Of Course, You May Get Divorced

But....

You must refund my money! I have attended a lot of weddings. I am shocked and perplexed whenever someone tells me that he/she has never been to a wedding since they came to America donkey years ago. Each year, I attend at least three weddings.  Attending weddings can be expensive, depending on who the couple is and your participation level in the wedding. Let me break it down. The boxes represent the cost.

Category	Wedding outfit	Asoebi	Gift	Money to throw while they’re dancing	Misc.	Total
Going as part of the wedding party (bridesmaid/groomsman)
Going as a family member
Going as a close friend
Going strictly as a guest
Going as a guest’s guest

In case you did not notice, going as a guest's guest costs nothing --- unless you want it to. I have attended weddings as all of the above, and attending as part of the wedding party has been the most expensive for me. It's understandable. I'm not complaining (about the financial cost).

The problem is that the divorce/separation rate among Nigerians has been on a steady rise, and I take personal offense to it. Why? Because I spent my money to attend their wedding, damn it! I look left, right, and center, and people are getting divorced, separated, or being given eviction notices from their matrimonial homes.

Henceforth, I am stating publicly: If I attended your wedding and spent a dime for/at it, you may get divorced, but at the time of your divorce, I want a complete refund of all my money --- plus interest.  Gbam! Let no one say I did not say it.

*** In other news, Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio would be making a bold come-back on Saturday, September 18th at its usual time (10am U.S. Eastern/ 3pm Nigerian Time). We'll be talking about the Single Married Man. Mustapha will be co-hosting. Set your reminder.

*** In other, other news, I saw the movie Piranha yesterday, and I am now a firm believer that there does exist something more ferocious than the fury of a woman scorned. The way that man's penis was chewed and spat out, Lorena Bobbitt was just an appetizer. The preview is below.

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The Secret To Getting Marriage Proposals

Get pregnant.

I know, I know. You're probably thinking, 'Well, I knew that already!' You may have known that already, but did you know how potent this secret is? Wait, you're gonna love me by the end of this post. You're going to love me so much that you'll go to my wish list and buy me one or two things. Or at least, that's what I'm hoping would be the effect of this post.

	Former Order Of Things	New Order Of Things
1	Boy meets girl	Boy meets girl
2	Boy falls in love with girl	Sex, sex, sex!!!
3	Boy proposes to girl	Baby shower
4	Bridal shower	Naming ceremony
5	Wedding	Christening
6	Sex, sex, sex!!!	Baby's 1st birthday
7	Baby shower	Boy falls in love with girl
8	Naming ceremony	Boy proposes to girl
9	Christening	Bridal shower
10	Baby’s 1st birthday	Wedding

Now, before you point an accusing finger at your friend, you can be rest assured that she did not tell me anything about how you got married or plan to get married.  And no, God did not reveal your innermost thoughts to me either.  Oh, and before I begin to receive insulting e-mails, I should also state that I am not talking about anyone in particular. If you think I'm talking about you, I probably am. But still, convince yourself that I am not. No, really. I am not. Or am I?

It used to be that John and Jane would be dating, and then, we'd hear that John proposed to Jane, and then, we'd be invited to the wedding. These days, John and Jane would be dating, and then, we'd get invited to a baby shower - which we'd confuse for a bridal shower, asking, "Wait, you mean a bridal shower, right?" To which the person we asked would emphasize, "No, I mean a baby shower." And then, all parties would think the same thought but not say anything.

To be fair, there are times when John and Jane would be dating, then we'd suddenly we invited to a wedding, then we'd wonder when John proposed. Then we'd say to the one who invited us, "Oh, I didn't know John and Jane got engaged!" To which the one we said it to would respond, "They didn't." And then, the one who responded would add, "By the way, the baby shower slash bridal shower is coming up in two weeks." And then, all parties would think the same thought again: are they getting married because she got pregnant?

And then, one day, one bold girl would ask of John, "Did you marry her because she got pregnant?" Looking straight ahead, John would say, "Oh, no! I would have married her anyway." And the bold girl would witness a big gulp going down the throat of John. And she would swear she saw a single tear roll down his right eye. He would smile, say he's happy, say Jane is just perfect for him, even thankful she got pregnant. The bold girl would smile, too.  And John and Jane would live somehow ever after - the bold girl not included in their life, of course.

So, you see. This formula works. Try it. A trial will convince you.

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed here are that of Vera Ezimora and are NOT guaranteed to give you your desired result. Conceive at your own risk!

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Tomorrow On Moments With Mo: A Reason To Smile

You may have read this post before. It may have confused you, made you believe that this show would air last week Monday. If so, I apologize. Now, keep reading.

********************************************************

You'd be pleasantly surprised to find out what something as simple, casual, and priceless as a smile can do for you on a day that you're down and out.  Not just any smile, but a genuine smile that resonates from a deep and mostly unknown place.  There is something remarkably unfathomable about the power of a sincere smile.

Sometimes, you look at all the problems you've had and have, and you can swear that you have it worst --- until you meet the next person.  It is relieving - in an unfortunate kind of way - to know that someone somewhere has it worse than you do. You don't wish them bad, but it gives you hope to know that a person with a worse case is making it. So why not you?

This week, on Moments With Mo, Mo explores people who have been or are facing tough situations in their lives. What would you do if your face were burnt and disfigured by fire? Would you hide? Or would you face the world? And what about the people who bring smiles to such people's faces? What does it take for them to look disappointment in the eye and greet it with a smile?

Kolawale Yusuf (Fire victim), Maxwell Johnson (African hero),  and Mo

Kaffy ... clearly giving Mo a reason to smile.

This is one episode that is sure to edutain you, and perhaps, get you a little teary-eyed. And that's okay, too.

Watch this episode of Moments With Mo tomorrow, Tuesday, August August 31st 2010 on Mnet West Africa at 9:30pm.  If you miss it tomorrow, you can watch a repeat episode on Wednesday, September 1st 2010 at 2:00pm, and on Saturday, September 4th 2010 (all on Mnet West Africa).  Happy viewing J

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In Preparation For Wealth

Those who live in glass houses...

For some reason, I always thought that that was just a proverb. No one really lives in a glass house! Boy, have I been wrong or what? If you take nothing else away from this post, please endeavor to endeavor to endeavor to endeavor to remember that money is good. With money, you too, can build yourself a glass house, and show everyone your butt naked self. Why must you shy?

Front/Exterior of the glass pavilion

I stumbled upon this glass house pavilion built by Architect Steve Hermann in California.  He has been an Architect for over two decades, and he calls this house his opus.  It has five bedrooms, a kitchen with a wine room, and an art gallery.

At first glance, I thought, 'Who the heck would want to live in a glass house?!' But after looking at pictures of its interior, I am positively smitten. Could this be love? Broke love, sure. But love all the same. I have been staring at these pictures for the past couple of days, thinking of all the places I could sleep in it, all the things I could do in it. The dinners to hold in it, the girls' night out, the Vera-and-the-boys night out ... oh, the possibilities!

Only one thing stands between me and this house: money. Money, money, money. Oh, money has insulted my fantasies.  This house is a true testament to what I have been suspecting all along: I, Vera Ezimora have to be rich. I will be rich. I will be wealthy. It just cannot happen any other way. I will be filthily rich, so rich I'd beg for money to stop coming, but my prayers would go unanswered. 

Living room

The view from this living room is nature. You sit in your living room, and it's just there. Of course, I do wonder if a grizzly bear may occasionally wander by and become the new view, but hey, I'm sure the glass is thick enough to withstand almost any pressure, even a curious bear.

Dining Room

This dining room is so nice that I'll eat here any time --- even on an empty plate. Anything served on this table, in this room, will automatically taste good. I don't care if that friend of mine whose life can never depend on her cooking skills cooked the food. It will taste good, darn it!

First Bedroom

I can just picture my life in this bedroom. I'd wake up, look outside and think, "Nahhhhh, I think I'll stay in bed today for the rest of the week."  Talk about the perfect life.  It beckons.

Kitchen

And, of course, whatever is cooked in this kitchen will come out tasting out. Whatever is prepared here --- even if it's a baby that was made on its counter - will look good.  By the left - behind the dark glass - is a wine room that holds thousands of bottles of wines. Look closer. You'll see some of them.

Bathroom

I never understand how these baths are used, but that's okay. Just look at this bathroom. Looking at it alone makes me feel very clean.

Second Bedroom

This is the other bedroom. Unfortunately (or fortunately), there were no pictures of the other bedrooms.  This bedroom has a thick curtain on the wall, so for those times you may not be in the mood to be one with nature, or those times you may not feel like showing your bare nether region to the rest of the world, there's a curtain for you.

In preparation for wealth, I am already admiring the kind house I'll be living in. Yes, I, Vera Ezimora would one day live in a glass house --- except that it would be without glass walls.  Glass windows would be nice. Everything else stays the same.

Pictures courtesy of the Wall Street Journal

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Mo On Tinsel ... Today!

In other news, Mo Abudu, Executive Producer and Hostess of Africa's first syndicated talk show, Moments With Mo, will be making a guest appearance on Tinsel, Mnet's highly rated soap opera.  

Moments With Mo made its debut in 2007, and so far, over 200 episodes and counting have been aired, featuring a wide array of guests that range from Presidents and celebrities to regular everyday people.

Mo Abudu, Host of Moments With Mo

Now in its third season, Tinsel, with an all-star cast that includes Funmilola Aofiyebi-Raimi and Victor Olaotan, continues to dazzle the screen.  

Catch Mo as she shares some moments with Tinsel at 7:30pm Nigerian Time and 8:30pm CAT [Central African Time] on Friday, August 27th 2010 and Monday, August 30th 2010, all on MNET West.

How Human Is Human?

For the past five years, I have not had straight weave on my head.  My hair style has varied from braids to my permed hair to braids to my permed hair to braids --- you get the picture.  In my defense, it's been different types of braids: regular braids, regular twists, and kinky twists.  Hey, that's three different types!  But thanks to someone, I decided to try straight weave again (after that first and only time I did it for someone's wedding).

Two packs of 14 inch Premium Now 100% human hair later, I am one hot stunning goddess - if I do say so myself.  I wore the hair to a wedding, and well, let's just say that men and women alike were gawking - partly because they had never seen me in long hair, but mostly because I just looked too hot. *Insert cough*  Actually, make that *Insert uncontrollable sneeze*

So, all was well and good at the wedding, but after the wedding, the question became: what on earth to do with 14 inches of hair?! [My own hair is about 7 to 8 inches long]. I tried to wrap it before going to bed as I do with my own hair, but 14 inches is not a joke. I was startled when I read the pack of hair, and it said "Tangle free," but of course, it's tangle free! It's human hair, isn't it? Apparently, some other brands of hair - although also "100% human" - are not tangle free.  The previous owners must have not used anti-tangle shampoo as babies.

Speaking of the previous owners, after watching an episode of Hunted on ID Channel the other day where a woman bought a home and was hunted by residual demons because the previous owners were devil worshipers, let's just say I've been suspicious of my human hair. Who the heck owns this hair?? And which God did they serve? What nationality is the owner? Age? Favorite color? Favorite food? Marital status? Criminal report?  Kids?  Reason for selling hair?  Ehm... favorite quote in the bible???

Naturally, my questions have gone unanswered.  Until I become pen pals with the original owner of my 14 inches of glory, I have been thinking of ways to preserve it keep the thing out of my way while maintaining its beauty.  

You've never seen the center of my head like this before

Can you see the track in front?

This was not an easy job, I tell you.

...And this was the result

I still don't know if it was worth it.

Not bad, but was it worth the stress? The following Sunday, I used a curling iron. The hair looked almost completely flat by the time I got to church - no thanks to the humidity.  My hair is now in four twisted braids. How's that for convenience, curls, style, and maintenance!

Of course, this still doesn't answer my question: how human is human who owns this hair I'm wearing?

P.S. By the way, have you noticed my wish list? *batting eye lashes*

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[Correction] Tomorrow On Moments With Mo: Politics, The Brighter Side

Disregard the previous post. This is the upcoming show for tomorrow.

When I think of politics, I think of campaigning, making promises one cannot keep, and raising all kinds of funds. But that's when I think of politics. When I think of Nigerian politics, however, I think of people randomly missing and/or dying. I think of donating bags of rice to hungry desperate people; I think of buying and/or stealing votes; And I think of bribing entire towns and villages.

But then, there's a new wave of politics, the one that doesn't involve bribery, corruption, and random missing or death of opponents.  In this episode of Moments With Mo, Mo discusses the brighter side of politics, which believe it or not, does exist. Her guests include wise veteran politician, Sunny Iroche.

Oluwatoyinbo, Patience, and Malechi (from The Debaters - Season 1) discuss politics with Mo

The Debaters and industry experts discuss politics with Mo

Watch this episode of Moments With Mo tomorrow, Tuesday, August August 24th 2010 on Mnet West Africa at 9:30pm.  If you miss it tomorrow, you can watch a repeat episode on Wednesday, August 25th 2010 at 2:00pm, and on Saturday, August 28th 2010 (all on Mnet West Africa).  Happy viewing J

More about Moments With Mo

Tomorrow On Moments With Mo: A Reason To Smile

You'd be pleasantly surprised to find out what something as simple, casual, and priceless as a smile can do for you on a day that you're down and out.  Not just any smile, but a genuine smile that resonates from a deep and mostly unknown place.  There is something remarkably unfathomable about the power of a sincere smile.

Sometimes, you look at all the problems you've had and have, and you can swear that you have it worst --- until you meet the next person.  It is relieving - in an unfortunate kind of way - to know that someone somewhere has it worse than you do. You don't wish them bad, but it gives you hope to know that a person with a worse case is making it. So why not you?

This week, on Moments With Mo, Mo explores people who have been or are facing tough situations in their lives. What would you do if your face were burnt and disfigured by fire? Would you hide? Or would you face the world? And what about the people who bring smiles to such people's faces? What does it take for them to look disappointment in the eye and greet it with a smile?

Kolawale Yusuf (Fire victim), Maxwell Johnson (African hero),  and Mo

Kaffy ... clearly giving Mo a reason to smile.

This is one episode that is sure to edutain you, and perhaps, get you a little teary-eyed. And that's okay, too.

Watch this episode of Moments With Mo tomorrow, Tuesday, August August 24th 2010 on Mnet West Africa at 9:30pm.  If you miss it tomorrow, you can watch a repeat episode on Wednesday, August 25th 2010 at 2:00pm, and on Saturday, August 28th 2010 (all on Mnet West Africa).  Happy viewing J

More about Moments With Mo

The Little Underwear That Could

About two months ago, I bought new underwears. It was love at first wear.  It just felt right. Wearing it gave me that mmph.  I might be wrong, but I think I was a better and happier person for a few days.  After that, the excitement died down. You know --- kinda like a regular romantic relationship with homo sapiens.

With 5% spandex in them, these underwears felt like they were made just for me. That was until I started going to the gym.  I noticed that each time I was walking on the treadmill, I found myself having to literally dig my underwear out! The darn thing had gone and switched on me --- right under my nose.

/

Picture of one of the actual naughty underwears

The underwears are hipsters. I love their fit. And I love their feel. I just hate the mysterious wedgies that comes along with them when I'm at the gym. It's not a total loss because these wedgies mostly occur at the gym.  When they occur outside the gym, well, what can I say? Wedgies happen.

Walking on a treadmill, earphones in my ears, mind on God-knows-what, and eyes on hot men lifting weights (let's call it "appreciating God's work"), the last thing I feel like doing is looking behind me to make sure that no one is looking, and then digging my underwear out - several times. And I am almost completely sure that at least one person has seen me doing this.

The way I saw it, I had only two solutions:

1.  Buy new underwears

2.  Go to the gym without any underwear.

Yeap.  Option number two has been working pretty darn fine for me.  Of course, this option isn't very convenient when Ms. Flow is around.  But then again, I don't see the walls of the gym when Ms. Flow is around.  Exercising while blood is trickling from my honey pot just has a way of screwing up my exercise routine.  Who knows? It could be my obsessive thought about the blood staining everything - including me and the gym floor.  Anyway, it is my hope that my gym pants don't split - right between my butt cheeks - while I'm at the gym.  Let's face it: my ass has a thing for being exposed.

That said, the end of this post has left me with a queasy feeling: did I just post a picture of my actual underwear on verastic dot com?  At this juncture, I guess I cannot front or shakara for any of my readers and mention the popular line that we Nigerian girls like to say all too often, "After all, you have never seen my pant!"

Tomorrow On Moments With Mo: Beauty And The Beast!

Prior to owning my first e-mail address (which was at excite dot com), I don't know how I used to communicate. No, I know how I used to communicate. I used to send snail mails. All through my stay in Nigeria, we did not own a home telephone. In retrospect, I don't know why that was the case.  When relatives would send us letters telling us they were coming to visit, they would get to our house before their letters did. Clearly not the way to communicate during emergencies.  I remember going to NITEL and using their pay phones. And eventually, when I got my e-mail address, that, as far as I was concerned, was the best thing to have happened to me since rechargeable lanterns. 

Today, of course, technology is on a totally different level. I am so accustomed to doing things the easy way that I don't know if I know how to do it any other way. Life without my laptop? My Blackberry? The microwave? E-mails? Text messages? GPS? Bluetooth?  Don't get me started on the Internet.  Some of us even earn money online.

This week, Mo discusses technology (beauty) and its pitfalls (the beast). Our very own Bella Naija meets with Mo to discuss how the internet has changed her life --- and her financial status, of course.

Bella Naija, Mo, and Teeloni

Mo also meets with someone who is a self-confessed Facebook addict. If you've never met a Facebook addict, take it from me... it's pretty bad. I happen to know one personally.   I have not said it's Funmie, but if you say it's her, then who am I to argue?

Susan Eyo-Honesty, Lola Alao, and Mo discussing modern technology

Mo discussing modern technology with guests

Certainly, there is a balance between too much [modern] technology and not enough [modern] technology. More often than not, we tend to tip to the side of too much technology - whatever that might mean. Our lives become so saturated with [modern] technology that we don't know how to be human anymore. The more [modern] technology we have to "stay in touch" with our friends and family, the more far away they seem, the more time passes between our last conversation. Yet, we're technology advanced. Ironic, no?

Watch this episode of Moments With Mo tomorrow, Tuesday, August 17th 2010 on Mnet West Africa at 9:30pm.  If you miss it tomorrow, you can catch a repeat episode on Wednesday at 2:00pm and on Saturday at 2:30pm (all on Mnet West Africa).  Happy viewing J

In other news, Mo Abudu, Executive Producer and Hostess of Africa's first syndicated talk show, Moments With Mo, will be making a guest appearance on Tinsel, Mnet's highly rated soap opera.  Moments With Mo made its debut in 2007, and so far, over 200 episodes and counting have been aired, featuring a wide array of guests that range from Presidents and celebrities to regular everyday people.  

Now in its third season, Tinsel, with an all-star cast that includes Funmilola Aofiyebi-Raimi and Victor Olaotan, continues to dazzle the screen.  Catch Mo as she shares moments with Tinsel at 4pm on Friday, August 27th 2010 and Monday, August 30th 2010, all on MNET West.

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One Time Like That

Actually, it's many, many times like that. I got bored and decided to grow my finger nails --- just to see how long they could grow.  Pretty long apparently.  And no, this has absolutely nothing to do with my last post about the correlation between men's finger nails and their penis length!

Then, I got bored and chopped them all off.  I think I'm bored again.  I want to grow them again --- just to see how long they will grow --- again.  I wonder if there is any positive correlation between a woman's finger nails and her ---- well, scratch that thought. Nothing good can come out of a woman being longer, wider, or bigger in that area.

... One of those nights.

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His Finger Nails Are Too Short!

I will not boast of having heard it all. After all, it was just the other day that I learned of salad tossing, but that's a totally different story.  So, there I was, having a mini Girls' Night Out with a bunch of girls, and as usual, the major topic of discussion was men.  What else is there to talk about anyway?

Chika, a semi-new friend of ours randomly mentioned Nnamdi, a guy who likes her, but whom, unfortunately, she cannot date. "He's too short," she told us. Well, nothing new about that. A lot of women prefer men who are about six feet tall (or at least visibly taller than them).  Of course, it takes having a taste of both worlds (tall and short) to realize that there's something in between --- and it has nothing to do with the height.

Chika's position did not surprise us. My list does, after all, state that I want someone who is "visibly taller than me."  What did stun me however was that Chika's biggest problem was not the height of Nnamdi's body, but rather the length of his finger nails.  Yes, yes, Nnamdi is short, and yes, she does have a problem with his height, but she is more concerned about the length of his finger nails.

It turns out that a man's finger nails are directly proportional to the length of his member.  Nnamdi's finger nails aren't short because he cut them, or because he has stopped them from growing, but rather because he has one of those nails that even when cut short, they are still short - compared to other people's short nails.  

Try as I might, I could not find a picture of short nails. I'm sure it has a name. These doctors and scientists always have a way of making everything sound worse. A boil, for example, is called a furuncle. I prefer to just call it a boil. I feel a lot better that way.  But on the issue of Chika and Nnamdi, I will now go ahead and commence Operation-Test-The-Nails/Member-Theory on every man. Starting from today - especially today, I will study every man's finger nails, and soon and very soon, the truth will be told!

What say you?

Tomorrow On Moments With Mo: Laying It All Bare

Infertility is one of those things in life that no one really plans for, looks forward to, or expects. Yet, it happens.  In a typical western society, there are options.  People adopt.  People pay someone else to carry the baby for them (surrogacy). People get pregnant by inserting fertilized eggs into the womb (In vitro fertilization).  These are all extreme solutions, of course.  Sometimes, the solution lies in simply --- well, having sex. I tend to favor that last solution, too.

Tomorrow's episode of Moments With Mo discusses infertility.  Can you tell?  It is one of those pink elephants in the room that most people may not want to talk about.  But some people are eager to talk about it.  Perhaps, it would do us some good to hear from doctors who would shed some scientific light on the issue.  We may be educated, but it does not mean we're informed.

Dr. Ayodolapo Soyinka, Dr. Abayomi Ajayi, and Carol Alex-Eyiteme discussing infertility with Mo

Senator Ita Giwa discussing infertility with Mo

That said, infertility in Africa is not the same thing as infertility in the western societies.  In Africa, it is a thing of shame  - especially for the woman because she is, after all, the sole originator of the baby.  She is the only one who is responsible for conceiving and giving birth to children (especially boys).  Should she fall short of her expectation(s) of delivering however many hefty, bouncing baby boys  - and a few girls - she is automatically seen as less than a woman. Should she dare to not conceive at all, well, the cause of the problem is simple: she is a man.  And should she dare to have several miscarriages, she will be required to denounce her marine husband and provide all the children she has eaten.

Mo discusses infertility with real women who have seen it all. Hear one woman's story about how she went to the extreme to have a child.  This is one show you do not want to miss. It may save your marriage - present or future.

Watch this episode of Moments with Mo tomorrow, Tuesday, August 10th 2010 on Mnet West Africa at 9:30 pm.  If you miss it tomorrow, you can catch a repeat episode on Wednesday at 2:00pm, and on Saturday at 2:30pm (all on Mnet West Africa).  Happy Viewing J

More about Moments With Mo

Who Stole My Jesus?

My mother is a relentless Catholic. So it was no surprise to me when she said insisted that I hang a rosary on the rear-view mirror of my car.  I did it just to make her happy. A couple of months later, I changed my mind and took it off. She came at me with a determination that could not be matched. I don't remember what her reasons were, but all I know is that at the end of her speech tyrade, I hung the pink rosary bank on my rear-view mirror.

It's not as if I had a problem with hanging the rosary on my rear-view mirror. Rather, I felt like my mom was not putting her faith where it needed to be : in Jesus.  But that's a story for another day. The climax here is that I recently noticed something strange. The Jesus that has been hanging on my pink rosary has suddenly vanished.  Yes, vanished!!

Once upon a time, there used to be a Jesus, crucified on a white plastic cross, and hanging at the end of that rosary where there's a loop.  Now, both Jesus and his white cross have vanished. Whatever would have caused this? I know I have my issues, but goodness, I hope I did not make the Jesus that was on the rosary to just walk away.  It's been the strangest thing, I tell you.  

In light of this recent confusion, I am now proposing that the FBI, CIA, and Whatever-The-Nigerian-Ones-Call-Themselves all come together and search for my Jesus. This is an outrage! A girl should not have to drive her car without her hanging Jesus. It's simply unacceptable.  And to make matters worse, the culprit(s) is (are) not asking for a ransom to release my Jesus.  An internal investigation will commence at once.  All readers, bloggers, listeners, twitters, facebookers, friends, family, and lurkers of Vera Ezimora will be considered as primary suspects.  Everyone is advised to not leave town at this time. Leaving town would be a very suspicious move.

Some theories have already been formed as to the whereabouts of the Jesus that once hung on a white plastic cross and dangled from my rear-view mirror:

1.  He got tired of hearing Vera scream, "What the heck is wrong with you?!" at all the drivers on the road.

2.  He got tired of Vera blasting her music and dancing while driving. 

3.  Vera's driving made his life feel endangered.

4.  When Vera rolled her window down, a terrible wind blew, and it blew him off the rosary.

5.  Funmie entered Vera's car, spotted the white crucifix, and stole him while Vera wasn't looking. He has since been living in Funmie's wallet.

6.  An anti-catholic broke into Vera's car and stole the Jesus and his crucifix from the rosary.

7.  The Jesus got tired of hanging from a pink rosary.  Him, pink??? No way!!!

8.  Being suspended from a girl's rear-view mirror was just not his idea of going into the world and spreading the gospel.

9.  After Vera played Yori Yori (by Bracket) over and over --- over, he decided that He couldn't take it anymore.  How can a person play Yori Yori for so long?

10.  Let's face it. He got tired of watching Vera play with her breasts while driving.  It was quite distracting disgusting to say the least.

So, what say you?

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Tomorrow On Moments With Mo: Win! Win!! Win!!!

Who doesn't want to win?  In all areas of life, people want to win. In education, people want to win.  In their careers, people want to win. In their marriages, people want to win.  In the little things and in the big things, people want to win.  Even in oppressing their enemies with their new Pajaros, people want to win.

Unfortunately Thankfully, Mo is not interested in how to successfully oppress your neighbors with your new Pajero(s).  Rather, tomorrow's show not only talks about winning in life, but also how to do it.  People have different theories about what it is that is needed to win: talent, skills, luck, intelligence, or perhaps, confidence?  What really separates the winners from the losers people that don't win?

To make it even better and juicier, Frank Edoho, host of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire [Nigeria] will talk to Mo about what it really, really takes to be a winner.  As a host, it's fair to say he has picked the minds of countless winners. Surely, they must have something in common.

Frank Edoho, host of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Gbenga Adeyinka with Mo

Also there with Mo is Yemi Blaq, Nollywood actor and most recent winner of Celebrity Takes 2.  It came down to him and Stella Damasus, and surprisingly - to some - Yemi won. He'll be there to tell us what he did, and how he did it. Oh, for those that have never heard of Celebrity Takes 2, it is like Dancing With The Stars --- except with the African gods and goddesses.

Yemi Blaq, Nollywood Actor and most recent winner of Celebrity Takes 2 with Mo

Watch this episode of Moments With Mo tomorrow, Tuesday, August 3rd 2010 on Mnet West at 9:30pm.  If you miss it tomorrow, you can catch a repeat episode on Wednesday at 2:00pm, and on Saturday at 2:30pm (all on Mnet West).  Happy viewing.

More about Moments With Mo

A Partnership Is Born

"Do you know Mo?"

Ever since I watched the Nigerian comedy, Civil War (starring John Okafor, Rita Edochie, Ada Ameh, and some others), I have not been able to stop laughing at the above line. Of course, when Alfred (played by John Okafor) asked the question, he was referring to Moses in the bible.

Today, however, I'm talking about a living Mo. I'm talking about the fashionista, the screen goddess, the beauty --- and well, the talk show host Mrs. Mosunmola 'Mo' Abudu of Moments With Mo.  Yes, that Mo.

Mrs. Mosunmola 'Mo' Abudu of Moments With Mo

Every Monday, starting tomorrow, I, your one and only Verastic one, will bring you updates about the Moments With Mo show --- before it airs!  That's right!!! You'll know about the show before it goes live on Tuesday.  Moments With Mo shows live every Tuesday on Mnet West 9:30pm.  Repeat episodes show on the same channel on Wednesdays at 2pm and Saturdays at 2:30pm.

I believe congratulations are in order then?  Come on, folks!  This is a partnership, a collaboration between the Verastic one ... and the one and only epitome of beauty and elegance, Mrs. Mo Abudu. Have you heard this woman speak? Have you read the interview she did last year with the United States Secretary of State, Mrs. Hillary Clinton? This woman is --- is --- is --- in fact, I am hooked!

Without further ado, watch out for tomorrow's post.