Pardon Me

I might have misled you a bit. Just a bit. Remember when I told you that I was just 21 a little while ago? Yes, yes... I mean when I nagged about age creeping up on me... yes, that day. Well, I also blogged about my upcoming birthday - a day I love by the way - but obviously, a new birthday means a new age. A bigger age.

The point is ... while I was typing away about my upcoming birthday, I may have given the impression that said birthday is in a few days - or at least a few weeks. Did I forget to mention that my birthday is actually on January 14th? Silly me! I have to say that this is the first time I have started receiving birthday wishes from August! Tobenna even wished me a happy birthday in arrears. Nawa o! It's either I have misled you or you all are an enthusiastic lot! Yeap.... definitely enthusiastic :=)

Speaking of birthdays, how can I conclude this post without wishing our very own Nefertiti a very big happy birthday!!!! Neffie, it's 12:00 sharp. Technically, I am the first to say happy birthday. You never said I had to be the first to say it over the phone. So happy birthday once again. I have not forgiven you for having a baby before you even told us - your blog family - that you were pregnant, but that's by the way. I'll try not to mention it today. Wairraminute!! Did Neffie close down her blog, or is blogger on crack this midnight?! Neffie, if you've closed down your blog, then I retract this happy birthday parahraph I just dedicated to you.

Now, I know you're all worried about what gifts to buy me for my birthday - yes, I know you want to get a headstart on it, but I assure you that I am working very hard on a list that will suit you and I very well. Despair not. I will not pick anything too cheap. I know how you just hate, hate, HATE it when I do that. It's just that sometimes I cannot help but be considerate. :-) Oh, well. Some people are just made to be nice i.e. me.

I finally got Nwoke Ocha back (on the 31st of August). For those that are confused, he's my laptop. His keyboard - amongst a few other things - was replaced. It turns out I've been doing a lot of typing. Me? Noooo!!! I only update my blog every three days, tweet everyday, facebook every day, write and reply e-mails every day, do some writing most days, reply comments on my blog most days too. That's not a lot of typing, is it? I bought Nwoke Ocha in October. It's amazing that between October 2008 and August 2009, I have damaged his keyboard. Nawa o. Perhaps, I need a laptop with a heavy duty keyboard. Ideas, anyone?

Please, please, please... help me welcome Rosie to Blogville. She was one of my co-hosts for the 'Female, Accomplished, Over 30, and Single' show, and she has joined us on Blogville. Yay!! Go over there and make her feel welcome. I said make her feel welcome. I didn't say chase her away with you kolomentality.

Dear Massage Oil

It's not funny anymore.

Seriously, it is so not funny anymore. I have had you for YEARS now. Your first owner, Funmie gave you to me several years ago, and you were exactly this size when she gave you to me. The only difference between then and now is that you have collected dust and dirt from sitting on my dresser, untouched.

I am hurt that no one - man, woman, child, beast, or stuffed animal - has even glanced at you and raised an eyebrow. For years, I have thought about all the fun times you, I, and someone else could have, but for years, no one worthy has shown his face, so on my dresser, you have remained...looking at me, looking at you.

I have taken the liberty to study your label today. Apparently, you're scented. Scented, huh? For a scented oil, you stink! I don't know if you stink because you have been sitting on my dresser for years or if you stink because you have always stunk, but either way, you stink. Well, you don't stink that badly, but you stink - for a scented oil.

At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that Funmie gave me this massage oil. At this time, I know you must be wondering any, some or all of the following:

1. Why on earth did you take a hand-me-down massage oil from Funmie?

2. Why did Funmie even give the massage oil away? Was the problem with the oil or her partner in crime (who could either have been the massager or the massagee. Yes, the term Masseuse does come to mind at this time, but massager makes for a better Verastic term. You know how we at Verastic dot com can be.)

3. Forget about why Funmie gave the massage oil away. The better question is who did Funmie use the massage oil with? In other words, who was the mysterious massager/massagee?

4. K.Y. huh? What else does Funmie have from K.Y.?

These, of course, are your questions - not mine. This is not me projecting my questions on you. Nooo!! I wouldn't do that. That said, does anyone know the recipe for frying plantain and cooking stew with three or four year old massage oil? And if you do, send it along with the antidote for eating such a meal.

~ Written in a state of euphoria + ecstasy. Nwoke Ocha is back from the hospital. And they did not mess with his hard drive. Life, after all, is good.

*Wink, Wink*

Life Without My Nwoke Ocha

Nwoke Ocha = White Man.

My Nwoke Ocha is sick and in the hospital, and since his admission in the hospital, life has just not been the same. I never knew how much I relied on him to get things done until he fell ill. I haven't seen him all of today. I didn't see him all of yesterday either. He got admitted on Wednesday, and since then, I have not been myself. The situation is grim, but I have been praying and trusting God to heal him, so that he comes back the same way he left - without the illness, of course. Oh, my Nwoke Ocha, hurry home!! I miss you something wicked.

I know this post is supposed to be about my Nwoke Ocha, but permit me to vent for a minute here: whose bright idea was it for women to menstruate AND be bloated while at it??? Okay, fine, I think I know whose idea it was. But seriously... this is soooo not funny! Ms. Flow came yesterday, and today, I am in a very pissed off mood. I'd like to think I am pissed off because my Nwoke Ocha isn't feeling well, but I know that is not the real reason.

Here are a few comforting words to describe how I am currently feeling: Angry. Pissed off. Bloated. Uncomfortable. Irritated. Moody. Emotional. Restless. Really, really pissed off.

The only thing that is worse than being pissed off is being pissed off and not even knowing why you're pissed off. I was just on the phone with Busola and everything was fine until that discomfort under my abdomen started again. All of a sudden, I was about to bite the poor girl's head off. There is no reason why I should be feeling like my waist is vibrating! And this is not the kind of vibration that comes with a happy ending. Speaking of that vibration, I ought to discover it sometime in my lifetime, no?

*****END OF VENTING*****

So Nwoke Ocha is ill. Did I tell you that already? Perhaps, it'll help if I stop mentioning the name and just say who the heck he is. He is my white Sony laptop - hence the name (which was given by Mr. Shoes, by the way...). My laptop went off and won't come on. They think it might be the motherboard. Darn Best Buy people don't give loaner laptops (even though I even paid $300 insurance on the laptop, and it's not even a year yet..). Seriously, Best Buy sucks!! And I think that is just one more thing that is pissing me off right now. I'm using mom's laptop, and it sucks that I have to keep going incognito whenever I'm checking my blog (or visiting any site that has "Verastic" in it.) Wouldn't want mom finding this site or its many, many relatives. Of course, it's almost a fool's dream that mom would never find this site because I blog with my real name.

In less than ten hours, Verastically Speakin will go LIVE. Do tune in. We'll be talking about women who are in their 30s, accomplished, and single Speaking of that, I think I need to call up my co-hosts and make sure we're all on the same page. ---> And that's another reason why I'm pissed! Why the heck have I not called till now (the 11th hour)? Anyway, the show will be LIVE in less than ten hours. Don't miss it. Fear not. I'll be mighty nice while on air.

Lastly, AfriPRO Houston, in collaboration with African Business Council of Texas brings you the Houston Africa Business Expo 2009 --> today, August 22nd 2009. Watch the video and click HERE for more details.