At Last...A Strapless Bra That Fits!!

And all this time, I thought there was no such thing as a perfect strapless bra. But today, I met him. My soul mate in strapless bra. Oh my, I feel the butterflies in my stomach. *singing*... is this love, is this love, is this love, is this love that I'm feeling?...*end of singing*. Yes, it is love!

So mom and I went to Macy's there today to do some shopping. I just wanted bras and shoes. I don't have a strapless bra (that I like) because I never seem to find one that's good enough. There is always something wrong with it. Unless you have micro mini breasts like Busola, getting a strapless bra is usually serious business.

Anyways, mom went up to the cashier and asked, "where do we get sleeveless bras?". Ah! I had 2 rush to her side ASAP to undo the damage she had done. Sleeveless bra ke? When did bras start having sleeves? That would be one fashionable mistake, don't you think? LOL. If there were bras with sleeves, then we wouldn't need shirts over the bras, would we? Oh gosh, my mother never stops cracking me up.

Anyways, I ended up getting two bras, but I didn't get the shoes. I found a pair of flat shoes, which I have been thinking about (more like obsessed with), so I think I might have to go back and get it. I want sooo many shoes, it's ridiculous. How am I supposed to afford all these shoes I want? Further more, when am I gonna wear them sef? I currently have 4 pairs of unworn shoes that are still in their boxes. I had five sef, but I gave one to my aunt cause she had been begging for it.

By the way, is there anything weird about me having a schedule for when I have to change my tooth brush? Funmi and I were talking about it today, and she said I am weird because I keep a schedule for when I change my toothbrush. Well, good 4 her! Speaking of Funmie, I wanna let the whole world know that she has my other strapless bra. She 'borrowed' it and I have not seen it since then.

***************************Fact***********************************

A student (almost graduate) of UMBC (University of Maryland, Baltimore County) went on a date with a 27 year old girl he met on MySpace. On their way back, they got into a fight because she refused to go back to his dorm with him. In anger, he parked on the highway and beat her to death. After beating her, he decided he didn't want the cops to identify her body, so he cut off her finger tips, her jaw bone, and her nose. WTH??? He confessed to the cops anyways, and after confessing, the cops asked him if he had anything else to say and he said, "I hope my confession does not affect my chances of getting a job with the federal government." Can you beat that?! Psychopath! Needless 2 say, this guy had a perfectly clean record up until now; that goes 2 show that not all that glitters is gold.

Should I be worried that I met boyfriend online? Hehehehe.

*************Spam Don Get Level O*************

Alright, I complained about junk mails some time ago and how they are constantly bombarding me with messages about enlarging my penis and pleasing her better in bed. They haven't even asked me if I have a flippin' penis! Now that I think of it, I think I know who to 4ward those mails to...hehehehe. I'm not suggesting anything o! Anyways, those junk mails have learnt a new trick. They now send me mails with future dates. I have mails from January 2007 and February 2007. And because of their dates, they will continue staying @ the top of my junk mail folder. Of course, I could always delete them, but that will take away my giggle each time I open my junk mail folder.

Me...Tagged???? No!!!!

I have been tryna do this post for three days now, but several things have been stealing my attention. Daddy's girl tagged me...can you believe it? I am yet to figure out if Daddy is her biological or romantic Daddy. LOL. But I'll find out soon enough....I think.

So I'm supposed to write 8...9...10...I dunno weird things about me. I dunno if there is anything weird about me - @ least, not anything I think is weird. Maybe you would think it's weird, but I don't. I think I don't.

1. I won't sleep well if there are dishes in the sink. If I mistakenly fall asleep, chances are that I would spring up from bed @ about 4 or 5 in the morning and go do the dishes. Is that weird?

2. I don't eat liver. I don't even like the smell of liver; in fact, I am totally disgusted by liver, and should I eat anything touched by liver, I would be nauseous.

3. I love playing with my breast. It's not sexual, but I have been doing it for as long as I can remember, and now, I can't stop.

4. I don't like it when people wash their hands in the kitchen sink (when there are dishes in it). I don't care if it's just a fork in the sink; I don't want anyone washing his/her hands in the sink.

5. I don't like it when people touch my food. (BUSOLA TAKE NOTE!!!). You'll think Busola of all people will know that by now, right? I get disgusted by the food, and I don't wanna eat it anymore. If I do eat it, I would have to throw away the perimeter that has been touched. I start imagining where the hand has been. I imagine bacteria leaving the hand and sticking to my food. I don't like it, period!

6. I don't like it when people come into the house and go straight to the kitchen and open the fridge or pots on the stove. I think it's disgusting. Wash your hands first, dammit!

7. I almost never feel lonely. In fact, I think I am incapable of feeling lonely. I may be alone, but I NEVER feel lonely. I can stay home all day by myself, doing practically nothing, but I won't feel lonely. In fact, I hardly get bored too. When I say I am bored, it's probably not true.

8. I talk 2 myself all the time. LOL, that's probably why I never feel lonely. I count my syllables when I talk to myself. I like my syllables to be even. For example, if I say, "stop playing", that would be 3 syllables - I don't like it. So I'd rather say, "stop playing please." Now, that's 4 syllables. PERFECT!!!

9. I get irritated easily by the silliest things. I don't like it when it snows and grass is sticking out of the snow. I find it very irritating. I don't like certain kinds of ceilings, like my aunt's own. It looks like the work is kinda rough, but I know it's the design. However, I don't like looking @ it. It gives me goose bumps...literally.

10. I hate it when people don't wash their hands with soap. I don't like it when two foods touch each other. I'm not talking about rice and stew, or rice and plantain kind of food, but something like rice and moi moi.

11. I don't like hair on the floor. I don't like when people smell like food. I don't like when people slurp their drinks.

12. I absolutely cannot stand to hear anyone moaning. I'm not talking about moaning during sex (the way Bloke does). I mean like when I'm doing Funmi's hair and she moans out of pain. I cannot stand 2 hear it. I don't even like it when you moan after yawning. Ewww!

Well, I believe I have officially exceeded the amount of weird things required by this tag. I dunno if what I have written is actually weird, but you can find out a hundred things you didn't know about me HERE

I tag: Azuka, BabaAlaye, Beautifully Human, Bella Naija, Biodun, Calabar Gal, Diamond Hawk, Engineer Ayo, Joel, Kokoro Ewa, Life Thru Rose-Tinted Glasses, London Buki, Mphahlele, NaijaBloke, NaijaDude, Overwhelmed Naija Babe, TaureanMinx, TemmyTayo....and every1 else!

Black Friday

First of all, how was everyone's thanksgiving? Mine was quite okay. I spent it with Boyfriend, and it was great; we also both don't eat turkey...how convenient, huh? I took a picture of the turkey before spicing it up, but I forgot to take one after baking it. Now, the damage has been done to it (by mom and my Naija neighbour), so it is not fit to be put on my blog. Boyfriend and I meant 2 go see a movie (Borat), but we stopped by Funmi's house and Funmi's mom won't let us go. Actually, she won't let boyfriend go. She said she was on a date with him and I was free 2 go if I wanted 2. Hmmm, I've started suspecting her and Boyfriend. They r yet 2 tell me what is goin on bw them, but I will find out soon enuff.

As most people know, the Friday after thanksgiving is a BIG SHOPPIN' DAY. It's called Black Friday; and shops open as early as 5:00am, and they have some mad discounts. Last year, a lotta electronics stores had sales on laptops, and as of this time last year, I didn't have a laptop, so I decided to go 2 Circuit City 2 get one which was on sale for like $300. Walmart also had one on sale for $200, I believe. Uju wanted a laptop too, so she and her then-boyfriend went 2 Walmart @ 3:ooam to stand in the line, while my mother and I went 2 Circuit City @ 4:00am. The weather was harsh! My fingers were so numb, I thought I had frostbite. And I am pretty sure my earlobes were so frozen, they could break if bent. You know what happens 2 rubber when it's frozen.

Anyways, the plan was for Uju to grab two laptops (one for me and one for herself) and I was to do the same too, then we'll compare and pick what we want, but guess what? We didn't even SEE the laptops, so grabbin two was sooooo not even on our radar of possibilities. Apparently, they only had twenty laptops and they gave tickets/vouchers to the first 20 people in line, and my mother and I weren't even among the first 400. So imagine the line!

Last year taught me a lesson anyways. Never again will I freeze my ass off for that kinda rubbish. Funmi decided to go try her luck @ Best Buy today. I told her not 2 go, but she went sha. She was there @ 1am and she wasn't even among the first 200 people. LOL. She froze her already small ass off 4 nothing! The crazy girl was there from 1am to 5am, and she still didn't get anything. Of course, I have not been able 2 stop laughing @ her; besides, what are friends 4?

Well, I know some people got the laptops sha cause boyfriend's coworker got one, but guess what time she got there? She was there @ 9pm yesterday, so she was outside for 8 hours. That's insane! She was number 9 on the line, so I guess if you wanna be number 1, you should be there @ about 5 or 6pm. LOL. May I never be that crazy! Besides, to me, the "deal" isn't really a deal because the laptop comes as a package, so to say. I mean, you cannot just buy the laptop; you have to also sign up for some internet thing (I think it's AOL) whether you like it or not. So is that really a deal??? I think not!

I went 2 Macy's @ about 9am (even though they opened @ 6am). They had sooooo many deals, and my eyes were almost popping outta my head. But somehow, I spent all that time in the store and emerged with nothing! I bought two really nice shirts 4 my Dad and mom bought a watch 4 him. She also got a purse for herself, some jewelry and a new cell phone (Motorola Razor) from T-Mobile. I dunno how or why I didn't get anything 4 myself from Macy's. After all the time, guess what I bought 4 myself from one of those lil kiosks? *DRUMROLL*..... A cell phone pouch! Can you believe it? Now, I'm really mad @ myself. Well, I guess I could rejoice in the fact that I did buy this really, really cute outfit for Meomeo's newborn niece. It's a pink jacket that comes with a pink shirt and a blue jeans. She'll be smokin hottt when she wears it, and I know all the other babies will want her. But she'll do shakara 4 them. Gosh, shoppin 4 baby girls is soooo much fun!

For some weird reason, I have been wanting to do a fund raiser; just never figured out what to raise funds 4, but now, I think I gat it. I've always loved the St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, so now I'm thinking of doing a fund raiser (of selling candy) for them. They treat children with illnesses like Cancer 4 FREE. Obviously, they make this possible through the donations people make to them, so I'd love to be one of those people.

********************Weird News***********************

Pot worshippers??? I was watching the news today and apparently, the Church of Cognizance has been raided. It's a church that worships pot... as in marijuana, the illegal drug. How crazy is that??? They couple that started the chirch face up 2 forty years in prison, but in their defense, they were only practicing their religion in the way they saw fit (smoking pot every 4 hours). LOL. Only in Yankee o! Read details HERE

Police are concerned about the FREE offer of a baby of Craig's List. This is a bad thing, of course, but I cannot stop laughing. Apparently, the listing of this free baby was put in the "FREE STUFF" section, right next to FREE TURKEY. I feel 4 the baby; I know that much.

Well, that's a wrap. I'm gonna stop here for today.

******************************************************

Hi Baby! (Bloke). As you can see, the wind has blown and we have seen the yansh of the fowl. Now, we know all the enemies of progress in Blogville - Overwhelmed, Desola, Chief, Bijouxoxo, Diamond...and many more sef. They're just jealous they don't have what we have, but don't worry, we will show all of them shege banza. And you need 2 publicly renounce your lil hoochies (AKA Overwhelmed & Desola) because their delusions are starting to get the best of them. They actually think you belong to them. Ha! Very funny. They obviously do not know what I am giving you. *wink wink*

I'm Seeing Red....LITERALLY!

While I know no1 cares 2 know this, I still feel the need to tell everyone that I am on my flippin period! Yes, I said it. It started yesterday...and it came along with the cramps. I don't always have cramps, and even when I do, they are almost never as intense as it was yesterday. I guess I've been under a lot of stress....with planning my wedding to NaijaBloke and all.

In case you're wondering how come I'm getting married to NaijaBloke when I already stated that my baby, Hugh Jackman is 'the one', well, it's really quite simple. You see, Bloke and I are perfect for each other. We love each other dearly and we see things from the same perspective. We're both confident in what we have, so he lets me do my thing with Hugh Jackman and I let him do his thing with Patience Ozokwor. Somehow, my finace cannot get enuff of Patience Ozokwor; I think it's because of the phat booty on her. But anyways...Hugh understands my situation because he is married himself. Therefore, married or not, I will still see my baby, Hugh Jackman.

Now, speaking of my fiance, Bloke, whoever knows him should go and warn him oh! Cause all this one that he is planning on buying me a ring from the flea market with a 'ruby like' thing on it, I no send o! Bloke, don't make me call this wedding off o! After all, you're not the only fish in the sea ah ah. Just the other day sef, Joel proposed 2 me. Take time o!

Back 2 my cramps...they r killin me! My waist feels like I'm pulling 200 pounds, and I cannot take it anymore! I need a waist rub ASAP. Where is that NaijaBloke when you need him sef?! Is there anyone out there who is willing to give me a waist rub? This is ridiculous. And because today is my second day, I anticipate a fowl mood. I'm gonna be snapping @ everyone for everything. Too bad Busola is the one who will suffer it cause I'm spending the day with her. Hehehehehe.

So how are y'll preparing for thanksgiving tomorrow? I don't eat turkey, but I bake one every thanksgiving. I usually taste it, of course, but that's as far as I am willing to go. I just spiced up my turkey some minutes ago and put it in the fridge to marinade. I'll wake up early tomorrow morning and put it in the oven; you know it takes forever and a day to bake. I believe it's an hour for every 4 pounds right? And my turkey weighs 19.7 pounds, so that's about 4 hours and 40 minutes.

I gotta say that seasoning the turkey wasn't easy @ all. I felt so dirty! There I was sticking my entire fist into this poor thang. I wasn't even 'fingering' it; I was 'fisting' it. Yes, all pun intended. But I think the turkey is a freak! At one, point, I heard it moan! Or maybe that was just Bloke moaning. He was watching a Naija movie with Patience Ozokwor and she makes him as hard as Chinese calculus. Even I can't elicit such a result!

Meomeo's sister had a beautiful baby girl yesterday. I haven't seen her (the baby) yet, but I know she is beautiful. The naming ceremony is on tuesday....yay! My excitement isn't because the baby will be officially named, but rather that I will get 2 eat some party food. What's so special about a naming ceremony? After all, I didn't have one and look how GREAT I turned out. Hmmm, I hope they make that spicy goat meat. Perhaps, I should go with my own plastic plates for the take-away food. Hmmmmm..... *thinking*. I realize some (if not all) of you must be wondering, 'who the hell is Meomeo?'; well, worry not...just know his name is Meomeo. And no, he isn't a cat!

Alright....off I go. My waist is pulling me down. I'll be back tomorrow to put up before and after pictures of my turkey. Lemme know if you want a slice.

I'm In Love

I'm in love! No, no, no, not the kinda of love you're thinking (although that woulda been nice too). I mean, I have fallen in love with Hugh Jackman. At first, it was just attraction, but now, I think I have met the one. . You should see the way he looks @ me. Hahaha. Oh my gosh, I cannot stop deceiving myself sha. See preview HERE

Okay, on a serious note anyway, I have fallen in love with the movie, Happy Feet. I saw it on Saturday with Funmi and Uju, and gosh, I was just sooooo amazed. When Memphis (play by my baby, Huhu Jackman) fell in love with Norma Jean (Nicole Kidman), I cried. But I made sure Uju and Funmi didn't notice or else I would never hear the end of it.

So I have set a new standard for my future husband; he MUST sing to me! Hmmm, on second thoughts, that might not be such a bright idea considering the fact that I am yet to meet any man who has a decent singing voice. Alright fine, he doesn't have to sing to me. In fact, he should never attempt it...unless of course it's my other baby, 2Face. You should see the way he looks @ me too!

Do You Take This Woman?
Well, no, I don't take this woman, but perhaps maybe you men out there do. I was reading Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas, but somewhere along the line, I lost interest. The book is a very interesting one, but I dunno why I just don't feel like reading it anymore. I have not given up though; I merely switched to something different.

I have not gone far in this book (these days I'm soooo lazy 2 read), but so far so good. The woman is torn between two men: her husband and her ex who she was previously engaged to. Who hasn't been there? *clears throat* Not that I'm implying that I have ever been torn between two men. Not me! *coughs*

Well, one thing is for sure, I want her hair!!!!


My mother is watching a soap opera and it is soo loud that even though I am not in the living room, I can hear all their kissing sounds loud and clear. Aaarrrgghhh! This is torture. Why do I have to hear this and not be able to take part in it? That's not right o! It's just not fair! I don't wanna hear any kissing sounds that are not being made by me.

Good Heavens!

Remembering Papa

Before I start talking about Papa, I would appreciate it if everyone takes a minute to bow their head in prayer and pray that Papa's soul rests in perfect peace.

Let me tell you about the wonderful person called Papa.

I was quite young when I met Papa (can't remember how old now). When I met him, he was still single, but he got married a few months later. Papa was the kind of person that everyone loved being around. He was lively, funny, and fun. His wife was equally beautiful, and was a perfect match for him. Funny enough, I never knew Papa's real/birth name; everyone just called him Papa. He wasn't old @ all, but I guess somewhere along his life, he got nicknamed Papa, so that was what everyone called him.

Papa had a thing for the ladies. Or rather, the ladies had a thing for Papa. Every woman on our street wanted a piece of Papa, so it was no wonder when he ended up getting two other women pregnant. To my surprise, Papa's wife didn't leave him; I don't know why. I know she could have gotten any other man she wished for, but for whatever reason, she stuck to her husband's side. They were always together.

Papa's wife endured all sorts of humiliation - including fights with Papa's baby mommas. Again, I repeat that I could never figure out why she didn't just leave him. Papa's wife and baby mommas gave him beautiful children, and they all looked like Papa in one way or another.

If one were to judge Papa based on his matrimonial life, he would be considered a very bad man for cheating on his wife SEVERAL TIMES. But Papa was much more than a cheating husband, which is why his wife and baby mommas loved him so much that they were even willing to share him. Talk about being a lady's man.

Papa's 'fruitful' life was cut short a little before Christmas (about ten years ago) when he was brutally murdered by a scavenger. Papa was beheaded; can you believe that? Such things rarely happen in the peaceful city of Jos, where we lived, but it did. Even though it's been so long ago, I still have shivers running down my spine every time I remember the site of Papa lying there on the ground - headless. I don't know why I had to go and look at him. The image still haunts me.

I thank God that Papa had a lot of children to remind us all of his wonderful bubbly nature. I have not had contact with Papa's wife and children since I came to USA, so I do not know how they are faring. But I hope they're doing okay. I pray for them all the time.

Papa, I know you're in Heaven watching over your family. I know you're keeping an eye on them and making sure they do not suffer the kind of fate that you did.

Papa, I also want you to know that even though I was one of those who ate your meat, I want you to know that I only did it because I hated goat meat. If you weren't our biggest cock, I'm sure my father & brother wouldn't have slaughtered you. But be rest assured that the hens you got pregnant are missing you - if they have not been slaughtered already, of course. Though I may have eaten your thigh, I want you to know that I thought about you the whole time!

If anyone should be condemned, it should be your killers (my father and brother). They're the ones who chased you round the house until they caught you and snatched your life away - leaving your children fatherless, your wife a widow, and your baby mommas baby daddyless. What a world!

Seriously y'll, Papa was our biggest cock and no1 could ever understand why alllll the hens we had followed him. There was another cock that was almost as big as Papa. I don't know what it was about Papa that made all the hens fall for him. Was it his multi-colored feathers? The way he crowed in the morning? His skills in the sack? His big feet? (You know what they say about men who have big feet.) What??

So errrrr.... how many of you prayed for Papa's soul to rest in errrr ...... perfect stomach??? Hehehehehehe.

Night y'll!

Confused Rice

Has anyone ever eaten "confused rice"? Before you get as confused as the rice, lemme explain what the confused rice is.

I was hungry this afternoon and decided to cook some rice. I was gonna cook some fried rice, but I didn't have vegetables. I couldn't cook some stew because I didn't have tomato, and I didn't feel like cooking red (jollof) rice either. So what did I do? I decided to experiment.

I had two sets of meat. Fried and cooked. The cooked one was mixed with some pepper. The rice was initially fried, then I added some red pepper and some spice. And I chopped the fried meat into pieces too and put it in the rice. Bottom line, I cooked some rice - it was a little bit red and a little bit fried. But it was totally - ugh, wat's the word? Let's Verastic.

So anyways, the rice tastes great! Since it doesn't fit into any category, I'll call it the confused (Verastic) rice. It's like a half cast rice. It's got a little bit of everything. But after cooking, I didn't feel like eating it anymore - does that happen to you? I'm just gonna eat a mango after posting this and call it a night.

So you want some of my rice?

The Prestige - see preview HERE
Yesterday, I went to the movie theatre with Funmi, Uju, Ibukun, and 'S'. First we had dinner @ AppleBees and I was sooooo flippin mad. The food sucked! Then we went to the movie theatre to see The Prestige. 'S' fell asleep (and even started snoring sef) about five minutes after the movie started. Funmie later fell asleep too. The movie was two hours and 15 minutes long. Uju and I thought it was a great movie. It has unexpected twists and turns, which is always a good thing, you know.

Anyways, personally, I loved the movie. I think it was a pretty good movie, but Funmi and her dumb self only likes simple movies. Movies that have to do with romance, drama... everyday simple stuff.






Hugh Jackman
Another thing I loved about the movie is the fact that my boo, Wolverine from X-Men (Hugh Jackman) is in it. Gosh, he is soooooooo flippin sexxxy!!! I'm always findin some1 sexy, huh? I can't help it jare. God has just made soooo many sexy people. The world is a sexxxy world!

Hugh has a new movie coming up called The Fountain (see preview HERE). The man is just too sexy jare.










Movies I'd Like 2 See

Happy Feet (watch preview HERE) - Is there anything wrong with me wanting to watch Happy Feet? It's an animated movie about dancing penguins. It comes to theatres on the 17th of November. Why on earth wouldn't I wanna see it??? Did I mention that Hugh Jackman is one of the voices? Yay!!! Ooooh, can't wait!

The Nativity Story (watch preview HERE) - this is a movie about the birth of Jesus Christ, and it comes to theatres on December 1st

Apocalypto (watch preview HERE) - This is a movie directed by the one and only Mel Gibson. If history repeats itself, this movie would be great!... just like The Passion of Christ. He's a great director, and I am confident that he would do a good job once again. This movie hits theatres on December 8th

Deja Vu (watch preview HERE) - the name of the movie obviously gives the theme away. It's starring another sexy man, Denzel Washington. It comes to theatres on the 22nd of November.

Striking Resemblance or Busola's Insanity??

Do Bob Manuel Udokwu and Dakore look alike???





















My best friend, Busola, is absolutely sure that Dakore looks like a dude. In fact, to be more specific, she said she looks like a female Bob-Manuel Udokwu. And with make-up on, she looks like a drag queen. Busola does not believe that Dakore is ugly; she thinks she okay-looking, but she still looks like a dude.

Honestly speaking, I kinda see a lil resemblance between them. However, my problem with Dakore is not that she looks like a female Bob-Manuel, but rather that she won the Best Actress award here in Maryland, USA. Some months ago, some kinda Naija awards thing was held here in Maryland (you know Maryland people like feelin'), and Dakore won Best Actress. What da hell?!

If it weren't for Busola mentioning her striking resemblance to Bob-Manuel a few months ago, I woulda never even know the chic's name. I wouldn't consider her an A-List celeb; abi am I just ignorant of her achievements? So I'm wondering how she won the best actress award. I mean, who was she competing against? Herself? What happened to Stella Damasus, Chioma Chukwuka, Genevieve, Omotola, Oge Okoye, etc? Where were they when Dakore won? Anyways, lemme not talk too much. Those people that gave the awards musta been smoking some la la la la. That is the only plausible explanation I can come up with. Either that or her father paid them huge money, and she was the only one who wasn't shooting five or six movies @ the time.

So anyways, the issue of Dakore came up today because Busola was reading someone's blog, and in it, the girl mentioned that she went for Dakore's birthday party, and that Dakore was really pretty. That was how Busola went off the deep end o! Homegirl was cussin in my ear, "no the f*ck she's not pretty! She looks like a dude! Why will this girl lie? She's just kissin' her ass. Dakore ain't f*ckin pretty blah blah blah". I couldn't stop laughing. I had to tell her to take a deep breath and relax.

Needless to say, she does not think that Bob-Manuel is ugly. She just doesn't think we need to have a male and female version - especially if the female version still looks like a dude.

So what do y'll think: Striking resemblance? Or just Busola's insanity showing it's ugly head?

p.s. I have been instructed (by Busola) to clarify what I meant in my previous post when I said she could be a real bitch. I meant (and still mean) that she can have a bitchy attitude. I think Joel's comment may have lead Busola to believe that Joel thinks she is a bitch who sleeps around...instead of one who is just a bitch. Yeah, drama, right? I know.

Night Y'll.

I've got a new Bible (Women of Faith) that is calling my name. Oh, the colorful pages! Can't wait to go highlight some more verses. Yippee!

Men Really DO Love Bitches

If I wasn't sure before, now I know for sure that men DO love bitches. Hopefully not all of them. And for those of them that say they do not love bitches, the fact is that they do; they just don't know it yet. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

If you're wondering why I have chosen to talk about men and their disturbing love for bitches, it is because yesterday I had an incident, and I am pissed! No, no, no, more like fed up. Yeap, that's what it is. I am fed up.

In the description of my blog (right below the title), I promised to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, but I also did say I might not tell the whole story. So right now, I am not telling the whole story, but I am telling the truth.

It has occured to me that men seem not to be able to deal with "nice" women. I mean, sure, they say they want a nice woman, but what they really want is a woman who will be a bitch. They want a woman who will be a challenge and make them sweat for everything. They need a woman who will not give a shit about him, and not do anything special for him. Why? Because even if she does do something nice/thoughtful/romantic for him, somehow, it will be misinterpreted into something else. Somehow, he will end up hanging the phone up on her. He will tell her she has never done, and does not do now anything 'special' for him. Sure, she might have taken time to do this special thing (or rather, this thing that she thought should be considered special), but hey, what about that other time that he did something special - when was it, one, two, three years ago???

Aaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!! I'm pissed. Can you tell?

I need to become a bitch. I need to become Busola. Hahaha. She's gonna kill me if she reads this. Seriously, Busola can be a real bitch when she needs to, and sometimes, I really wish I could be like her. Well, it's not too late, I guess.

I've been listening to R. Kelly's When A Woman's Fed Up. It's a really nice song. I've always loved it, and what better time to listen to it?

Click HERE to see the video.
Click HERE to read the lyrics.

So....what are you pissed off about/fed up with today?

Ignorance Should Be Illegal

I'm in that mood. It's not a bad mood. It's not a good mood either. I don't know what to call it. I guess I could call it the I-don't-feel-like-doing-this-right-now-but-I-don't-know-what-else-to-do mood. Yeap, that's the mood I'm in.

Yesterday, I went to Washington D.C. with Busola (for her Uncle's 50th birthday celebration). It was a big party; lots of guests, lots of food, and lots of fools. Honestly speaking, my primary motivation for going 2 that party is that Frank's (Busola's fiance) mom was the caterer @ the event, and from experience, I know her food is da bomb!

Before we went, Busola and I agreed that we would NOT be picking any money o! Anyways, as soon as we gat there, Busola dragged me around the whole hall greeting this person and that person. Did I mention I had to kneel down? In my brand NEW guinea lace skirt o! I actually have no problem kneeling to greet, but abeg, I get limit now ah ah. After a while, I was like, forget this, I'm not kneeling anymore. In fact, I'm not greeting sef. Are they going to wash my skirt for me? *Hisses* It's not like I even knew these people sef.

I was wearing a blue guinea lace skirt with a white open-back blouse (although I had a black zip-down sweater on the whole time). And I had a big blue damask on my head. And you know how those scarfs feel; they always feel like they're one minute away from falling down. So I could see from the looks on some people's faces that they were tryna figure me out. Is she Nigerian? Akata? Some other African country? Nigerian born here? What???

Can you believe that Busola went & started picking $$. Frank and I were just talking about it oh, and then the next thing, Frank's mom gave me a box, and told me to please help Busola out. I didn't even get 2 finish my rice. So I went to the front 2 help her, but I was only counting the money, and giving change; I refused to pick the money for three reasons:

1. I had a big scarf on my head and I could not risk doing anything that would throw it off.
2. The heels on my shoes were HIGH. One wrong move and my ass woulda been flat on the ground.
3. The camera man of Xpression Magazine was there taking pictures, and I could not let myself be photographed in the moment of perpetual embarrassment...if my scarf had fallen off, or if I had missed a step and fallen on my ass. Or worse case scenario, if both had happened. *SHRIEKS*

One guy told me I looked beautiful and that he liked my outfit. I said thanks and just kept on moving. One has to try to avoid eye contact with certain people in order to avoid certain conversations that will lead to certain people (AKA Vera) to being very pissed.

When they (guests) temporarily stopped dancing, I was looking for a glass to have some cider when some buffoon literally pulled me outside to talk some rubbish.
Man: *speaking Yoruba*
Me: I don't speak Yoruba
Man: You don't speak Yoruba? But you have a gele (scarf) on your head
Me: Your point being??
Man: You said you don't speak Yoruba now
Me: *seriously giving him a mean look* Isn't the scarf an African attire?
Man: Ok. Well, can I have some change?
Me: I don't have any change; we have to wait for people to throw the money first.
Man: Ah ah, why now? Okay, take this $100 and give me change when they start dancing.
Me: I cannot take the money from you. You'd have to come to the front for change
Man: Okay. But where are you from?
Me: I'm Nigerian
Man: Ah ah! But you said you don't speak Yoruba
Me: *irritated* *shouting/yelling* IS YORUBA THE ONLY TRIBE IN NIGERIA???
Man: Okay, so where are you from?
Me: I'm Igbo
Man: Ooooh Ok!! *smiling* You're a very beautiful gal o! See me before you leave; we have to talk.

Yeah right!! Obviously, he didn't know that talking to him was putting me @ risk for committing a homicide. Won't I kill that kind of that man if I have to have another conversationg with him?

There was this other guy that was counting money with me. He musta thought I was akata or something cause every time he talked to me, he changed his accent to be more American (not that it sounded good)...even though I had heard him blowing some hard core Yoruba o! He finally asked for my name and I told him 'Vera'. Of course, my name did not aid him in placing my nationality/tribe. I was in no mood to offer a helping hand either.

Finally, some drunk man said he wanted to take me on a date and marry me. Can you imagine he said that rubbish to me with his funky breath?! The man reeked of alcohol; you'd have thought he took a bath in a tub of alcohol. I touched his wedding ring to remind him of his marital status, and guess what he said? He said "It's just a ring, and I can take it off if you want me too." Ehn?! Hmm, you shoulda seen the speed @ which I stood up and left him. What if his wife was somewhere around? Or maybe one of his wife's friends?? Then next thing, the wife would beat me up over a drunk moron. Abeg oh. If I must be beaten up for any man, can I at least be somewhat interested in him?

Needless to say, I was glad when it was all over. By the time I was walking back to the car, I was walking like a zombie because my feet were pinching me. The fact that my quadriceps were hurting real bad (from my gym class) was not helping @ all. That gym lady gat me for real. I didn't feel the pain of that work out till I gat to the party.

I suffered o! But what hurts me the most is that I didn't finish my rice!!!

So how was your weekend sha?

Every Woman - Chapter 2 Has Been Published

Whew!!!

At last, I have completed and published Every Woman - Chapter 2. Click HERE to read it. I went to bed really late (thanks to Calabar Gal for putting that 'what type of blogger are you?' thing on her blog. I took the test, and decided to take every other test on the site. Silly me. I forgot I had to be up early this morning. Anyways...)

I'm really sleepy right now, so I was this close to just going to bed and publishing it when I wake up, but I thought about London Buki and her threats...not that I am afraid o! Besides, Omoruyi said I should cut off all blogging until I complete and finish the 2nd chapter.

I have not even sent it to the other websites that publish my stuff cause I'm sleepy, and it's too much wahala jare. I made this one shorter than chapter one cause I know it's not easy to sit and read a long epic.

*Happy Reading....*

Don't forget to give me feedback and constructive criticism. I'm off to bed. I'll wake up in a few hours.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IBUKUN: I hope you have a very lovely day. I'll be expecting my gift later. Oh wait, I'm the one who is supposed to give you a gift right? Well, who says you can't give me a gift too? Personally, I think I should receive a gift on the 14th of every month (since my birthday is January 14th), but people are just too stingy to give me gifts on the 14th of each month. I mean, am I asking for too much? Ibukun is one of my closest friends, so I feel compelled to wish her a happy birthday here. By the way, if y'll care to know, I was the first to call her 12:00 AM to wish her a happy birthday. My record of being the first one to call on people's birthday has remained unbeaten. C'mon now, I'm da best. Who do you think tell's Jesus Happy Birthday first on his birthday? Yeap, that's me!

Ciao!...... see you this evening.

Happy Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENRY!!! - Today is the birthday of a special friend, Henry in Ireland. Happy birthday oh, and I pray God grants you all your heart's desire(s), Amen. Keep being your sweet self.

KEMI'S BIRTHDAY - Remember I told you I had to attend the 10th birthday of Busola's sister, Kemi? Funmi and I were in charge of 'entertaining' the children, and believe me, it was not easy @ all. Tryna gather those kids together was an impossible task. But it was fun anyways. The kids did their musical chairs, and we the grown-ups sef were not ashamed to take a turn @ the musical chairs. And I am proud to announce that I, Vera Ezimora am the WINNER OF THE MUSICAL CHAIRS. Hip! Hip!! Hip!!!..... Hurray!!! If you're interested in seeing the pictures from the party, click HERE

EVERY WOMAN - CHAPTER 2 - The second chapter of Every Woman is almost done. I will put it up tomorrow at its latest. I'll finish it up today and edit it, so by tomorrow, y'll can see it. I hope you like it. Chapter 2 is about Moremi (but that's all the info I'm willing to give ya... ha!!).

PLANE CRASH IN NAIJA - Another plane crash in Naija??? I didn't even bother reading the details of the crash. Not because I do not care to know, of course, but because it is just too sad for me to read. More lives have been wasted.

REESE WHITERSPOON & RYAN PHILLIPE - After seven years of marriage and two kids, the couple has finally called it quits. I'm disappointed. I really had high hopes for them, but I guess after the Jen and Brad split, I shoulda known anything was possible. They're such a cute couple, but I guess a marriage needs a lot more than cuteness to be sustained. Nawa o. When they say US has a 50% divorce rate, I don't think the statistics include celebrities because they seem to have a 70% chance of being divorced. Unfortunately, the innocent children will suffer it most.

WHITNEY HOUSTON - So she is finally coming back to her senses? Thank God oh. I heard she is recording her new album (no doubt it would rock!). I don't know if her husband has been the one holding her down, but I am glad she is feeling better and on her way to complete recovery. Wonder what Bobby Brown is up 2.

I'm off to bed for a nap. When I wake up, I'll complete Every Woman - chapter, so drop in tomorrow to read it. Thanks y'll!

Clarification, Please???

THE EXORCIST

I just watched The Exorcist again. This is still the 1973 movie, but the version never seen. That is, before it came on DVD, of course. Click HERE to see the preview.

Anyways, I am confused. I was really young when I first saw this movie, and @ that time, all I understood was that Regan was possessed.

I saw the movie with wonderful date (AKA my mom), and we both understood the movie differently. Remember the Priest, Damien? Well, his mother died @ some point and before she did, she kept saying, "why you do this to me, Damien?" When Regan was possessed, one of her voices was the voice of his mother.

There were two priests involved in the exorcism, and the older priest died (killed by Regan). Damien came in and got so mad that he started hitting Regan, and then he became possessed, or at least, I think he did, and threw himself out of the window.

Mom's understanding: He was possessed all along. He killed his mother, killed the older priest, and was the cause of his mother's death.

My understanding: I don't understand it at all.

My Question now: Was Damien REALLy possessed? Did he really kill his mother and the older priest? What was the end (him throwin himseld outta d window) really about? Abeg, I need explanations b4 I lose it. I've watched enough confusing movies (no offense to Silent Hill - watch the preview HERE)

HORROR MOVIES

How do y'll feel about horror movies? Personally, I don't mind, but horror movie get level abeg. I don't mind watching something like The Exorcist, or something with a lotta suspense, but I draw the line when it comes to a movie where someone goes on a killing spree. I don't like movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre (preview HERE) and SAW III (preview HERE).

Uju wants to get me to go see SAW III with her, but I already told her she has lost what is left of her mind. That's if she had any mind to start with sef.

CRAZY UJU

Speaking of Uju, on thursday, she sent me a text saying, "did I tell you that I found a grape seed in my shit?"

For goodness sake, abeg make una tell me, why the the hell would I care to know? I was sleeping when she sent the text, but I heard it and woke up. I read the text, hissed, and went right back to bed.

Then about 30 minutes later, she sent another one, "When is my period supposed to be here?"

I replied her and told her the date she was supposed to get her period (and boy was I accurate! Next time I'd give her a wrong date, so she can get a not-so wonderful surprise). Then I asked her if she ate the seed the found in her shit.

She replied, "It was just the seed; I wonder how come I did not chew the seed completely. Guess I will never know. You know this means thorough inspection of every molecule of shit that comes out of my body. I might need extra hands, so ask around for interested candidates."

Okay everyone...you know how small a grape seed is, right? Well, can you imagine how close she had to be to her shit to notice a flippin' grape seed?

Anyways, I am extending Uju's invition to everyone. So if you're interested in giving her a helping hand in inspecting every molecule of shit, then please, do send me an email, which I would forward to her unroyal highness.

Tomorrow, I would be attending the birthday party of Busola's baby sister. She turns ten. I'll try my best 2 take pictures, and hopefully make a video. If I do, you'd be first to see it.

That's it for tonight.

Be back tomorrow...... or next

Introducing....Joaquim Ezimora!!

Some months ago, I blogged about the birth of my nephew, Joaquim. Click HERE to read about him and his poppy, my dear cousin, Uzo. Anyways, Here are the pictures of my lovely, lovely, lovely nephew. He was born on the 7th of July 2006.

Joaquim says, "Oh, you're touching my funny bone. You're touching my funny bone, Mom!"
Look @ his teethless mouth! Gosh, babies are the best definition of perfection. Perfect lives, no worries. I'm so sad I haven't beheld this beauty face 2 face (He lives all the way in Luxembourg) *sniffles* Joaquim looks like his daddy, so he's a proper Ezimora kiddy.

Watch out ladies! This one will steal many hearts.

Errr, London Buki, Calabar Gal, Beautifully Human, Overwhelmed Naija Babe, Diamond, and Kokoro Ewa.... sorry, but you're not really his type. He likes em young!


He says, "Yes, Mom, you ARE beautiful...and I DO love ya!"

Sorry Uzo (my cousin), but it's his mommy touching him right now!

Look @ those eyes... those are the eyes of love. Those are the eyes that future young gals would look into and fall head over heels in love.

But they have 2 go thru me first!





Joaquim says, "Seriously...what are you doing???"

Don't mind them Joaquim, they think you're too lil to think for yourself. If only they knew...!

Oh, Joaquim, I'm so sorry that I haven't met you. But when I do, we're gonna have LOTS OF FUN! Cause I am your cooooool aunt, Vera. Don't forget o!

Jeez....can't believe Lil Uzo (Joaquim's dad) is a father! How time flies! I remember when Ll Uzo was in high school.



Later Y'll!

Until tomorrow......

Dream of me tonight........yeah right!

My Weekend

As I type this, I am literally falling asleep. But I just wanna update y'll on my weekend - nothing spectacular though

SATURDAY

Yesterday, my aunt said she was coming to my house for me to do her hair, and she said she was coming with her four yr old son. Next thing I knew, she was there with her son, her other sister, and her mother. (By the way, my aunt and her sister are both mom's younger sisters and their mom - my grandma is mom's mom, of course). Before they came, I had spent all morning cleaning my house down; it was sparkling clean! Soon as I saw my aunt and her batallion, I just knew my house would never be the same.

When my lil cousin started eating the pizza they came with, and I saw the tomato on the couch, I was about to lose my mind! I was about to have a mental heart attack! I kept on picking crumbs of food everywhere. Shit, I was going crazy on the inside.

The day turned out to be not so bad; we watched Naija movies and laughed our hearts out. But that didn't change the fact that I had a whole lotta cleaning to do though. I had to vacuum the house again! By the way, the first thing my cousin did to mess up the house was pee on the toilet seat. Wat rubbish! I had just wiped it down with pine sol. It was as fresh as pine sol itself. And then he pee'd on it. You shoulda heard me giving him a piece of my mind. He knew not to pee on the toilet seat. Well, next time he comes, I'm sure he'll remember.

SUNDAY

Mom and I drove to grandma's house (I was driving) and we fought all the way. She doesn't like the way I drive, and I don't like the way she drives - so go figure. Church was supposed to start at 12pm and we called grandma @ 9am to let her know we were coming. When we got to grandma's house, it was almost 11am, and grandma had just gotten outta the shower. By the time she was ready to go, it was 11:15am. As we were about to leave the house, she decided she wanted to change because the outfit she was wearing was her "christmas outfit" (called so because it's her newest lace from my mom).

While mom and I sat in the living room (with mom swelling up like a balloon), a commercial on TV bout some lil recorder thingy came on. You use it for voice memos....and it costs $19.99.

I thought it was pretty stupid, so I said, "Yeah right! What stupid person would order that?"
Then I turned around and saw my mom scribbling the number down

........Well, there goes my answer! Who knew it'd be so close to home?

Needless to say, she and I immediately burst out laughing.

After church, we went to see this Igbo family that just had their first baby (a girl named Chioma) five weeks ago. The father's nose was outstanding! It was that kinda nose you wouldn't wanna be stuck in an elevator with because it would suck up allll the oxygen! His nose was mighty....errrr.... wat's da word -- mighty???

And guess what? His daughter has the nose too! Well, one thing is for sure---she won't ever be out of breath! I just hope she doesn't get a hold of anyone's ventilator. But she IS beautiful though. We (including the wife/mother) were all cracking jokes on the father and his daughter. The mom said as soon as she got to hold her baby (after giving birth to her), the first thing she looked @ was her nose, and as soon as she saw the father's nose on the daughter, she was like... "Hey, this gal! What did I tell you? I told you not to have his nose!" Well, maybe the womb is soundproof???

....That's it for saturday & sunday

EXTRAZ

I changed my template...as y'll have noticed. I did it all by myself...YAY! However, AZUKA helped me with some stuff too. Thanks a lot, Azuka. You're da best! He's my blog's errr gynaecologist.

My last post about my mom reminded me of the time I blogged about my embarrassing moment. Click HERE to read it

All done...... See y'll tomorrow!

The Silly Things We Do (1)

This story isn't actually about me; it's about my dear mom. It happened about four years ago, I believe.

We (my family & I) had gone for some Naija occasion (can't remember wat the occasion was), and my mom saw some lady, who she believed she knew. So she walked up to the lady and said, "Hey, Ify!"

But the lady was giving my mom one kind funny look sha, as if she didn't know who my mom was.

So... (by the way, this conversation took place in Igbo, which made it even funnier)
Mom: Ah ah, Ify, why are you looking at me like that? Don't you remember me?
Woman: *confused* Ugh, no, I'm sorry, I don't.
Mom: *perplexed* Ah ah, Ify, how can you forget me? You always come 2 my junior sister's house now; don't u remember?'
Woman: I do? Who is your sister?
Mom: Chi-------
Woman: Ah, I'm sorry oh, I don't remember you.
Mom: Nawa oh, well, how is Jasper? (Jasper is Ify's hubby)
Woman: Who?
Mom: Jasper, your husband now.
Woman: I'm not Jasper's wife
Mom: Yes, you are
Woman: No, I'm not
Mom: Yes, you are
Woman: No, I'm not
Mom: Ah ah, how can you say Jasper is not your husband? Don't you know your husband, Jasper?
Woman: Jasper is not my husband
Mom: Yes, he is.
Woman: No, he's not
Mom: Okay, lemme show you my daughter (me) so you can remember.

*mom comes to me with the woman following behind her*
Mom: Nne (mummy), look at Jasper's wife o! She says she doesn't remember us.
Me: Mom, that's not Jasper's wife
Mom: What are you saying?! This is Ify, Jasper's wife
Me: No, she's not. *pointing to the real Ify on the other side of the room* that's Jasper's wife over there
Mom: *looking from Jasper's wife to strange woman and back to Jasper's wife* Oh! Ewo! *turns to woman* My dear, adi'm very sorry (i'm very sorry)
Woman: *laughing* It's okay *walks away*

I couldn't stop laughing that day. What was even funnier to me was the fact that she was arguing with the woman and telling her she was Jasper's wife. Ah ah, na by force? Even if the woman had forgotten my mom, could she have forgotten her hubby too?

Of course, I've never stopped teasing mom about that cause it was soooo ridiculous. As soon as the woman said she wasn's Ify, that was mom's cue to walk away, but she had to stay and FORCE the woman to accept that she was Jasper's wife. And you know what? That woman didn't even look a bit like Jasper's wife. For starters, she was like half the size of Jasper's wife.

Oh mommy!

If indeed, I am crazy on some level, it is obvious that it's genetic. Next time, I'll talk of Dad. He's another character - the funniest man I know!

Night y'll. As you can see, it's rather late @ night.

We go yarn tomorrow!

Mental Rantings

MUSICAL CONDOMS http://www.gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2006/10/kondor.jpg

And I thought things couldn't get worse. Why the hell would some1 need a musical condom? It'd great 2 hear music while having sex, I guess, but why from down there?? I'm still tryna understand the use/need of glow-in-the-dark condoms, and now this?? What do the glow-in-the-darks do? Give the penis light to find it's way in the dark dungeon? I mean, in a dark room, all you'd see is.... a banana-shaped thing glowing in the dark. That's kinda scary 2 me.

Anyways....so the muscial condoms become louder as the sex becomes more passionate (if the people having sex are as loud as mu neighbours, then adding musical condoms would just be wicked 2 the neighbours!).

Apparently, it was invented by a Ukrainian called, Dr.Grigoriy Chausovskiy, but don't worry, you won't be electrocuted in the process of this condom singing (that's what he said).

So many thoughts r runnin thru my head (as usual): does this thing run on battery or electricity? I'm hopin it's not electricity sha cause I know electricity does not mate well with wet surfaces. And if it runs on battery, then wat kind? What if the battery gets in there and gets outta the condom and then gets lost inside the woman? That wuld be a new problem o!

Lastly, I have to wonder though: if for any reason, this condom becomes faulty and decides to electrocute, who will be most traumatized victim? The penis wearing it or the vagina in which the evil, evil condom is lodged?

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

I've been forgeting to mention the fact that I saw the movie, Employee of The Month on Saturday. And it was funny as hell. It was laugh out loud funny! I laughed so much I had tears running down my cheeks and my ribs were hurting. I'd recommend any1 to see it (if you're a comedy lover). I wasn't gonna seeit cause I don't like Jessica Simpson (as much as I used to) cause of the divorce from Nick. Of course, I'm sure Jessica doesn't give a rat's ass what some Naija gal in Maryland thinks about her, but oh well.

Needless 2 say, I think she is exceptionally beautiful. She has such a beautiful smile...am I the only one that thinks so?

Anyways, click HERE to watch the preview.













MY DATE WITH NOAH BENNET

My mother is obsessed with the daytime soaps on (Passions & Days of Ours Lives) on NBC. She almost goes 2 work late cause she's tryna catch one more minute. I used 2 watch Passions, but I quit cause they seem to not be going anywhere...@ least, not anywhere that I want them 2 go. And besides, the things they do are soooooooooo stupid! They make my skin crawl.

Anyways, for whatever strange and unknown reason, I dreamt about Noah Bennet on Passions, whose real name is Dylan Fergus as I just found out. Yeah, yeah, I know you were thinking it was a real date, but trust me, I'm wishing the same too!

The dream: I was sittin on a couch (don't know where this was) with Noah's head on my laps. I was playing with his hair and we were talking (can't remember wat we were talking about).
The he said, "I can take you on a date, can't I?"
I said, "Don't ask me if you can take me. Tell me you're gonna take me."

Then......MY MOTHER WOKE ME UP

SSHHHHIIIIITTTTTT

Don't u just hate when that happens??? She woke me up cause I had 2 go help my grandma take care of her three kids (that she babysits) while grandma goes 4 her eye doctor's appointment. And boy, did those kids piss me off! The youngest one (five month old baby) kept on crying and crying and crying. Soon as grandma came in, he stopped crying. Well, at least I learnt one thing from him: I'm definitely gonna need a maid!

Who knows what coulda/woulda happened between me and Noah/Dylan? (In the dream, I called him Noah - all the better to emphasize it wasn't real since it's not his real name *sad*). i coulda woken up this morning with his ring on my finger...who knows? I wanted 2 say I coulda woken up carrying his baby, but on second thoughts, that would be a real-life omen. How would I xplain that I got pregnant in my dream? Would that be considered an Immaculate Conception, or a demonic attack? I'm thinking it'd be called a demonic attack. http://www.nbc.com/Passions/photos/cast/images/c_fergus_1.jpg

Anyways, the point is, I think this Dylan guy is FINE!! Yes, I know I'm always talkin about fine guys, but what else is there 2 talk about? The ugly ones hardly leave any impressions (that are not sheer rage) on me. No offense to any ugly man out there, of course.


PHOTO BLOG

I have seen quite a few photo blogs, so I have been thinking bout having one of mine. But the thing is, I am not a professional photographer, neither do I intend to become one. And besides, I don't even know how to edit pictures and all that stuff. I'm sure I might be able 2 educate myself if I take the time out to play with it, but there is just so much else to do. Well, I'm still thinking about it. I'll decide some time.... some day...

That's it for today. We'll see again tomorrow.

Step & Sculpt

Hmmm, so today, Uju and I decided to go for a step & sculpt class in the gym. I thought, 'shebi it's steppin, how bad can it be?" Ah, it was bad o! That instructor wore us the hell out. She just kept on going...and going...and going...like a flippin energizer battery. Uju and I were physically and mentally disoriented. We had 2 do so many movies includin something called the riding horse. We rode d damn invisible horse so many times, I was about 2 lose it. I thought, if she makes us do one more riding horse ehn..!!!

I don't sweat easily, but you shoulda seen me. I was sweatin like I was in a Naija movie! (Seriously, has any1 noticed how they sweat in front of the cameras? I'm thinking the heat from the camera light is too much and the AC if off. Or the actors/actresses are REALLY nervous. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. But anyways...) I kept drinkin water like a fish, and it was never enough.

The thing was supposed to start @ 6:30PM but it didn't start till like 6:40PM. By 6:45PM, I was ready 2 quit. I just kept thinking, shit, we still have forty-five minutes to go. By the end of the class, I was delusional and suffering from a bad case of dementia. I could hardly remember my own name sef. Uju and I walked back 2 the locker room and sat on the bench for a while tryna recuperate...physically and mentally. In fact, I think I began to question God. I started asking, WHY GOD??? WHY ME? WHY?? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT'D BE THIS WAY? At a point, I started wondering if this exercise routine culd be reported 2 the government as cruel & unusual punishment (which is against the law as written in the constitution). But on the second thoughts, the punishment was self-inflicted, since I went there by myself.

Of course, one thing was clear after this class: we both ARE very, very unfit. You know being unfit goes beyond looks. One can be very large & yet very fit (like those footballers. By football, I mean American football, not Soccer). And one can be skinny and not be any where close to the FIT radar. Well, I'll make it a point 2 go 2 the gym more often (it won't hurt to be able to kick my husband's ass when needed LOL). I wanna take all their classes at least once.

There is a class called STRIP HOP which consists of strip tease and hip hop. Hmmmm. Sounds edible. But lemme not talk 2 much b4 they get me like this damn step & sculpt rubbish gat me. Either way, I'd like 2 go and try it. By the way, in case you're wondering, no clothes come off in this strip tease. Trust me, I had 2 ask. It's one thing 2 walk around my house naked with the windows open (that way, I don't really know who is watching...if any1 is watching), but for me to willingly take my clothes off in front of people that are not inside the TV??? Ah, no oh, I no fit @ all.

Well, that's it for today sha. Until tomorrow, of course.

I've Been Tagged

Ah, this Bukki, you dey find my trouble o! You JUST had 2 tag me ehn? See me enjoyin a well deserved break from the blogosphere, and you no even allow me to come back b4 givin me work. Hmmm, ok o. Let the record reflect that Bukki has been warned o! One more offence and....in short, only God knows what I might do 2 her.

Needless 2 say sha, I was just havin some mad writer's block. No, it wasn't actually writer's block, but I was just too lazy 2 type.

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. McDonald's Cashier (this was my first job ever!)
2. Baby Sitter (feels a lot better if u have a cute baby)
3. JOY Magazine (columnist)
4. OK, I'm all out of jobs. Obviously, I'm not what you'd consider workin type. I hope 2 one day hit the lottery jackpot and/or marry a wealthy man.

FOUR FICTIONAL(ish)* JOBS YOU WISH YOU HAD
1. Sleeper - sleep all I want & get paid
2. Shoe Judge - try new shoes, judge them, keep them 4 free...and get paid while doing it
3. Cell Phone Judge - Get paid 2 try new cell phones (of course, I'll get to keep them & all their accessories)
4. Just have no job, but yet lack nothing financially

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
1. Civil War (a Naija comedy)
2. Zeburudaya (not a movie, but I'll watch reruns without end)
3. Iche Okwu (not a movie either - it's an Igbo comedy that I could watch 4eva)
4. Friends (still not a movie, but I culd watch reruns 4eva)
*obviously, I'm not a watch-movie-over kinda person, but I can watch comedy series 4eva

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN
1. Leningrad, Russia
2. Jos, Plateau State, Nigeria
3. Maryland, USA
4. Ugh...I think that's all...

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. Girlfriends
2. Law & Order (SVU, CI, Original)
3. Smallville
4. Friends & Golden Girls
*Yes, I know I've mentioned 5*

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO
1. Lagos, Nigeria
2. Atlanta, Georgia, USA
3. London (although I was really young, so now, I don't remember)
4. Hmmm, once again, I think I'm outta places. Damn, I need 2 go out more often

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
1. A Whole Buncha Blogs
2. Yahoo.com
3. Gmail.com
4. Ebay (this is a recent obsession)

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
1. Suya
2. Pounded Yam & Egwusi soup
3. Cooked Yam & Eggs
4. Isi Ewu

FOUR THINGS YOU WON'T EAT
1. Snails (I'm sorry but they look like vaginas!...and I refuse 2 eat them)
2. Lobsters
3. Crabs
4. Oysters
5. Shrimp
6. Octupus
7. Overcooked rice (ask my grandma 4 details)
8. Smoked Turkey
*oops, you said 4, right?*

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK RIGHT NOW
1. Suya
2. Isi Ewu
3. Some typa sweet juice (anything pls! I need my sugar cravin satisfied b4 I lose it)
4. Gala (gosh, I hope they still make em!)

FOUR THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. A desk/table (wateva u wanna call it)
2. Bed (obviously)
3. Laptop
4. Book shelf

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. Loads more space (yeah, I agree with LondonBukki on this one)
2. A bigger closet
3. A secretary (LOL. Who's lookin 4 a job?)
4. A bottomless money safe with unlimited cash

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Long-sleeve t-shirt (blue)
2. Bra (white)
3. Panties (burgandy red) *yes, I know they don't match!*
4. Earings (silver)

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. In front of the suya aboki in Naija
2. At the mama put's joint waitin 4 my xtra large order of isi ewu
3. At the mercedes factory, waitin 4 them 2 finish buildin my custom-made flying car (keep wishin Vera)
4. In bed, receiving a massage from a very strong man, with very strong, LARGE hands

FOUR FICTIONAL PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
*wat is up wit all these fictional kweshionz sef?*
1. A restaurant I described in my novel
2. The ballroom where Cinderella met her prince charming
3. Krypton - Superman's planet
4. My bed - the one that defies all rules of gravity & floats on my bed

FOUR PEOPLE YOU’D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH
1. God, and all the people He has confisticated in Heaven
2. My late uncle, George
3. My Daddy
4. Oprah - maybe she can get me a book deal 2 publish my book

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW
1. I'm sleepy as hell
2. I need to get me a creamy cup of capuccino
3. I'll beat Bukki up when I see her (whenever, wherever, howeva that is!). I wish I could tag her answer this thing with different answers
4. Why have I been fartin so much 2day?

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS
1. My laptop
2. Cell Phone (the one I am about 2 buy)
3. My bed
4. My coffee

FOUR PEOPLE YOU TAG
1. Engineer Ayo
2. Diamond Hawk
3. Beautifully Human
4. Kokoro Ewa
5. Overwhelmed Naija Babe
*I had 2 tag every1 on my 'fav blogs' list. Calabar Gal & London Bukki, consider urselves lucky*

I'll be back tomorrow...I think. :))

STUFF

My Writing

I have been told that I may be "too out there" for our Naija brother with the things I write. While I may have considered this, I do not wish to be put in2 a Nigerian box. I wanna be known first & foremost as a writer. And as a write, I wanna write what would please majority of my readers. Though most of my characters are Nigerians, it is only because I am Nigerian...not because I only wanna have Nigerian readers. So far so good. Besides, charity begins @ home.

Crazy Gal

Busola, my best friend called my public fone & when she didn't get me, she left me a message. The gal don kolo finish o! Click HERE to listen to the message. I blogged about her some months ago when she got engaged. Click HERE to see a picture of her and her boo. This is how the stupid gal greets me everytime o...make una see for yourself the kind of crazy person I'm dealing with.

London Bukki

For whatever reason, this girl has been feeling like someone that can beat me o Make una go warn this gal o! And on top of that sef, she threatened that I put this on my site "Thank you so much LondonBukki cos without your gentle persuasion, I won't have had the courage to put it up". So I have posted it here 4 her sha...not that I'm afraid of her o! Ah ah, no be lil Bukki of yesterday? I still remember when I used 2 change her 'napkin' now. Okay seriously, thank you London Bukki.

Why???

Why do these spam/junk mail people feel the need 2 keep sending me all these 'Vera, enlarge your penis size', 'Vera, stay hard longer", 'Vera please her better in bed', 'Vera, make her scream', 'Vera increase your breast size', 'Vera increase your butt size', and 'Vera have the penis you've always dreamt of'. Always dreamt of? Since when??? Make una warn these spam people o! I have never wished, nor do I wish now to increase ANY part of my body - especially a nonexistent penis. And whoever "she" is, I don't wanna please "her" in bed. I'm quite fine with pleasing myself, thank you!

That's all for now. Hope y'll enjoyed my rantings. Until tomorrow.