Another One Bites The Dust ... Again???

With the rate of divorces going around, especially ones due to some form of infidelity, I need to come up with a more creative title for this post. I mean, what am I going to call the next divorce post? Another One Bites The Dust ... Again The Third Time??? Yeah, I'm just as puzzled as you are.

So cute. And yet so .... divorced.

Caption: And this, honey, is how I kiss my other woman.

Here's the 411: Tony Parker is a 28 year old athlete and Eva Longoria is a 35 year old actress.  They got married in July of 2007.  Prior to that, Eva was married to Tyler Christopher from 2002 to 2004. Eva filed for divorce from Tony on November 17th 2010. Tony, on the other hand, also filed from divorce from Eva on November 19th 2010. Eva filed for her divorce in California - due to irreconcilable differences (of course). And Tony filed for his divorce in Texas. The significance? Texas's divorce is quite short. It may be over in as little as 60 days. Eva is also seeking spousal support from her husband.


Oh, so why are they getting divorced? Eva says she found text messages on Tony's phone, about 100 text messages that were exchanged in the past month between him and Erin Barry. Who the heck is Erin Barry? Well, she is the wife of Brent Barry. And who is Brent Barry, you ask? He is Tony's teammate. Well, hot damn!


But that's not all. Brent and Erin Barry are also in the middle of divorce! Think Tony Parker has anything to do with it? Do I hear someone saying, "Err, duh!" Erin filed for divorce from her husband on October 29th. And here's the humorous part: her husband's lawyer is Richard Orsinger, the same lawyer who is representing Tony Parker. Something tells me that Richard Orsinger might soon be getting divorced from the two teammates.


Uhm, drama much??? At this point, I only have one question: what will Tony and Eva - especially Eva - do with the permanent tattoos they have? Eva has the word NINE tattooed on the back of her neck (Tony's jersey number). And they both have tattoos of their wedding date in Roman Numerals tattooed on their wrists. Oh, and Eva has the letters T.P. (stands for Tony Parker) tattooed somewhere on her body where no one else (apart from her and Tony) can see it.

Eva's NINE tattoo

Oh, how the mighily-tattoed have fallen!

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Toni Braxton The Maxton

I know Toni Braxton sang the Unbreak My Heart song, but right now, she needs to unbreak the American economy. $50, 000, 000 in debt?!?!?!?!?! That's 7, 612, 500, 000. 00 in naira! If you're having half a hard time like I was deciphering the figure, that's over seven (7) billion naira ... in debt! So this is where the American so-called debt went to, huh?

Toni Braxton is worth about $10 million. And she's up to $50 million in debt to 422 creditors (that's right, 422!).  What has fine Ms. Thang been buying? Oh, you know, the usual. A mansion for $2, 000, 000. A Range Rover for $80, 000 (this one I can totally dig!).  A Cartier Tank American watch for $33, 000 (Get the hell out of here! What time is it telling? Jesus's second coming?). Christian Louboutin boots for almost $2, 000. And much more.

Oh, but no worries. She has fixed it. She has filed for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy protection (her second one, by the way. She had one in 1998). Her attorney says that Toni's heart disease has rendered her incapable of working and paying off her debts, so filing for bankruptcy is the best way to erase debt. Smart. Blame it on the heart disease.

I love you, Toni Braxton, but this is some jacked up mess. You and your lawyer know that debt does not get erased - especially in America. Other people just end up paying for it. Broke as I am right now, I am hurt that someone else gets to be $50, 000, 000 in the hole --- with no tangible consequences.

On another note, did you know that she has also separated from her husband, music producer, Keri Lewis? You did? Well, good for you. I did not know.  I may be pissed at her debt, but Toni Braxton is a babe. A very fine babe at that.

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Of Course, You May Get Divorced

But....

You must refund my money! I have attended a lot of weddings. I am shocked and perplexed whenever someone tells me that he/she has never been to a wedding since they came to America donkey years ago. Each year, I attend at least three weddings.  Attending weddings can be expensive, depending on who the couple is and your participation level in the wedding. Let me break it down. The boxes represent the cost.

Category	Wedding outfit	Asoebi	Gift	Money to throw while they’re dancing	Misc.	Total
Going as part of the wedding party (bridesmaid/groomsman)
Going as a family member
Going as a close friend
Going strictly as a guest
Going as a guest’s guest

In case you did not notice, going as a guest's guest costs nothing --- unless you want it to. I have attended weddings as all of the above, and attending as part of the wedding party has been the most expensive for me. It's understandable. I'm not complaining (about the financial cost).

The problem is that the divorce/separation rate among Nigerians has been on a steady rise, and I take personal offense to it. Why? Because I spent my money to attend their wedding, damn it! I look left, right, and center, and people are getting divorced, separated, or being given eviction notices from their matrimonial homes.

Henceforth, I am stating publicly: If I attended your wedding and spent a dime for/at it, you may get divorced, but at the time of your divorce, I want a complete refund of all my money --- plus interest.  Gbam! Let no one say I did not say it.

*** In other news, Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio would be making a bold come-back on Saturday, September 18th at its usual time (10am U.S. Eastern/ 3pm Nigerian Time). We'll be talking about the Single Married Man. Mustapha will be co-hosting. Set your reminder.

*** In other, other news, I saw the movie Piranha yesterday, and I am now a firm believer that there does exist something more ferocious than the fury of a woman scorned. The way that man's penis was chewed and spat out, Lorena Bobbitt was just an appetizer. The preview is below.

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