Save The Date --- Not!

I'm an avid billboard reader. I love them. So, it wasn't new or unexpected when I stretched my neck to read the big billboard on Pulaski Highway and Ebenezer Road. After reading the big red font, "Save The Date!" I anticipated that it would be some kind of fun event --- like a romantic cocktail dinner that's open to all. Perhaps, I have been over obsessing over the cocktail dinner I will be attending this weekend.  And I get to bring a date, too. Yes! But I digress.

Instead of a romantic cocktail dinner, the billboard instructed me to save the date of May 21st 2011 because on that day, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ would allegedly be coming back.  That's right. Jesus is coming back on that day. I drove past that billboard several times and read it over and over - not on the same day, of course. Finally, it dawned on me that this billboard is 100% Verastic material.  So, here we are today.

Billboard announcing the alleged date of the return of Christ

The billboard is sponsored by wecanknow.com and according to them, well, we can know --- the day Jesus Christ is returning.  Curious, I visited their website. On there, they cited several passages from the bible like Luke 24:45 "Then he opened their minds so they could understand the scriptures," Amos 3:7 "Surely the Sovereign LORD does nothing without revealing His plan to His servants the prophets," Nehemiah 8:8 "They read from the book of the Law of God, making it clear and giving the meaning so that the people could understand what was being said," and Daniel 11:33 "Those who are wise will instruct many...," The continuation of this last verse [which was not included on their website] is "...Though for a time they will fall by the sword or be burned or captured or plundered."  Guess there was no need to complete the verse.

It's simply remarkable how we can all read the bible and interpret it to fit us personally. Sometimes, it's a good thing. Christianity, after all, is a personal race. Other times, it puts our gag reflex in an excited mode.  While the owners of this outlandish belief must have meant their website and billboard for good, I, on the other hand could not help but remember a Nigerian man who - in all seriousness - believed that he did not need to tell his wife about his finances because in Matthew 6:3, it says, "But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing."  As far as he was concerned, he was obeying the scriptures.  Who cares if the scripture was referring to giving to the needy (not to marital relationships)?  Makes a lot of sense why Hosea 4:6 says "My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge."

I don't know it all.  I am not under the illusion that I know even half of it. There are questions I have that I have resolved to not knowing until I meet God.  But this much I know: we cannot know the day Jesus Christ returns. It does state clearly, without riddles or proverbs, without ifs, buts, or maybes in Matthew 24:36-44 that "³⁶"No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. ³⁷As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. ³⁸For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; ³⁹and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. ⁴⁰Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. ⁴¹Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.   ⁴²"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. ⁴³But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. ⁴⁴So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."

My people, shine your eyes.

Another Reason To Get Married

It turns out that apart from tax breaks, procreation, and guilt-free sex, there are actually other reasons to get married.  Surprised?  Me, too!  So, I was reading my bible the other day, and I came across an interesting verse in the book of Deuteronomy (Chapter 24 verse 5):  "If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him.  For one year, he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married."

Wait.  I feel the urgent need to stress the important part of this verse: "...For one year, he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married."

GBAM!

One whole year of happiness ... being brought ... to me!  I hope my future husband, wherever he may be, is reading this right now. When we get married, he will stay home with me for one whole year --- and do nothing but bring me happiness.  Happiness upon happiness.  A happy woman, as they say, makes a happy home. When you think about it, he's really doing it for his own good because he, too, will enjoy the happy home.

For one year, my husband will stay home with me, and every morning I wake up, I may decide to redefine happiness. Whatever the new definition is, he is obligated to indulge me. Happiness might come in the form of a Range Rover Sport. It might come in the form of Jimmy Choo shoes. It might come in the form of a trip to the Caribbeans. Or maybe a Michael Kors bag. Or a brand new house in Lekki (I hear that's a good area in Lagos). Shoot, I might even want a private jet!  I wonder if I should get married on a leap year. That way, I'll have one extra day of pure, unadulterated, uninterrupted happiness!

Now, is anyone else wondering what the bible meant by happiness?