.

When I think of horrible-gift stories, the humorous story that usually comes to mind is the episode of Cosby where someone - can't remember who - gave Bill Cosby a soap-on-a-rope as a gift. Seriously?!?! Christmas is upon us, so when you're giving someone a gift, think about its usefulness. If you're going to spend money buying a gift, don't you want the gift to be used?

On Saturday, December 5th 2009, I'll be talking about Christmas and gifts on the radio. Be rest assured you'll enjoy the show. But more than that, on Thursday or Friday, I'll update my blog and introduce you to some kind and generous vendors who are willing to give you discounts on their products - just for being Verastic readers/listeners. Thank you!!! Watch this space. As usual, there's a poll for next week's show. It's on the top of the right sidebar.

So tell me, what horrible, totally useless gift(s) have you received?

Pardon Me

I might have misled you a bit. Just a bit. Remember when I told you that I was just 21 a little while ago? Yes, yes... I mean when I nagged about age creeping up on me... yes, that day. Well, I also blogged about my upcoming birthday - a day I love by the way - but obviously, a new birthday means a new age. A bigger age.

The point is ... while I was typing away about my upcoming birthday, I may have given the impression that said birthday is in a few days - or at least a few weeks. Did I forget to mention that my birthday is actually on January 14th? Silly me! I have to say that this is the first time I have started receiving birthday wishes from August! Tobenna even wished me a happy birthday in arrears. Nawa o! It's either I have misled you or you all are an enthusiastic lot! Yeap.... definitely enthusiastic :=)

Speaking of birthdays, how can I conclude this post without wishing our very own Nefertiti a very big happy birthday!!!! Neffie, it's 12:00 sharp. Technically, I am the first to say happy birthday. You never said I had to be the first to say it over the phone. So happy birthday once again. I have not forgiven you for having a baby before you even told us - your blog family - that you were pregnant, but that's by the way. I'll try not to mention it today. Wairraminute!! Did Neffie close down her blog, or is blogger on crack this midnight?! Neffie, if you've closed down your blog, then I retract this happy birthday parahraph I just dedicated to you.

Now, I know you're all worried about what gifts to buy me for my birthday - yes, I know you want to get a headstart on it, but I assure you that I am working very hard on a list that will suit you and I very well. Despair not. I will not pick anything too cheap. I know how you just hate, hate, HATE it when I do that. It's just that sometimes I cannot help but be considerate. :-) Oh, well. Some people are just made to be nice i.e. me.

I finally got Nwoke Ocha back (on the 31st of August). For those that are confused, he's my laptop. His keyboard - amongst a few other things - was replaced. It turns out I've been doing a lot of typing. Me? Noooo!!! I only update my blog every three days, tweet everyday, facebook every day, write and reply e-mails every day, do some writing most days, reply comments on my blog most days too. That's not a lot of typing, is it? I bought Nwoke Ocha in October. It's amazing that between October 2008 and August 2009, I have damaged his keyboard. Nawa o. Perhaps, I need a laptop with a heavy duty keyboard. Ideas, anyone?

Please, please, please... help me welcome Rosie to Blogville. She was one of my co-hosts for the 'Female, Accomplished, Over 30, and Single' show, and she has joined us on Blogville. Yay!! Go over there and make her feel welcome. I said make her feel welcome. I didn't say chase her away with you kolomentality.

I Was Just 21

Is it just me, or does a woman's age begin to speed like light once she reaches the age of 21. Once upon a time, I could not wait to turn 21. 21, to me, was the real legal age. The problem with turning 21 is that 22 immediately follows - and then 23, 24, 25, 26, 27 ... 114... and before you know it, you're wondering where all the time went. I feel like I just blogged about my birthday. Yet, as it is now, another birthday will soon be upon me.

Today is the last day of August. I do not know about everyone else, but the 1st of September, for me, marks the beginning of the end of the year. And the end of the year marks the beginning of a New Calendar Year and a New Birth Year for me.

At this point, I am very well aware of the thoughts that are running through your mind right now, and trust me, I am just as worried. What on earth are you going to give me for my birthday?!?! Ah, I don't quite know myself. This gift-receiving thing gets more difficult each year. Let's not forget what happens exactly one month after my birthday - Valentine's Day!! (February 14th). A shy smile creeps up on my face each time I think of this year's Valentine. But I digress...

I really was just 21 a little while ago - or so it seems. Now, the memory of being 21 is so distant. I don't even remember what I did for my 21st birthday. On another note, the people at Best Buy said Nwoke Ocha will be ready today. I'm not going to wait for them to call me. I'll just go there by myself and demand to see my boo, and he better be doing great. Can't wait to rub my fingers all over him.

Three More Days...!!!

I know you did not think I was done talking about my birthday. Heck no!!! Today is the 11th. I have three more days before I officially turn plus one. Yay!! So let the gifts begin to arrive!! I'm only reminding you because I care about you oh. I don't want you to have to do rush delivery. But in the event that your gift cannot get to me before the 14th, please do not despair. I receive late gifts @ no extra nagging to you. Yes, I know I'm sweet. You don't have 2 say it.

The 14th of January is the most important day of the year. The earth will stand still. The moon and the sun will come out together and struggle for sky space, but none will win. The stars instead will shine from dusk till dawn, and they will hang down from the sky like chandeliers. As if I were standing under a mistletoe, I will receive a kiss every time I stand under a star. I guess I should expect a gazillion kisses that day. Baba God will grant me all my heart desires. It will be the beginning of a new life for me - my XXth year on earth. If you're wondering who I will be kissing under the stars, my answer is God will provide!

I do not have much to say today. I would only like to repost (for the benefit of those who have not read it and those who have forgotten or claim to have forgotten) my birthday wish list. And my address, of course. If you are torn between two gifts or more and cannot decide which one to get me, please get them all. That's the only logical thing to do. I'm only suggesting this for your own good - of course.

1. Husband (If you know where he is, please send him to my P. O. BOX asap so we can go and get married. I have already found my wedding gown and the hall we'll be getting married in. I've even picked the aso-ebi lace, and Funmi and Busola have prepared their speech. Oh, I've even found my ring; he just needs to pay for it).

2. Nikon D90 (The first DSLR camera that has movie functionality!! Been stalking it on Best Buy ever since. If I get this camera....I'm gonna be....I don't even know what I'm gonna be. Dear God, please touch ye the hearts of my readers!!)

3. The new BlackBerry Bold. (Ever since I spotted this phone, I have not been able to stop picturing myself using it. Honestly, I'll look so good using it. It fits my bold personality.)

4. Wii Game (Ever since I played this game @ a friend's house, I have not been able to stop thinking about it).

5. This bag from Macy's. (I love this bag from Macy's; dunno why, but I do. Think it would look better in black).

6. Perfume: Pour Femme by Bvlgari (Haven't been able to get my mind off it).

7. Perfume: Romance by Ralph Lauren (Been loving it since my Naija days)

8. Perfume: Miracle Forever by Lancome

9. Perfume: Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker

10.Perfume: Nina by Nina Ricci

11. Perfume: Vera Wang by Vera Wang

12. Perfume: Guess by Marciano

13. Perfume: Rock n Rose by Valentino

14. Perfume: Diamonds by Emperio Armani

15. Perfume: Gucci by Gucci

16. Perfume: Princess by Vera Wang

17. A gift card from DSW. (I'm craving shoes.)

18. Alright fine, whatever you wanna send... (in addition to any of the ones listed above...hehehe.)

I know what you're thinking: goodness, Vera, you're so cheap. Is that all you want??? Whatever happened to aiming high for bigger, better, bolder things....like a newly built, fully furnished house in an upscale neighborhood? Well, what can I say? I'm so modest.

Oh, before I forget, here's the mailing address which I'm sure you're all just itching you have:

Vera Ezimora
P. O. BOX 7893
ESSEX, MD 21221
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

See you on Wednesday - my birthday. Yay!!!

Feliz Navidad!!!

***Vera singing***


"I wanna wish you a merry Christmas/ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas/ I wanna wish you a merry Christmas from the bottom of my ha-art! Feliz navidad...."


While some of you might think that Christmas is just for celebrating the birth of Christ and his glorious entry into this sinful world of ours, there is actually something else that ought to be celebrated today: the upcoming of another EXTRA SPECIAL DAY - JANUARY 14TH!!!


So what happens on January 14th, you ask? If you have to ask, then you deserve 24 lashes of koboko. But because today is Christmas, there shall be no whipping. January 14th is the day that yours truly, (Yes, the Verastic Vera) turns plus one. You see, I wasn't gonna come into this sinful world, but I thought, "If Jesus could do it, then why not me?"


So on one fateful night, thirty-eight weeks before Jan 14th 19XX, I was conceived. I know it was night because back then, they only used to have sex at night. I was placed in my mommy's womb, and since then, she has been the proudest woman alive. Why not, if not? I am everything she longed for and more, if I do say so myself. Certain events occured while mommy was pregnant with me - like the day she was getting off the bus in London (or was it Russia?) and the bus driver moved before mom had completely stepped off, so mom went tumbling down - with me inside her! Mom and dad have always used that event as an explanation for why I turned out the way I have - whatever that means. I will take that as a compliment.


There is also the fact that I began to drink alcohol when I was a baby. It's a miracle I don't care for alcohol now. Yes, apparently, whenever I cried too much and dad couldn't take it anymore, he put a few drops of alcohol in my mouth. That often sent me to sleep. He still hasn't apologized for that. I wonder if it's too late to sue him for child abuse. But I digress...


On this wonderful Christmas day, you ought to be thinking about what you will give the Verastic Vera for her birthday. Being the selfless, kind-hearted person that I am, I have compiled a list for you - complete with a mailing address! Please, pick any gift from the list below and send it to me. P. O. BOX 7893. Essex, MD 21221. United States of America.


1. Husband (If you know where he is, please send him to my P. O. BOX asap so we can go and get married. I have already found my wedding gown and the hall we'll be getting married in. I've even picked the aso-ebi lace, and Funmi and Busola have prepared their speech. Oh, I've even found my ring; he just needs to pay for it).


2. Nikon D90 (The first DSLR camera that has movie functionality!! Been stalking it on Best Buy ever since. If I get this camera....I'm gonna be....I don't even know what I'm gonna be. Dear God, please touch ye the hearts of my readers!!)


3. The new BlackBerry Bold. (Ever since I spotted this phone, I have not been able to stop picturing myself using it. Honestly, I'll look so good using it. It fits my bold personality.)


4. Wii Game (Ever since I played this game @ a friend's house, I have not been able to stop thinking about it).

5. This bag from Macy's. (I love this bag from Macy's; dunno why, but I do. Think it would look better in black).


6. Perfume: Pour Femme by Bvlgari (Haven't been able to get my mind off it).

7. Perfume: Romance by Ralph Lauren (Been loving it since my Naija days)


8. Perfume: Miracle Forever by Lancome


9. Perfume: Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker

10.Perfume: Nina by Nina Ricci

11. Perfume: Vera Wang by Vera Wang

12. Perfume: Guess by Marciano

13. Perfume: Rock n Rose by Valentino

14. Perfume: Diamonds by Emperio Armani

15. Perfume: Gucci by Gucci

16. Perfume: Princess by Vera Wang

17. Alright fine, whatever you wanna send... (in addition to any of the ones listed above...hehehe.)

My dear people, though my birthday isn't till next month, I have currently started accepting gifts due to the rush. For your sake (I know you wouldn't want your gift(s) to be late), I advice that you send your gifts ASAP....in order to avoid the rush, of course.

***Merry Christmas!!!*** I'll see you on the 28th of Dec 2008. I have some good news. But meanwhile, please enjoy my new note: Date Me Jeje, Date Me Tender