Looking For Me?

Every now and then, I like to blog about the key words that people search for on search engines, the keywords that ultimately lead them to Verastic.com  It'd be incredibly unVerastic if I were to blog about the regular words.  Who needs those?  The absurd ones make my day any day.  Enjoy.

1.  Turai Yar'Adua

I'm not sure what bothers me most: the fact that the search for Turai leads people to my blog, or the fact that Turai Yar'Adua is the fourth leading search.  I think it's the latter.  And this is all because of that flattering post about her

2.  www.project@verastic.com

You think I should tell the searcher that www does not come before this or any e-mail address?  Yeah, maybe later.

3.  Oral sex in the bible.

Oh, honey, been there, done that --- searched for it, that is.  This may be hard to believe, but nowhere in the bible do the words oral sex appear.  Go figure!  But maybe my post on oral sex will help, no?

4. "I found out he's married" "green card"

Now, can you ask him if he'd like to be a co-host on the Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio Show?  You (or he) can read about the talk show, and the show in question is number 11.

5.  Angelina Jolie stay away from my man

*Gasp* Oh, my goodness!!!  Vanessa Pardis, is this you?  You found my blog! How is Johnny Depp?  Wait, did you read the post I put up about you two three?

6.  Ask boyfriend for facebook password to prove trust.

Sweetheart, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but passwords and trust are almost mutually exclusive.  Besides, he could be like me.  I have several e-mail accounts --- which, of course, only implies that I love e-mails J

7.  Aso Rock boyfriend of Turia Yar'Adua

Turai has a boyfriend at Aso Rock?! I knew it!  Now, it's all starting to make sense.

8.  Boyfriend used to date my friend.

We had a show on this one.  Go listen.

9.  Boyfriend won't give me his Facebook password.

Please refer back to number 6 above.  And when you're done, ask Ray what he thinks about passwords.

10.  Breasts that reach for the sky.

Only a man would search for this.

11.  Does Tonto Dike use Makari?

Seriously???

12.  Get perkier breasts

It's your lucky day!  I know the secret.

13.  How to rededicate my life to Christ.

More often than not, people start with a bible-believing church.

14.  I love my fat wife

Good for you!!

15.  I want a fatter wife

Please refer to number 14 above.

16.  If your boyfriend doesn't call you in a day and doesn't send a text, does he love you?

Heck, if I know!

17.  My friend is technically engaged

You're technically a bridesmaid.

18.  My push up bra will get my man

What kind of push up bra is that, and where can I get one?

19.  Sniff menstruation pads

Before or after they've been menstruated on?

20. Verastic Nigerian blogger.

Finally! Someone looks for me JJJ

That's all, folks!  Out of 536 search words - thanks to Google Analytics - I managed to pull 20 out.

P.S. The show goes live in less than 10 hours (at 10am U.S EST and 3pm Nigerian time).  I'll be co-hosting with Diamond, NaijaBloke, and Kola [Baroka] Tubosun, and we'll be talking about how to, if you will, tell your friend that his/her spouse-to-be is a monster.  Listen here.  Call in: 1.646.929.1905 <<>> Text your response(s): 1.443.934.9039 <<>> E-mail your response(s): radio@verastic.com

P.P.S. The Verastic Facebook Fan Page is still lonely.  Join, please?

P.P.P.S. Go vote for today's show!

P.P.P.P.S. If you have already voted for today's show, vote for next week's show.

kn;kqendl;skdnsklkda (AKA I Don't Have A Title)

Mehn, I’m so ashamed of myself; I have not written in what seems like ages. I’ve been a naughty gal…somebody spank me, please. Seriously, I need to write!

I have been so lazy lately. All I wanna do is sleep, and if I didn’t know better, I woulda thought I was pregnant. This kin sleep enjoyment dey too much o! But as from tomorrow, I will definitely change my routine. In my defense sha, my bed is just too cozy, so leaving it is hard.

So the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, Dannielynn has finally determined to be Larry Birkhead. Well, duh! I saw that one coming. For some reason, I’m happy he’s the father. I don’t even know either of them men personally, yet Birkhead has somehow become my favorite. Needless to say, I’m still saddened by the death of Anna Nicole. I always thought she was beautiful. It’s sad that Dannielynn (the baby) would never know her brother and mother; that would be traumatic for the lil gal when she grows up, I imagine. But God is not sleeping. He knows why He let it happen. Click HERE to read more about this.

By the way, do y’ll know Anna Nicole is actually a brunette? LOL. I didn’t see that one coming. Do you know how much bleach her hair has gone thru? Nawa o!

So Mr. T got me the new CDs of 2Face, Faze & D’Banj. I didn’t actually ask him to bring Faze (cause I didn’t know his new album was out), but I’m glad he did. Faze is a very talented guy. I’m very proud of him. After listening to all the albums, I like 2Face’s Cd the best. Faze comes in 2nd although it was a very close call and then D’Banj is third. I love 2Face’s simplicity and humility (I heard from a friend who met him when he came 2 Maryland that he is very humble). Faze came in 2nd, not because he is less talented, but because 2Face has already stolen my heart. D’Banj….hmmm. Apart from the ‘Why Me?’ song and the tongolo & tongolo remix, nothing else tickles my fancy. I like his style, but I’m not into all that ‘bend over and lemme hit it from the back’ kinda lyrics…which is why I’m not a fan of rap. It’s too errrrr 4 me.

I recently watched a Nigerian movie called ‘Through The Fire’, and it was great! It was written and directed by Chuks Etolue. He is based here in Maryland and he did a fantastic job with the movie. It’s real and realistic. It’s not the kinda yeye movies they make about Yankee in Naija, which are obviously written by someone who knows nothing about Yankee and has not taken out the time to do some research. It’s a wonderful movie and it brought me to tears. Maybe I’m just too emotional, but I seriously doubt it.

Once again, I’ll leave you with some funny search keywords that brought people to my blog. As usual, I do not understand most of them. My thoughts are in green and italics…

• Benson, I won’t worry my life away (Who da heck is Benson?)
• How do you make life easy when you want to leave your Bloke? (Hmmm, tough question. Does he pay your bills? If so, sorry oh, sistah…I no fit help you)
• Things to do to make your man go crazy in bed (Uhm…)
• Husband forced to wear menstruation pads (I hope he was at least on his period)
• Sniffing my aunty’s thongs (Eww! Be ashamed of yourself, please. Yuck!!)
• Left boyfriend handcuffed to the bed (For how long? I hope he’s free now)
• Things to do when you’re alive (Is there a list of things to do when you’re dead?)
• Buki is chasing him (Which Buki is this? London Buki?? Okay, lemme give her a call and find out why she’s chasing him).

Funny huh? LOL

If you have not subscribed to Kitu Kizuri, then this would be a good time to do so. The magazine has just left the printers and is on its way to the homes of subscribers. Please visit www.kitukizuri.com to subscribe.

My mom is complaining that telemarketers are calling her cell phone, so now, she is calling the number back to “warn” them to stop calling her cell phone…even though it’s almost eleven PM. I tell you, this woman is just very funny!

Funmi is thinking about having a cookout in her house this summer, and though she has not set a date, I’m so flippin excited! Being with my friends never stops making me happy and feeling like all is well. In fact, I have been tryna figure out what to wear for the cookout. And of course, I have to go armed with my camera, extra batteries and the charger for the batteries. Go Vera!
That's it for now. I'll be back l8r.