Get pregnant.
I know, I know. You're probably thinking, 'Well, I knew that already!' You may have known that already, but did you know how potent this secret is? Wait, you're gonna love me by the end of this post. You're going to love me so much that you'll go to my wish list and buy me one or two things. Or at least, that's what I'm hoping would be the effect of this post.
Former Order Of Things | New Order Of Things | |
1 | Boy meets girl | Boy meets girl |
2 | Boy falls in love with girl | Sex, sex, sex!!! |
3 | Boy proposes to girl | Baby shower |
4 | Bridal shower | Naming ceremony |
5 | Wedding | Christening |
6 | Sex, sex, sex!!! | Baby's 1st birthday |
7 | Baby shower | Boy falls in love with girl |
8 | Naming ceremony | Boy proposes to girl |
9 | Christening | Bridal shower |
10 | Baby’s 1st birthday | Wedding |
Now, before you point an accusing finger at your friend, you can be rest assured that she did not tell me anything about how you got married or plan to get married. And no, God did not reveal your innermost thoughts to me either. Oh, and before I begin to receive insulting e-mails, I should also state that I am not talking about anyone in particular. If you think I'm talking about you, I probably am. But still, convince yourself that I am not. No, really. I am not. Or am I?
It used to be that John and Jane would be dating, and then, we'd hear that John proposed to Jane, and then, we'd be invited to the wedding. These days, John and Jane would be dating, and then, we'd get invited to a baby shower - which we'd confuse for a bridal shower, asking, "Wait, you mean a bridal shower, right?" To which the person we asked would emphasize, "No, I mean a baby shower." And then, all parties would think the same thought but not say anything.
To be fair, there are times when John and Jane would be dating, then we'd suddenly we invited to a wedding, then we'd wonder when John proposed. Then we'd say to the one who invited us, "Oh, I didn't know John and Jane got engaged!" To which the one we said it to would respond, "They didn't." And then, the one who responded would add, "By the way, the baby shower slash bridal shower is coming up in two weeks." And then, all parties would think the same thought again: are they getting married because she got pregnant?
And then, one day, one bold girl would ask of John, "Did you marry her because she got pregnant?" Looking straight ahead, John would say, "Oh, no! I would have married her anyway." And the bold girl would witness a big gulp going down the throat of John. And she would swear she saw a single tear roll down his right eye. He would smile, say he's happy, say Jane is just perfect for him, even thankful she got pregnant. The bold girl would smile, too. And John and Jane would live somehow ever after - the bold girl not included in their life, of course.
So, you see. This formula works. Try it. A trial will convince you.
DISCLAIMER: The views expressed here are that of Vera Ezimora and are NOT guaranteed to give you your desired result. Conceive at your own risk!
It used to be that John and Jane would be dating, and then, we'd hear that John proposed to Jane, and then, we'd be invited to the wedding. These days, John and Jane would be dating, and then, we'd get invited to a baby shower - which we'd confuse for a bridal shower, asking, "Wait, you mean a bridal shower, right?" To which the person we asked would emphasize, "No, I mean a baby shower." And then, all parties would think the same thought but not say anything.
To be fair, there are times when John and Jane would be dating, then we'd suddenly we invited to a wedding, then we'd wonder when John proposed. Then we'd say to the one who invited us, "Oh, I didn't know John and Jane got engaged!" To which the one we said it to would respond, "They didn't." And then, the one who responded would add, "By the way, the baby shower slash bridal shower is coming up in two weeks." And then, all parties would think the same thought again: are they getting married because she got pregnant?
And then, one day, one bold girl would ask of John, "Did you marry her because she got pregnant?" Looking straight ahead, John would say, "Oh, no! I would have married her anyway." And the bold girl would witness a big gulp going down the throat of John. And she would swear she saw a single tear roll down his right eye. He would smile, say he's happy, say Jane is just perfect for him, even thankful she got pregnant. The bold girl would smile, too. And John and Jane would live somehow ever after - the bold girl not included in their life, of course.
So, you see. This formula works. Try it. A trial will convince you.
DISCLAIMER: The views expressed here are that of Vera Ezimora and are NOT guaranteed to give you your desired result. Conceive at your own risk!








