Guess Who's On Twitter!

No, not my mom. That would be disastrous.  My mom's baby sister, Aunt SO is on Twitter, and that's almost as disastrous as my mom being on Twitter.  If there's one thing I am always grateful for, it is the sense of humor in both sides of my family. Even when people are not trying to be funny, they're still funny.

Last week, my aunt called me and told me that she has been seeing some things I've been writing on Twitter with the '@' sign. She wanted to know what I had done to her computer to make her able to "see all those things on Twitter." I didn't do anything to her computer, I told her.

I still don't know how she got to it, but I suspect she was prompted by Yahoo! to join her Yahoo! buddy (me) on Twitter. She obliged and ended up on Twitter.  "I don't know what I'm doing," she confessed - not that she needed to confess. It was quite obvious that she did not know what she was doing. "Why are you following me around on the internet?" she asked me. I wasn't following her. In fact, as it came to pass, she was the one following me - literally --- which explained why and how she could "see all those things on Twitter."

She was on the Twitter homepage, and I was trying - unsuccessfully - to tell her what Twitter is for. That was when the spotted the famous Twitter prompt for an update:

To this, my aunt asked  - in quite a defensive tone - "Who are they asking that question?  Why are they asking me what is happening?  What is their business with me?"

Before I could explain that Twitter really means no harm - I hope. Aunt SO went ahead and replied.

As most of you may already know, no matter how many times you tweet (i.e. update your twitter account), it will continue to ask, "What's happening?"

But Aunt SO wouldn't hear of it.  "You see!" She yelled.  "These people are still asking me what is happening. What do they want me to tell them?"

And that was how Aunt SO lived her brief life on Twitter. She is survived by her favorite niece, Vera Ezimora.  Aunt SO will not be missed on Twitter.

For those that aren't already on Twitter, what are you waiting for???  When you do join, follow me.

P.S. Thanks to you, Verastically Livin' won the 'Best Daily Read' award from Nigerian Blog Awards!!! J


P.P.S. Category B of Nigerian Blog Awards is now open for nomination!!  Go ye and nominate me in all the categories.  Yes, precisely, I said all.

Turai Yar'Adua: VANISHED INTO THIN AIR!!!

So, there I was yesterday, checking my Yahoo! e-mail account when I saw a notification from Twitter that a new person was now following me.  Usually, I just delete such mails, but this time, the name caught my attention: Turai Yar'Adua.  Yes, I mean Turai, our President's former President's wife.

Off I went to check her profile out.  It's not everyday that a First Lady former First Lady follows me on Twitter.  Decked out in her outfit and traditional red scarf, she sat in her profile picture, staring me down, daring me to follow her back on Twitter.  I didn't.  I've heard and read too many not-so-flattering stories about her.

She had only one tweet.  It's unfortunate that I didn't copy and paste it for my keeps, but to paraphrase it, she thanked us for our prayers (if only she knew what I actually prayed for), and then, she said they are back (they, who??).  I thought to myself, I've got to blog about this!

Confidently, I returned to my list of Twitter followers.  She was gone!  Turai Yar'Adua was gone.  What did I ever do to make her stop following me?  This has to be the shortest Twitter relationship I have ever had.  So, I went back to my Yahoo! e-mail, and from there, I clicked on her name.  This is what I found:

Strange activity??  These Yar'Aduas!  Like husband, like wife.  Even on Twitter, they vanish.  By my calculation, I shouldn't expect her return to Twitter till another 92 days.  That's not so bad.  She's only the First Lady former First Lady.

But, of course, I'm sure there's a totally logical, rational explanation for this.  I have come to the conclusion that one of the following must have happened:

A.  Turai Yar'Adua is on life support

B.  Turia Yar'Adua's Twitter account is on life support

C.  Both 'A' and 'B'

P.S. If you're planning on telling me how it was not actually Turai herself who opened the Twitter account, but rather an admirer with too much time on his/her hands, my response would be, "Talk to the hands!"

I Need A Personal Assistant

Job description:

• Update Verastically Livin' every three days.
• Reply comments [on Verastically Livin'] as they come in.
• Hunt down and harass people till they agree to co-host Verastically Speakin Talk Radio.
• Schedule shows on Verastically Speakin Talk Radio.
• Reply all e-mails (on Verastic, Facebook, & Twitter).
• Take and return phone calls.
• Reply text messages.
• Compose e-mails when needed and keep the readers informed.
• Keep the Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio Facebook Group updated.
• Approve all my friend requests on Facebook.
• Poke back all my pokers on Facebook.
• Put up polls on Verastically Livin for upcoming shows on Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio.
• Constantly think of show ideas.
• Think of the best suitable co-hosts for each show.
• Write my book.
• Do my school work.
• Feed me.
• Rub my back.
• Moisturize my lips every two hours.
• Remind the "administrative assistant" [aka Funmie] that today is Thursday, and she needs to follow Miss Jayla on Twitter for tweminar.
• Do my hair. [It's currently a hot mess].

I'm drowning here. 24 hours are hardly enough hours in a day. 48 hours, maybe. Thank you all for the lovely comments in my previous posts. I'm sorry I have not been able to respond to all of them. I have read them all. I always do. Time has not really been on my side.

On that note, Funmie has really assumed the position of Administrative Assistant [stop laughing]. She has been a tremendous help so far, but there are still some things she just can't do. Anyone thinking what I'm thinking? Stop thinking what you're thinking, pervert.

So Funmie has been really helpful anyway. I sent an e-mail out to a whole lotta people about upcoming shows, and the response has been encouraging. Thank you. We should be able to respond to all the e-mails by this weekend. I now qualify for the we thing. I have always found it strange when a solo blogger refers to him/herself as we. I've thought that to be the early signs of schizophrenia. But in this case, we really does fit the case. We as in Funmie and I. Whenever I am unable to handle it, Funmie will take over. Fear not, she's got the Verastic training too - whatever that might be.

Just to remind you --- notice the poll on the right sidebar?? That's for the upcoming show on Saturday. If you have not taken the poll, please do. It'll help us. Also, there's a long list of upcoming shows on the left sidebar. I hope you'll be interested in co-hosting. If so, let us know. Gosh, this is sooo cool! The whole use of we and us. Read the previous post for details on co-hosting.

Well, off I go to bed. We will get back to you. Alright Vera.... put a cork in it. Soooo not funny anymore!!! Do not despair - whoever said you're despairing? - I still remain the sole updater of this blog.

Parents Are So Cute!

What you don't know will not kill hurt you. I don't know how true that statement is. Well, I'm sure it's true. I'm sure it's sometimes true. Maybe mostly true, but certainly not always true. Isn't it so cute how parents always think the best of their children and think that their big, grown up children are still their little, innocent babies?

In class the other day, somehow, we got to talking about one night stands. I have a Nigerian lady in my class - very sweet and wonderful - and she has been here [America] for about two or three decades, I believe. She's back to school to get another degree. More grease to her elbows. Anyway, she did not know what a one night stand is, so she inquired.

When told, she said, "Oh no, my child doesn't know what that is,"

Curious, I asked - because I was sure that this child is an actual child, bearing in mind the definition of child, "How old is your child?"

She said, with pride the size of the entire State of Texas, "He's 25,"

25?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Well, there you have it. She thinks her 25 year old child does not know about one night stands. The better, perhaps wiser thing to do is ask: Is he back home yet from last night's one night stand?

......Or we could just stick to believing that he's a child.

In Other News....

*** Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio will be resuming its regular schedule at 10:00am U.S. EST (3:00pm GMT/Nigerian time) on Saturday, September 26th 2009.

*** The scheduled shows and their co-hosts are up there. The first scheduled show [coming up on Saturday, Sept 26th] is about the career choices we [Nigerians/Africans] make. Co-hosting with me are Okechukwu Ofili and Iceberg Slim. There's a poll on the right sidebar. You know what to do ---- please --- with a cherry on top :)

*** Upcoming shows are on the left sidebar. I can only schedule shows one month ahead of time, but since people have been inquiring about future shows, I have also put up a list of twenty upcoming shows. They will not be coming up in that particular order, but at least, it gives you an idea.

*** Co-hosts are needed for all of those twenty shows. Yes, ALL OF THEM. So if you're thinking about being a co-host for any of them, now will be the time to let me know. radio@verastic.com 1-443-934-9039.

*** If you're on Twitter, here's an opportunity to have some fun. Every Thursday, Ms Jayla will host a Tweminar where she and other Twitters will Twit (tweet?) about the upcoming Verastically Speakin Talk Radio show. Follow Ms. Jalya & join the fun!!!

Any other question(s)? You know how to reach me. No flashes, please :)