The Secret To Getting Marriage Proposals

Get pregnant.

I know, I know. You're probably thinking, 'Well, I knew that already!' You may have known that already, but did you know how potent this secret is? Wait, you're gonna love me by the end of this post. You're going to love me so much that you'll go to my wish list and buy me one or two things. Or at least, that's what I'm hoping would be the effect of this post.

	Former Order Of Things	New Order Of Things
1	Boy meets girl	Boy meets girl
2	Boy falls in love with girl	Sex, sex, sex!!!
3	Boy proposes to girl	Baby shower
4	Bridal shower	Naming ceremony
5	Wedding	Christening
6	Sex, sex, sex!!!	Baby's 1st birthday
7	Baby shower	Boy falls in love with girl
8	Naming ceremony	Boy proposes to girl
9	Christening	Bridal shower
10	Baby’s 1st birthday	Wedding

Now, before you point an accusing finger at your friend, you can be rest assured that she did not tell me anything about how you got married or plan to get married.  And no, God did not reveal your innermost thoughts to me either.  Oh, and before I begin to receive insulting e-mails, I should also state that I am not talking about anyone in particular. If you think I'm talking about you, I probably am. But still, convince yourself that I am not. No, really. I am not. Or am I?

It used to be that John and Jane would be dating, and then, we'd hear that John proposed to Jane, and then, we'd be invited to the wedding. These days, John and Jane would be dating, and then, we'd get invited to a baby shower - which we'd confuse for a bridal shower, asking, "Wait, you mean a bridal shower, right?" To which the person we asked would emphasize, "No, I mean a baby shower." And then, all parties would think the same thought but not say anything.

To be fair, there are times when John and Jane would be dating, then we'd suddenly we invited to a wedding, then we'd wonder when John proposed. Then we'd say to the one who invited us, "Oh, I didn't know John and Jane got engaged!" To which the one we said it to would respond, "They didn't." And then, the one who responded would add, "By the way, the baby shower slash bridal shower is coming up in two weeks." And then, all parties would think the same thought again: are they getting married because she got pregnant?

And then, one day, one bold girl would ask of John, "Did you marry her because she got pregnant?" Looking straight ahead, John would say, "Oh, no! I would have married her anyway." And the bold girl would witness a big gulp going down the throat of John. And she would swear she saw a single tear roll down his right eye. He would smile, say he's happy, say Jane is just perfect for him, even thankful she got pregnant. The bold girl would smile, too.  And John and Jane would live somehow ever after - the bold girl not included in their life, of course.

So, you see. This formula works. Try it. A trial will convince you.

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed here are that of Vera Ezimora and are NOT guaranteed to give you your desired result. Conceive at your own risk!

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He Proposed...

And I said, "Yes!" Now, calm down. Lemme tell you the full story. "I'll make this post short & sweet. And by the time I'm done, you'll feel one or more of these emotions: happy, jealous, confused, curious, doubtful, angry.... did I mention angry already? Hehehe."

Remember My Valentine??? Yes, the very same one who surprised me on Valentine's Day. Let's just say he's full of surprises.  And I'm really, really sorry for not telling you about the full story of our relationship.  I just didn't want to put everything out there.  Sometimes, one has to keep somethings personal.  In my next post, I'll be sure to give you details.  Everything you want to know, I will tell you.  But for now, rejoice with me on this please...!!  :)

Excuse my unmanicured nails; I didn't know I would be getting a marriage proposal.  My friends should have at least given me a heads-up.  Funmi, Busola, and Uju, I won't forgive you for this!

The Proposal: I came home yesterday to an empty house - no surprises there. I did the usual thing. Dropped my bag on the table, took my shoes off, and headed for the bathroom to empty my bladder. While in there, I kept singing this funny song, "I'm married to Jesus/Satan leave me alone..." Ever heard??

Anyway, I got out of the bathroom and went into the kitchen to get something to eat. I had just put some rice into the microwave when a classmate called me, so I picked up the phone. The earring I was wearing (also known as my everyday earring) tends to scratch the screen of my phone, so I took the earring off and proceeded to my bedroom to drop it on my dresser. I opened the door and met the shock of my life.

There he was - all six feet plus of him, on one bended knee, candles lit everywhere, and rose petals on the floor. I didn't know what to say. It felt like I stood there forever. I didn't even know when I started crying. I knew the significance of a man on one bended knee, but I didn't know why he was on one bended knee.  In my shock, I went to him and knelt down beside him, crying. I forgot I wasn't supposed to be kneeling down. He said a bunch of things. I don't remember now, but it didn't matter. I let him slip that beautiful ring on my finger. I haven't been able to stop looking at it and taking pictures of my finger. It was only after the kiss that I realized other people were in the room: my mother, my father, Funmi, Busola, Uju, Ireti, and a camcorder! I was crying. He was crying. Mom was crying. My friends were crying. Ireti was laughing. I think I saw a lone tear on dad's face, but he quickly wiped it off. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful, wonderful man.

p.s. Now, if you believed the story you just read, please help me slap yourself twice: the first slap is for being so gullible. The second slap is for forgetting it's April Fool's Day.

p.p.s. The hand and the ring in the picture both belong to me. I keep the ring (and a wedding band) in my wallet because sometimes, I feel like being married. More like, sometimes I don't feel like being single. Actually, sometimes, I just don't feel like being flirted with. There, I said it.

p.p.p.s. You probably didn't notice, but in the first paragraph of this post, the words in quotations are in quotations and italicized for a reason: I stole the entire line from the post about.  My Valentine. Tehehe. The only difference is that I replaced 'jealous' with 'angry' (the one in bold).  So uhm, are you angry now?? Tehehehehehehehe.

p.p.p.p.s. My earring really does have that effect on my phone, and I really do take it off a lot of times.  So you see.... this post isn't a lie.  Let's just say I embelished the truth a wee little bit.

p.p.p.p.p.s. If it makes you feel better, you're not the only one who is gullible.  Even I, the one who composed this truthful fable, am starting to believe it.  Whew!!

...And ehm, my ring isn't bad for a fake one, ey?  Some real ones aren't even this nice!  Of course, you know how I feel about engagement rings, don't ya?

Of Course...I Accept, Guy Horny

My Dearest One,

What started out as a mere joke has turned into something overwhelmingly delightful. I have always dreamt of having it all, but I never really thought I could have it all...until I met you, of course.

I cannot believe that YOU have asked ME to spend the rest of my life with you. The thought of going to bed in your arms and waking up to see your breathe-takingly handsome face is more than I have ever wanted. And this is only the beginning...

I have a lot more to say, but I will save that for my vows. However, lemme just mention that I am the luckiest woman alive to be given the honor to share her life, love, body, soul and spirit with a man of your caliber. Does it really get any better?

So yes, GH, I am accepting your proposal! With the kind of proposal you made, how can any girl in her right mind say no?

Click HERE to see the proposal.