Vacations End Wayyyyyyy Too Quickly!

Considering the amount of time that goes into planning a vacation - no matter how short - it is appalling that it ends so swiftly. Why does time fly by so fast when you're having fun? It's never the same thing when that teacher is talking about all the different ways to dissect the brain. I have barely traveled in the last few several years. I hope to make 2009 a traveling year. AMEN!!!

But when I get married - here she comes with her future marriage plans again! - my husband and I must travel to all places travelable. Of course, I can travel now, but I think the traveling will be a lot more fun if you have the opportunity of being naughty with someone @ odd times of the day and/or night. You know what I mean now! Don't make me say it; I'm shy. *blushing*

So when I get married, my husband and I might just wake up one morning and decide to go have breakfast in Germany, lunch in Peru, and dinner in India. The next day, we'll go bake ourselves under the Australian sun. We might even hunt a few crocodiles - just like Steve, the Crocodile Hunter used to do before his unfortunate demise. Then we'll go to Senegal - just to visit those huge flies I saw there several years ago. I wonder if their flies are still so huge. Another day, we'll go to Puerto Rico to look for J'Lo's people. When we find them, we'll wave to them and keep it moving.

We'll vacation to Leningrad, Russia - the land of my birth. We'll see if we can actually see Alaska. If we can, we might just ski dive into Alaska. That should be fun. We'll go to Italy to have real pizza. And I'll buy an expensive pair of shoes. We'll go to Israel to visit the garden of Eden. There, I will get down on my knee and feed my husband an apple. He will eat it and we will know the difference between good and evil. [I wonder if we'll get banned from returning to Israel if we get caught procreating under one of the trees. I guess we'll just have to find out]

We'll go to Nigeria to eat from one of those Mama Put joints. And we'll give her a big fat tip. We're gonna wash our own dishes and stand in line to wait for our food just like everyone else. That's all part of the fun. We'll go to Paris - the City of love & romance and we'll fall in love all over again....and of course, we'll 'romance' each other. He'll whisper sweet nothings in my ear in the language I wish I could speak - French.

Okay, enough of the imaginations. This has become a self-induced hypnosis. I'm finding it hard to snap out of it. Goodness, that French part was really good. So what was I saying anyway? Oh yeah, vacations end too quickly. I know this sounds like a random post. It sounds like I have no reason to be talking about vacations, but you know there is no smoke without fire. *wink*

P.S. Category B of the Naija Blogger Awards is up and running. Please go & vote (FOR ME!!!!) immediately. Click HERE to go to the Naija Blogger Awards blog. I woulda given the link directly to the voting site, but Geisha (even from her blogger grave....sebi she stopped blogging??) has been threatening me to put the link to the Blogger Awards blog instead. She said my votes will not count if I did not heed her instructions. I'm not afraid oh, but.... anyway, when you go to the blog, the link for Category B is on the right hand side. And please, ignore whatever Afrobabe & Iyabo Opeke says. They're both crazy. Vote 4 me and me alone.

P.P.S. On Thursday, I blogged about the few and very simple things I require of my future bridesmaids, and Lolo Bloggs asked what I had planned for myself as the bride. Now, I feel compelled to tell you all. I just don't know how you're gonna take the news. Should I indulge you?

On Bridesmaids...

So, Bumight struck a chord with me on her recent post about wanting to be a bridesmaid. I have been a bridesmaid only one time in my life, and that was when I was Busola's maid of honor. It goes without saying that it was Busola's honor to have me as her maid of honor. Soon, I'm gonna be a bridesmaid for another friend, and no, I'm not gonna tell you who, when, or where. I talked about Busola's nuptials so much that my picture was found by many people. Once bitten, twice shy. I refuse to talk about this wedding. There were two other times I was part of a wedding: once when I was my aunt's little bride (gosh, I was too hawt!), and the other time, I was an usher (or was it a hostess??); the point is that we wore a beautiful burgundy gown.

Our dear Bumight has never had the honor expense of being a bridesmaid. Sure, you'll look cute (if you're not made to wear some butt ugly dress that highlights all your flaws), and sure, you'll have your pictures taken by a professional photographer. Let's not forget the chance to walk arm in arm with what is hopefully an eligible bachelor - if only for that day. I think my favorite part is when the bridal party dances into the reception. That's when I can show my kolomentality in the name of dance moves - not that I really have any.

Anyways, Bumight wants to be my bridesmaid. What wedding, you ask? Well, Bumight has joined the other crazy people (Funmi & Busola) in planning my wedding to my valentine. Bumight, don't worry; you, Funmi, and Busola are obviously all being carried in the same boat. Funmi and Busola have already started planning the speech they will give at my wedding. They even argue about whose speech will be better. Needless to say, I am not part of this conversation, but it is quite entertaining to listen to. Sometimes, I do indulge them, I must admit. I have long since removed all doubts about Funmi's and Busola's insanity. They're certified 'crase people.' And you, Bumight, have joined them. Congratulations!

For you, Bumight (and anyone else who might be interested in being my bridesmaid), please read below.

1. All bridesmaids must have their dresses (which I will design) sewn by Vera Wang.

2. Once chosen as a bridesmaid, no bridesmaid, can decline the offer.

3. Each bridesmaid must get to the wedding in a stretch hummer limousine that will be paid for by the bridesmaid. One bridesmaid per limo, please!

4. Each bridesmaid must buy the aso-ebi lace, of course, which will cost only $2000 for 5 yards.

5. Each bridesmaid must use that asoebi material to sew a style that I have designed: micro mini skirt & half top - with the words, "Vera's Maid" inscribed boldly across the chest.

6. Each bridesmaid must wear a pair of gold metalic stripper shoes designed by either Manolo Blahnik or Christian Louboutin. And no, they will not be stripping @ my wedding! The groomsmen are welcome to, though. :)

7. Anyone who is interested in being a Verastic bridesmaid should please answer the 5 questions below & mail it to my P.O.BOX immediately. Though I am not getting married yet (in fact, I'm not even engaged), it is imperative that I plan ahead, no? Please mail in your Verastic Bridesmaid application ASAP, and you will get a response once the wedding date has been set.

Verastic Application Form [all areas marked with asteris (*) are required, and the number of *s denotes how much power this question has...in determining if you get the honorable position or not. Answer wisely, my friends.]

*Name:

*Address & Number:

**********How much are you willing to donate to the Verastic wedding?

**********How soon can you start the donation?

Why do you want to be a Verastic bridesmaid?


All readers are eligible to become Verastic bridesmaids. I have even decided to shatter myths by allowing men to become my bridesmaids, so RocNaija, Rethots, Aloofar, Chari, Black007, Fine Agbero Boy, Jaguda, Nuggetzman, Danny Bagucci, Dabizniz, Darius Williams, Tobenna, Webround, Aribaba, Doug, NaijaDude, Banky W, Emeka Amakeze, Boorish Male, Naughty Eyes, Dante, NaijaLeta, Engineer Ayo, Mr C, Carlang and the rest of our male bloggers (and readers) are all free to apply. C'mon, I know you've all been picturing yourselves in pretty dresses & gowns, sashaying down the aisle all prim & proper. Admit it already and do the right thing!

This may come as a shock to you - considering how competitive this position is - but it costs absolutely nothing to apply for this position. Yes, I know.... I'm awefully sweet! Sometimes, I don't know what to do with myself!

So Bumight, how you take see am?

The Injustices Of The World.

I know I have been putting up a lot of funny, unserious posts lately, but please take a moment to be Verastically serious - if that is possible.

I have always been aware of the injustices in the world - like Black vs White, Men vs Women, Rich vs Poor, and Young vs Old. Before Friday (Feb 27th), I had not been hit hard by any of this. Before Friday, everything was just same ol' same ol' and you would have probably never heard me complaining of the injustice(s) of the world, but after what I experienced at Wal-Mart on Friday evening, my views have changed - and not for the better.

On Friday evening, I went to Wal-Mart (the All-American superstore) to buy the movie, Transformers for my cousin. He had been bugging for it, so I decided to finally go get it. In the clothes section, I noticed there were several yellow clothes and accessories. As you know, yellow is a bright color which makes it almost impossible to miss it. I went closer and realized that everything there was about Spongebob. High in the ceiling hung a banner that read, "Happy Spongebob." I actually don't remember if it read, "Happy Spongebob Month" or just "Happy Spongbob."

Anyway, there was a pair of yellow spongebob sleep-pants and a yellow spongebob sleep-top. I immediately moved in for the kill. It was only then that I realized the clothes were only for kids. No adult sizes. Now why would they go and do that?! I really, really, really, really liked it, but for any of it to fit me, I would have to lose I-don't-even-know-how-many-pounds and definitely lose some inches off my height too.

With regret, I succumed to the harsh reality: The yellow spongebob sleepwear was just not for me. My oldness had deprived me of a spongebob sleepwear. Talk about the great injustice of the world: Young vs Old. Sooooooooo not fair!!!!

I don't know where I should submit my complaint: To Wal-Mart? I could tell them how uncool & unfunny it is that they are selling cute spongebob sleepwear that is not not available in normal people's sizes. Or maybe to Nickelodeon? They're the owners of Spongebob, so I'm sure they approved of this injustice. Come to think of it, maybe I should take this straight to Obama. He needs to write and pass a bill that mandates Spongebob outfits to be made for adults.

Yeap, that's what I'm gonna do.

Let's Go There....!

Naija Blogger Awards is up...yay! I am not dedicating an entire post to the awards because I'm tryna create awareness & all that ish, but rather because I want to warn all of you: failure to vote for me will result in the permanent deletion of my blog. Yes, I realize this action will hurt me more than it will hurt you since I love and cherish my blog and its contents, but at least, my point will be made.

So what makes Vera - the one who lives Verastically - qualify? Please, read on. There are 17 categories for 'Category A' of the Naija Blogger Awards, and I intend to qualify for all of them. Yes, I said all of them.

1. Best Personal Blog: This shouldn't be difficult. Verastically Livin' is as personal as it can get. I have told you about my bathing routine (so now, you can practically picture me doing it); I have told you about my tropical rain forest (the jungle that hides within); I have told you about my shotput days (when I supplied free manure to grandma's farm); I have told you about my lactose intolerance (so now you know what not to serve me when I visit you), and I have even told you what kind of underwears I wear. What, do you need me to post a picture of my butt cheeks too?

2. Best Student Blog: So maybe I don't talk a lot about school, but I did mention that I had to do a school project when I had to visit a strip club and observe people. Well, what more do you want from me? Vote me there jare!

3. Most Inspiring Blogger: I inspired Temite, Funmie, and someone else whose name I can't remember right now to start blogging. How much more of an inspiring blogger do you want me to be? On February 14th, I even inspired God to answer my prayers and send me my Valentine. Hehehe. If I can inspire God, then what da heck?? If you ask me, I'll even say I inspired Barack Obama to run 4 President, but let's not get in2 that. We're keeping it on the down low.

4. Best Literary Blog (prose, poetry, story telling): Uhm, this might be a bit tricky. The stories I have told on Verastically Livin' are not exactly prose-type material BUT hey, they are stories nonetheless, no? Remember the story about the young boy who woulda wooed me if he wasn't so much younger than me? Well, that counts for something!

5. Best Use Of Theme In A Blog (religion, politics, social commentary, fashion, family, etc): How about "Totally Awesome" for a theme? If you ask me, that should count for something. And that is exactly what Verastically Livin' is all about. Someone might call this tooting my own horns, but what does he know?

6. Best Political Blog: Oh, this one is soooooo easy! On the day of the election, I blogged TWICE. I never, ever blog twice in a day, but that day I blogged twice - all for Obama. The posts are HERE & HERE. Now how's that for best political blog!!

7. Best Relgious Blog: I don't like the term 'religious;' I prefer 'spiritual,' but for the purpose of this award, I'll tell you that this is the best religious blog because on Sunday, October 19th, I rededicated my life to Christ. I also have a direct line to God. Who else has written a letter to Him and had it answered so swiftly and perfectly?

8. Best Fashion Blog: On Valentine's Day, I told you I wore a pink and black shirt. I only wore the pink shirt because it was Valentine's Day and I was tryna honor St. Valentine.

9. Best Entertainment Blog: Who else entertains you so much with the type of weird men she meets? Remember Mr. Kisser? TAB? Mr. Multiple Personality? Mr Slow? The Delivery Man? The weekend with three men - all of whom were either married, almost married, and probably married?

10. Best Everyday Read: By qualifying for categories one to nine, I automatically qualify for this one. It's no hard ball.

11. Most Creative Blogger: Me, of course! I came up with "Verastic" all by myself. I named Funmi "Fufustic" also (because I call her Fufu for short). And of course, I came up with the beautiful name that all of you are supposed to call me - Madam Interviewee Vera. Needless to say, you're doing a sucky job @ it. And one of these days, I'll shut all your blogs down.

12. Intellectual Blog: I know how to spell everyone's blogger/blogville name without looking. It's not easy, but what can I say? I have a rather high blogville IQ.

13. Dedicated Blogger Award (updates most frequently, comments, active blogger....): If you have not noticed, Verastically Livin' gets updated every three days (except for a few times when I have to delay because I need to update on a particular date. I am committed, darn it!

14. Most Likeable Blogger: I like myself, and that is all that should matter. The rest of you better get on board.... or else!! Yeap, I'm deleting Verastically Livin' and going to a far away land where I'll be known as the green-eyed one - Facebook.

15. Best Use Of Visuals In A Blog (images, themes, colors...etc): Every word you see in color in this post is a link. Do you have ANY idea how long it took me to hyperlink all these words???? Do you???? Well, that counts as visuals. That's my story & I'm sticking to it!

16. Best Use Of Media In A Blog (widgets, graphics, music...): Well, I have the 'Follow Verastic' widget, the 'Subscribe to Verastic' widget, and even the 'View My Complete Profile' widget. What more do you want?

17. Bloggers' Choice Awards (Naija blogger of the year): How many other bloggers have taken their time to put up this type of post? It is obvious I deserve this. Now, give it!

By now, I'm sure there is only one question on your mind: where do I cast my Verastic vote? Right HERE. The administrators require that no category be left blank, so please fill everything in. On a serious note, if you do not know which blogger to nominate for a category, just put 'N/A' or something like that. But don't leave it blank. This voting is open to any1 & everyone, so come one, come all.

I exit now....... to go & work on my acceptance speech.

*Vera singing* ... Winner oh oh oh, winner/winner oh oh oh oh winner/Vera you don win oh, winner/kpata kpata you go win forever, winner!

*Another song* It shall be permanent/it shall be permanent/what the Lord has done for me/it shall be permanent....permanent.....

Dear Host, Please Stop Inviting Me!

I dunno about other States, but there is a new trend (ok, maybe it's not so new) here in Maryland. People - and I'm not referring to the "party promoters" - throw parties to celebrate their birthday and then they charge you a gate/entrance fee. What nonsense!!!

Where do people come off inviting you for their "birthday party" and then charging you $30 before 11 o' clock or some nonsense like that??? So how much is it gonna be after 11? It doesn't even matter. If you wanna throw a birthday party, then do so and let people come and merry with you for free. If you don't have money to throw a party, then who says you have to? Why throw a party and tell me to pay? You might as well require all the guests to bring gifts. Whatever happened to good ol' staying home with friends and eating cake (and ice cream, of course)?

My phone and email have been bombarded with invitations to birthday parties where I am required to pay. Sometimes, there is even an enforced dress code. Why now??? I don't mind if there is a dress code; I just don't understand why it should be enforced for a birthday party. When you invite people to join you to celebrate your birthday, you're begging them for a favor - I think. In a large scale public event, of course, people have to pay and dress codes can be enforced. But for a birthday party??? Gimme a flippin' break! I could have been doing something else @ home - like watching funny commercials or something.

This is how all this nonsense starts ooo. Before I know it, couples getting married will start charging their guests at the door and even enforcing a strict asoebi dress code...with matching Italian shoes & bags sef! That will be the day. Yes, that will be the day that I, the Verastic lover will quit attending weddings and plan my own instead. By the day my wedding date rolls around, I'm sure a man would volunteer to stand in as my husband. And I'll make sure I renew my vows every month - just in case the man begins to forget he's married. But don't lemme get into all the plans I have for my wedding and marriage. That will be for another post.

Of course, there is a slight chance that I might be over reacting...seeing as I am not much of a party person (except when a dancing catharsis is necessary). So my reason for not attending these pay-at-the-door birthday parties isn't usually because I am required to pay, but rather, first and foremost because I just don't wanna go. If I did wanna go, having to pay @ the door would then become the reason why I will not be found there. Pay at the door for someone's birthday party????????? Please!!!

Oh, well. What do I know? I'm just a gal with an overactive imagination who thinks she can make certain things & places disappear. Hehehe. (Yes, I am aware that almost no1 knows what the heck I'm talking about. I said almost no1). But seriously, I think this is simply ridiculous. If you want to become a party promoter, then knock yourself out and stop hiding under the cloak of having a birthday party. *HISS*

Oh! And "Category A" of Naija Blogger Awards has started, so please COME ON DOWN!!! If you don't have a name for any category, don't leave it blank, write N/A or something. Better yet, fill every category with Vera Ezimora. Just a thought...! :-) Alright, I'm begging, please vote 4 me!!! If you do, I will.... I don't even know what I will do. What do you want me 2 do? Pray, do tell! Click HERE to vote.

Eat. Drink. Lick. Suck.

Get your mind outta the gutter; I'm talking about ice cream. What do you do to ice cream?? I have a hard time picking out the right word from my vocabulary. What do you do to ice cream??

Eat: If you say you're eating ice cream, something about it doesn't seem right. Eat?? Does ice cream get chewed between our molar teeth? The thought of it sounds painful. Do we ever need to floss it out? 'Eat' just doesn't sound like what we do to ice cream.

Drink: Now this is even weirder, but people do say they're drinking ice cream. Unless the ice cream is melted and you're literally gulping it down from a cup (or bottle), I don't understand how ice cream can be drunk. Can it? If it can, it kinda defeats the whole purpose of it being ice cream.

Lick: This sounds naughty. When I think of licking ice cream, I imagine sticking my tongue out and licking it off of something...like a plate or a bowl. Or even a spoon. Try as I might, I cannot help but associate the licking of ice cream to naughty stuff. The question is: how many licks does it take to get to the middle of the ice cream?? Ah, naughty, naughty thoughts. The hardcore truth is that cunninglingus has made it difficult to hear "lick" without thinking dirty thoughts. Bad world we live in. But this is about ice cream.

Suck: This is the naughtiest. How do you suck ice cream? People say they're sucking ice cream, but how is that possible?? I picture a hard ice cream that is on a stick, one that cannot be melted by licking. Only sucking will do. Ever since the invention of fellatio (I have deliberately used this word instead of the O.S. word to avoid further complicated Google Analytics searches), the word "suck" has just not remained the same. Of course, this predicament has also befallen the word, "lick," but I digress...

So seriously, what do you do with/to ice cream? This is a serious debate that has been going on in my head. Unable to habor anymore of these daunting thoughts, I have decided to bring it to you: the grand jury. If you're wondering what I do - or say I do - with ice cream, I just say, "I'm having ice cream."

....That in itself could be interpreted to mean something else. People can have other people. The alternative is that I'm just overthinking this ice cream consumption terminology too much. Perhaps, I should just eat, drink, lick, suck, have, and shut up.

Your thoughts?

This Valentine Day Sha..!!

***Vera smiling from ear to ear***

Where do I start from??? Hmmmm. I'll make this short and sweet. And by the time I'm done, you'll feel one or more of these emotions: happy, jealous, confused, curious, doubtful, angry.... did I mention jealous already? Hehehe.

So there I was on Saturday, jejely minding my own business @ home. I wore a black and pink blouse and a pair of black jeans. I wore the pink shirt to commemorate Valentine. It was either that or something red, but I didn't have anything I liked in red. Well, my red tops were either dirty, too casual, or too formal. So pink it was.

I decided to make some moi moi. I had been putting it off for over a week. I was home, listening to music, and dancing every now and then. I was gonna watch a Naija flick after cooking. Funmi called and said she was coming over to eat. I told her not to come to my house. I did not want to spend my Valentine with a girl. But did she listen? Nope! The babe showed up here and ate my food. I even washed her dishes when she was done.

We started watching a Naija movie, and that was when it happened. He called. He was downstairs. He surprised me with a heart-shaped box of chocolates, a funny Valentine card, and loadza starbursts. He brought me starburts! Can you believe that??? That was too sweet!!

By the way, he flew in from a different state. AND we had never met before Valentine's day.... AND I did not give him my address.

......So that's all I'm willing to say about Valentine's Day. Hehehehehe. If you need more details, you know the drill: send a bottle of perfume to my P. O. BOX.

P.S. I know this sounds like fiction, but apparently, miracles happen. Ask Funmie. She was there. I'm glad she was. Or else, I would have thought I had started imagining things. Funmie was so excited, she almost locked us both out of the house in our quest to welcome our surprise guest. Funny thing is, that morning, Busola was laughing @ me and asking me if Saint Valentine had sent my Valentine yet. I said, "Not yet." We laughed about it. I didn't actually think I was going to have a Valentine, but voila...!!

So tell me, how are you feeling?? Happy, jealous, confused, curious, angry..... maybe a bit more jealous???? Hehehe. What can I say? I did ask God for unmerited favor. Now, if only He (God) can do me this other favor. Hmmmmmmm.

Love Is In The Air

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!!!

I wish I could tell you about the detailed plans I have for a very romantic evening, but alas, I have no such plans - for now. I'm hoping that I will receive a mysterious knock on my door, and when I open it, there he will be standing. Who is he? Beats me. But I sure do hope to find out later.

If you're in a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged, married), please do something special. The man doesn't have to fly you to Paris for breakfast in a private jet - although that would be nice, of course. But if you both stay home and watch something funny, that would be just as sweet. Maybe I'm just talking about myself anyway. If I had it my way, I would stay home, cuddled on the sofa (with a person who is anatomatically different, of course!) and watch Zeburudaya all day. If while laughing hysterically @ Zeburudaya, he happens to present me with a necklace from Jared....or the keys to my Range Rover...or a good ol' starburst (berries n creme) candy, who am I to say no??? I wouldn't dare! :-)

I don't have any memorable Valentine Day experience. I've always been either single or wishing I was single. lol. This year, I am obviously single. But when next I'm not single, I won't be wishing to be single. I will check very well before I enter into another precarious situation. Heaven knows I don't wanna find myself in another God-please-make-him-stop-calling-me situation. But I digress.

Wish you all a very wonderful Valentine. In case you haven't, please read my new note on Valentine - Dear Saint Valentine. See you on Tuesday!

What Do I Blog About Today?

I'm feeling a little rusty. I can't blog right now. I need to take a blog-shower and blog-refresh myself. I'll be back on Valentine's Day.

In the mean time, enjoy my new article Dear Saint Valentine.

Searching For Something?

Ever heard of Google Analytics? Azuka installed it on my blog a while ago (although I had to reinstall it later ....all by myself, and I feel so smart!). Anyway, you install it on your blog and it tracks number of visitors, how visitors got referred to your site (facebook, someone else's blog, etc), on what day you had the most visitors, and what search words brought people to your blog. Now, this is where it gets interesting. Here are some funny searches people made. Some of them are perpeplexing, funny, ridiculous, and well, Verastic. I cannot help but wonder why some of these searches brought the searcher to Verastic.com; my thoughts are in blue.

1. "Vera Ezimora" (Okay, so this is the top search, but it's understandable why it brings people to my blog. Obviously, it's my name. Moving along.)

2. "Affluence.org scam" (Yes, apparently, that website affluence dot org is a scam. A while ago, I blogged about it, saying I was invited to join the site.)

3. "Vera Ezimora and oral sex" (Now, this is a bit tricky. Is the person looking for me having oral sex??? Or is the person looking for a piece written by me on oral sex?? I hope it's the latter. Dear searcher, I have never written an article on oral sex, but here is a blog post I wrote a while ago that might help...)

4. "Vera Ezimora university in Essex" (Vera Ezimora owns no University in Essex, but now that you have brought the idea up, I will start working towards it. God be my strength.)

5. "Danny Bagucci" (Oti o! Danny, pesin don find you come my blog. Ehm, dear searcher, please find Danny Bagucci HERE)

6. "Girl wedgies." (Yes, I reckon I know what that feels like. Please feel free to read about my experience HERE)

7. "Push up bra before and after." (I own a push up bra that I have never worn; let's just say it leaves my boobies a little too pushed up for comfort. But the search for it was interesting. You can read that too HERE)

8. "Naapali" (You came too late. He stopped blogging. But you can visit the tombstone of his blog)

9. "search myspace of girls without a bra." (What???? Well, this is not MySpace, and there sure isn't any1 without a bra here. Well, maybe Funmi. She likes being naked 24/7. Some1 pls tell her her husband will get tired of seeing her naked.)

10. "Sexting" (Isn't that the thing where you send sexy pictures thru text messages? Funmie blogged about that here)

11. "sharing thongs" (That's disgusting! Yuck!)

12. "tropical rain forest" (Oh, I remember the days of my tropical rain forest. It has long been shaved. You can read about it here)

13. "Anambra people hate Imo people." (When did this happen?? I must be behind schedule.)

14. "bananas in oral sex" (What is it with people and oral sex sef???)

15. "big booty wedgies" (I might know something about that. *wink*)

16. "big wedgie to my mother" (You wanna give your mom a wedgie? That's just wrong!)

17. "body research on watch how a clit grows" (Ehn??? Watch how what grows?)

18. "can a woman take extenze" (I've been wondering the same thing too! Read here)

19. "can you disvirgin someone with a condom" (With the condom alone? No. With a member inside the condom? Yeap.)

20. "can women stink up the bathroom" (Of course not! We're perfect.)

21. "do Nigerians engage in oral sex" (Another oral sex question! Yes, they do. I see you wanna know before you get involved, ey? lol)

22. "garden of eden oral sex" (I have read the entire book of Genesis. There is no record of Adam & Eve engaging in oral sex....)

23. "how to get a guy horny" (Which kin pesin dey ask dis kin question? That's like the easiest thing 2 do. Shoot, breeze blowing on their member makes them horny. This is not an endorcement to make him horny ... unless he's your husband, then I'll say fire on!)

24. "how to increase size of hips in males" (Hips in males??? I don't think that's a very good idea. But then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.)

25. "how to make my man do oral sex" (I don't think I can help you there)

26. "I love to suck my sister's 44dd boobs" (Just in case you didn't know, that's incest. And not to mention, disgusting!)

27. "love dating Igbo men" (Sadly, I dunno what that feels like - yet)

28. "my waist is way bigger than my hips" (Ah, e get as e be oo! That's probably a bit problematic)

29. "snakes on a nipple" (Whose nipple???)

30. "tobenna and j wedding" (LOL. Ehm, please go to brother Tobenna's blog to get all details about his wedding to J. Me, I no know!)

31. "Verastically livin lyrics" (Verastically livin' has no lyrics. Who dash monkey banana?)

32. "why do we have oral sex" (Ask the person you're having the oral sex with)

33. "what is D'banj's email address" (Hahahahaha. Well, his manager might have it, but Vera sure doesn't. U wan send am email? LOL)

34. "what not to do to her during oral sex" (Not biting her would probably help. Let's start with that).

35. "what sex position is good for having twins" (Biko, if you find out, tell me ooo! Once I get married, my husband and I will be restricted to this sex position. I must have twins by fire!)

36. "what would happen if you didn't have a heart" (I'm assuming you'll meet Baba God. But I might be wrong.)

37. "who broke D'banj's heart" (Some1 broke D'banj's heart?? When? No!!! Not my D'banj! Not my D'banj!!!)

38. "who is the girl having sex on snakes on a plane" (I don't know. But I bet people will run & go see that movie now)

39. "Why do guys never give oral sex" (Honestly, I don tire for oral sex questions.)

40. "why do my nipples itch" (I don't know. But mine itch a lotta times too. Hmm. Ehn, just scratch the thing na..!)

41. "How long does it take to get approval from affluence.org" (Affluence dot org is a scam ooo! Be warned. If you have already applied, then goodluck to you.)

Whew!! There were actually 450 searches, but I chose the 41 funniest/weirdest ones. What have I learnt from all this? People lovvvvvvvvve oral sex AND it apparently brings traffic to my blog. Well, who woulda thunk it?! Oh, and uhm Google Analytics rawks!

p.s. For those that asked questions after I had answered, please check the comment section of my previous post for replies to your question(s).

Shalom!

Honestly Answering

Thank you all for your very ridiculous - I mean nice - questions. Some of the questions made me laugh my head off and some of them made my mouth hang open. As I type this, my mouth is still hanging open. Una get serious audacity o! So because I said you should ask me any question, you think you can now ask me any question abi? What nerves! lol. In order to give you my full attention and not overwhelm myself in the process, I actually started responding to the questions from Monday (Jan 26th 2009). In other words, this is a scheduled post. Now, let the fun begin!

Naughty Eyes: Vera, SERIOUSLY, will you marry me? Before answering, take note that I have no money oh but my mum keeps looking at me and saying: "This boy, I know you have POTENTIAL" Whatever that means...

Vera: Seriously, of course, I will marry you. But you know there is a way to these things. Ur people have to meet my people, and then our people will discuss. lol. Together, you and I can make your potential become actual. :)

OluwaDee: Where will you hide my pegs if you steal them?

Vera: It's quite unfortunate you're a girl. If you were a guy, I woulda hidden them in my bra. Actually, come to think of it...what stops me from hiding them in my bra? Yeap, that's where I will hide them. They better not pinch my nipples. Or else, major law suit! U know I know LusciousRon abi?

Standtall: My question be say, u never anwer the true-lie post. SO, which is which and thanks for abandoning my blog. I am taking it personally!

Vera: Number 1 is the lie. Of course Vera Ezimora is my real name. Number two is true. I really am celibate, and no, it has nothing to do with me not having a boyfriend. I would still be celibate if I had a boyfriend. And yes, it is tres difficult. Number 3 is also true. I was a nursing student. Hated it with everything in me. Coudln't be creative with nursing. They wouldn't let me freestyle with the injection and inject it anywhere...like the eye for example, so I quit. Mom & Dad were supa disappointed. Apparently, dad was hoping on me to takeover his clinic. Me ke? No oh. As for abandoning your blog, honey, would I dare? No!

Xprexxion Magazine: so when are you getting married?

Vera: Mr Xprexxion, sooo not funny! I am not laughing with you. And weldone for that stunt you pulled the other day. I'll be getting married when he proposes. If you know who he is, then tell him to propose ASAP so that you can come and take my pictures.

Folake: Why do you blog and what's your blog(ging) goal?

Vera: When I started blogging, I started because I just wanted to write down the thoughts that were going on in my head. As time went on, I began to blog about things that happened to me. I wasn't tryna be funny; I just wrote things the way I thought about them. People found them funny. Now, I guess my goal is to write humorous events about my life and bring as many smiles as I can to people's faces.........and become rich and famous in the process, of course. LOL :)

Write Freak: So will you consider marrying a younger man?

Vera: Boy! This is a hard one. I'd like to instantly say, heck no! But what if he's everything I ever wanted (except younger than me)? I definitely will not let his age stand in the way. We'll just have to start lying to people (and me) about his age. lol.

Tisha: what is your motivation for life? what is your wildest dream, the thing you want the most but think you will never have?

Vera: My motivation for life? It's quite simple: once there is life, there is hope. Things are not always fruity and fun, but once there is life, one can always hope for a better tomorrow. I have no wildest dream that I think I can never have. There is nothing new under the sun now. As long as I'm not aspiring to get a woman pregnant, I'm sure that whatever else I'm aspiring for, someone has either done it or come very close to it. And that someone doesn't have two heads, so why not me? I aspire to be a national best selling author, a multiple award winning author, a business woman extraordinaire, and one heck of a wife and mother. Za best eva! Besides, with God, everything is possible

Temite: How many lovers have you had? hehehehehe. since i know you wont answer that question, silly girl, I will ask this one...what do you want in Mr. Vera?

Vera: Hehehehe. Dis ur first question get K leg oo. I would have actually answered, but since you assumed I wouldn't, I have no choice but not to. That's what you get for assuming things. As for Mr Vera, lemme bring out my list: First of all, Mr. Vera has to be God-fearing because the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. Obviously, that means Mr. Vera has to be an intelligent, wise man. Mr Vera has to have an impeccable sense of humor, he has to be humble, assertive, a man of vision, and of course, he has to be totally crazy about me. Oh, no smoking and/or drinking, please. This is just a summary. The list is wayyyy longer. lol.

Funms-The-Rebirth: Wat's one thing u will like people to see in you?

Vera: In me, I will like people to see God's love and favor. It probably sounds like a cliche, but that is really what I want people to see in me (plus some amount of craziness, fabulosity, sweetness....alright fine, I want people to see the total package, darn it! That includes God's love & favor o!)

Marjoram: What's your favourite colour?

Vera: My favorite color is blue. It became my favorite color when I was in elementary school; and I was in the blue house which was called Lamingo. Don't have a favorite shade of blue though.

Anonymous: (1). How will you define "Intelligence"? (2). Do you think everyone is born intelligent? (3). If yes, why are there some seemingly "dumb" people? (4). If No, How does one develop intelligence? (5) Is academic achievement a measure of intelligence? For example is an "A" student who seems not to study at all more intelligent than a "B" student who has to read extra hard to make an "A"? (6). If you had to choose between beauty devoid of brains and brains devoid of beauty, which will you choose?

Vera: Wow! Loadza questions. I love you, Anonymous Person. Lemme go get a cup of tea; I need to balance well to answer your questions.

1. Intelligence is being book-smart, street-smart, and wise....all rolled into one handsome virtue: intelligence. I'm glad you asked me this because I never really thought about the meaning of intelligence to me.

2. Yes, I think everyone is born intelligent. God is not foolish, and since we were all made in His image, we cannot be born foolish.

3. I am no expert, but I think there are some seemingly dumb people because they choose - unconsciously, albeit - to not make use of their intelligence. They reason differently, and perhaps, factor in things that should not be factored in.

4. All good things come from God. We pray to God for health and wealth, so why not intelligence? If you want more intelligence, pray to God for more intelligence, and then do your part - whatever it might be. If you're looking to be more book smart, then read more and concerntrate more. If you're looking to be more street smart, then you could still read more. Start with the book of Proverbs. Good stuff.

5. Academic achievement is only part of intelligence, so it's not a complete measure. Besides, sometimes a student can Ace a course without putting in too much effort because he/she is naturally good @ it. I, for example, usually excel in writing assignments, courses, and essay questions. I usually don't put too much effort into it; someone else find writing to be the most difficult thing ever. But when I took chemistry, I had to study extra, extra hard to ace it. Some others just breezed thru it.

6. This is the easiest question you have asked. I will definitely pick brains devoid of beauty. Beauty without brains is such a huge waste. Beauty can only take you so far, and even when it takes you there, it won't keep you there. Brains will take you places, keep you there, and open doors you never even tried to get into.

Aloted: Honestly, what vices will you say you have?

Vera: Not a lot. I'm almost perfect. lol. I joke a lot, you know. It's great a lot of times cos I crack people up, but sometimes, people are not in the mood to laugh. (I should mention, though that I have never cracked a joke during a burial, so I'm not all that bad.) Sometimes I try too hard to see the good in people...in spite of all the red flags. It is almost as if I am desperate to see some good in the person. My biggest vice right now is my sometimes wavering faith in God. Sometimes, the mountain just seems too big for God; I HATE feeling this way.

Miss Definitely Maybe: How open minded are you about finding the one, would you seriously consider someone who was blind, etc (seriously)

Vera: I'm quite open minded. I'm not gonna kid myself and say I'm open to marrying a Chinese Puerto Rican who lives in Jamaica and has a child by an Iraqian woman, but you know... I'm definitely open. :) Obviously, I'd prefer that my love not be blind, but if he's everything I ever wanted and blind, then screw that, blindness will not stop me.

Nefertiti: (1). What's one misconception people have about you? (2). How tall are you?

Vera: (1). Because of how honestly I blog about my experiences (with yeye guys), I think I give off the impression that I am kinda sorta mean and maybe judgmental and unapproachable, which is really not the case. At the risk of tooting my own horns, I would like to say that I am very, very approachable and friendly. Alright, do I sound pathetic enough? I also wonder why people think I am a star/celebrity; that too is a misconception. If I am a star, I don't know about it. When I become a star/celebrity, you will know. I will fashy Funmi, Busola, and Uju...right after they gimme my birthday gifts, of course.

(2). I'm 5'5"... although the other day I went for a checkup and the nurse took my height and had the audacity to tell me I was only 5 feet and four-three-quarter inches. Imagine the nonsense! How I go fit explain the remaining inches??? *hiss* Like I said, I'm 5'5". That's my story and I'm sticking 2 it.

Shona Vixen: Considering I've blogged about romance, What's the most romantic thing you've done? and what's the most stupid thing you've done all in the name of 'love'?

Vera: Five years ago, the biggest crush of my life was sent to Iraq (he was in the military). I liked him sooo much. I never liked any1 as much as I liked him. While he was in Iraq, he called every now and then (when insurgents weren't tryna blow his cute butt up); he emailed me frequently, and yahoo messenger was our bestest friend. So the romantic thing I did was every Saturday, I wrote him a letter. It was a letter telling him how things were going, things that happened that while he was away, how I missed him, etc. I never posted any of the letters. I never told him I wrote them either. I intended to give them all to him when he returned. But somewhere along the line sha, things ended abruptly (we weren't dating by the way, just liking each other). I was still gonna give him the letters when he returned, but he pissed me off. In my anger, I ripped them up. I also printed out alllll our chats, and they were a lot too. Yeah, I ripped those up in my anger too. Wish I didn't though. By the way, we're friends now. I mean friends as in just friends. Never even kissed the guy. Ah, if I could turn back the hands of time.... lol. I seriously hope he doesn't read this.

Dumbest thing I did for love? I borrowed money to a boyfriend. He's now an ex. The money has still not been paid; it has gone to wherever unpaid money goes to. Hope he loses tripple that amount from every salary he receives. Yeah, I said it.

The Experiences of an Achiever: have you found THE GREAT LOVE yet?

Vera: No, I have not. The closest I came was my fine military man, but that wasn't even love. That was extreme like. If nurtured, it would have probably become love. But there is no time for coulda-woulda-shouldas.

Just Toluwa: wats ur account # and how do i get ur signature?

Vera: LOL. Let's do this the simple way. Gimme your account number. I'll transfer some money to you; that way, you'll have my account number. Send me a perfume, then I'll send you a hand written thank-you note with my signature.

Temi: how come you have never visited my blog? i'mma paste a link and God help you if i dont see ur comment(lol)

Vera: LOL! My darling, I am sorry ooo! Have I really never visited your blog??? Well, consider than changed. God will not let me incure Temi's wrath.

Fine Boy Agbero: "You promised all d male bloggers one child each, abi? Oya, when I go get my own? And I want am kia-kia o!"

Vera: Fine Boy Agbero, you have to let me know when you want your own. Whenever you're ready, just meet me at my house so we can set the ball rolling. I must warn, we do have strong genes. Your child is likely gonna look like me.

Bumight: when last were u in a relationship and for how long?

Vera: Honestly, this is one question I was hoping I wouldn't get asked. If I could explain it in 'Facebook terminology,' I would say "It's complicated." But for the purpose of Verastically Livin,' the last time I was in a relationship was August 2007. And that lasted for two years - unfortunately. Wish it had ended sooner. lol.

Senator: (1). can u do silly things in a strange place where nobody knows u. (2). How ve u been telling suitor, pls am not interested. (3). what is d answer to your 2 truth 1 lie (4). which of my personal names do u like most?

Vera: Another multiple questionaire, ehn?

(1). It depends on what 'silly things' means. Sorry, Senator, I'm sure my answer is too vague for you, but your question is not totally clear.

(2). When you say 'suitor,' do you mean a man who asks for my hand in marriage or a man who is interested in dating me? I'm assuming you mean the former coz that's what I've always known a suitor as. On that note, I have never had a suitor that is a potential husband. I mean, I've never any1 actually propose to me; I've only had men claim to want to marry me (a week after meeting me). And there are also those who want me to introduce them to my mother. But as what na??? When did we start history that we're drawing map? Ehn to answer your question, I say 'no' as diplomatically as possible.

(3). Please refer to my reply to Standtall (the 3rd question).

(4). @onebox. Too funny

Buttercup: whats the one thing(or things) u wish to do that u've never done?

Vera: Apart from publishing my book & starting my businesses, I wish to fall in love.

Luscious Ron: Happy blog birthday. We should have a mini party abi what do you think?

Vera: You might not consider this a question, but since it ends with a question mark, I must answer. Yes, we should have a mini party. Where will you be hosting it for me, babe? By the way, did you really send me something thru NIPOST? E never reach o! Abi na traffic jam?

N.I.M.M.O: (1). So how has it been? (2). You promised male bloggers a child each, how you gonna do it?

Vera: (1) I'm assuming you're talking about blogging. It's been beautiful albeit many times challenging. There have been countless times that I did not feel like blogging, but I just willed myself to do it because I felt like people were counting on me to read something new. Plus, I paid for my domain name. lol.

(2). The old fashioned way, of course! Just come to my house when you're ready and we'll set the ball rolling. *wink*

Anonymous: Why do you have a P.O. Box or is it a joke?

Vera: LOL. I have the P. O. BOX for the same reason I have an email address and phone number: means of contact. And no, it is definitely not a joke. It works. You should try sending me a perfume to confirm that it's not a joke. *wink*

Doug: Do you have siblings?

Vera: No, I do not. Yes, I know I have never, ever, ever, EVER mentioned that publicly, so go ahead and win the 'Best Revealer of Vera' Award. lol. Didn't want y'll to assume I'm spoilt (which is usually the assumption), but now that you know..... well, just know that my husband has his work cut out for him. I have to be spoilt o! And no, I am not currently spoilt. lol.

Rethots: Why will you not "...answer all the questions to....satisfaction."?

Vera: Because I anticipated that some of the questions might be risqué, so I had to put out a disclaimer. You know now! lol.

Zara (my alter ego): what do u weigh?

Vera: I don't weigh myself. I hear people have heart attacks by the knowledge of their weight. Besides, I think all the weights are broken. Dat's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Anonymous: ARE YOU STILL A VIRGIN?? IF NOT..HOW MANY SEX PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD??

Vera: Anonymous, answering the question would take all the fun out of it. You can find out for yourself.

Femi B: How are you now?

Vera: This might not be a real question, but my dear, I am fine.

Danny Bagucci: if you had 3 words to describe yourself what would they be?

Vera: Only 3 words?????????? Danny, you wan kill me?! LOL. Okay, let's see: jovial, loving, and a wee bit spoilt... in spite of what I may have told Doug, but sssshhh, don't tell him. [Can I add other words like beaurriful, funny, loyal, energetic, fun, blessed, favored, nice, sweet, kind-hearted, friendly, outgoing, totally loveable..... you understand now!]

Thank you all sooooooooooooo much for your lovely questions! This has been fun. Now I can resume my regular blogging routine. Thank you to all those wished me congratulatory messages too; you guys rock! And thanks to those who sent me emails...you deserve some Verastic hugs & kisses.

P.S. To those who subscribe (or rather attempt to subscribe) to Verastically Livin' through email: after you submit your email address, you will receive a confirmation email. Please make sure you confirm the subscription. There are a buncha email addresses that are not confirmed. I guess I could email all the unconfirmed email addresses.

This is definitely my longest post. I apologize. See you on Thursday, February 5th 2009.

I Have Been Verastically Livin' For Three Years...

Yes, my blog is three years old today. My first post, Enter Vera was really a short post about nothing, and I wasn't quite sure how I was gonna do this blogging thing. I joined Blogger before Jan 26th 2006, but I started with my other blog where I put up articles. It's the blog where I'm serious - or at least try to be serious. I found out about blogging thru a friend who owned a blog (and has since stopped blogging). At the time I started Verastically Livin', I was not aware of any other blogger - especially any other Naija blogger. Cherub was the first one to leave a comment on my blog. I visited her blog, and va-va-voom, the rest is history. This post you're reading today is a scheduled post. I started composing it on Wednesday, October 1st 2008. 4:33 PM. I should be studying, but hey, I have to plan ahead. lol.

I am so happy that I started blogging. I have never met so many of you, but I feel like we are friends. I feel like we are one big not-always-happy family, and I'm really looking forward to meeting as many bloggers as possible. I have met some of you in person, and I have spoken to plenty more on the phone. Some day, I'll give each male blogger a child. Or twins, if you prefer. I don't know what I'm gonna give the female bloggers yet. I'm assuming y'll don't want to consumate our relationship that way. LOL. I'm really, really grateful to everyone - the bloggers, the anonymous commenters, the non anonymous/non blogger commenters, the readers who never comment, and of course, my wonderful friends Busola, Funmi, & Uju. Needless to say, I'm still waiting for Temite to tell me where I can buy a taser so I can taser Busola, Funmi, & Uju. They deserve it.

To commemorate this wonderful day, I will be bold and do what so many other bloggers like Bumight, Chari, & Buttercup have done and give you beautiful people the opportunity to ask me any question, and I will answer in my next post. BUT I do not promise to answer all the questions to your satisfaction. Example: Asking for my age or picture will probably not be answered properly. I shudder to think of what you will ask. In order to allow lotsa questions (hopefully), I'll let this post run for a week.

I will update this blog with the answers to your questions @ 12 AM on Monday, Feb 2nd 2009.
12 AM Eastern Time, USA
6 AM Naija Time

See you then!!

True Lies

What an oxymoron. "True Lies" is actually the name of a Naija movie (no surprises there) starring Zack Orji, Rita Dominic, and Tonto Dike.

I completely forgot I was supposed to update my blog today. And since I am too lazy to think, I will go ahead and do the tag. I have been tagged by so many people...I don't even remember. My memory is a bit fuzzy now, but I think No Limit, Qmoney, and Aloted tagged me. Like I said, my memory is fuzzy. The only person I am sure of is Doug. And that's because he just tagged me yesterday (abi the day before...?). Soooo I'm supposed to tell you two truths and a lie and you're supposed to figure it out. Well, goodluck then.

1. Vera Ezimora is not my real name.

2. I am celibate.

3. I was once a nursing student.


The rules state that I must tag six people, but I don't know who to tag. I keep feeling like I have read this on everyone else's blog except mine. Therefore, I refuse to tag any1. I feel like all the people that blog frequently have already done it.

Plus, I'm too tired to start thinking of who to tag.

Soooo go ahead and tell me what you think. I really think this is very, very easy. But then again, maybe it's easy to me because I know the answer(s). Oh, well! Deal with it :))

Against All Odds...

I know you do not know me, Sir, but I would like to personally say, Congratulations President Barack Obama.

The first time I knew of Barack Obama was when I saw him on the Oprah show, and at that time, he had not declared his intention to run for presidency. If he had, I would not even have blinked. Honestly, I would have thought, "Here goes another one....he is doomed to fail." When I heard Hilary Clinton was running, I was indifferent. I was indifferent because I wanted Obama to win, but I was pretty sure he wouldn't. I was sure that Clinton will win. Nobody wins the Clintons.

But then I heard Obama speak. His convictions bought me over. Before I could catch my breath, I became a believer. The man spoke like he had personally spoken with God (face to face) and God had said to him, "Go forth, my son, for I am with you. You are the next president of the United States." Well, in many ways, I guess God had - albeit not face to face. The bible is the way; God tells us over and over and over and over to trust Him. Why is it so hard to just trust Him? He really has never, ever failed. Obama spoke of change and hope: two things we needed and still need desperately. He was not arrogant, cocky, or proud. He was humble and hopeful. Every time I saw him react so calmly to stressful situations, I saw myself in him. I just loved - still love - everything about him.

It is evident - even to the human eye - that God is with this man. How else do you explain a black man who is a junior senator with a Kenyan first and last name, a Muslem middle name, a Kenyan father, and a history of using drugs winning the election with a large landslide over a White man who is a war hero and almost twice his age in a country where slaves were once not even allowed to vote.... and while the country is in a recession and fighting two wars??? How do you explain this? God is with him.

I commend all the people that had the nerves to come out and race to be the next president of the United States. I have never ran for any position in my life - not even the prefect of my class in elementary school. Every position I got, I got because of my grades. To come out in a country like America where the president is just a public servant who happens to have the secret service all around him and contest to be the president against other competent people (except Sarah Palin, of course), it takes real courage and bravery. So I commend all the people who contested. May God bless them. I always tell myself that I have a tough skin. I can handle criticism, but I think my criticism only goes as far as my writing. When a host of people begin to mock me and criticize my integrity on international TV and airwaves, it becomes a very hard pill to swallow. What about the fact that Obama will now become the most talked about and most photographed man in the world? WOW. I cannot even deal with my picture on my blog.

What I can do, however, is use Obama as a point of contact in my prayers. I have projects that I'm working on, and the odds are stacked incredibly high against me. I am tempted to give up and just forget it because rationality tells me that this will never work. But I didn't dream these things by myself. I am unable to conceive such thoughts all by myself. I don't have such wisdom. God put these thoughts in my heart; he showed me this vision, so if he is able to make me conceive them, then that means He is well able to help me achieve them. I could think about Joshua in the bible. He sowed during a time of famine and he reaped a million folds. But I didn't know Joshua. Obama's story seems more tangible. It happened right in front of me. To quit will be an insult to God.

If there is something you are trusting God for, you better use Obama in your prayers o. Don't worry about how impossible the task seems. With God, everything is possible. That does not mean you should jump off the cliff and hope that God will catch you oh. If you do that one, you're on your own. The vultures will feast on your body. And I, Vera will go on blogging... and living my dreams, of course

In a few hours, Barack Hussein Obama will become our 44th President. You best believe it!

January 14th Has Come & Gone...

...But the celebration continues. I am so flabberwhelmed and overgasted by all the love I received on my birthday that I have decided to extend my birthday till January 31st. Plus, some gifts are yet to arrive. So don't feel bad if you have not sent me a gift. I'm still receiving them...out of the goodness of my heart oo! :)

So what did I do on my birthday? Nothing much really. Oh, I did stay on facebook for a very, VERY long time (but I'll go into details later). In the evening, Funmi came to my house with my ice cream cake. Yummy. I took only a bite of it because she was taking me to go see a movie. Before we went to see the movie, I realized that our fridge was not working, so I had to pack everything from the fridge and the small freezer into the deep freezer. Whether the fridge was working or not, I would still have had to leave my ice cream cake in the freezer...as per ice cream being in it and everything.

Funmi took me to go see Bride Wars, a comedy. We liked it. Before we went, she said she had to stop by JCPenny. I didn't want us to stop there because we were going to miss the previews of the movie, and I love watching previews, but home girl insisted, saying JCPenny was opposite the theatre anyway, so I succumed and went with her. It was when we got into the store that she said, "We're here to get your perfume, so you might wanna hurry up." Ah, you shoulda seen me! I was like a kid in a candy store. After sniffing almost all the perfumes there, I ended up getting Insolence by Guerlain. It's not on my list, but it is sooooo sexy. Can't wait to use it. And it's even the gift set sef. Yippy! If you are about to ask me the point of wearing a sexy perfume since I don't have a man, then lemme tell you to shut up in advance. lol.

After the movie, Funmi took me to Cold Stone. They make the baddest ice cream ever. Don't remember the name of the flavor we got, but it was heavenly. I thought we had died and gone to ice cream heaven. The funny thing is that it was freezing that night and as we were eating the ice cream, we were shivering. Yet we persisted. True Nigerians! lol. Then we came back to my place...... okay, this story is starting to sound really weird. Let me clarify that Funmi is a girl and we are not romantically involved. LOL. Busola couldn't come because she just gave birth and she's doing that silly thing where you don't leave the house for 40 days. Psshhhtttt! Whatever. When I born my pikins, the only thing that will stop me from leaving the house is lack of strength...and heat. I don't do heat.

From Tuesday the 13th, I began to receive phone calls, texts, emails, and facebook wall notes. Last year, I never got to thank people for writing on my facebook wall, so this year, I was determined to change that. I embarked on a journey of individually replying everyone's facebook wall note. I am still not done. I'm proud of myself for doing it, but I will not attempt this again. I was beginning to steam from both ears. So many emails have not been responded to; they have not even been read, but be rest assured that I will get to them all. I must finish what I started.

Facebook wall posts were 321. My responses were over 300. I tried to count the responses, but I got confused toward the end and I quit. I don't know how many calls, texts, and emails I received, but it was really, really nice speaking to bloggers and non bloggers alike. An anonymous person left a comment on my previous post and threatened to post my picture. The said anonymous person later called me. She really does have my picture, but we have never met. We have resolved the issue: I will attend a party she's throwing. LOL. If I have not replied your email, I'm sorry. I'll get to it. I think I replied all the texts. If I did not reply yours, please let me know oo.

Someone very, very nice sent me a perfume all the way from Georgia. No2 De Makari. It's not on my list, but I'm loving it. I'm starting to think I should stop this list thing seeing as I love the gifts that are not even on the list. My mother gave me a giftcard from Macy's. Does anyone else hear a perfume in Macy's calling my name? I need to make some calls to remind (more like harass) a few people for my gift. I don't play!

Oh, by the way...you will not believe what happened to the cake Funmi got me. I didn't eat it on my birthday because I had already eaten ice cream from Cold Stone. On Thursday, I was speeding back from church, mouth watering to come eat my cake, but alas.... it had melted. Yes, melted!! Remember I told you the fridge wasn't working, so I moved everything into the freezer? Well, the technicians came and fixed the fridge while I was away, so mom moved everything - including my ice cream cake that was supposed to remain in the freezer - into the fridge. But then she thought about it, "Why don't I leave this cake on the counter instead? That way, it will defrost faster and Vera will be able to eat it when she gets back. I bet she'll be happy!" Well, happy, I was NOT! Three-quarter of my cake melted away. My mother said she was shocked when she came out of her bedroom hours later and found a pool of cake on the floor.

I could not cry. All I have been telling myself is, "Well, I could always go back to Cold Stone..."

On The 14th Day Of January....

....The doctor said to my mom, "Push!" Actually, this isn't true for two reasons:

i. Mom had me thru C-Section. They never told her to push me out because when she had my older brother three years before me, she also had him thru C-Section. In Russia, once you have a child through C-Section, all the children that follow thereafter must also be had through C-Section - whether you can push or not. That was the law then. It mighta changed now.

ii. I was born in Russia....where they speak Russian. Even if the doctor had told her to push, he/she would have said "Push" in Russian. I'm sure the Russians have a word for that in their language. Heck if I know.

So before you go judging me, it wasn't my fault that I was born thru C-Section. It obviously wasn't because my head was too big to pass thru the birth canal. I was never given the chance to. What can I say? Right from birth, there were certain parts of the female anatomy I did not want to have ultra-close contact with - unless they belonged to me.

Soooo it's my birthday today! Woulda written a long post thanking God for His grace and goodness in my life, but I decided to tell Him privately. Every couple needs their privacy, you know? Yes, I'm insinuating that God is my Man. Anyway, in case you're wondering, I have no plans for today - other than being pampered by anyone and everyone - including God....and you, of course.

Sooooo......

*** Call if you wanna. If I don't pick up, call again. I'll like to talk to you.
*** Text if you wanna.... I'll reply for sure.
*** E-mail if you wanna... I'll reply that too.

But most importantly, put my gift in the mail, or else, I will show you my true colors. No try me ooo! Boy, I cannot wait to eat my birthday cake which Funmi will be buying me. It is tradition that she buys me cake. I think I need to call her and ask her to add ice cream to the list. Cake & ice cream.... yummy!!!

See you on Saturday, Jan 17th. Wish I could say I would return on Saturday as a different person (as per since I'm now a year older), but the koko of the matter is that I will continue to be as mischievous as I've always been. If the chance presents itself, I would definitely drug Funmi's milk with Busola's breast milk again. And if I meet Wes/Lee/Gbenga, I shall oblige him and then blog about it. Why shall I shy??? After all, I'm officially XX years old now. What else do people my age do?? I dunno. I have 365 days to explore. Stay tuned.

Three More Days...!!!

I know you did not think I was done talking about my birthday. Heck no!!! Today is the 11th. I have three more days before I officially turn plus one. Yay!! So let the gifts begin to arrive!! I'm only reminding you because I care about you oh. I don't want you to have to do rush delivery. But in the event that your gift cannot get to me before the 14th, please do not despair. I receive late gifts @ no extra nagging to you. Yes, I know I'm sweet. You don't have 2 say it.

The 14th of January is the most important day of the year. The earth will stand still. The moon and the sun will come out together and struggle for sky space, but none will win. The stars instead will shine from dusk till dawn, and they will hang down from the sky like chandeliers. As if I were standing under a mistletoe, I will receive a kiss every time I stand under a star. I guess I should expect a gazillion kisses that day. Baba God will grant me all my heart desires. It will be the beginning of a new life for me - my XXth year on earth. If you're wondering who I will be kissing under the stars, my answer is God will provide!

I do not have much to say today. I would only like to repost (for the benefit of those who have not read it and those who have forgotten or claim to have forgotten) my birthday wish list. And my address, of course. If you are torn between two gifts or more and cannot decide which one to get me, please get them all. That's the only logical thing to do. I'm only suggesting this for your own good - of course.

1. Husband (If you know where he is, please send him to my P. O. BOX asap so we can go and get married. I have already found my wedding gown and the hall we'll be getting married in. I've even picked the aso-ebi lace, and Funmi and Busola have prepared their speech. Oh, I've even found my ring; he just needs to pay for it).

2. Nikon D90 (The first DSLR camera that has movie functionality!! Been stalking it on Best Buy ever since. If I get this camera....I'm gonna be....I don't even know what I'm gonna be. Dear God, please touch ye the hearts of my readers!!)

3. The new BlackBerry Bold. (Ever since I spotted this phone, I have not been able to stop picturing myself using it. Honestly, I'll look so good using it. It fits my bold personality.)

4. Wii Game (Ever since I played this game @ a friend's house, I have not been able to stop thinking about it).

5. This bag from Macy's. (I love this bag from Macy's; dunno why, but I do. Think it would look better in black).

6. Perfume: Pour Femme by Bvlgari (Haven't been able to get my mind off it).

7. Perfume: Romance by Ralph Lauren (Been loving it since my Naija days)

8. Perfume: Miracle Forever by Lancome

9. Perfume: Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker

10.Perfume: Nina by Nina Ricci

11. Perfume: Vera Wang by Vera Wang

12. Perfume: Guess by Marciano

13. Perfume: Rock n Rose by Valentino

14. Perfume: Diamonds by Emperio Armani

15. Perfume: Gucci by Gucci

16. Perfume: Princess by Vera Wang

17. A gift card from DSW. (I'm craving shoes.)

18. Alright fine, whatever you wanna send... (in addition to any of the ones listed above...hehehe.)

I know what you're thinking: goodness, Vera, you're so cheap. Is that all you want??? Whatever happened to aiming high for bigger, better, bolder things....like a newly built, fully furnished house in an upscale neighborhood? Well, what can I say? I'm so modest.

Oh, before I forget, here's the mailing address which I'm sure you're all just itching you have:

Vera Ezimora
P. O. BOX 7893
ESSEX, MD 21221
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

See you on Wednesday - my birthday. Yay!!!

Mr. Multiple Personality

He now wants to be called Gbenga. No longer Wes. Not Lee. Not even Wesley. But Gbenga. On a side note: the illness, multiple personality disorder is no longer called multiple personality disorder. It's now called Dissociative Identity Disorder. Moving along...

Remember the guy who asked Funmi out and said his name was Wes and then asked me out and said his name was Lee??? I told you that technically he did not lie anyway because Wes & Lee are both forms of Wesley, but it was just weird the way it happened. Anyway...

I ran into him again. Let me explain something very well. The boy first asked Funmi out some years ago. Funmi does not remember what name he gave her then. Then he asked me out in April of 2008 and told me his name was Lee. About two months ago, he asked Funmi out again and reintroduced himself as Wes. Recently (as in December of 2008), he asked me out - again. But this time, his name was not Wes. Or Lee. It wasn't even Weslee sef. LOL. It was Gbenga. Imagine my amusement. When he told me his name, I had to ask him again because I thought I had heard wrong, but lo and behold, I did not hear wrong.

I think this guy is suffering from a few diseases: Multiple Personality Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder), early stages of Alzheimers, and maybe even some Developmental Challenge. I'll explain. He has Multiple Personality Disorder because I do not understand how and/or why one person alone will go by three different names. And these are the names that I know of oo! For all we know, he might have some more out there. He has Alzheimers because he did not even remember that he had asked me out in April (I'll explain in my next parapgraph). He also has some developmental challenge because that is the only plausible reason why a grown man like him will come and ask me out after literally gawking at me and Funmi hugging each other and talking. He just asked Funmi out two months ago. What nonsense! He evidently knew we were friends. People do not randomly hug each other.

So how do I know he did not remember me?? Well, let's see. He asked my name again. He introduced himself again (albeit as a different person). He asked me out the same away. Honestly, he said the exact same things he said to me in April. I could not erase the smile that was plastered on my face as he spoke; the whole thing was just too funny. It was deja vu. I know that guys sometimes recycle lines, but please do not recycle to the same person. The only thing that is worse that recyling a line is recycling it to the same person.......and not knowing it. Ouch. Poor Funmi. She's the one who thought he was cute. lol.

All I could think about while he spoke was, "This is good blog material!! I am sooo blogging about this..." I'm very sure I will run into Mr. Multiple Personality again, but I cannot tell you which one of him I will run into. Wes? Lee? Gbenga? Or a totally new person? I don't know, my people. The most that I can do right now is wait.

Introducing Exhibit A

Before I go on, let me tell you what I named Busola's baby. I named him Chidi, so henceforth, you can expect regular posts on Chidi. When a Yoruba person hears his name is Chidi, the response is usually, "Ah, omo Igbo ke???" LOL. It's been quite interesting to say the least. Busola and her hubby gave him other names which I do not care to mention because this is my blog darn it! Busola can go and open her own blog and tell every1 his Yoruba name. On Verastically Livin,' he shall be known as Chidi. Full Stop!!

On Thursday night, Busola said she needed her "stupid friends" to come and spend the night in her house the next day (Friday) and help her sort some baby clothes and all that stuff. In spite of the insult, Funmi and I gladly went. We really need to get some self respect. LOL. I got there before seven thirty PM; Funmi got there before midnight. She's always late. She was late too when God was distributing booties - hence Funmi's flat backside.

Anyway, taking care of Chidi was not easy ooo!! He woke up every hour for food and pooped every time I fed him. Busola left him for me and Funmi and went to bed, so I was the one waking up to take care of him because her royal highness, Funmi was snoozing. Twas a humbling experience. Made me wonder what life will be like when I have my confusingly identical twin boys. Well, I still want them all the same. No amount of poop cleaning will stop me from desiring them. Moving along...

Have you heard that if an adult drinks breast milk, it will make him retarded? Actually, it's not nice or right to say 'retarded.' The term is developmentally challenged. Curious about the veracity of this possible myth, I had to find out. You know how I love experimenting now! So what did I do??? Oh, it was quite simple actually. The genius in me just came up with a bright idea.

Her royal highness, Funmi was sipping on a glass of milk.....from a wine glass oo! Dunno what she was feeling like. She had to go into the bedroom to do some stuff, so she left her glass of milk on the table. Sitting on the table also was Chidi's feeding bottle. It had breast milk in it, so I thought..... hmmmmmmmmm why not pour some of this breast milk into Funmi's milk???? Hehehehehe. So of course I did! Funmi came out of the room and drank her milk. I had to hold myself from laughing. The funny thing is that she suspected I did it; just goes to show how predictable I am becoming. I need to change my strategies. Operation Make-An-Adult-Drink-Breast-Milk is complete!!

Now I'm watching Funmi for any adverse effects of drinking Busola's milk. The girl already acts developmentaly challenged, so it's hard to tell if her current actions have anything to do with the milk or if she's just being her regular self. I think I have to increase the dose. What do you think?

Oh, by the way, I tasted a drop of the milk too. My dose is nothing compared to Funmi's though. And no, I have not become developmentally challenged.

All Things Are New...

2 Cor 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

Lovely readers of Verastically Livin,' please excuse me while I get a lil serious. Yes, I know you're not quite used to this. But contrary to popular belief, Vera can be serious oooo.... ehen. This is a scheduled post. At the time it appears on my blog, I'll be in church, worshipping. What better way to bring in the New Year? Below is my public letter to God. Since everyone is on the internet these days; I figured God must be browsing Verastic.com every now & then, ey? [Yes, I'm still being serious].

*************** Clearing Throat*******************

Dear God,

2008 was something else. Honestly, I still do not know if I should call this a good or a bad year. Most times, it feels lukewarm. The highlight was the day I rededicated my life back to You. I can honestly say that life has not been the same since then. Unfortunately, since my rededication, I have done some things, said some things, and thought some things - all of which I should not have. But I have sought Your face after every fall. And I have hoped and believed that You have forgiven me.

I am sorry, Lord for everything I ever did to hurt Your feelings - and boy, do I have a long list of that. In retrospect, I realize just how very foolish I was. If I could, I would go back in time and undo so many things. Unsay so many words. And unthink so many thoughts. But I cannot. Honestly, what hurts most is the things that I have done. All those times I thought I was smart and grown, I realize now that I was foolish...and a mere baby before You.

I have been waiting anxiously - almost impatiently - for 2008 to end because the thought of it brings so much pain and sadness to my heart. You know these things, Lord. But I am hopeful that 2009 will be better. Ironically, the blessings and prayers I received in 2008 are the reasons I believe that 2009 will be better.

I am grateful for everything You did for me in 2008. For every time You were there to wipe my tears, console me, keep me company, guard me, guide me, listen to me, and even laugh with me, I am grateful. For every time You made a way for me and turned my mountain into an invisible pebble, I am grateful. I am grateful for the births (especially that of Busola's baby, Chidi and my cousin in Nigeria whose name I shamefully do not know), and even though I do not understand why I should be, I am also grateful for the deaths too.

I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for my health. I am grateful that You preserved me. I know that not everyone I started the year with is here today, but You oh God, have preserved me. And I have done nothing to deserve this. I am grateful for the life of the man that I am so in love with - my father. You cleansed him of that liver malfunction, God. When I asked him what would happen if it was not taken care of and he answered - like a true doctor - precisely, concisely, and a little too bluntly, "Ultimately, death," I thought my life was over. But my dad promised he was not going to die; he said he would live for me. I cried to You, and You, oh God restored his life. [Note to Funmi & Busola: Sorry I did not tell you about my dad's condition. It was just too much to talk about.]

I am grateful for my mom's life. Sometimes, I think of all she has gone thru on my behalf and I cannot help but break down and cry. I only hope to one day be able to spoil her the way I know she'd love to be spoilt: by giving her a few grand-children and then sending them all on vacation to Russia, so that I and my hubby can have some free time to frolic in the sun and possibly make some new babies. [Yes, I'm still being serious]. She is the best mother a girl could have ever prayed for. I trust You, Lord. I trust You to give me the opportunity to make her smile a smile that her face cannot contain.

So for 2009, oh God, I take all my troubles and I hand them over to You. Everything that has been troubling me, I hand them to You because I am powerless. My worrying can only get me so far; it has gotten me as far as it can, and it has not gotten me anywhere. By the end of 2009, I will be back here to give the testimony. You know the one, Lord. I thank You in advance for the message I will receive today. I thank You for the blessings, for the favors, and for the new beginning. I thank You in advance for helping me to publish my book in 2009. I thank You in advance for everything. I just thank You, Father. In retrospect, 2008 was a good year. But 2009 will be better. It will be great. Say Amen for me.


Happy New Year everyone!!! May 2009 bring you all of your heart's desires according to God's will. Amen. I'll be back on Sunday, January 4th 2009.