kn;kqendl;skdnsklkda (AKA I Don't Have A Title)

Mehn, I’m so ashamed of myself; I have not written in what seems like ages. I’ve been a naughty gal…somebody spank me, please. Seriously, I need to write!

I have been so lazy lately. All I wanna do is sleep, and if I didn’t know better, I woulda thought I was pregnant. This kin sleep enjoyment dey too much o! But as from tomorrow, I will definitely change my routine. In my defense sha, my bed is just too cozy, so leaving it is hard.

So the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, Dannielynn has finally determined to be Larry Birkhead. Well, duh! I saw that one coming. For some reason, I’m happy he’s the father. I don’t even know either of them men personally, yet Birkhead has somehow become my favorite. Needless to say, I’m still saddened by the death of Anna Nicole. I always thought she was beautiful. It’s sad that Dannielynn (the baby) would never know her brother and mother; that would be traumatic for the lil gal when she grows up, I imagine. But God is not sleeping. He knows why He let it happen. Click HERE to read more about this.

By the way, do y’ll know Anna Nicole is actually a brunette? LOL. I didn’t see that one coming. Do you know how much bleach her hair has gone thru? Nawa o!

So Mr. T got me the new CDs of 2Face, Faze & D’Banj. I didn’t actually ask him to bring Faze (cause I didn’t know his new album was out), but I’m glad he did. Faze is a very talented guy. I’m very proud of him. After listening to all the albums, I like 2Face’s Cd the best. Faze comes in 2nd although it was a very close call and then D’Banj is third. I love 2Face’s simplicity and humility (I heard from a friend who met him when he came 2 Maryland that he is very humble). Faze came in 2nd, not because he is less talented, but because 2Face has already stolen my heart. D’Banj….hmmm. Apart from the ‘Why Me?’ song and the tongolo & tongolo remix, nothing else tickles my fancy. I like his style, but I’m not into all that ‘bend over and lemme hit it from the back’ kinda lyrics…which is why I’m not a fan of rap. It’s too errrrr 4 me.

I recently watched a Nigerian movie called ‘Through The Fire’, and it was great! It was written and directed by Chuks Etolue. He is based here in Maryland and he did a fantastic job with the movie. It’s real and realistic. It’s not the kinda yeye movies they make about Yankee in Naija, which are obviously written by someone who knows nothing about Yankee and has not taken out the time to do some research. It’s a wonderful movie and it brought me to tears. Maybe I’m just too emotional, but I seriously doubt it.

Once again, I’ll leave you with some funny search keywords that brought people to my blog. As usual, I do not understand most of them. My thoughts are in green and italics…

• Benson, I won’t worry my life away (Who da heck is Benson?)
• How do you make life easy when you want to leave your Bloke? (Hmmm, tough question. Does he pay your bills? If so, sorry oh, sistah…I no fit help you)
• Things to do to make your man go crazy in bed (Uhm…)
• Husband forced to wear menstruation pads (I hope he was at least on his period)
• Sniffing my aunty’s thongs (Eww! Be ashamed of yourself, please. Yuck!!)
• Left boyfriend handcuffed to the bed (For how long? I hope he’s free now)
• Things to do when you’re alive (Is there a list of things to do when you’re dead?)
• Buki is chasing him (Which Buki is this? London Buki?? Okay, lemme give her a call and find out why she’s chasing him).

Funny huh? LOL

If you have not subscribed to Kitu Kizuri, then this would be a good time to do so. The magazine has just left the printers and is on its way to the homes of subscribers. Please visit www.kitukizuri.com to subscribe.

My mom is complaining that telemarketers are calling her cell phone, so now, she is calling the number back to “warn” them to stop calling her cell phone…even though it’s almost eleven PM. I tell you, this woman is just very funny!

Funmi is thinking about having a cookout in her house this summer, and though she has not set a date, I’m so flippin excited! Being with my friends never stops making me happy and feeling like all is well. In fact, I have been tryna figure out what to wear for the cookout. And of course, I have to go armed with my camera, extra batteries and the charger for the batteries. Go Vera!
That's it for now. I'll be back l8r.

Mama's Party

Thank God it’s over!! That is the first thing I have to say. I know I said it before, but I am saying it again, PARTY PLANNIN’ NO DEY EASY O!


First Picture: Uju, Me & Ibukun
Second Picture: Funmi, Uju, Timbo & Busola doing the konko below
Third Picture: My shoes, scarf, slippers & purse

That being said, I am so grateful to all my friends who came & even helped out. ChiefO came all the way from NY…and he even came on time & helped us out a lot! He slept in my house and went home the following day. The guy sleeps like a baby; he folds himself up on the bed. LOL. Funmie & I could not stop laughing when we saw him. I woulda taken a picture, but I couldn’t find my camera.

The party was set @ 6pm, but guess what time I got there? Past 11pm! Yeap, you heard it! Things didn’t go as planned, and before I knew it, time flew by. My mother was supposed to pick the food from the caterer’s house, which was about thirty minutes away from the party venue, but she suddenly realized she couldn’t do it, so I and ChiefO had to go get the food and drop it at the hall, and after that I had to go drop him @ Funmi’s house, so he could get dressed. Whew! So by the time I was stepping into the shower, it was past 10pm. I tell you, I had the quickest shower of my life!

After taking a shower, tying the scarf was another wahala. I almost cried o! I usually have either Funmie or Busola to help me out, but this time, I was all alone in the house fighting with the scarf. Chei! As if that was not enough stress, my aunt called me to tell me she had dropped my Grandma @ the hall. What!! She wasn’t supposed to be in there. We were supposed to scream ‘Surprise!’. I told her to go back and pick Mama up, but she had already driven off (apparently, she had to go buy something, but why didn’t she take Mama with her?!). I called my mom, but she didn’t pick up; I’m sure she couldn’t hear her phone ringing over all the loud music. I was about to call her again when Funmie called me and I told her what happened. She told me Mama was already in the hall sitting down. I vexed o!

Anywayz, I finally tied my scarf. Then I put on a pair of slippers, threw my shoes, extra slippers and camera into a bag and rushed outta the house. I took my scarf off and kept it on the chair beside me; there was no way I was gonna drive with that thing on my head. I was driving above the speed limit and not giving a care. Thank God I wasn’t pulled over. Finally, I was there! Mama was sitting there with my aunts, but she still didn’t know it was her party! LOL. The party was just starting as I walked in. That was when the MC just started calling people to the high table. Whew!

Anywayz, we (family) had to go outside and usher Mama in and that was when she was told that it was her party. You can imagine the shock & confusion. LOL. She looked stunned. She kept asking questions. She didn’t even believe my mom sef, so she asked her other two daughters, and they confirmed it. She still didn’t believe, so she asked her son who also confirmed it. LOL. Let’s just say it took her a while to comprehend the situation, so it was allll good. My friends and I got to dance to Konko Below & Electric Slide, so we were all very happy. Even my mom did Konko Below sef, LOL.

I didn’t meet anyone from blogger, but I met Omone. She’s a reader-turned-friend. She emailed me once after reading my stuff and it was love @ first sight for both of us, LOL. We kept in touch thru emails…which progressed to phone calls. Then I sent her my picture on Friday (the day b4 the party), so she won’t be lost tryna figure out who Vera is. She came for the party with her friend sha, and I was (still am) very grateful. She will be getting married to a lucky man later this year.

I’m also very, very grateful to all my wonderful friends who helped me out especially Busola (who was in my house since Friday), Funmi, Uju, Yetunde, ChiefO, Ibukun, Timbo, Seun…and sooo many others. Did I mention that ChiefO brought me a whole cooler of Isi Ewu (Goat Head). I gave Funmie about one-third of it and I still have a lot left. Now that I think of it, I have not even told Uju of the presence of isi ewu in my fridge. I better call her and tell her to come & get some. Hmmm, I have to keep some for Ibukun and Timbo too. I dunno if Busola is interested. Funmi was @ my house yesterday and she had some more isi ewu (I think that’s why she came sef ).

I didn’t take a lotta pics because I was running all over the place, but if you’re interested in seeing some pics, click HERE

Oh, Mr. T is back but I am yet to see him (don’t ask me why). I do not know what he brought or if he brought anything…. *shrugging shoulders*

That’s all for now…till I update again.

12 More Days...

Book Review: Baggage Claim by David E. Talbert.

I just got done reading this book, and I liked it. It's about Montana, a 35 year old flight attendant who set out on a mission to find a husband in thirty days. The reason for her desperate move was that she was the oldest in the family, everyone else was married except her youngest sister, the baby of the house who was twenty-one....but then she (the baby of the house) suddenly got engaged, so imagine Montana's predicament! To make it worse, her mother believed that a woman is not a woman until she is married with two kids.....and she should be married by the age of 25, by the way...... or else...... the manless curse follows! Read the book to find out how it played out.

So how many of us (blogger women) are twenty-five and over and not married? Should we go on the same journey to find a hubby in thirty days?

Oh, and this is the second book from this author I have read. The first one was Love On A Dotted Line, which was about a female lawyer who got so tired of being played by men that she came up with a plan for her next man: just as they were about to have sex, she had him sign a contract stating that if he cheated on her, he owed her a certain amount of money (can't remember the amount). Of course, the guy was thinking with his lil head at the time (but then again, when do men not think with their small heads), so he signed it. He ended up cheating on her and getting sued.

You'd have to read the book to know how it played out.

Well, I'm off to read another novel (check my side bar for more details). I'll be back to update soon.

Ciao.

I Can't Do It!!!

I thought I would be able to make a blogging schedule for myself and stick to it, but what was I thinking? I can't do it! I have never been good @ having a regular schedule, so why start now? What was I thinking? Basically, what I am saying is that you should consider my 'Update Wednesday' thingy as null & void. I will update when the blogging spirit moves me.

The Long Harmattan Season by Uche Nworah

My friend & big brother, Uche Nworah has self-published his first book, The Long Harmattan Season. Uche is an award-winning internet columnist, and he is da bomb, if I do say so myself. Like I said, he has self-published the book, and therefore, we as Nigerians & Africans owe it to him to support him and his dream. The book can be found on Amazon.com, but feel free to request/buy an autographed copy at www.uchenworah.com I'm really proud of Uche because he has gone for his dream, which is something that a lot of us (Africans) are too afraid to do. So if you have a dream, no matter how big or small (heck, ur dream might even be to marry me....which is a huge dream by the way), you ought to go for your dream; believe in yourself and just win. Of course, if said dream is to marry me, then I suggest you start saving for my engagement ring, which I have picked out already. Be not alarmed, it only costs $17, 000 before tax. And that's US dollars o! What was I saying sef? Ehen, so go and purchase Uche's book, please. You won't be disappointed.

Party Planning No Dey Easy O

I have included a picture of my Grandma for your viewing pleasure. She's beautiful, isn't she? Guys, if you're interested, I'm auctioning her to the highest bidder, so e-mail with the amound you're willing to part with, and I just might hook you up. Bids start from $1000, please. If you do not want to pay in monetary terms, then tell me how many cows you can afford. Please, bid with at least 200 cows. Grandmas are very expensive and scarce in the market these days. It must be due to the scarcity of gas/fuel.

In my previous post, I invited bloggers to my Grandma's party, but I forgot to mention the date. It's the 31st of March. I am soooo tired of planning this thing. And it doesn't help that my friends and I are doing the aso ebi thing. I'm happy we are oh, but the thought of looking for matching shoes and a matching purse is exhausting me...although I would be thrilled to add a new shoe to my collection. My aim is to receive donations for this expensive party. Oh, did I mention it's a surprise party? Yes oh, grandma doesn't know about it, although this Igbo lady almost let the cat out of the bag yesterday.

I was on the phone arguing with the video man yesterday. He wants to bring a projector to the party, which will cost us an extra $100. I agreed to this arrangement, thinking he would have a slideshow of grandma's pictures showing on the projector, but alas, the projector will be for the guests to see themselves dancing. What rubbish! If we want him to have pictures, it would cost us another $100. I advised mom not to take the deal. What is the point of having and paying for a projector if all it will be doing is showing the guests dancing?? If they want to see themselves dancing, they should bring mirrors!

Anyways, this is Grandma's 71st birthday. Her birthday was actually on the 24th of Jan (10 days afta mine), but we moved the party till March cause my aunt went 2 Naija on the 16th of January and would not be back till Friday (16th). I guess she wants to attend her mother's party. She should better bring me some gala! If you're interested in attending the party, e-mail me @ verastic@yahoo.com (Jaycee, are you really interested in coming? If you are, email me then. By the way, did I mention I saw your picture online about a month ago? Hehehe *evil laugh*). I dunno why I keep discovering bloggers o... especially since I am not even trying to. What will happen when I start trying to?

When Busola got engaged, I could not contain my excitement. The thought of even planning the wedding sef (which will be holding sometime this year) excited me even more. But when push came to shove, e no funny @ all o! Who wants to be driving around the city looking for a hall and negotiating with the owners? This is crazy!

Anyways, I appointed myself as her maid of honor. Who cares if she wants some1 else? This is about me. I have even picked out my dress; once again, who cares if she wants something else? I was so excited about the whole ordeal that I 4got to factor in the cost. But thank God for Boyfriend sha; I already told him to start saving as this would be an expensive wedding for him and everyone else but me. Did I tell you I'll be reading a poem for Busola and her husband on that day? I have 2 look xtra good o! The only thing that bothers me now is that she will have a wedding website with pictures of her bridal party, which I am obviously the chief deputy queen of. I dunno how I feel about her putting my picture there sha. Maybe I just won't announce the site to bloggers?? *confused*

Click HERE to read about Busola's engagement.

That's it for now...till the spirit of blogging moves me again.

Reply 2 Overwhelmed's Love Letter

Overwhelmed wrote me a love letter, even if she refuses to call it that. But it was so heart-touching that I had to publicly reply it. She declared her love for me, and even went ahead to tell me she loved me more than cranberry juice. How romantic is that!

So Overwhelmed, my dear, after carefully reading and digesting your love letter, I have come to the decision to not share your pictures after all. It wasn't such a tuff decision seeing as your love for me is just so genuince.

In retrospect, I have a few promises to make to you:
# I promise to never steal any other online man from you...unless of course, he really wants to be stolen
# I promise to always supply you with cranberry juice
# I promise never to make you wear ankara thongs (like Bloke did 2 u). From now on, it's damask thongs all the way!
# I promise to constantly supply you with black nail polish and blonde weaves
# I promise to never, ever post the enlarge copy of the picture of your breasts online.
# I promise to return your call.
# I promise to keep my promises....for now. :))

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I have been mighty busy recently, so I have not been available to take calls and/or chat online. However, some people have called and not left messages. Abeg, if you want me to call you back, then leave a message with your name and number because I'm not just gonna start calling any number I see. (Yes, Overwhelmed, I know you left your name and number, and I know I owe you a call. I'll call, I promise). I have just been really, really busy.

I mentioned last wednesday that we are planning my Grandma's surprise party, right? Well, I am inviting bloggers sha, so if you care to attend, email me verastic@yahoo.com and I will send you the details. Of course, I know that not all bloggers will attend, which is why I am gladly inviting all of you. I mean, what are the chances that you'll all wanna attend? LOL. If that happens, I will be really screwed, but I know it won't, so I'm not bothered at all. Anyways, like I said, email me if you wanna attend the event...BUT on one condition: YOU CANNOT POST MY PICTURE(S) ONLINE.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On Saturday, I went to see Zodiac with boyfriend, Uju and her boyfriend. Twas a good/wonderful movie, but it was flippin long! Three whole hours watching a big screen is not a joke. The movie started at 9:30pm and it did not end till 12:21am - not cool! It's a true life story of a serial killer in California called Zodiac. I cannot tell you the present situation of things with Zodiac because that would mean telling you the end of the movie, which I obviously do not wanna do. Anyways, if you love thrillers, then you will probably love this movie.

Alright, I think that's it for now, beautiful people. Happy Wednesday and see you next Wednesday!!

Kitu Kizuri

First of all, I wanna apologize for not updating for sooo long; it has been due to the extra writing I have had to do and some other issues...like coming to New York and planning Grandma's surprise party (which I will invite bloggers to later when I have all the details straightened out). But that's another story.

Kitu Kizuri is a new quarterly African Women's magazine, which is currently in print, and will be available in April for the public. I'm pretty sure there are lots of other African magazines out there...maybe not, but Kitu Kizuri is very different. Think of it as the Essence of African women, xcept, it is by us, for us, and about us.

Personally, I have never read any African women's magazine that really touches home with me; in fact, I doubt if I have ever read any African women's magazine at all. They might claim to be African, but after reading one page, you quickly realize that they are geared towards one country only or towards only one part of Africa (ex: West Africa), so it's Kitu Kizuri to the rescue. Kitu Kizuri features the whole of Africa, and it is absolutely brilliant because we as Africans need to stop segregating ourselves and come together as one Africa. We may have different languages and be located in different countries, but we are still one and the same Africa. Deep down, we have the same belief in the core of our being. Trust and love has brought us thus far, and it will continue to. That is what Kitu Kizuri is all about.

If you care to know, Kitu Kizuri means something beautiful/good in Swahili. Please, visit www.kitukizuri.com for more details. And subscribe! I did not type this whole sermon out of boredom; I typed it for you to be knowledgeable of the beautiful something around us and subscribe to it....ASAP.

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Due to the obvious (but surprising) lack of time that I have, I would not be able to blog as often as I used to. I have decided to dedicate myself to update once a week (or more than once if I have some interesting news to share). But I will still be doing my blog rolls every chance I get o! I was gonna pick either monday or tuesday as my 'update day', but seeing as it is already Wednesday and no update was made on said Monday & Tuesday, I have decided to make Wednesday my 'update day'. I will still reply any comments you leave at any time o...but I need to concentrate on my books if I intend to have them published.

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I'm currently in NY. I got here yesterday with my mom, grandma, aunt, and nephew. It was an unplanned trip. My Uncle who moved to the States in June got called to Bar (i.e. he passed his Bar & has been officially sworn in as an American Lawyer). I'm really, really proud of him; he just came here in June of last year, and he has accomplished what many have not been able to. He didn't go to Law school here, and did not attend any classes for Law when he got here. He just read, prayed and passed. Na so God dey work wonder. So it goes without saying that people in my family are smart...hehehehe.

Needless to say, sitting in that car for 3.5 hours with my family (on the way to NY) was not as joyous as you'd expect. Mom was driving and I was sitting in the front, giving her directions. Grandma was constantly saying, "Vera, we just passed another sign board o! I hope you're looking because I don't wanna get lost". And every time my mother hit the brake, my Grandma screamed, "Jesus!"

We leave here tomorrow at 5am. I can't wait to go back home, although I do dread having to sit thru another Grandma drama, but I miss my laptop. I saw all the comments on my previous post, but I did not wanna reply cause I didn't wanna open my blog on uncle's desktop. You never know what kinda incriminating evidence one can find about me on my blog. I will reply them soon as I get home.

So that is it for now, my wonderful ladies and gents. We go yarn next wednesday.

Have a wonderful week.

My Feet Are On Fire

So how was every1's weekend? How many people got hitched, got pregnant, got beaten, stole someone's partner? Hooked up with an ex? No1? Was it just me then? LOL. Calm down, nothing like that happened to me. I be good gal now!

On Saturday (Feb 17th), I went for a wedding. I know the bride, but I don't know her personally. I only know her face, but she's a member of Busola's church, so Busola dragged me (and Frank, her fiance) along, while I dragged Uju along. A typical African thing.

Due to the fact that I am not an anonymous blogger, I cannot tell you how I actually felt about the wedding, but one thing is for sure, my friends and I had some mad fun dancing. I wore a pair of pink shoes. They're not high, but when you stand, walk and dance in them for hours, they start killing your feet. I just took a picture of it for your viewing pleasure. You can thank me later.

As usual, I took a buncha pictures, and you can view the pictures HERE

Lemme know what u think of the pix. As usual, I was the photographer. *sigh* No1 else eva bothers 2 bring a camera! Oh yea, Busola has that useless 2.0 mega pixel camera that I refuse to be captured by. Seriously, shouldn't that be illegal? Funmi has a 5.0 mega pixel camera, but you will NEVER see the pictures. I dunno wat the yeye girl does with them.

I checked out my analytics page thing, and I have compiled some funny search words below for your laughing pleasure. My thoughts are in pink....or whatever color that is.

# I'm horny
Ehen? Why did this bring you to my blog? Have I ever written on my blog that I'm horny? I think not!

# man forced to wear menstrual pad
I have to admit, I have always wanted to make a man do this.

# boobs blogs
I dunno if there is a blog about boobs, but it's not this one

# my little brother wore my thong
I hate to be the one to break this news to you, but your brother has a lil sugar in his tank...yeap, he's definitely playing 4 the other team

# I have a crush on an engaged man
Been there, done that.... waste of time

# Things to do with ur wife
I'm thinking a married man's blog might be the best to tell you

# Wait till i show u my birthday suite
Wait till you show who? You better be a man o!

# Horny and wet
Once again, I ask, why did these words bring you to my blog??

# Vera Ezimora's picture in Joy magazine
Na who be this sef? Mind ursef o; stop looking 4 me!!

# Kpom blog
Are you kidding me?


That's all for today, folks. I shall return!

The Silly Things We Do (3)

Read One & Two

I live in an apartment with my mom, and the story I'm about to tell you happened in the summer of 2005.

It was a hot evening as usual, so I was jejely sleeping on my bed, wearing only my underwear. I was along @ home as usual, my bedroom door was open, and the TV in the living room was on. I woke up @ a point, but I was still drifting in and out of sleep. I could hear the TV, and if I listened well enough, I woulda been able to make out whatever was being said.

I thought I heard a sound in my room, so I opened my eyes, but I didn't see anything. I drifted off to sleep again, but I kept hearing sounds. Each time I opened my eyes, I didn't see anything. It was about 9pm, so it was dark. Then I thought I heard wings flapping, so I opened my eyes, and lo and behold, there was something black flying towards me. So I jumped out of bed, turned my light on, and there it was...

.....a bat!

I jumped out of bed, screamed, and ran out of my bedroom, still wearing only my underwear. In my haste to run out, I left my cell phone and the cordless phone on my bed, and I was too scared to go back, so I decided to use the phone in my mom's room. I called my mom @ work to tell her of our uninvited guest. She said I should call 911. I said, "Mom, I don't think people call 911 for bats". By the time I got off the phone with mom, I was questioning my decision 2 call her. She was of no help 2 me. But then again, what did I xpect her to do?

So I sat on her bed, my heart in my mouth, trying to think of what to do next. I lay on her bed, looked up on the vent in her room, and I thought I saw something, so I turned her lights on...

....yeap, another bat.

So, I jumped up. Put on a t-shirt I saw on her bed, tied her wrapper and rushed out to the living room. I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom, but I didn't for 2 reasons:
1. There might be a bat in there
2. Staying in there would not help me in anyway.

So I sat on the couch....just for me to see a bat flying around in the living room.

At this point, I grabbed my keys and ran out of the house. I didn't run out of the building, but I was out of the house. I didn't know what else to do, so I knocked on my neighbour's door (He's a young Igbo guy in his late 20s/early 30s).

I: N, can you come 2 my house & help me please? I have bats
N: You have bats?
I: Yea, so can u help me, please? I need 2 get rid of them.
N: R u sure they're bats?
I: (getting irritated) Yes, I'm sure, go take a look.

He opened my door, and the bat that was in the living room was now perched on the window blind.

N: Wow, that's really a bat. But where did they come from? Did you offend any1 in the village?
I: N, are you seriously thinking these bats came from Naija?
N: Yes now! Bats don't come 2 people's houses, so who did you offend in the village?
I: N, those bats r not from the village.
N: Okay, maybe they're not, but where did they come from? If they're not from the village, then they must all be born from one mother, and their mother is in your house, so she released two children to go and get food. But who sent the mother?
I: So basically, what you're saying is that these are not ordinary bats abi? Whether it's mother and children or only two children, someone must have sent them.
N: Yes.

I: Okay, that's good. N, are you going 2 help me chase these bats away or not?!

I couldn't believe it! This person was born here o (though he was raised in Naija) but he came back over ten years ago. I called animal control and they said they couldn't do anything about it because it was a weekend, and it was already about 10pm @ this time. But they said I had bats because my house was close to the woods/trees, and apparently, it was a normal thing 4 them 2 get into houses. I called the apartment maintenance people, and they said they were coming.

N finally decided to help me get rid of the bats. By the way, they were two bats (it was the one in my room that came out 2 the living room). So N opened the windows and took the screens (nets) out. So we (more like he) chased the bats while I screamed. Homeboy didn't want to hit the bats...just in case they were witches. He didn't want them 2 be mad @ him and come back to kill him. One of the bats actually died cause I guess he mistakenly hit it.

The apartment maintenance people finally showed up....@ one AM! We told him the bats were gone, but they (apartment people) had 2 send their men in the following day to fix the window screens, and guess what the moo moo said? He said, "I hope y'll didn't kill any of the bats because it is illegal to kill bats, and you could go to jail for that...and even pay a high fine."

Wat rubbish! The bats shoulda thought about that b4 invading my house and nearly sending me 2 an early grave. Apparently, there was a hole in the ceiling of the equipment room - that's where they came in from. I screamed tire that day o! Bats r just very ugly creatures. They look like flying rats. I do not think there is anything demonic about them, but I don't like them.

Sorry 4 making this post so long; wasn't my intention.

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There's a new movie coming out called, Overwhelmed's Pictures...featuring her boobs & famous bowlegs. It will be showing in all theatres near you. But you have to buy ur tickets in advance. They cost only $5, so make ur check payable 2 Vera Ezimora.

I was gonna catch up on blogs, but my waist is falling down right now. Today is my 2nd day with Ms. Flow, and I am not finding it funny @ all. I've been holding my waist like an old woman, so lemme go lie down for a few minutes. I'll be back 2 catch up on my fav blogs.

Wish me well, please.

Hopefully, I'm Back On Track

So because I was absent for a lil while, all these small small girls (AKA Diamond, Nilla, Calabar Gal & the rest of them) think they can start bugging me 2 update ehn? Take time o!

Who woulda thought that getting engaged to my boo, Guy Horny would disrupt my life so much. I tell you, that guy never gets tired. He is taking a shower right now, and that is how I am currently able to update. He is a tiger!

Yesterday, I went to see Norbit. I laughed so hard, my stomach was hurting, and I had tears running down my face. The movie just came out on Friday, 9th Feb., featuring Eddie Murphy being the regular funny entertainer he always is. If you like silly comedies, then you should see this. Click HERE to see the preview.

Thanks a lot for reading chapter five of Every Woman, and thanks to every1 that wrote and left comments, thanks! And for those that have not read it, don't lemme get you o.

So what are you all planning for Valentine? It's hard for me to believe that a whole me, Vera Ezimora AKA Hopleless Romantic, I am not looking 4ward 2 Valentine. How can this be?! I dunno why or how oh, but I have absolutely no anticipation 4 Valentine; I am not looking forward to it, and I am not excited about it. In fact, the only reason why I even thought about it was because I was looking thru my day planner. I dunno if Boyfriend has anything planned; if he does, that would be great, but if not...oh well. But thank God sha that GH, my fiance has some Blogville plans 4 us... isn't that right, baby? But in my life away from Blogville, ain't nothing happening....to my knowledge anyway. Now if any of you were to buy me gifts (platinum/silver jewelry), of course, I won't refuse it.

Calabar Gal, I checked Eubury Press out; it seems they only publish non fiction? Abi was I just seeing things?

I have been away from Blogville for quite a while, and I feel like I have soooo much catching up 2 do, which I will get to soon as I publish this post. I have been keeping up with Diamond's bachelorette though. Interesting stuff. I didn't bother tryna figure out who the bachelors are, but I think I know who the bachelorette migiht be. I might be wrong sha, but then again, when am I ever wrong?

I've been having some issues with my Blog. When I wanna put up a new post, I don't have the option of changing my font, font size, font color, and page allignement. Is this an issue with Blogger, or is something just wrong with mine? If it's just mine, then how do I fix it, please? Azuka, where art thou?! Abeg help me cause not having color on my post is driving me bananas.

Alright, I'm out. I'll be back in a few. *KISSES*

Every Woman 5 Has Been Published

Sorry oh! I know I have been missing for a while. Well, being newly engaged comes with its own perks....especially when you're engaged to someone like Guy Horny. Let's just say he's been living up to his name - not that I'm complaining, of course.

GH has been absolutely wonderful! You know how you dream of your ideal man, and hope that you meet a man with some of the features you dream of? Well, GH comes with all the features, and then some! Oooh, am I lucky or what?

Anyways, I have published chapter five of Every Woman, and you can click HERE to read it.

I'll be back to update better tomorrow.

Forgive me, please.... but my baby calls!

Of Course...I Accept, Guy Horny

My Dearest One,

What started out as a mere joke has turned into something overwhelmingly delightful. I have always dreamt of having it all, but I never really thought I could have it all...until I met you, of course.

I cannot believe that YOU have asked ME to spend the rest of my life with you. The thought of going to bed in your arms and waking up to see your breathe-takingly handsome face is more than I have ever wanted. And this is only the beginning...

I have a lot more to say, but I will save that for my vows. However, lemme just mention that I am the luckiest woman alive to be given the honor to share her life, love, body, soul and spirit with a man of your caliber. Does it really get any better?

So yes, GH, I am accepting your proposal! With the kind of proposal you made, how can any girl in her right mind say no?

Click HERE to see the proposal.

Positively Blushing

It's official oh; right now, I am warm and flushed. My face has that sweaty glow, except that it's not from sweating. It's from blushing so much. Lemme stop beating around the bush abeg. Have you read UNBoorish Male's blog lately? After reading it, you'll understand why I feel the way I do right now.

As most of you know, TaureanMinx WAS (yes, I said WAS) my rival; she tried to come between me and Boorish Male, but she has learnt the hard way that she was wasting her time - the time she could have used to find herself a bobo to buy her at least one biro on Valentine's day. But anyways... here is the comment she left on Boorish Male's blog "Playeerrrrr. Vera don't mind this man oh, he was boorishly chasing me just yesterday! Ok I kid lol. But Mr Boor, you have broken my heart into tiny groundnut pieces. It has shattered and is in shambles. But we do not choose who we love, I understand that. Goodbye my love"

And here is Guy Horny's 1st comment on Boorish Male's post, "Boy you are cheap and outdated. You're more booring than your screen name.Just wait till tomoro to see what i have planned for Vera is. Then we shall know whose Princess VERAlin Ezimora, The Princess of Weirdshire, Blogville is.Back off! Now! If i were you I wont loose both ways, Tminx is on her way to Babaalaye so you better act fast"

Guy Horny's 2nd comment: "@everyone, Boorish must have paid some1 to write these lines. His real lines are those kai kai ones he gave Tminxs some weeks back"

Click HERE to read the whole story.

Last time I blogged about Baba Alaye and his crush, and I also put a comment up a comment that was posted by Baba Alaye's alleged crush. She left me a comment on my last post saying, "". I would have asked TMinx (our one & only go-to girl for Blogville gist) to investigate this issue, but I don't know if she will really be the best person to do the job. Anyways, nothing can be hidden under the sun abi?

Dilch left me a comment saying she heard I was (am) Baba Alaye's crush. Now which one of you little bugs have been spreading that rumor? Dilch, I am by no shape or form, Baba Alaye's crush. If I were Baba Alaye's crush, I would.... well, never mind what I would do.

However, TMinx, you should investigate what is going on between unNaked & Ms Zee. Apparently, I am not the only one who noticed it, but I guess the rest of you were too chicken to say it. But why now? I'm not after unNaked oh. In fact, I am still recovering from the shock that she is a HE. I dunno why I thought unNaked was female....but that was before I realized what was (still is) going on between him and Ms Zee. unNaked, no vex with me abeg.

Cherub left me this comment on my other blog, "By the way, i called u yesterday, and i'm still expecting u to call me back if not, i'd bombard ur phone till i hear ur sweet voice". The reason I'm bringing it up is that she never wants to admit her love for me, and when I say something about it, she'll say I'm dreaming. But as una don see, no be dream o!

Overwhelmed has confirmed that her avatar which has been called stones/sweets/jelly beans/pebbles/skittles are indeed pebbles.

As you all can see, I am naturally loved o! I have not even jazzed these people, and yet I am getting such love; it must be the cooking spray I spray on my hair each morning. Or could it be the akara oil I use to moisturize my body every morning? Hmmmmm

I'm out. Be back in a few.

This Is Totally Random

Here's what I have been thinking about lately.

Is anyone still tryna figure out who Baba Alaye's crush is? For a while, I couldn't figure it out, but then I looked @ his blog one more time, and it was sooooo easy to figure out. On his last post, someone left a comment with the name 'Baba Alaye's Crush'. Her comment was "I can't take it anymore. I think I have a crush on you Babaalaye (your blogville persona). But I don't know what to do about it. How do I proceed? I can't reveal my name publicly, I have a reputation to protect so please don't ask me to). " If indeed this was Baba Alaye's crush, then I wanna say... thanks for clarifying it (your feelings) up 4 us oh. But now that you have left this comment, are you still living in oblivion and thinking no1 knows? You might as well just post with ur real name jo! After all, na you be the first person 2 have a crush on a Blogger?... not that I'm saying I have or I do oh! *smile*

Am I the only one who has noticed there is some kinda hanky panky going on between Unnaked Soul & Ms Zee? Calm down, I am not tryna "snatch" Unnaked Soul. I just figured every1 should look in2 their mysterious relationship because all these warm emails they have been sending back and forth, e no dey ordinary o. Besides, no1 has sent me a warm email!

Life Of A Stranger Called Me has the weirdest link ever. I cannot even read it. I don't know what it's saying, or what it's supposed to say. And I definitely don't know what it means either. It even has two dashes (--) somewhere in between it, which makes it a lot harder 4 me 2 comprehend. LOL. It does not help that the title of the blog is almost the same as the link...xcept that the link has an extra 'n' ('manybe' instead of 'maybe'), so now I don't know which one is right....not that it will help me understand it anyway. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Overwhelmed's avatar has been causing confusion between me and my husband (Guy Horny)...and you know we are newly weds, so we don't need this wahala. He blogged about it some time ago, and he called them 'stones'. I thought they were jelly beans. Calabar Gal called them sweets, and Omohemi Benson called them pebbles. Oya Overwhelmed, come and explain yourself, please.

The Professor has been giving me the short end of the stick. I shoulda known things didn't quite add up when Ms Zee somehow started leaving comments on Professor's blog before me. This is the comment he left on Ms Zee's last post, "By the way, I've updated. You might want to run ahead and leave a comment before Vera gets there... ". Hmmm, somebody (AKA The Professor) is trying me o! You thought I wouldn't find out abi?

BHookey's blog has mysteriously disappeared. I could have sworn she had a blog there the last time I checked. In fact, I think there was a post with her picture sef....abi am I seeing things? Somehow, the thing has disappeared to wherever blogs disappear to.

Temmy Tayo has a bone 2 chew with Calabar Gal (even though she discretely said "Calabar GirlS). My wonder is if Calabar Gal knows anything about this. I think Calabar Gal is married to Temmy Tayo's ex. Yeap, that's my story and I am sticking to it. You might call me an instigator, but do I really care? Oya Calabar Gal, let the fight begin! On second thoughts, A Calabar Girl mighta caused wahala bw Temmy & Ex. Shebi all of una don read about Temmy & her ex. Does any1 know the tribe of the girl ex cheated with? Hmmmm. I be undercover CIA o!

Guy Horny, I have not forgotten about the favorite avatar post. I'll still do it. Right now, I have two favorites; I need to come up with the third. Has any1 else done the post about your 3 favorite avatars? Guy Horny wants us to do it, so y'll might wanna do it ASAP.


Have a lovely day; I'm off to do some writing...after I catch up on my blog rolls, of course.

*Confused* & *Overwhelmed*

Oh my, could I be turning into an amalgamation of OverwhelmedNaijaBabe & ConfusedNaijaGirl? Tufia kwa!

I didn't think this could ever happen, but I am officially confused....and overwhelmed. I have three wonderful husbands, and they all wanna be first. How I go fit do this thing?

Okay, lemme review.

First Husband: Bloke - AKA Mr. Dependable. He has been there for me since sha. Even when I didn't have any other husbands, he was there for me. He claimed me as his one and only (after I fought Overwhelmed, Cherub and so many others off). And he is very goal-oriented and career-minded. The problem is that he is hot and cold. Most times, he's just luke warm. I feel like I constantly have 2 say, "Bloke, am I still ur wife?" And did I mention all the disappearing acts he pulls? E don tey since I see my husband 4 house o! I suspect he's spending time with that Overwhelmed chic, but if I see a strand of his hair in her possession ehn, I will show two of them what hot water does to garri. I no send o!

Second Husband: UNBoorish Male - AKA Mr. Romantic. He has been soooo romantic. In short ehn, I could have sold my birth rite to him...just to hear him say something. He does all the lil things you want your husband to do. He buys me aunty Buky's evening akara (with hot bread and cold fanta o!), he buys me meatpie...with real meat inside, AND he even takes me to that nice smelling gutter....since we cannot afford the beach. So you see, he is just too romantic. The problem of course is that he has that T-Minx (the real kpom; 4get what she might tell u) chasing him up & down. But I guess I should not be worried sha. I mean, what does she have that I don't...apart from chicken pox... ?

Third Husband: Guy Horny - AKA Mr. ..err, do I really have 2 tell you? Everyone knows what he is best @ right? Ehn, the other day sef, he bought me a nice red ride. I love the car sha, and I have been cruising around town in it. Needless 2 say, people have been envying me like crazy. I think the car is designers o! I might be wrong, but I think there is a place I saw FUBU written on it....abi them no dey make car? The problem is that I dey fear 4 him. He's living up 2 his name too much, so I dunno wat 2 do. It's not like I could tell him 2 keep his weapon of mass destruction on the table b4 going 2 work. Or can I??

So what am I supposed 2 do? This thing just dey give me sleepless nights o.

********************************

Guy Horny, I think you might like this site. Say Paris!

Next Stop: GUY HORNY

You know what they say: once you pop, you can't stop (all pun intended). Well, I have been popped, and now, I can't stop....

Wait lemme xplain, biko. As you all know, I love God's creations. I mean, isn't he seriously the best artist out there? ... Which is why I had 2 marry Bloke. We have been happily married, of course, but I recently realized polygamy isn't so bad... if I am the one wife with plenty husbands. So after I acquired Bloke, I put my plan in motion 2 "acquire" Boorish Male. Well, let's just say mission accomplished. Forget what TMinx might have told you. That girl is in serious denial; perhaps she needs a second dose of pox to straighten her out. Or maybe it's the first one that has messed with her brain chemistry.

So err.... Guy Horny, what's up now? Hehehehe.

Consider this my marriage proposal: *down on one knee* Guy Horny, ever since I met you, I have not been myself. I find myself doing things I usually wouldn't be doing. I bleached my skin...just to be yellow the way you like it. I take several showers each day... just to be wet for you. (Pun intended???). I tried wearing that mini skirt you bought me, but it was too tight for me, so I rubbed vaseline and groundnut oil all over my skin, and now I'm inside it. Of course, I dunno how I will get out of it, but I will figure it out later. I wear green eye shadow all the time because I know you like it on my eyes. Even when my eyes looked like they were glowing in the dark, that did not stop me. Last week, I wore that thong for you... even though I couldn't find it later; it must have mysteriously disappeared inside somewhere... I don't know where. Not to worry, I have scheduled an appointment with the doctor to find it. And at your request, I wore my birthday suit and handcuffed myself to the bed. Unfortunately, I forgot to call you and let you know, and I lost the keys. So even though I was handcuffed to the bed for a week in my birthday suit until the neighbours got worried and found me in my disturbing position, it did not change my luff 4 u.

So how about it, Guy Horny??


Bloke & Boorish Male, I hope you understand that this has NOT changed the way I feel about you both. You're still my first and second (respectively), and GUY HORNY has nothing on you.

**************************************

• Guy Horny just put up a post about avaters. Check it out HERE and he has also put up the third part of his fusions with Lindiwe HERE
• My good friend, Babasola got a blog in August of 2006, but just started posting today. Show him some love, please. Click HERE

Ahem...!

It has come to my attention that there is some serious hanky panky going on....right under my nose oh!

What is this I hear about Boorish Male & Taurean Minx?? It's 12:39AM here, and I am blogging, so y'll better take me seriously oh. If you love TMinx, you better warn her...for her own sake oh, that when I blink and open my eyes, she better not be eating akara and akamu with Boorish Male. Ah ah, wetin sef?!

This Blogville has just become a different neighbourhood. What is up with people stealing other people's errr ehm.... whatever!

TMinx: You need to report here and explain yourself with immediate effect because if I have to come down there myself, you will not like the result @ allll. Two of us will have to wear one pant, and I guarantee you will not like it. I have super-thigh power oh! If I put a block of cement between my thighs, I can crack it o! Ehen, don't say I didn't warn you.

Boorish Male: You too... Mr. Romantic. What do you think you're doing sef? Right under my small, fine, pointed nose, you're saying you'll give TMinx akara and akamu. Since when did that one start sef?? When was the last time you brought me kunu @ work ehn? When was the last time you bought me bread and fanta...ehn Mr Romantic?! Would it have killed you to stick one candle in the birthday moi moi you bought me? Oya, come & denounce TMinx before kata kata will burst here o.

Hmmm, I am boiling right now o! In fact, my blood is so hot, it has entered a different blood group. Right now, I am so angry, I can get a woman pregnant. No try me oh, TMinx! Because if you try me, na full blown belle you go wake up with tomorrow oh...and goodluck finding the 'father'.

Nonsense!

Ehen, Bloke, my love, don't mind them ehn. Let's go back inside. Don't mind these yeye people, you know Boorish Male has nothing on you. Let's go back inside, so I can finish waxing your back. But baby, this hair sha.....even if you be grizzly bear sef... haba! On second thoughts, we could sell it, so that hairless people like Calabar Gal can have some human hair on their head...or wherever they want it.


Click HERE to read my new article about Blogville.

I'm off to bed.

LOL

In case you have not figured it out, I cannot come up with a better title for this post, so here goes. I have a buncha things 2 talk about...and none of them would bring about world peace.

ONE DOWN, PLENTY MORE TO GO

These birthday gifts of mine are taking their sweet time coming to me. Busola gave me this pair of green shoes for my birthday. Perfecto! They're size 10 even though I wear 9. There was no size nine, and I refused to let a size come between me and this beauty. I'll stuff it with tissue if I have to! This second picture is my mom's feet in the shoes. She actually wears a size 8. I went under the dinning table and put her feet in them, then I took a picture. I doubt if she knows I took a picture...although it flashed. What I do know is that she definitely doesn't know what I'm doing with the picture....hehehehe. I eagerly await the rest of my gifts; I dunno why they're taking there sweet time coming. This should be illegal!

Overwhelmed, my nwunye di and stylish sista, what say you about these shoes?

HE'S IN MY MIND

Two days ago, I was washing dishes @ about 3am (don't ask why I was washing dishes @ 3am), and guess who I was thinking about? Yeap, Lindiwe! But I couldn't remember where I had heard the name from, or who the name belonged to. I just kept thinking of Lindiwe. Who the hell was Lindiwe?? At a point, I thought I mighta seen her in a movie or read about her in a novel. Finally, I got it! She was/is the girl Guy Horny has been writing about. Crap! He (Guy Horny) has invaded my privacy (AKA my mind). Why else would I be thinking about Lindiwe??? My people, do you think I can build a solid case against Guy Horny and sue him 2 court?

LEE

Lee called me yesterday, but unfortunately, I was not available. I just heard the message right now, where she was seriously begging me not to put her message on my blog. LOL. I wasn't gonna do that! Nawa 4 all you chickens sef. So because I put Busola's voice one time, una no go gree pesin rest again ehn? LOL. Anyways, don't worry, your voice is safe with me. However, you did not leave a call-back number, so how we go do am?

Funny thing is, you're not the first person to make this request. And I doubt you'll be the last too. You guys are just toooooo funny. LOL

AZUKA

I called Azuka back yesterday, and this time we talked for more than a minute! Abeg my blogging siblings, we need to do something about this Azuka's shyness o! He doesn't even like talking 2 girls...although he did relish the sound of my voice, lol.

Here's what I propose we do: we kidnap him and lock him up in a tight place with countless girls. They have to torture him until he talks to all of them. The best way to overcome a fear is to face it. Oh, and since Azuka does not like big breasted and big yanshed chics, make sure that the ones we lock him up with are HEAVILY ENDOWED... I mean, Front, Back, and Side. *I don't know what the side is, but make sure they have it!*

CONFUSED NAIJA GIRL

She left me a comment the other day saying that next year, bloggers would throw me a party in Blogville. Now, I really KNOW she is confused. LOL. I have been tryna understand/comprehend a party in Blogville. What's gonna happen? We're gonna be leaving comments simultaneously? Odikwa risky o! But I eagerly await said party anyways. More like an e-party, but I dey wait sha. Lemme start compiling all the gifts I want for 2008. And no, I do NOT want e-gifts!

CALABAR GAL IS CHEAP!!!

On my birthday, she said this prayer for me (and I quote): "that goodness and mercy make pursue and overtake you and that men and women that you know not of, fall over themselves to do you good!!!" Now guess what prayer she said for Bloke on his birthday? Yeap, the same one!

Calabar gal, how could you?! That was supposed to me mine, mine, mine!!! How could you give it away? I know Bloke is my husband et al, but that's my prayer!!! *sobs... sobs*. I will never forgive you for this indecency o! Why couldn't you say him another prayer? Now, half of the people that woulda been falling over themselves to do me good would go to Bloke. How could you?!

Alright, I think I have said all I came here to say today. Although I do kinda feel like I left something out. Oh well.

By the way, thanks for all the comments, emails, and phone calls concerning Every Woman (4). Thanks!!!

*KISSES*

Introducing...Little Vera!!!

This is what I used to look like. If it helps you put a face on me, I still kinda look the same...except much bigger, of course. A lotta people say I look the same, so who knows, with this you might be able to reccognize me....not that I'm really hiding my face.



Both pictures were taken in Russia. Did you notice my hot, convertible green ride? I was ridin' dirty o! I was a baaaad chic. I shoulda taken the picture with my sunglasses, so that you could see just how hott I was. Boys used to die for me ooooo..... I think.

My family said I still take pictures the same way...with my head bent to one side. Mmmm. I guess old habits really do die hard, huh? I still remember those clothes I was wearing. Now, I doubt if my thigh will go through them, lol. When you're a child, life is just perfect. Our house in Russia was small, but I never even knew. I'm pretty sure I felt like I was the richest chic around...but apparently not.

If you look at that picture of me on my car, you can see the bed by the right. Both my parents were students (in med school). I still don't know if I was a planned baby....or one of those oops-I-didn't-pull-out-on-time babies. But I still maintain that I am not/was not the result of a broken condom!

I've been promising to finish Every Woman (4), and @ last I am done. Thank God! I was supposed to write about Nia, but I was having writer's block, so I wrote about Offiong instead. Now that I'm done with Offiong, I think I know what to write about Nia, so stay tuned.

As usual, feedback is imperative, please. Tell me what you think, and give me some constructive criticism, so I can make it better next time. Leave comments or email me; I'll respond to all comments and/or emails. You can call too, but I do not guarantee to be available to talk. However, if you leave a call-back number, I will return your call. With that said, I have not forgotten that I owe Nilla, Azuka, and NaijaDude a call back. Pardon my procastination, please. It's in my blood. Ezimoras are famous for procastination.

Click HERE to read Every Woman - Chapter 4.

Thanks Y'll

p.s. I gotta go cook something special for Bloke. Tomorrow is his birthday. Happy Birthday in advance, dear. Let's not light all the candles this year, please. We wouldn't want the fire department in our house again, would we? LOL.

Samuel Is Dead!!!

It's been hard to believe, but Samuel is dead. Here is the video of his funeral which I personally performed. I have (more like had) two fish (fishes?). They're both small male betta fishes. Samuel was the smaller one, and Phillip (the bigger one) killed it - at least that's what I believe. Phillip has been hitting Samuel, and finally Samel gave up the ghost. Oh well. Guess it's time for another fish shopping.

I even wore all black to show him his last respect. Hmmmmm. I had on a pair of black pants, a black shirt, a black shirt, and black gloves. I even wore a very high heeled pair of black shoes. Twasn't funny, but hey, I did it. I am a strong gal o!

By the way, is anyone interested in seeing a picture of Little Vera?


London Buki called me and she's not feeling so well. So pray for her quick recovery please.

Samuel's Funeral

Thanks Y'll!!!

To everyone who resides in Blogville, I just wanna say SHAME!!! A big, fat shame to all of you. You were all too cheap to send me a gift. Everyone came up with excuses, and even the excuses sef were cheap. *shaking head in dismay* With that being said, I guess I should say thanks for calling and/or commenting....even though I woulda preferred the gifts o!

A highlight of my day...

Everyone is running late with my gift. Funmi already got me a turquoise purse. I like it BUT it's from Tommy Hilfiger, and we all know he does not like black people. I woulda managed it, but it has TH written boldly allll over it, so I wanna return it. What do you think? Oh, and lemme mention that she bought the purse because it matches HER shoes. That's another reason why I should return it. That's a picture of the bag sitting on my bed.

I stayed home all day....though I had to cook again cause mom and her people (AKA my relatives) ate too much of the food I cooked before. Anyways, Funmi convinced Boyfriend to have this Naija woman bake me a cake. Funmi ordered it, but believe me, even though it said, Happy Birthday Vera, that cake really wasn't mine. I mean, Funmi was sooo excited about the cake ehn. She made it pink because she likes pink.


I dunno why Funmi put my age on the cake o! Anyways, I told her to clean it off and take a picture, but then she made a smudge which made it look like 23. Oh well. Funmi tasted the cake before me sef...another sign that she only used my name as an excuse to get herself some cake. Pathetic friends I have right? I did not bother putting candles on the cake cause I was afraid that blowing out that many candles would set the alarm on the smoke detector off, lol.

Boyfriend took this picture of his food...I dunno why. Anyways, that's Funmi's leg there and those cell phones belong to me and Funmi. The left one is mine. Do you see the two grains of rice on the table next to the food (on the right hand side)? If you can't see it, click on the picture to see a bigger picture. You see it? So now, you can see how he's messing up my table!!!

Busola was planning on getting me a pair of pyjamas from Victoria's Secret. Why? Because it's cute. Now, have I ever given this chic the impression that I may be remotely interested in a pair of pyjamas? Why needs clothes to sleep? I wear my underwear and a t-shirt to bed, and that's just fyne! During the winter, I might add a pair of sweat pants and a sweater, but I don't do pyjamas. I don't even wear night gowns; they restrict my movement while sleeping. Thank God she hasn't gotten it yet sha. She has decided to get me a pair of shoes after all.

Ibukun brought me cheesecake today...although I am a little pissed that it has chocolate in it. I don't do chocolate. You'd think she'll know by now, abi? Yeye girl! Anywayz, I'm keeping it till Boyfriend gets here since he likes cheesecake too. Who wants a slice?

A few things I wanna say:

* If you call me and do not leave a message, I wouldn't know if I should call back or not. People called me from these area codes and did not leave messages: 416, 304, 620

* Biodun called me twice. The first time, I think she might have mistakenly said her real name, so she hung up and called back...then she said Biodun. Hehehe. If that's the case, your secret is safe with me sha...unless you piss me off. I called you back already and left a message; hope you got it. Thanks for calling!

* The Professor asked if I'm married. Well, it depends. In Blogville, I am married to NaijaBloke, but in real life, I have not tied the nut yet. Why do you ask? Do you wanna marry me? If that's the case, just know I am very open to polygamy...as long as it's a one woman + many men arrangement.

* Calabar Girl prayed that people do not fall over themselves in their quest to do me good. Now, why would she say a prayer like that?! Of course, I didn't say Amen to that. I want people to fall all over themselves for me. Why not, if not?

Lemme stop here. I don't wanna make this post too long. I assume y'll must have lives??

Night Y'll!! (I'm off to wash dishes.)

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

Alright, it is OFFICIALLY my birthday!! So oya, start sending me your birthday love....and by love, I mean GIFTS!!!

It's 1:14am here, and guess what I'm doing for my birthday right now? I'm frying fish and cooking red (jollof) rice. I already fried some chicken. After cooking, I'll clean the bathroom floor. I already cleaned the tub yesterday, so it's squeaky clean now. I have no plans for today, but I will be back (maybe tomorrow) to tell you how the day went.

Some people have already wished me a happy birthday on my previous post; Nilla even did it three times. That girl loves me too much. Sure, if you ask her, she'll say it was a mistake, but I know betta! My best friend, Busola was the first to wish me a happy birthday on my blog...I dunno what's feeling like!

Gotta run. My husband, Bloke is drawing a bath for us. He says he's tryna be romantic, but I think he's tryna wash off the smell of food from my body before we errr..... you know. Hmmmph, men!

Anywayz........ start sending me my gifts IMMEDIATELY!!!

Two More Dayz...

Okay, enough of the sour emotions. I'm back to counting my birthday down. I took the liberty of including more perfumes to the list of things I want. Let's see what they are, shall we?

TRESOR by LANCOME PARIS

I have wanted this perfume for ever!!! Wait, b4 you make any mistakes, I want the Eau de parfum spray NOT the Eau de toilette spray abeg. Don't make any mistakes o! Ehen. There's a picture of it here, and I just think it is such a romantic perfume. I might be wrong, but I know I'm right about is that I do want it! It retails for $79.50 @ Macy's.

ROMANCE by RALPH LAUREN

This is one that I have loved since Naija. It was love @ first sniff. I haven't used it since I came here though, but I never forgot about it. You never forget about a first (or second, or third, or fourth, or...) love, you know. The point is that you never forget about any perfume, period! It retails for $69.50 @ Macy's

DELICIOUS RED by DKNY

Please, pay attention to the "RED" because there is a Delicious by DKNY but the bottle is green. I like the red one better...don't ask me why cause I don't know either. It retails for $68 @ Macy's.

ARMANI CODE FOR WOMEN by ARMANI

Blogger won't lemme put the picture, but you can look @ it HERE. This perfume came out sometime last year, and that was when I fell for it. I don't know which one I like better between it and the Delicious RED but they are both very good perfumes though. Abeg, not that I'm saying there is any slow person here oh, but do pay attention to the "for women" part please because there is Armani Code which is just for men, although "For MEN" isn't part of the name like this one. It retails for $52.50 @ Macy's. Cheap, I know, but what can I say?

By the way, let me clarify something. I'd prefer having a gift set instead of just the perfume, but if the perfume is all you can afford, then I guess I can be understanding this year, but let it not happen in 2008 oh! One the 15th of January (a day after my wonderful birthday), I'm gonna start compiling my gift list for my birthday next year. Oh, I guess I have to compile Feb 14th gift list and jara gift list in March. Oh, and also those other just-because gifts. Hmmmmm! T'is the season to receive!

JABRA BT 250V

Last but not least, I like this bluetooth headset. I have been needing one for the longest time. So feel free to pick one up for me. I don't really care about the color, but just make sure it's a NEW one. It retails for $69.95 @ Best Buy






That will be all for now.

It's Been Four Years Already....

I'm taking a break from my birthday countdown to acknowledge someone very, very close to my heart.

It's been four years already, but it doesn't feel like it @ all. The only evidence I have that it's been that long is that I have grown older, and so has his son.

Four years ago (January 11th 2003), he passed away. We didn't see it coming; it just happened. It was three days before my birthday and I was home with Funmi and her sister, Seun. Funmi came by to give me my birthday gift (a brown Kenneth Cole purse); she gave it to me three days early...I don't remember why.

She left and the evening was pretty much the same until my Grandma called me and couldn't control her emotions on the phone. She was crying non stop. She said he passed out. How could he have just passed out? I thought my Grandma was just being overly dramatic and making things bigger than they were, but I panicked. I told her to calm down, but I was panicking inside. My mom was @ work; I called her and told her he had passed out, so she got off work immediately and came to pick me up at home.

We got there and my Grandma was still wailing. She was sitting on the sofa and crying. My aunt's friend was there with her one year old son, and tryna calm Mama down. I was already crying even though I didn't want to believe anything was actually wrong. Mama said he had been rushed to the hospital by the Emergency crew. Was it that serious?

Mom rushed off to the hospital. I kept crying and trying to console my Grandma. I told her not to worry; he was probably too stressed out. He probably didn't eat enough. He probably overworked himself. It was probably just fatigue. Whatever it was, it was going to be okay.

I carried Toby and tried to cheer him up. He was born on my birthday - Jan 14th. We were both supposed to be celebrating our birthday in three days time, and now, his father had passed out. Toby didn't even know what was going on. He didn't know Daddy had been rushed to the hospital. I called my mom countless times and kept asking, "How is Uncle?". Every time I asked, she said, "I'll call you back". We waited in suspense. The suspense was more agonizing than the thought of him passing out.

Finally, they came back. My aunt came in and had no emotion on her face. She looked like she wasn't even on earth with us. I watched as everyone walked into the house and I kept asking about Uncle but no1 was talking. My aunt sat on the sofa with her hands on her head. My Grandma was still wailing...but now even more. Finally, mom fell on the steps and said, "George has killed us."

He was dead. It was just that fast. He died of a heart attack. It happened while he was sleeping. But how could he have a heart attack? He was only 42. We didn't even know he had a heart problem. He hadn't seen his only child turn one. His wife (my aunt - mom's baby sister) was still in her thirties) There were so many things that were wrong. It just wasn't his time. Toby (his son) still didn't know what was going on. It had to be a mistake. But it wasn't.

There is sooooooo much more to write. His death was only the tip of the iceberg but I can't write all that right now. I'm getting too emotional. The wetness on my laptop would stand to testify this truth. Life is so unfair.

Toby turns five on Sunday. He asks about his father all the time. We tell him he's in Heaven, but he doesn't know what that means yet. He wants to know when he will come back. Uncle George, though not related to me by blood treated me like his own child. How come the good ones are always the first to go?

Help me pray that his soul rests in peace. Thanks.

Six More Dayz...

For those of you that are about three hours (or more) ahead of US, it should be five days more in your area. Just in case you didn't know, I'm telling you now that I intend to count the days to my birthday down.

So after a lot of very emotional battle, I finally decided to settle for other gifts for my birthday...although I would readily accept the ones I really want. Now, I know y'll are all hot and bothered about what I want, so lemme ease your pain and tell you what I want.

• A camcorder like one of the ones HERE
• A bottle (or complete gift set) of Euphoria by Calvin Klein (See picture HERE)
• A bottle (or complete gift set) of Provocative Woman by Elizabeth Arden. (See picture HERE)
• A pair (or pairs) of shoes in any color other black, white, brown or cream. Basically, I'll like colors like blue, green, yellow, pink, purple, etc. I wear a size 9 or 91/2. I don't want open-toe shoes, please; just want regular pumps like the ones HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE (I realize these are a lot of shoes, but understand now...)
• I guess jewelry would work too. I only do silver and platinum; of course, diamonds on the silver or platinum wouldn't hurt a bit. You know diamonds are forever, right?
• I'm a big fan of hand bags too. So something like this would be greatly appreciated. Click HERE HERE HERE HERE
• A gift card to Macy's won't be a bad idea...I guess.... as long as it has a substantial amount of money in it.

I know what you're thinking - "Vera, are you sure this is all you want?". Well, of course I want more, but who will give it (them) to me? I'm gonna keep hoping that Oprah replies one of my letters. I mean, is the mail system really that bad??

Finally, I couldn't resist updating you on some of the search words that have brought people to my site. Enjoy!

• what to do when eaten expired food (I hate to say this, but this is really the wrong place to look for that)
• searching for soul mate in Nigeria with big b (what is the big b? breasts? butt? what??)
• patience ozokwor death (I didn't hear she's dead oh.)
• free love spell of mother-in-law (is this to make the mother-in-law love you??)
• dating igbo men (Lemme know when you find out, please).

Alright, beautiful people...I'll have to stop here till next time. Remember, it's just six more days! Yay!!!

Night!

Random Talk

I'M A BLOGGER WINNER!!!

Yes o! See me, I didn't even vote, but I still won the catetogy of "Blogger I'd Most Like To Meet". I feel sooooo special! Well, I guess it's because I am. LOL. I'm honestly tempted to give a speech, but I'll save you the heartache.

So now that I know I am the blogger most people wanna meet, I guess the question is...when, where, and ARE YOU PAYING?

Needless to say, I am really thankful to everyone who voted for me, and for those who voted for other people, forget you then! Hehehe.











SEARCH WORDS FOR MY BLOG

My one and only...AKA Azuka helped me install this analytics thing on my blog. In my words, I'd describe it as a very detailed site meter. Shey una understand?

Anyways, I am able to see what people searched for that brought them to my blog, and I have to say, I have found some very funny things. Here's a few:

• why do men like bitches?
• sweet things to do for a fiance
• tongolo meaning
• allergies to "always pads"

But the top three FUNNIEST ones are

• how can you take a bra off without taking your top off? (I'm believing this is a guy asking this question because I think every girl knows).
• na by force to marry? (someone has been under pressure 2 get married, LOL)
• my balls stink and my girlfriend doesn't like it (she doesn't? I wonder why!)

Needless to say, I dunno why these searches have brought people to my site. I'm very much contented with the "Verastic" and "Vera Ezimora" searches. But stinky balls??? Errr, no! I need to have a meeting with these search engines, for real. Someone get me google's number.

LADIES, DID YOU KNOW THIS??

So, I was reading a book (the one you'll soon be reading about), and in the book, a girl was trying to determine if this new guy she just met might be working with a lot or not. Of course, y'll know about the shoe size thing, right? Well, that's not what this is about.

She was looking to make sure that his second toe was longer than his big toe. Apparently, that's a sign. Well, I didn't know that! Anyways, as soon as I read that, I proceded to check out my own toes, and while I was checking, I was hoping my own second toe was bigger than my big toe. Then it hit me - why am I checking? This thing doesn't apply to me!

If you care for the results, I'll tell you. The second toe of my left foot is a little bit longer (almost unnoticeable) than my big toe. But on my right foot, the big toe is clearly longer than my second toe. So what does this mean - that I have a big what??

LOVE IS NEVER PAINLESS

I went to the library the other day to return some books, and I found myself picking some books to read. I picked this book because I saw Zane's name on it; as you can see, her name is boldly written on it (so I didn't even notice the other names written on the bottom of the book).

Anyways, the book has three novellas in it (Zane's own is the last). I gave the first novella a shot, but it was taking too long to get to the interesting part, so I quit. I skipped to the last novella by Zane, and I loved it. After that, I read the second novella, which was also good.

Anyway, the point is that I'd recommend two-thirds of this book to anyone. I don't know how logical it shounds to recommend two-thirds of a book, but if you've been keeping up with my blog, you'd know I'm not very logical.






I apologize for this post being long; it wasn't my intention. I just had a buncha things 2 say.

Good night, my beautiful people.

Eleven Dayz More....

First of all, lemme say Happy New Year!!! This is my first post for 2007, and all I can say is, "WOW!". We are actually in 2007. But I doubt that every1 is already in 2007 because on the 31st of December 2006, my grandma was making a toast for 2007, and she thanked God for a great 1996 and hoped for an even better 1997. LOL. That is soooooo ten years ago! (Yes, I know I sound White, but who cares?)

This is an expensive period for any1 who is romantically interested in or involved with me. Ask them for details.

December: Xmas gift for Vera
January: Birthday gift for Vera
February: Valentine gift for Vera
March: Jara gift for Vera

Hehehehehehehe

So my birthday is eleven days away. On the 14th of January 2007, I will be officially old. Woah!!! Funny enough, I don't know what I want for my birthday....which is sooo unlike me. Am I growing out of gifts? Gosh, I hope not! That's the last thing I wanna grow out of.

My friends have asked me what I want 4 my birthday, but I don't know. Every year I ask for shoes and purses and perfumes, etc, but this year, I dunno know what I want. I mean, I could always ask for shoes and purses, but I just feel like they'll be too cheap, you know. I can't ask for a laptop and/or a camera because I already have those, so what do I ask for then?? And I don't want jewelry either because the only person who will buy me expensive jewelry is Boyfriend and I'm saving that request for Valentine's Day.

Of course, for my birthday, I could always ask for those other gifts I've always wanted 2 ask for. I'm talking about simple INEXPENSIVE things like...

• That cheap house on Belair Road that costs less than $500, 000.00 (five hundred thousand dollars)
• A 2008 Range Rover (WARNING: I SAID 2008 NOT 2007! Since we're already in 2007, I need something newer....you know?)
• I guess I could manage a $10, 000 (ten thousand dollars) VISA debit card to update my wardrobe.
• Two healthy German Shepherd dogs (male & female) to go with the new house. And of course, a lifetime supply of dog food and health insurance 4 the dogs.
• Perhaps, a one month paid vaccation to Russia wouldn't hurt either.
• A private yacht? Errr, maybe. I guess I could manage it...even though I don't really care for it.
• Someone to sponsor my $250, 000.00 (two hundred & fifty thousand dollars) wedding; that includes the rings, and traditional marriage, so don't get alarmed. Cheap right? I know.

But who will give me these things? Hmmmm, I need to write Oprah again. Perhaps, she didn't get my other 317 letters. Well, they probably got lost in the mail anyway....you know how it is!

Since I only have common people in my life (hehehehe), I guess I could settle for the Euphoria (Calvin Klein) gift set I've been eyeing @ Macy's. It retails for only $299. When I say 'settle', I don't mean they (my friends) shuld all put their money together 2 buy it for me o! I mean ONE person should buy it for me. The rest can buy me other stuff.

Busola said she already knows what she'll give me, but she won't tell me. Either way, I know that girl won't be buying me any of the things mentioned above - that cheap girl. I seriously need to stop associating with poor, common folks. Hehehehe.

So...does any1 have any bright ideas about what I should ask for? Help please!