Eleven Dayz More....

First of all, lemme say Happy New Year!!! This is my first post for 2007, and all I can say is, "WOW!". We are actually in 2007. But I doubt that every1 is already in 2007 because on the 31st of December 2006, my grandma was making a toast for 2007, and she thanked God for a great 1996 and hoped for an even better 1997. LOL. That is soooooo ten years ago! (Yes, I know I sound White, but who cares?)

This is an expensive period for any1 who is romantically interested in or involved with me. Ask them for details.

December: Xmas gift for Vera
January: Birthday gift for Vera
February: Valentine gift for Vera
March: Jara gift for Vera

Hehehehehehehe

So my birthday is eleven days away. On the 14th of January 2007, I will be officially old. Woah!!! Funny enough, I don't know what I want for my birthday....which is sooo unlike me. Am I growing out of gifts? Gosh, I hope not! That's the last thing I wanna grow out of.

My friends have asked me what I want 4 my birthday, but I don't know. Every year I ask for shoes and purses and perfumes, etc, but this year, I dunno know what I want. I mean, I could always ask for shoes and purses, but I just feel like they'll be too cheap, you know. I can't ask for a laptop and/or a camera because I already have those, so what do I ask for then?? And I don't want jewelry either because the only person who will buy me expensive jewelry is Boyfriend and I'm saving that request for Valentine's Day.

Of course, for my birthday, I could always ask for those other gifts I've always wanted 2 ask for. I'm talking about simple INEXPENSIVE things like...

• That cheap house on Belair Road that costs less than $500, 000.00 (five hundred thousand dollars)
• A 2008 Range Rover (WARNING: I SAID 2008 NOT 2007! Since we're already in 2007, I need something newer....you know?)
• I guess I could manage a $10, 000 (ten thousand dollars) VISA debit card to update my wardrobe.
• Two healthy German Shepherd dogs (male & female) to go with the new house. And of course, a lifetime supply of dog food and health insurance 4 the dogs.
• Perhaps, a one month paid vaccation to Russia wouldn't hurt either.
• A private yacht? Errr, maybe. I guess I could manage it...even though I don't really care for it.
• Someone to sponsor my $250, 000.00 (two hundred & fifty thousand dollars) wedding; that includes the rings, and traditional marriage, so don't get alarmed. Cheap right? I know.

But who will give me these things? Hmmmm, I need to write Oprah again. Perhaps, she didn't get my other 317 letters. Well, they probably got lost in the mail anyway....you know how it is!

Since I only have common people in my life (hehehehe), I guess I could settle for the Euphoria (Calvin Klein) gift set I've been eyeing @ Macy's. It retails for only $299. When I say 'settle', I don't mean they (my friends) shuld all put their money together 2 buy it for me o! I mean ONE person should buy it for me. The rest can buy me other stuff.

Busola said she already knows what she'll give me, but she won't tell me. Either way, I know that girl won't be buying me any of the things mentioned above - that cheap girl. I seriously need to stop associating with poor, common folks. Hehehehe.

So...does any1 have any bright ideas about what I should ask for? Help please!

Goodbye 2006.....Welcome 2007!

I was going to do that survey thingy that has been running thru several blogs recently, but I feel like it might be too scripted and/or rigid, so I'm just gonna write whatever.

2006 has been one heck of a year. It came so fast, and it's leaving even faster. There are many things I thought/hoped I would accomplish in 2006 that I didn't, but on the other hand, there were a few unexpected miracles here and there.

I believe I have grown and matured a little more over this year. I've always been a patient person, but now, I am learning to be even more patient and give people room for mistakes because I know they will make them - just like I do (and will continue to do).

I have learnt (though not completely) how to deal with an issue without detaching myself emotionally in order not to get hurt by it anymore. I bring this up because this year (about May or June), Boyfriend and I almost broke up. In fact, I broke up for a minute, but Boyfriend wouldn't let me - funny, I know. He did some things, I did some things, and I just couldn't handle them. The situation between us got really bad, so I dealt with it the only way I knew how - I completely detached myself emotionally, so I became untouchable. Or maybe UNHURTABLE. But that's not human, so of course, that phase did not last - Thank God.

So now, I am learning the meaning of marriage (No, I am neither married nor engaged). I just want to learn to be patient with Boyfriend and every other person in general. Needless to say, I know I am also a lotta work to deal with. Alright, enough about him.

I had some issues with school this year. It was (still is) very frustrating, but I know I already did my part, so all I can do now is wait on the Lord to do his part. I know He did not bring me this far to leave me. Busola wonders how come I am so relaxed about the situation, and I told her it's because there is nothing I can do about it, so what's the point of stressing anyway? I am learning not to waste my time worrying about things I cannot change.

I feel like I just celebrated my birthday, and now all of a sudden, I have to do it all over again - except this time, I will be one year older. Some issues are becoming very real to me, and they scare the crap outta me. Busola is engaged...which means that by His Grace, I might be too sometime soon. Even though we (Busola & I) have always fantasized about marriage and motherhood, I am actually very scared.

Being married and having kids are both unchangeable situations. I do not believe in divorce, so that's not an option. However, people still get divorced. But what happens if I suddenly don't feel like being a mother anymore? Where do I return the baby? I am not aware of any return policies on babies, and I doubt if there is any "try it free for 90 days, and if you don't like it, send it back to us @ no cost to you" policies either. Well, let me not worry too much about babies and/or marriage. When I get to that bridge, I will cross it.

My writing is my baby thus far. I believe I have improved tremendously on my writing. A lot of my readers have testified to it too, and I am really, really happy about that. I am very grateful to God for giving me this gift. I did not learn to write per se; I just write. I've been writing stories since I was about five, but at that time, I did not know how much I loved writing. I just thought it was a hobby, but now I know it's much more than that, and for this gift, I am eternally grateful to God.

For 2007, I have dreams. BIG DREAMS! Of course, I don't know how this year will go, but I am very optimistic about the future. I am always optimistic. I always have faith in God to do the best for my life. If the names people bear affect their personality, then I can say that my name Vera affects my personality. Vera is a Russian name, and it means 'faithful'. Therefore, I am!

I don't think I have ever been this honest on my blog before...without joking, and you better not get used to it. I am not a serious person. I discuss serious issues, but I would rather not be too serious about them; seriousness takes the fun out of them. A joke here and there always makes me feel better.

Finally, I just wanna say thanks to everyone who has been keeping up with me. I'm talking about the bloggers, readers, anonymous readers that have left & continue to leave comments...thank you all! I have gotten to know a lot of bloggers (on the Blogville level, of course), and it is pretty interesting the things I have in common with you all. I have also spoken with a few, and they have been great pleasures to speak to. Thanks for calling!

I wish you all a very prosperous New Year!

I'll see y'll next year!

By the way, my birthday is on the 14th of January. I share this day with my four year old sweetheart (who will be turning five), a cousin in the army (stationed in Germany), and three other friends. Funny, huh?

*Hugs & Kisses*

A Very Merry Christmas!!

Sooohow was your Christmas? Nice? Fun? Okay? Boring? Painful? Merry? I think I would say mine was merry. I actually did not do anything special, but somehow I had a blast. I usually get all depressed during times like Christmas because I always have such great expectations for it, and then when the day comes, absolutely nothing happens.

I was so merry that I decided to play with my camera and take more pictures of my eye...cause you know how the world is in need of more pictures of Vera's eye. And these pictures are here to prove that my eye comes in different shades...not just green! And let no1 say anything about the size of my eye!!

This year was good sha. I expected absolutely nothing to happen; in fact, all I was looking forward to was sleep. I was really sleepy because in the past few days I have not had enough sleep (don't ask why). Remember Frank (Busola's fiance) had a get-together on Saturday? Well, it went great! What was supposed to be a small get-together turned out to be a dancing party because Frank's best friend decided to hijack the party, and so he invited the whole of Maryland. Either way, it was great! I took all the pictures as usual.

Here's one of Frank and Busola. They look great, don't they? Yeah, yeah, I have a thing for beautiful people. *Busola, don't let this get to your head please - you're not that fine!*

Do not be fooled by the size of Busola's breasts - they are not that big (not that they even look big now). She's wearing a VERY padded strapless bra. Who does she think she's fooling? I know what lies beneath!! I have seen them many, many times, and I know their vital statistics (*cough*). She may fool the bloggers who don't know her, but I refuse to be fooled! No amount of pads and/or gels can fool me. I know her stuff like the back of my hands. Should I have admitted that?





OUR TV DEBUT

On Christmas day, we (I, mom, aunt, and grandma) went to the Basilica in Baltimore, which is the oldest catholic cathedral in America. It was recently renovated, so we decided to check it out. Whilst inside the church, this Asian lady kept taking pictures, and she came to me and took a few shots of me while I was kneeling down & praying (like the good gal that I am). After taking the shots, she asked for my name (which I gave her), and then she told me she was a photo journalist. Apparently, she works for a newspaper here in Baltimore.

After the service, my grandma and I walked out of the church...only to be stopped by a news crew for an interview. They asked us how we felt about Christmas inside the church and all that, and we said it was great...of course. So last night, I saw myself (and my grandma) on the news. Hmmmm. I was smiling too much for comfort.

But you know the funniest part of this TV DEBUT (for lack of a better word), my mom came out of the church before us, and she was walking really fast to make sure that her SUV had not been towed (cause we parked in a NO PARKING zone; parking downtown is a hassle). She was wearing a traditional lace gown, which was soooo beautiful. She had on a nice, big gele (scarf) and some nice pointy-toed shoes. In all her beauty and majesty, she almost tripped on her dress when she came out of the church, and guess what? Yeap, the had it on TV!! Can you believe that crap! Now, I can only imagine what celebrities feel like; I mean, the darn paparazzi are alwayz there. How wrong is that?! When I saw my mom almost trip, I couldn't stop laughing. It was a sight to behold. The one time she gets to be on TV, she had to go and almost fall down. LOL. Ain't that something???

On saturday (the 23rd) my camera started acting funny. The memory card wouldn't lock in, so I took it right back to the store and got a new camera. Now, I have a Kodak camera, and I actually like this one better than the Samsung I just returned. I'm yet to meet anyone who has used so many digital cameras in such a short period. The good thing is that I gat some change back - $60. Can you believe the Samsung we bought in October has now gone down by $80??? How crazy is that?? The new camera cost $60 less than the original price of the Samsung, but if I had decided to get the Samsung again, I woulda gotten $80 back.

Anyways, so the pictures I took of my eye in my merry state were taken with the new camera. And lemme just say that whoever makes fun of the size of my eye will have pepper stuffed down his/her you-know-what.

So now I have a new philosophy for being satisfied (and merry, of course): NO EXPECTATIONS, NO DISAPPOINTMENTS. Trust me, it works for everything. And I do mean everything.

So how merry was your Christmas?

...And So He Called...

Who is the he? Hmmm, he is none other that Boorish Male o. Unfortunately, I wasn't available at the time he called, so he left me a message. When I heard the message, I fell instantly in love. You shoulda heard his voice. Of course, I could always put the message on here for all to hear, but why would I wanna share my message with all you husband-snatching bloggers? (Overwhelmed and Bojouxoxo take note).

I dunno why I miss important calls like that of Boorish Male and somehow be available for yeye calls from yeye people (Bijouxoxo, take note). While I realize that openly confessing my attraction for Boorish Male's voice might be tantamount to me getting some mad beatings from his girlfriend/fiancee/wife (if he has one) and thereby resulting in the tarnishing of my very clean image (*cough*), somehow I just don't care.

Funmi came 2 my house last night, and I played the message for her. We both fell on the couch with our eyes closed. Funmi said, "Oh my God, his voice is soooo hotttt!! And he even wished you a merry Christmas." Yes indeed, he did. We played that message more than twenty times - yes, his voice was that sexxxy. Every time the message got to the end, Funmi said, "Play it again!"

In fact, I love the voice so much that I even considered printing it out and putting it under my pillow, but then I realized I couldn't print out his voice. So now I'm thinking about burning it on a cd, so I can put it on repeat while I sleep. Maybe then, he will even come into my dream and whisper sweet nothings in2 my ear. Hehehehehe. Boy oh boy!!!

Boorish Male, sorry if I am putting you on the spot oh, but you know I just had to acknowledge the fact that I have a sexxxy voice on my voicemail.

Oh, errr, Bloke you know I still love you. Yea, Boorish Male may be tryna tempt me with his rather sexxxy voice, but I still love you. You know that right?? *kisses*

Tomorrow, I'll be in Frank's (Busola's fiancee) house for his birthday get together. We're gonna be playing games like Cherades, Twister, Monopoly, and Jackpot. It's not a dancing party (thank God), so I'm gonna dressed casually and comfortably. I intend to kick some mad ass @ the games, and if possible, take loadza pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Until next time.... Have a Blessed day and Merry Christmas!!!

I'm Bringing Blogging Back...

*singing* them other bloggers don't know how to blog...*

Alright, I just had to get that song off my chest. You know, ever since I was born, I have always known that I've got at least one song in my heart, and finally, it is out!!!

I wasn't gonna mention this, but since Bijouxoxo has made it obvious that she doesn't understand why I talk about it, I will talk about it then. Miss Flo (AKA my period) just came into town yesterday. There I was listening to my baby cousin as he sang with the rest of his pre-K friends at their carrol, and then I started feeling a lil weird. That was when it occured to me that I may be experiencing a CODE RED...literally! So off to the bathroom I went to resusitate my dignity, and lo and behold, Ms. was only about a centimeter away from causing havoc. Is that graphic enough, or do you need more details? Hehehehe. Bijouxoxo, how you like me now???

YES, IT IS HUMAN

In fact, to be more precise, it is Uju. Remember I said I had to take her tracks off the other day? Well, after that, we were watching a Naija movie, and she was feeling cold...possibly because I didn't turn the heat on; I don't like feeling so warm...I'd rather be cold, but anyways... She was feeling cold, but she was too lazy to go get the blanket from the closet, and I wouldn't let her pull the blanket off my bed cause I hate it! I'd have to make the bed over to make the blanket look neat and all.

Anyways, she decided to cover herself self with newspapers (her head is on the left; if you look real well, you'll see part of her head). It's on days like this one that I begin to question my sanity for being involved with people that are evidently insane. I think their craziness is rubbing off on me because I was very normal before I met them. By the way, she does not know I took this picture of her, but I'm pretty sure she would find out soon.

THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT??

I'll tell ya! Yesterday, I was @ my aunt's house and her friend was called my aunt to ask her for a gift idea for her five year old son's teacher. My aunt couldn't think of anything good, so her friend got off the phone. Few minutes later, she called back and said she had figured it out. She would give her son's teacher a deodorant. A deodorant?! One single stick?! Who on earth does that? I could not stop laughing. I told her to prepare to get beaten up after having a series of flat tires. LOL. If she was thinking about giving him a gift set containing a deodorant and after-shave and all that good smelling stuff I like smelling on Bloke (wink* wink*), it would be better, but a single stick??? Errrrr...I think not!

ON THE NEWS

A five year old boy in kindergaten has been suspended from school. Why??? You'd never guess, trust me. Alright, fine, try to guess. Nope....! Nope...! Not that either. Okay, I'll tell ya. He was suspended for sexual harrassment. Apparently, he pinched his class mate on her butt. Errr, am I the only one who thinks Americans have gone berseck with all these their sexual rubbish? I mean, does every lil thing have to be sexual? How on earth does a five year old sexually harrass someone?

Anyways, they showed the statistics of sexually related suspensions among kindergaten students (crazy right?), and apparently, last year, there were 4 suspensions for sexual assault. This troubles me. What exactly do they mean by sexual assault - rape??? My God, I fear for the future of my children. What the heck is this world turning to? I dunno if this statistics if onlt for Maryland or the whole of U.S., but either way it's troubling. When did kindergaten kids stop getting in trouble for not sharing and start getting in trouble for sexually related crimes? Odikwa risky o!!!

Well, lemme stop here for today. I have more to write actually, but I don't wanna write too much. Bloke is calling me already. Nite y'll!!!

I gotta go put some make-up on my face and go 2 bed. Now, b4 you go running off and spreading the false truth that I am crazy, lemme explain. I don't just put make-up on before going to bed, but i got a buncha new MaryKay make-up from my aunt yesterday, so I wanna do some practice make-up b4 going 2 bed. I'm not gonna wash it off because I don't like washing make-up off as soon as I put it on. Hmmmm...on second thoughts, perhaps, I should just practice tomorrow after taking a shower. Did you know make-up is the only form of art I know? Now you do.

Once again....good nite. Sweet dreams....of me...

Lazzzzzzzy

OK - I guess I can only ignore all the "update Vera!" for so long. All these small small people that have been disturbing my me time ehn....I'm not calling any names, so if you say it's London Buki, Biodun, Overwhelmed, ChainReaders, etc, well, you might be right, but I won't mention names.

Sooooooo.....I have been reallly, reallly lazy to do anything lately. I have neither updated my blog nor read any other blog. I haven't even written anything lately. Why? Because I have so much to read and so much to write, and so I have just chickened out and decided to do neither. Of course, one might argue that this isn't a very fruitful way of dealing with wahala, but that's the only way that I know.

Busola is having a get together for her fiance, Frank on the 23rd of this month (which is on saturday). If anyone lives in or has been to Maryland, then you would know that Maryland has a lotta Nigerians....and half of them are not worth knowing. Do I need to mention that I am the ring leader of the other half that are absolutely worth knowing? Anywho...there has been a whole lotta drama surrounding the whole issue of Frank's get-together. Let's just say that some people don't know how to take a hint. I mean, if you didn't receive an invitation, it only means one thing....YOU'RE NOT INVITED!!! Of course, you'd think that the fact that the host of the party (Busola) doesn't like/talk to them would give them a clue.... but nope..... some people just don't get it.

So what are y'll doing for Christmas? I don't have any plans at all. I'll probably be sleeping on that day sef. I'm not gonna lie to you...typing this post right now is a real drag! Can you tell? I can't even remember the time I started typing this post, but right now it's 12:13am and I am still not done. Mehn.......

Uju is on her way here for me to take the tracks off her hair. I dunno why I always have to be responsible for that girl's hair. Oh well!

Mehn, I'm sorry, but I cannot pretend anymore. I wanna keep typing, but it isn't flowing @ all, and I don't wanna just give you a buncha crap to read. I wanna also lie and say that I am working on chapter 4, but you'll know I'm lying since I already said I have not done any kinda writing in a while. Abeg, don't be mad @ me jare.

In my defense, I am really pissed off right now. I could change things, but what is it gonna cost me?

Nite Y'll

p.s. Kokoro ewa called me today, and you will not believe the nerve of that crazy girl! She had the balls to tell me to leave her man, Bloke. Can you believe her insanity?! And to add insult to injury sef, she said I sound 'nice'....err, what was she expecting? Any1 that knows that crazy fart-smeller should go and warn her o...because if I vex ehn...!!!

another p.s. I don't feel like proof-reading, so deal with the typographical errors (if any).

The Silly Things We Do (2)

A while ago, I put up the post of The Silly Things We Do (1). Now, I'm gonna write the second edition bout my daddy. Abeg share this laugh with me.

My father is a medical doctor, and his clinic is right across our house in Plateau State. He has a storage room in the house that is filled with medication et al. My father is never in a hurry to do anything...just like me. He'd wake up in the morning and start watching makosa music videos instead of going to work; a lot of times, his workers would have to call him and tell him that he has patients waiting 4 him.

On this day, my dad was taking his sweet time as usual, and then one of his patients decided to come to our house herself to tell my dad that she had been waiting 4 him. When she came, my dad was taking a shower, so she decided to wait in the living room. That day, it was only my dad, my cousin, and I that were home.

The woman decided to use the bathroom (not the one dad was taking a shower in). She did the number two, and it was stinking!!! She flushed the toilet, but damn!!! When dad came out of his bedroom, I told him that the woman was waiting 4 him in the living room. He went into the storage room to get some medication(s) or something like that, but he had to go past the bathroom that the woman used. So when he was passing, he was all like, "Hmmph! These children (me and my cousin), what did you people eat? This place stinks! We have a visitor, and you couldn't even have the decency of flushing the toilet after you. Hmmph!"

The man was all fanning his nose every time he had to pass that bathroom. He said it over and over that me and my cousin were nasty, etc, and we should stop eating junk. The man even had the nervesto go and apologise to the woman for the foul odor in the house. The woman didn't say anything back. What was she supposed to say - 'sorry, Doctor, it was me'? LOL

My cousin and I didn't even bother telling him it wasn't us that did it. We just let him run his mouth and stick his foot deeper down his throat. When he was done attempting to embarass me and my cousin, we finally decided to tell him. He was so shocked! And ashamed, of course, but I doubt if his shame was half as much as that woman's own. That's what she gets for shitting in the Doctor's house, LOL. She shoulda held her shit in the clinic, but she just had to come and stink up the house. LOL.

Boy oh boy...the good ol' days! I wouldn't mind a repeat of that event at all...as long as I'm not the person who polluted the house. But seriously, the foul odor of that woman's shit was lethal. It was literally lethal gas; in fact, I am surprised we didn't have to evacuate the house until further notice. Yeap, it was that bad.

Until later sha. Have a wonderful day!

Thanks Y'll!!!

Haven't been to/on Blogville in a while. Since I published the third chapter of Every Woman, I have been tryna respond to emails and all that sort. Anyways, I just wanna thanks to everyone that read Every Woman and commented on it, wrote to me, and/or called. I really appreciate it. Okay lemme stop being all mushy...it's unnatural.

Someone called from U.K and left me a message on my voicemail. I couldn't call back because there was no call-back number. So my dear U.K. caller, abeg, call me back...or better yet, send me an e-mail. I tend to respond to e-mails a lot faster.

NaijaDude was sweet enuff to call me the other day too (I think that was on Thursday). The funny thing about the situation is that I was watching a Naija movie with my mom, and I picked the call on speaker phone, so my mother could hear him. At that time, I didn't even know it was NaijaDude, and then next thing my mom and I were hearing some dude saying, "Vera, I have a crush on you. I love you, Vera, and I want to take you to the moon." I was laughing so hard, and so was my mom. I was thinking, "who is this psycho now?" LOL. And my mom was probably thinking, "nawa for children of nowadays...".

Anyways, when he finally told me it was him, we had a blast talking. Right NaijaDude??? Thanks for calling sha, and trust me, I will be calling you one of these days. Be prepared to be very surprised. I have 2 say that I am really sorry that you personally know that crazy chic, Overwhelmed. It must be really tough being you!

Another call I feel I should mention is one from a girl/lady. She was calling to say she loved my story. Maybe I didn't hear her well, or maybe I misunderstood what she said, but I think she said she didn't want to send me an email cause she didn't want her cover to be blown...as in she was an anonymous caller. I repear, I may have misunderstood, but I think that's what she said. Needless to say, I am still very thankful for that call...and all others, of course.

Abeg, just in case any1 calls me and I do not pick up, please do leave a message and a call-back number, okay? I have to say that I am not good at returning phone calls promptly...unless the person needs emergency medical assistance. Hehehehehe. Anyways, my point is that if you need a quick response, e-mail might be faster for you...if I don't pick up your call, of course.

As for now, I gats to go get my beauty sleep. NaijaBloke is already in bed waiting for me...and I wouldn't wanna keep him waiting. He doesn't quite like waiting.

Night Y'll!!!

Every Woman - Chapter 3 Has Been Published

I bet you thought this day will never come to pass, huh? Well, you thought wrong! Funmi, Busola, and Ibukun (especially Busola) have been on my neck about publishing the third chapter, so here it is.

Busola has called me like everyday to disturb me about the third chapter. She won't even say 'how are you, Vera?', or 'Have you eaten today, Vera?' Intead, the 1st thing she'd say is, "Have you finished chapter 3?!" Haba!

Anyways, as always, I'd absolutely love to get some feed back. Leave comments PLEASE! E-mail me if you wanna - verastic@yahoo.com and/or call too if you wanna 443-834-7374.

Click HERE to read it.

Thanks y'll!!!

What Does This Look Like???

What in Heaven's name does this thing look like? I cannot understand why this thing is hanging on the wall in my living room. My mother put it up there, and I do not know what this is supposed to be. She thinks it's decoration, but I think it's nasty! This thing looks like 2 balls hanging on the wall. Yes, I mean, a man's balls. C'mon, look @ it well. Why the hell is it on the wall? What is so decorative about this thing?

One time I caught Boyfriend staring @ it, and when he saw me looking at him, we both burst out laughing. Then he asked, "what is this supposed to be?" Shoot, beats me! I don't know what the makers had in mind when they made it, and I don't know where it is supposed to be kept, but I know I don't like it. I don't like the shape it takes, and I don't like the image it brings to my head. What if some oyibo person enters my house and starts thinking I'm a pervert for hanging balls on the wall?

I honestly don't understand my mother. She got this thing from the dollar store, but I don't know why she got it. I think she just got it because of the price and nothing else. Or could she actually be attracted to these balls? Even if they do not have the disturbing shape that they do, I still would't take them for free. Yet, my mother paid one dollar for these masculine balls.

Am I missing something here?

BORAT

Soooo I finally saw this movie. Twas really funny. If you're the type who does not enjoy racial or crude jokes, then perhaps, this movie isn't for you.

Borat is from Khazakistan (4give my spelling if it's wrong), and his government sent him 2 USA to learn the culture. It's one heck of a ride! But you know what is even funnier (in a disturbing way)? The people in this movie weren't even acting!...that is, with the exception of the people that made the movie. If you're confused by what I am saying, then sorry, but I dunno how else to explain it.

You shoulda seen when Borat met a black man. Apparently he had never met a black person before. He described the black man as being "naturally chocolate, without make-up". LOL. I couldn't stop laughing when I heard that. And it may interest you to know that in the entire Khazakistan, Borat's sister is the 4th best prostitute...and she has a trophy to show for it. Well, ain't that something?!





IS THIS WEIRD?

Yesterday, I ordered a box of pizza. I ate two slices, then I cut off all the crusts from the remaining slices. I put each crust in a lil ziplock bag (for convenience) and put it in the freezer. I threw the actual pizza away. So now, I have been snacking on the crusts. Whenever I feel like eating one, I just bring out a bag, throw it in the microwave for a few seconds...and voila!!! My snack is ready. I ought to order pizza more often. Too bad I can't order only the crusts. Needless to say, I really only ordered the pizza because I was craving the crusts. Mmmmm, yummy!!!

EVERY WOMAN - CHAPTER 3

I know I have been talking about it forever, but the 3rd chapter of Every Woman really is almost done. By His Grace, I shuld be putting it up tomorrow. Bear with me, please.

Okay, I guess that's it for now. I'm off to bed. Gotta wake up early to curl-iron my hair. I just washed it today, so I'm kinda looking like Tina Turner. Oh, and I've been putting my hair under my nose and sniffing it. Smells sweet!!! Am I crazy?

Nite Y'll!

At Last...A Strapless Bra That Fits!!

And all this time, I thought there was no such thing as a perfect strapless bra. But today, I met him. My soul mate in strapless bra. Oh my, I feel the butterflies in my stomach. *singing*... is this love, is this love, is this love, is this love that I'm feeling?...*end of singing*. Yes, it is love!

So mom and I went to Macy's there today to do some shopping. I just wanted bras and shoes. I don't have a strapless bra (that I like) because I never seem to find one that's good enough. There is always something wrong with it. Unless you have micro mini breasts like Busola, getting a strapless bra is usually serious business.

Anyways, mom went up to the cashier and asked, "where do we get sleeveless bras?". Ah! I had 2 rush to her side ASAP to undo the damage she had done. Sleeveless bra ke? When did bras start having sleeves? That would be one fashionable mistake, don't you think? LOL. If there were bras with sleeves, then we wouldn't need shirts over the bras, would we? Oh gosh, my mother never stops cracking me up.

Anyways, I ended up getting two bras, but I didn't get the shoes. I found a pair of flat shoes, which I have been thinking about (more like obsessed with), so I think I might have to go back and get it. I want sooo many shoes, it's ridiculous. How am I supposed to afford all these shoes I want? Further more, when am I gonna wear them sef? I currently have 4 pairs of unworn shoes that are still in their boxes. I had five sef, but I gave one to my aunt cause she had been begging for it.

By the way, is there anything weird about me having a schedule for when I have to change my tooth brush? Funmi and I were talking about it today, and she said I am weird because I keep a schedule for when I change my toothbrush. Well, good 4 her! Speaking of Funmie, I wanna let the whole world know that she has my other strapless bra. She 'borrowed' it and I have not seen it since then.

***************************Fact***********************************

A student (almost graduate) of UMBC (University of Maryland, Baltimore County) went on a date with a 27 year old girl he met on MySpace. On their way back, they got into a fight because she refused to go back to his dorm with him. In anger, he parked on the highway and beat her to death. After beating her, he decided he didn't want the cops to identify her body, so he cut off her finger tips, her jaw bone, and her nose. WTH??? He confessed to the cops anyways, and after confessing, the cops asked him if he had anything else to say and he said, "I hope my confession does not affect my chances of getting a job with the federal government." Can you beat that?! Psychopath! Needless 2 say, this guy had a perfectly clean record up until now; that goes 2 show that not all that glitters is gold.

Should I be worried that I met boyfriend online? Hehehehe.

*************Spam Don Get Level O*************

Alright, I complained about junk mails some time ago and how they are constantly bombarding me with messages about enlarging my penis and pleasing her better in bed. They haven't even asked me if I have a flippin' penis! Now that I think of it, I think I know who to 4ward those mails to...hehehehe. I'm not suggesting anything o! Anyways, those junk mails have learnt a new trick. They now send me mails with future dates. I have mails from January 2007 and February 2007. And because of their dates, they will continue staying @ the top of my junk mail folder. Of course, I could always delete them, but that will take away my giggle each time I open my junk mail folder.

Me...Tagged???? No!!!!

I have been tryna do this post for three days now, but several things have been stealing my attention. Daddy's girl tagged me...can you believe it? I am yet to figure out if Daddy is her biological or romantic Daddy. LOL. But I'll find out soon enough....I think.

So I'm supposed to write 8...9...10...I dunno weird things about me. I dunno if there is anything weird about me - @ least, not anything I think is weird. Maybe you would think it's weird, but I don't. I think I don't.

1. I won't sleep well if there are dishes in the sink. If I mistakenly fall asleep, chances are that I would spring up from bed @ about 4 or 5 in the morning and go do the dishes. Is that weird?

2. I don't eat liver. I don't even like the smell of liver; in fact, I am totally disgusted by liver, and should I eat anything touched by liver, I would be nauseous.

3. I love playing with my breast. It's not sexual, but I have been doing it for as long as I can remember, and now, I can't stop.

4. I don't like it when people wash their hands in the kitchen sink (when there are dishes in it). I don't care if it's just a fork in the sink; I don't want anyone washing his/her hands in the sink.

5. I don't like it when people touch my food. (BUSOLA TAKE NOTE!!!). You'll think Busola of all people will know that by now, right? I get disgusted by the food, and I don't wanna eat it anymore. If I do eat it, I would have to throw away the perimeter that has been touched. I start imagining where the hand has been. I imagine bacteria leaving the hand and sticking to my food. I don't like it, period!

6. I don't like it when people come into the house and go straight to the kitchen and open the fridge or pots on the stove. I think it's disgusting. Wash your hands first, dammit!

7. I almost never feel lonely. In fact, I think I am incapable of feeling lonely. I may be alone, but I NEVER feel lonely. I can stay home all day by myself, doing practically nothing, but I won't feel lonely. In fact, I hardly get bored too. When I say I am bored, it's probably not true.

8. I talk 2 myself all the time. LOL, that's probably why I never feel lonely. I count my syllables when I talk to myself. I like my syllables to be even. For example, if I say, "stop playing", that would be 3 syllables - I don't like it. So I'd rather say, "stop playing please." Now, that's 4 syllables. PERFECT!!!

9. I get irritated easily by the silliest things. I don't like it when it snows and grass is sticking out of the snow. I find it very irritating. I don't like certain kinds of ceilings, like my aunt's own. It looks like the work is kinda rough, but I know it's the design. However, I don't like looking @ it. It gives me goose bumps...literally.

10. I hate it when people don't wash their hands with soap. I don't like it when two foods touch each other. I'm not talking about rice and stew, or rice and plantain kind of food, but something like rice and moi moi.

11. I don't like hair on the floor. I don't like when people smell like food. I don't like when people slurp their drinks.

12. I absolutely cannot stand to hear anyone moaning. I'm not talking about moaning during sex (the way Bloke does). I mean like when I'm doing Funmi's hair and she moans out of pain. I cannot stand 2 hear it. I don't even like it when you moan after yawning. Ewww!

Well, I believe I have officially exceeded the amount of weird things required by this tag. I dunno if what I have written is actually weird, but you can find out a hundred things you didn't know about me HERE

I tag: Azuka, BabaAlaye, Beautifully Human, Bella Naija, Biodun, Calabar Gal, Diamond Hawk, Engineer Ayo, Joel, Kokoro Ewa, Life Thru Rose-Tinted Glasses, London Buki, Mphahlele, NaijaBloke, NaijaDude, Overwhelmed Naija Babe, TaureanMinx, TemmyTayo....and every1 else!

Black Friday

First of all, how was everyone's thanksgiving? Mine was quite okay. I spent it with Boyfriend, and it was great; we also both don't eat turkey...how convenient, huh? I took a picture of the turkey before spicing it up, but I forgot to take one after baking it. Now, the damage has been done to it (by mom and my Naija neighbour), so it is not fit to be put on my blog. Boyfriend and I meant 2 go see a movie (Borat), but we stopped by Funmi's house and Funmi's mom won't let us go. Actually, she won't let boyfriend go. She said she was on a date with him and I was free 2 go if I wanted 2. Hmmm, I've started suspecting her and Boyfriend. They r yet 2 tell me what is goin on bw them, but I will find out soon enuff.

As most people know, the Friday after thanksgiving is a BIG SHOPPIN' DAY. It's called Black Friday; and shops open as early as 5:00am, and they have some mad discounts. Last year, a lotta electronics stores had sales on laptops, and as of this time last year, I didn't have a laptop, so I decided to go 2 Circuit City 2 get one which was on sale for like $300. Walmart also had one on sale for $200, I believe. Uju wanted a laptop too, so she and her then-boyfriend went 2 Walmart @ 3:ooam to stand in the line, while my mother and I went 2 Circuit City @ 4:00am. The weather was harsh! My fingers were so numb, I thought I had frostbite. And I am pretty sure my earlobes were so frozen, they could break if bent. You know what happens 2 rubber when it's frozen.

Anyways, the plan was for Uju to grab two laptops (one for me and one for herself) and I was to do the same too, then we'll compare and pick what we want, but guess what? We didn't even SEE the laptops, so grabbin two was sooooo not even on our radar of possibilities. Apparently, they only had twenty laptops and they gave tickets/vouchers to the first 20 people in line, and my mother and I weren't even among the first 400. So imagine the line!

Last year taught me a lesson anyways. Never again will I freeze my ass off for that kinda rubbish. Funmi decided to go try her luck @ Best Buy today. I told her not 2 go, but she went sha. She was there @ 1am and she wasn't even among the first 200 people. LOL. She froze her already small ass off 4 nothing! The crazy girl was there from 1am to 5am, and she still didn't get anything. Of course, I have not been able 2 stop laughing @ her; besides, what are friends 4?

Well, I know some people got the laptops sha cause boyfriend's coworker got one, but guess what time she got there? She was there @ 9pm yesterday, so she was outside for 8 hours. That's insane! She was number 9 on the line, so I guess if you wanna be number 1, you should be there @ about 5 or 6pm. LOL. May I never be that crazy! Besides, to me, the "deal" isn't really a deal because the laptop comes as a package, so to say. I mean, you cannot just buy the laptop; you have to also sign up for some internet thing (I think it's AOL) whether you like it or not. So is that really a deal??? I think not!

I went 2 Macy's @ about 9am (even though they opened @ 6am). They had sooooo many deals, and my eyes were almost popping outta my head. But somehow, I spent all that time in the store and emerged with nothing! I bought two really nice shirts 4 my Dad and mom bought a watch 4 him. She also got a purse for herself, some jewelry and a new cell phone (Motorola Razor) from T-Mobile. I dunno how or why I didn't get anything 4 myself from Macy's. After all the time, guess what I bought 4 myself from one of those lil kiosks? *DRUMROLL*..... A cell phone pouch! Can you believe it? Now, I'm really mad @ myself. Well, I guess I could rejoice in the fact that I did buy this really, really cute outfit for Meomeo's newborn niece. It's a pink jacket that comes with a pink shirt and a blue jeans. She'll be smokin hottt when she wears it, and I know all the other babies will want her. But she'll do shakara 4 them. Gosh, shoppin 4 baby girls is soooo much fun!

For some weird reason, I have been wanting to do a fund raiser; just never figured out what to raise funds 4, but now, I think I gat it. I've always loved the St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, so now I'm thinking of doing a fund raiser (of selling candy) for them. They treat children with illnesses like Cancer 4 FREE. Obviously, they make this possible through the donations people make to them, so I'd love to be one of those people.

********************Weird News***********************

Pot worshippers??? I was watching the news today and apparently, the Church of Cognizance has been raided. It's a church that worships pot... as in marijuana, the illegal drug. How crazy is that??? They couple that started the chirch face up 2 forty years in prison, but in their defense, they were only practicing their religion in the way they saw fit (smoking pot every 4 hours). LOL. Only in Yankee o! Read details HERE

Police are concerned about the FREE offer of a baby of Craig's List. This is a bad thing, of course, but I cannot stop laughing. Apparently, the listing of this free baby was put in the "FREE STUFF" section, right next to FREE TURKEY. I feel 4 the baby; I know that much.

Well, that's a wrap. I'm gonna stop here for today.

******************************************************

Hi Baby! (Bloke). As you can see, the wind has blown and we have seen the yansh of the fowl. Now, we know all the enemies of progress in Blogville - Overwhelmed, Desola, Chief, Bijouxoxo, Diamond...and many more sef. They're just jealous they don't have what we have, but don't worry, we will show all of them shege banza. And you need 2 publicly renounce your lil hoochies (AKA Overwhelmed & Desola) because their delusions are starting to get the best of them. They actually think you belong to them. Ha! Very funny. They obviously do not know what I am giving you. *wink wink*

I'm Seeing Red....LITERALLY!

While I know no1 cares 2 know this, I still feel the need to tell everyone that I am on my flippin period! Yes, I said it. It started yesterday...and it came along with the cramps. I don't always have cramps, and even when I do, they are almost never as intense as it was yesterday. I guess I've been under a lot of stress....with planning my wedding to NaijaBloke and all.

In case you're wondering how come I'm getting married to NaijaBloke when I already stated that my baby, Hugh Jackman is 'the one', well, it's really quite simple. You see, Bloke and I are perfect for each other. We love each other dearly and we see things from the same perspective. We're both confident in what we have, so he lets me do my thing with Hugh Jackman and I let him do his thing with Patience Ozokwor. Somehow, my finace cannot get enuff of Patience Ozokwor; I think it's because of the phat booty on her. But anyways...Hugh understands my situation because he is married himself. Therefore, married or not, I will still see my baby, Hugh Jackman.

Now, speaking of my fiance, Bloke, whoever knows him should go and warn him oh! Cause all this one that he is planning on buying me a ring from the flea market with a 'ruby like' thing on it, I no send o! Bloke, don't make me call this wedding off o! After all, you're not the only fish in the sea ah ah. Just the other day sef, Joel proposed 2 me. Take time o!

Back 2 my cramps...they r killin me! My waist feels like I'm pulling 200 pounds, and I cannot take it anymore! I need a waist rub ASAP. Where is that NaijaBloke when you need him sef?! Is there anyone out there who is willing to give me a waist rub? This is ridiculous. And because today is my second day, I anticipate a fowl mood. I'm gonna be snapping @ everyone for everything. Too bad Busola is the one who will suffer it cause I'm spending the day with her. Hehehehehe.

So how are y'll preparing for thanksgiving tomorrow? I don't eat turkey, but I bake one every thanksgiving. I usually taste it, of course, but that's as far as I am willing to go. I just spiced up my turkey some minutes ago and put it in the fridge to marinade. I'll wake up early tomorrow morning and put it in the oven; you know it takes forever and a day to bake. I believe it's an hour for every 4 pounds right? And my turkey weighs 19.7 pounds, so that's about 4 hours and 40 minutes.

I gotta say that seasoning the turkey wasn't easy @ all. I felt so dirty! There I was sticking my entire fist into this poor thang. I wasn't even 'fingering' it; I was 'fisting' it. Yes, all pun intended. But I think the turkey is a freak! At one, point, I heard it moan! Or maybe that was just Bloke moaning. He was watching a Naija movie with Patience Ozokwor and she makes him as hard as Chinese calculus. Even I can't elicit such a result!

Meomeo's sister had a beautiful baby girl yesterday. I haven't seen her (the baby) yet, but I know she is beautiful. The naming ceremony is on tuesday....yay! My excitement isn't because the baby will be officially named, but rather that I will get 2 eat some party food. What's so special about a naming ceremony? After all, I didn't have one and look how GREAT I turned out. Hmmm, I hope they make that spicy goat meat. Perhaps, I should go with my own plastic plates for the take-away food. Hmmmmm..... *thinking*. I realize some (if not all) of you must be wondering, 'who the hell is Meomeo?'; well, worry not...just know his name is Meomeo. And no, he isn't a cat!

Alright....off I go. My waist is pulling me down. I'll be back tomorrow to put up before and after pictures of my turkey. Lemme know if you want a slice.

I'm In Love

I'm in love! No, no, no, not the kinda of love you're thinking (although that woulda been nice too). I mean, I have fallen in love with Hugh Jackman. At first, it was just attraction, but now, I think I have met the one. . You should see the way he looks @ me. Hahaha. Oh my gosh, I cannot stop deceiving myself sha. See preview HERE

Okay, on a serious note anyway, I have fallen in love with the movie, Happy Feet. I saw it on Saturday with Funmi and Uju, and gosh, I was just sooooo amazed. When Memphis (play by my baby, Huhu Jackman) fell in love with Norma Jean (Nicole Kidman), I cried. But I made sure Uju and Funmi didn't notice or else I would never hear the end of it.

So I have set a new standard for my future husband; he MUST sing to me! Hmmm, on second thoughts, that might not be such a bright idea considering the fact that I am yet to meet any man who has a decent singing voice. Alright fine, he doesn't have to sing to me. In fact, he should never attempt it...unless of course it's my other baby, 2Face. You should see the way he looks @ me too!

Do You Take This Woman?
Well, no, I don't take this woman, but perhaps maybe you men out there do. I was reading Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas, but somewhere along the line, I lost interest. The book is a very interesting one, but I dunno why I just don't feel like reading it anymore. I have not given up though; I merely switched to something different.

I have not gone far in this book (these days I'm soooo lazy 2 read), but so far so good. The woman is torn between two men: her husband and her ex who she was previously engaged to. Who hasn't been there? *clears throat* Not that I'm implying that I have ever been torn between two men. Not me! *coughs*

Well, one thing is for sure, I want her hair!!!!


My mother is watching a soap opera and it is soo loud that even though I am not in the living room, I can hear all their kissing sounds loud and clear. Aaarrrgghhh! This is torture. Why do I have to hear this and not be able to take part in it? That's not right o! It's just not fair! I don't wanna hear any kissing sounds that are not being made by me.

Good Heavens!

Remembering Papa

Before I start talking about Papa, I would appreciate it if everyone takes a minute to bow their head in prayer and pray that Papa's soul rests in perfect peace.

Let me tell you about the wonderful person called Papa.

I was quite young when I met Papa (can't remember how old now). When I met him, he was still single, but he got married a few months later. Papa was the kind of person that everyone loved being around. He was lively, funny, and fun. His wife was equally beautiful, and was a perfect match for him. Funny enough, I never knew Papa's real/birth name; everyone just called him Papa. He wasn't old @ all, but I guess somewhere along his life, he got nicknamed Papa, so that was what everyone called him.

Papa had a thing for the ladies. Or rather, the ladies had a thing for Papa. Every woman on our street wanted a piece of Papa, so it was no wonder when he ended up getting two other women pregnant. To my surprise, Papa's wife didn't leave him; I don't know why. I know she could have gotten any other man she wished for, but for whatever reason, she stuck to her husband's side. They were always together.

Papa's wife endured all sorts of humiliation - including fights with Papa's baby mommas. Again, I repeat that I could never figure out why she didn't just leave him. Papa's wife and baby mommas gave him beautiful children, and they all looked like Papa in one way or another.

If one were to judge Papa based on his matrimonial life, he would be considered a very bad man for cheating on his wife SEVERAL TIMES. But Papa was much more than a cheating husband, which is why his wife and baby mommas loved him so much that they were even willing to share him. Talk about being a lady's man.

Papa's 'fruitful' life was cut short a little before Christmas (about ten years ago) when he was brutally murdered by a scavenger. Papa was beheaded; can you believe that? Such things rarely happen in the peaceful city of Jos, where we lived, but it did. Even though it's been so long ago, I still have shivers running down my spine every time I remember the site of Papa lying there on the ground - headless. I don't know why I had to go and look at him. The image still haunts me.

I thank God that Papa had a lot of children to remind us all of his wonderful bubbly nature. I have not had contact with Papa's wife and children since I came to USA, so I do not know how they are faring. But I hope they're doing okay. I pray for them all the time.

Papa, I know you're in Heaven watching over your family. I know you're keeping an eye on them and making sure they do not suffer the kind of fate that you did.

Papa, I also want you to know that even though I was one of those who ate your meat, I want you to know that I only did it because I hated goat meat. If you weren't our biggest cock, I'm sure my father & brother wouldn't have slaughtered you. But be rest assured that the hens you got pregnant are missing you - if they have not been slaughtered already, of course. Though I may have eaten your thigh, I want you to know that I thought about you the whole time!

If anyone should be condemned, it should be your killers (my father and brother). They're the ones who chased you round the house until they caught you and snatched your life away - leaving your children fatherless, your wife a widow, and your baby mommas baby daddyless. What a world!

Seriously y'll, Papa was our biggest cock and no1 could ever understand why alllll the hens we had followed him. There was another cock that was almost as big as Papa. I don't know what it was about Papa that made all the hens fall for him. Was it his multi-colored feathers? The way he crowed in the morning? His skills in the sack? His big feet? (You know what they say about men who have big feet.) What??

So errrrr.... how many of you prayed for Papa's soul to rest in errrr ...... perfect stomach??? Hehehehehehe.

Night y'll!

Confused Rice

Has anyone ever eaten "confused rice"? Before you get as confused as the rice, lemme explain what the confused rice is.

I was hungry this afternoon and decided to cook some rice. I was gonna cook some fried rice, but I didn't have vegetables. I couldn't cook some stew because I didn't have tomato, and I didn't feel like cooking red (jollof) rice either. So what did I do? I decided to experiment.

I had two sets of meat. Fried and cooked. The cooked one was mixed with some pepper. The rice was initially fried, then I added some red pepper and some spice. And I chopped the fried meat into pieces too and put it in the rice. Bottom line, I cooked some rice - it was a little bit red and a little bit fried. But it was totally - ugh, wat's the word? Let's Verastic.

So anyways, the rice tastes great! Since it doesn't fit into any category, I'll call it the confused (Verastic) rice. It's like a half cast rice. It's got a little bit of everything. But after cooking, I didn't feel like eating it anymore - does that happen to you? I'm just gonna eat a mango after posting this and call it a night.

So you want some of my rice?

The Prestige - see preview HERE
Yesterday, I went to the movie theatre with Funmi, Uju, Ibukun, and 'S'. First we had dinner @ AppleBees and I was sooooo flippin mad. The food sucked! Then we went to the movie theatre to see The Prestige. 'S' fell asleep (and even started snoring sef) about five minutes after the movie started. Funmie later fell asleep too. The movie was two hours and 15 minutes long. Uju and I thought it was a great movie. It has unexpected twists and turns, which is always a good thing, you know.

Anyways, personally, I loved the movie. I think it was a pretty good movie, but Funmi and her dumb self only likes simple movies. Movies that have to do with romance, drama... everyday simple stuff.






Hugh Jackman
Another thing I loved about the movie is the fact that my boo, Wolverine from X-Men (Hugh Jackman) is in it. Gosh, he is soooooooo flippin sexxxy!!! I'm always findin some1 sexy, huh? I can't help it jare. God has just made soooo many sexy people. The world is a sexxxy world!

Hugh has a new movie coming up called The Fountain (see preview HERE). The man is just too sexy jare.










Movies I'd Like 2 See

Happy Feet (watch preview HERE) - Is there anything wrong with me wanting to watch Happy Feet? It's an animated movie about dancing penguins. It comes to theatres on the 17th of November. Why on earth wouldn't I wanna see it??? Did I mention that Hugh Jackman is one of the voices? Yay!!! Ooooh, can't wait!

The Nativity Story (watch preview HERE) - this is a movie about the birth of Jesus Christ, and it comes to theatres on December 1st

Apocalypto (watch preview HERE) - This is a movie directed by the one and only Mel Gibson. If history repeats itself, this movie would be great!... just like The Passion of Christ. He's a great director, and I am confident that he would do a good job once again. This movie hits theatres on December 8th

Deja Vu (watch preview HERE) - the name of the movie obviously gives the theme away. It's starring another sexy man, Denzel Washington. It comes to theatres on the 22nd of November.

Striking Resemblance or Busola's Insanity??

Do Bob Manuel Udokwu and Dakore look alike???





















My best friend, Busola, is absolutely sure that Dakore looks like a dude. In fact, to be more specific, she said she looks like a female Bob-Manuel Udokwu. And with make-up on, she looks like a drag queen. Busola does not believe that Dakore is ugly; she thinks she okay-looking, but she still looks like a dude.

Honestly speaking, I kinda see a lil resemblance between them. However, my problem with Dakore is not that she looks like a female Bob-Manuel, but rather that she won the Best Actress award here in Maryland, USA. Some months ago, some kinda Naija awards thing was held here in Maryland (you know Maryland people like feelin'), and Dakore won Best Actress. What da hell?!

If it weren't for Busola mentioning her striking resemblance to Bob-Manuel a few months ago, I woulda never even know the chic's name. I wouldn't consider her an A-List celeb; abi am I just ignorant of her achievements? So I'm wondering how she won the best actress award. I mean, who was she competing against? Herself? What happened to Stella Damasus, Chioma Chukwuka, Genevieve, Omotola, Oge Okoye, etc? Where were they when Dakore won? Anyways, lemme not talk too much. Those people that gave the awards musta been smoking some la la la la. That is the only plausible explanation I can come up with. Either that or her father paid them huge money, and she was the only one who wasn't shooting five or six movies @ the time.

So anyways, the issue of Dakore came up today because Busola was reading someone's blog, and in it, the girl mentioned that she went for Dakore's birthday party, and that Dakore was really pretty. That was how Busola went off the deep end o! Homegirl was cussin in my ear, "no the f*ck she's not pretty! She looks like a dude! Why will this girl lie? She's just kissin' her ass. Dakore ain't f*ckin pretty blah blah blah". I couldn't stop laughing. I had to tell her to take a deep breath and relax.

Needless to say, she does not think that Bob-Manuel is ugly. She just doesn't think we need to have a male and female version - especially if the female version still looks like a dude.

So what do y'll think: Striking resemblance? Or just Busola's insanity showing it's ugly head?

p.s. I have been instructed (by Busola) to clarify what I meant in my previous post when I said she could be a real bitch. I meant (and still mean) that she can have a bitchy attitude. I think Joel's comment may have lead Busola to believe that Joel thinks she is a bitch who sleeps around...instead of one who is just a bitch. Yeah, drama, right? I know.

Night Y'll.

I've got a new Bible (Women of Faith) that is calling my name. Oh, the colorful pages! Can't wait to go highlight some more verses. Yippee!

Men Really DO Love Bitches

If I wasn't sure before, now I know for sure that men DO love bitches. Hopefully not all of them. And for those of them that say they do not love bitches, the fact is that they do; they just don't know it yet. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

If you're wondering why I have chosen to talk about men and their disturbing love for bitches, it is because yesterday I had an incident, and I am pissed! No, no, no, more like fed up. Yeap, that's what it is. I am fed up.

In the description of my blog (right below the title), I promised to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, but I also did say I might not tell the whole story. So right now, I am not telling the whole story, but I am telling the truth.

It has occured to me that men seem not to be able to deal with "nice" women. I mean, sure, they say they want a nice woman, but what they really want is a woman who will be a bitch. They want a woman who will be a challenge and make them sweat for everything. They need a woman who will not give a shit about him, and not do anything special for him. Why? Because even if she does do something nice/thoughtful/romantic for him, somehow, it will be misinterpreted into something else. Somehow, he will end up hanging the phone up on her. He will tell her she has never done, and does not do now anything 'special' for him. Sure, she might have taken time to do this special thing (or rather, this thing that she thought should be considered special), but hey, what about that other time that he did something special - when was it, one, two, three years ago???

Aaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!! I'm pissed. Can you tell?

I need to become a bitch. I need to become Busola. Hahaha. She's gonna kill me if she reads this. Seriously, Busola can be a real bitch when she needs to, and sometimes, I really wish I could be like her. Well, it's not too late, I guess.

I've been listening to R. Kelly's When A Woman's Fed Up. It's a really nice song. I've always loved it, and what better time to listen to it?

Click HERE to see the video.
Click HERE to read the lyrics.

So....what are you pissed off about/fed up with today?

Ignorance Should Be Illegal

I'm in that mood. It's not a bad mood. It's not a good mood either. I don't know what to call it. I guess I could call it the I-don't-feel-like-doing-this-right-now-but-I-don't-know-what-else-to-do mood. Yeap, that's the mood I'm in.

Yesterday, I went to Washington D.C. with Busola (for her Uncle's 50th birthday celebration). It was a big party; lots of guests, lots of food, and lots of fools. Honestly speaking, my primary motivation for going 2 that party is that Frank's (Busola's fiance) mom was the caterer @ the event, and from experience, I know her food is da bomb!

Before we went, Busola and I agreed that we would NOT be picking any money o! Anyways, as soon as we gat there, Busola dragged me around the whole hall greeting this person and that person. Did I mention I had to kneel down? In my brand NEW guinea lace skirt o! I actually have no problem kneeling to greet, but abeg, I get limit now ah ah. After a while, I was like, forget this, I'm not kneeling anymore. In fact, I'm not greeting sef. Are they going to wash my skirt for me? *Hisses* It's not like I even knew these people sef.

I was wearing a blue guinea lace skirt with a white open-back blouse (although I had a black zip-down sweater on the whole time). And I had a big blue damask on my head. And you know how those scarfs feel; they always feel like they're one minute away from falling down. So I could see from the looks on some people's faces that they were tryna figure me out. Is she Nigerian? Akata? Some other African country? Nigerian born here? What???

Can you believe that Busola went & started picking $$. Frank and I were just talking about it oh, and then the next thing, Frank's mom gave me a box, and told me to please help Busola out. I didn't even get 2 finish my rice. So I went to the front 2 help her, but I was only counting the money, and giving change; I refused to pick the money for three reasons:

1. I had a big scarf on my head and I could not risk doing anything that would throw it off.
2. The heels on my shoes were HIGH. One wrong move and my ass woulda been flat on the ground.
3. The camera man of Xpression Magazine was there taking pictures, and I could not let myself be photographed in the moment of perpetual embarrassment...if my scarf had fallen off, or if I had missed a step and fallen on my ass. Or worse case scenario, if both had happened. *SHRIEKS*

One guy told me I looked beautiful and that he liked my outfit. I said thanks and just kept on moving. One has to try to avoid eye contact with certain people in order to avoid certain conversations that will lead to certain people (AKA Vera) to being very pissed.

When they (guests) temporarily stopped dancing, I was looking for a glass to have some cider when some buffoon literally pulled me outside to talk some rubbish.
Man: *speaking Yoruba*
Me: I don't speak Yoruba
Man: You don't speak Yoruba? But you have a gele (scarf) on your head
Me: Your point being??
Man: You said you don't speak Yoruba now
Me: *seriously giving him a mean look* Isn't the scarf an African attire?
Man: Ok. Well, can I have some change?
Me: I don't have any change; we have to wait for people to throw the money first.
Man: Ah ah, why now? Okay, take this $100 and give me change when they start dancing.
Me: I cannot take the money from you. You'd have to come to the front for change
Man: Okay. But where are you from?
Me: I'm Nigerian
Man: Ah ah! But you said you don't speak Yoruba
Me: *irritated* *shouting/yelling* IS YORUBA THE ONLY TRIBE IN NIGERIA???
Man: Okay, so where are you from?
Me: I'm Igbo
Man: Ooooh Ok!! *smiling* You're a very beautiful gal o! See me before you leave; we have to talk.

Yeah right!! Obviously, he didn't know that talking to him was putting me @ risk for committing a homicide. Won't I kill that kind of that man if I have to have another conversationg with him?

There was this other guy that was counting money with me. He musta thought I was akata or something cause every time he talked to me, he changed his accent to be more American (not that it sounded good)...even though I had heard him blowing some hard core Yoruba o! He finally asked for my name and I told him 'Vera'. Of course, my name did not aid him in placing my nationality/tribe. I was in no mood to offer a helping hand either.

Finally, some drunk man said he wanted to take me on a date and marry me. Can you imagine he said that rubbish to me with his funky breath?! The man reeked of alcohol; you'd have thought he took a bath in a tub of alcohol. I touched his wedding ring to remind him of his marital status, and guess what he said? He said "It's just a ring, and I can take it off if you want me too." Ehn?! Hmm, you shoulda seen the speed @ which I stood up and left him. What if his wife was somewhere around? Or maybe one of his wife's friends?? Then next thing, the wife would beat me up over a drunk moron. Abeg oh. If I must be beaten up for any man, can I at least be somewhat interested in him?

Needless to say, I was glad when it was all over. By the time I was walking back to the car, I was walking like a zombie because my feet were pinching me. The fact that my quadriceps were hurting real bad (from my gym class) was not helping @ all. That gym lady gat me for real. I didn't feel the pain of that work out till I gat to the party.

I suffered o! But what hurts me the most is that I didn't finish my rice!!!

So how was your weekend sha?

Every Woman - Chapter 2 Has Been Published

Whew!!!

At last, I have completed and published Every Woman - Chapter 2. Click HERE to read it. I went to bed really late (thanks to Calabar Gal for putting that 'what type of blogger are you?' thing on her blog. I took the test, and decided to take every other test on the site. Silly me. I forgot I had to be up early this morning. Anyways...)

I'm really sleepy right now, so I was this close to just going to bed and publishing it when I wake up, but I thought about London Buki and her threats...not that I am afraid o! Besides, Omoruyi said I should cut off all blogging until I complete and finish the 2nd chapter.

I have not even sent it to the other websites that publish my stuff cause I'm sleepy, and it's too much wahala jare. I made this one shorter than chapter one cause I know it's not easy to sit and read a long epic.

*Happy Reading....*

Don't forget to give me feedback and constructive criticism. I'm off to bed. I'll wake up in a few hours.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IBUKUN: I hope you have a very lovely day. I'll be expecting my gift later. Oh wait, I'm the one who is supposed to give you a gift right? Well, who says you can't give me a gift too? Personally, I think I should receive a gift on the 14th of every month (since my birthday is January 14th), but people are just too stingy to give me gifts on the 14th of each month. I mean, am I asking for too much? Ibukun is one of my closest friends, so I feel compelled to wish her a happy birthday here. By the way, if y'll care to know, I was the first to call her 12:00 AM to wish her a happy birthday. My record of being the first one to call on people's birthday has remained unbeaten. C'mon now, I'm da best. Who do you think tell's Jesus Happy Birthday first on his birthday? Yeap, that's me!

Ciao!...... see you this evening.

Happy Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENRY!!! - Today is the birthday of a special friend, Henry in Ireland. Happy birthday oh, and I pray God grants you all your heart's desire(s), Amen. Keep being your sweet self.

KEMI'S BIRTHDAY - Remember I told you I had to attend the 10th birthday of Busola's sister, Kemi? Funmi and I were in charge of 'entertaining' the children, and believe me, it was not easy @ all. Tryna gather those kids together was an impossible task. But it was fun anyways. The kids did their musical chairs, and we the grown-ups sef were not ashamed to take a turn @ the musical chairs. And I am proud to announce that I, Vera Ezimora am the WINNER OF THE MUSICAL CHAIRS. Hip! Hip!! Hip!!!..... Hurray!!! If you're interested in seeing the pictures from the party, click HERE

EVERY WOMAN - CHAPTER 2 - The second chapter of Every Woman is almost done. I will put it up tomorrow at its latest. I'll finish it up today and edit it, so by tomorrow, y'll can see it. I hope you like it. Chapter 2 is about Moremi (but that's all the info I'm willing to give ya... ha!!).

PLANE CRASH IN NAIJA - Another plane crash in Naija??? I didn't even bother reading the details of the crash. Not because I do not care to know, of course, but because it is just too sad for me to read. More lives have been wasted.

REESE WHITERSPOON & RYAN PHILLIPE - After seven years of marriage and two kids, the couple has finally called it quits. I'm disappointed. I really had high hopes for them, but I guess after the Jen and Brad split, I shoulda known anything was possible. They're such a cute couple, but I guess a marriage needs a lot more than cuteness to be sustained. Nawa o. When they say US has a 50% divorce rate, I don't think the statistics include celebrities because they seem to have a 70% chance of being divorced. Unfortunately, the innocent children will suffer it most.

WHITNEY HOUSTON - So she is finally coming back to her senses? Thank God oh. I heard she is recording her new album (no doubt it would rock!). I don't know if her husband has been the one holding her down, but I am glad she is feeling better and on her way to complete recovery. Wonder what Bobby Brown is up 2.

I'm off to bed for a nap. When I wake up, I'll complete Every Woman - chapter, so drop in tomorrow to read it. Thanks y'll!

Clarification, Please???

THE EXORCIST

I just watched The Exorcist again. This is still the 1973 movie, but the version never seen. That is, before it came on DVD, of course. Click HERE to see the preview.

Anyways, I am confused. I was really young when I first saw this movie, and @ that time, all I understood was that Regan was possessed.

I saw the movie with wonderful date (AKA my mom), and we both understood the movie differently. Remember the Priest, Damien? Well, his mother died @ some point and before she did, she kept saying, "why you do this to me, Damien?" When Regan was possessed, one of her voices was the voice of his mother.

There were two priests involved in the exorcism, and the older priest died (killed by Regan). Damien came in and got so mad that he started hitting Regan, and then he became possessed, or at least, I think he did, and threw himself out of the window.

Mom's understanding: He was possessed all along. He killed his mother, killed the older priest, and was the cause of his mother's death.

My understanding: I don't understand it at all.

My Question now: Was Damien REALLy possessed? Did he really kill his mother and the older priest? What was the end (him throwin himseld outta d window) really about? Abeg, I need explanations b4 I lose it. I've watched enough confusing movies (no offense to Silent Hill - watch the preview HERE)

HORROR MOVIES

How do y'll feel about horror movies? Personally, I don't mind, but horror movie get level abeg. I don't mind watching something like The Exorcist, or something with a lotta suspense, but I draw the line when it comes to a movie where someone goes on a killing spree. I don't like movies like Texas Chainsaw Massacre (preview HERE) and SAW III (preview HERE).

Uju wants to get me to go see SAW III with her, but I already told her she has lost what is left of her mind. That's if she had any mind to start with sef.

CRAZY UJU

Speaking of Uju, on thursday, she sent me a text saying, "did I tell you that I found a grape seed in my shit?"

For goodness sake, abeg make una tell me, why the the hell would I care to know? I was sleeping when she sent the text, but I heard it and woke up. I read the text, hissed, and went right back to bed.

Then about 30 minutes later, she sent another one, "When is my period supposed to be here?"

I replied her and told her the date she was supposed to get her period (and boy was I accurate! Next time I'd give her a wrong date, so she can get a not-so wonderful surprise). Then I asked her if she ate the seed the found in her shit.

She replied, "It was just the seed; I wonder how come I did not chew the seed completely. Guess I will never know. You know this means thorough inspection of every molecule of shit that comes out of my body. I might need extra hands, so ask around for interested candidates."

Okay everyone...you know how small a grape seed is, right? Well, can you imagine how close she had to be to her shit to notice a flippin' grape seed?

Anyways, I am extending Uju's invition to everyone. So if you're interested in giving her a helping hand in inspecting every molecule of shit, then please, do send me an email, which I would forward to her unroyal highness.

Tomorrow, I would be attending the birthday party of Busola's baby sister. She turns ten. I'll try my best 2 take pictures, and hopefully make a video. If I do, you'd be first to see it.

That's it for tonight.

Be back tomorrow...... or next

Introducing....Joaquim Ezimora!!

Some months ago, I blogged about the birth of my nephew, Joaquim. Click HERE to read about him and his poppy, my dear cousin, Uzo. Anyways, Here are the pictures of my lovely, lovely, lovely nephew. He was born on the 7th of July 2006.

Joaquim says, "Oh, you're touching my funny bone. You're touching my funny bone, Mom!"
Look @ his teethless mouth! Gosh, babies are the best definition of perfection. Perfect lives, no worries. I'm so sad I haven't beheld this beauty face 2 face (He lives all the way in Luxembourg) *sniffles* Joaquim looks like his daddy, so he's a proper Ezimora kiddy.

Watch out ladies! This one will steal many hearts.

Errr, London Buki, Calabar Gal, Beautifully Human, Overwhelmed Naija Babe, Diamond, and Kokoro Ewa.... sorry, but you're not really his type. He likes em young!


He says, "Yes, Mom, you ARE beautiful...and I DO love ya!"

Sorry Uzo (my cousin), but it's his mommy touching him right now!

Look @ those eyes... those are the eyes of love. Those are the eyes that future young gals would look into and fall head over heels in love.

But they have 2 go thru me first!





Joaquim says, "Seriously...what are you doing???"

Don't mind them Joaquim, they think you're too lil to think for yourself. If only they knew...!

Oh, Joaquim, I'm so sorry that I haven't met you. But when I do, we're gonna have LOTS OF FUN! Cause I am your cooooool aunt, Vera. Don't forget o!

Jeez....can't believe Lil Uzo (Joaquim's dad) is a father! How time flies! I remember when Ll Uzo was in high school.



Later Y'll!

Until tomorrow......

Dream of me tonight........yeah right!

My Weekend

As I type this, I am literally falling asleep. But I just wanna update y'll on my weekend - nothing spectacular though

SATURDAY

Yesterday, my aunt said she was coming to my house for me to do her hair, and she said she was coming with her four yr old son. Next thing I knew, she was there with her son, her other sister, and her mother. (By the way, my aunt and her sister are both mom's younger sisters and their mom - my grandma is mom's mom, of course). Before they came, I had spent all morning cleaning my house down; it was sparkling clean! Soon as I saw my aunt and her batallion, I just knew my house would never be the same.

When my lil cousin started eating the pizza they came with, and I saw the tomato on the couch, I was about to lose my mind! I was about to have a mental heart attack! I kept on picking crumbs of food everywhere. Shit, I was going crazy on the inside.

The day turned out to be not so bad; we watched Naija movies and laughed our hearts out. But that didn't change the fact that I had a whole lotta cleaning to do though. I had to vacuum the house again! By the way, the first thing my cousin did to mess up the house was pee on the toilet seat. Wat rubbish! I had just wiped it down with pine sol. It was as fresh as pine sol itself. And then he pee'd on it. You shoulda heard me giving him a piece of my mind. He knew not to pee on the toilet seat. Well, next time he comes, I'm sure he'll remember.

SUNDAY

Mom and I drove to grandma's house (I was driving) and we fought all the way. She doesn't like the way I drive, and I don't like the way she drives - so go figure. Church was supposed to start at 12pm and we called grandma @ 9am to let her know we were coming. When we got to grandma's house, it was almost 11am, and grandma had just gotten outta the shower. By the time she was ready to go, it was 11:15am. As we were about to leave the house, she decided she wanted to change because the outfit she was wearing was her "christmas outfit" (called so because it's her newest lace from my mom).

While mom and I sat in the living room (with mom swelling up like a balloon), a commercial on TV bout some lil recorder thingy came on. You use it for voice memos....and it costs $19.99.

I thought it was pretty stupid, so I said, "Yeah right! What stupid person would order that?"
Then I turned around and saw my mom scribbling the number down

........Well, there goes my answer! Who knew it'd be so close to home?

Needless to say, she and I immediately burst out laughing.

After church, we went to see this Igbo family that just had their first baby (a girl named Chioma) five weeks ago. The father's nose was outstanding! It was that kinda nose you wouldn't wanna be stuck in an elevator with because it would suck up allll the oxygen! His nose was mighty....errrr.... wat's da word -- mighty???

And guess what? His daughter has the nose too! Well, one thing is for sure---she won't ever be out of breath! I just hope she doesn't get a hold of anyone's ventilator. But she IS beautiful though. We (including the wife/mother) were all cracking jokes on the father and his daughter. The mom said as soon as she got to hold her baby (after giving birth to her), the first thing she looked @ was her nose, and as soon as she saw the father's nose on the daughter, she was like... "Hey, this gal! What did I tell you? I told you not to have his nose!" Well, maybe the womb is soundproof???

....That's it for saturday & sunday

EXTRAZ

I changed my template...as y'll have noticed. I did it all by myself...YAY! However, AZUKA helped me with some stuff too. Thanks a lot, Azuka. You're da best! He's my blog's errr gynaecologist.

My last post about my mom reminded me of the time I blogged about my embarrassing moment. Click HERE to read it

All done...... See y'll tomorrow!

The Silly Things We Do (1)

This story isn't actually about me; it's about my dear mom. It happened about four years ago, I believe.

We (my family & I) had gone for some Naija occasion (can't remember wat the occasion was), and my mom saw some lady, who she believed she knew. So she walked up to the lady and said, "Hey, Ify!"

But the lady was giving my mom one kind funny look sha, as if she didn't know who my mom was.

So... (by the way, this conversation took place in Igbo, which made it even funnier)
Mom: Ah ah, Ify, why are you looking at me like that? Don't you remember me?
Woman: *confused* Ugh, no, I'm sorry, I don't.
Mom: *perplexed* Ah ah, Ify, how can you forget me? You always come 2 my junior sister's house now; don't u remember?'
Woman: I do? Who is your sister?
Mom: Chi-------
Woman: Ah, I'm sorry oh, I don't remember you.
Mom: Nawa oh, well, how is Jasper? (Jasper is Ify's hubby)
Woman: Who?
Mom: Jasper, your husband now.
Woman: I'm not Jasper's wife
Mom: Yes, you are
Woman: No, I'm not
Mom: Yes, you are
Woman: No, I'm not
Mom: Ah ah, how can you say Jasper is not your husband? Don't you know your husband, Jasper?
Woman: Jasper is not my husband
Mom: Yes, he is.
Woman: No, he's not
Mom: Okay, lemme show you my daughter (me) so you can remember.

*mom comes to me with the woman following behind her*
Mom: Nne (mummy), look at Jasper's wife o! She says she doesn't remember us.
Me: Mom, that's not Jasper's wife
Mom: What are you saying?! This is Ify, Jasper's wife
Me: No, she's not. *pointing to the real Ify on the other side of the room* that's Jasper's wife over there
Mom: *looking from Jasper's wife to strange woman and back to Jasper's wife* Oh! Ewo! *turns to woman* My dear, adi'm very sorry (i'm very sorry)
Woman: *laughing* It's okay *walks away*

I couldn't stop laughing that day. What was even funnier to me was the fact that she was arguing with the woman and telling her she was Jasper's wife. Ah ah, na by force? Even if the woman had forgotten my mom, could she have forgotten her hubby too?

Of course, I've never stopped teasing mom about that cause it was soooo ridiculous. As soon as the woman said she wasn's Ify, that was mom's cue to walk away, but she had to stay and FORCE the woman to accept that she was Jasper's wife. And you know what? That woman didn't even look a bit like Jasper's wife. For starters, she was like half the size of Jasper's wife.

Oh mommy!

If indeed, I am crazy on some level, it is obvious that it's genetic. Next time, I'll talk of Dad. He's another character - the funniest man I know!

Night y'll. As you can see, it's rather late @ night.

We go yarn tomorrow!