The Silly Things We Do (3)

Read One & Two

I live in an apartment with my mom, and the story I'm about to tell you happened in the summer of 2005.

It was a hot evening as usual, so I was jejely sleeping on my bed, wearing only my underwear. I was along @ home as usual, my bedroom door was open, and the TV in the living room was on. I woke up @ a point, but I was still drifting in and out of sleep. I could hear the TV, and if I listened well enough, I woulda been able to make out whatever was being said.

I thought I heard a sound in my room, so I opened my eyes, but I didn't see anything. I drifted off to sleep again, but I kept hearing sounds. Each time I opened my eyes, I didn't see anything. It was about 9pm, so it was dark. Then I thought I heard wings flapping, so I opened my eyes, and lo and behold, there was something black flying towards me. So I jumped out of bed, turned my light on, and there it was...

.....a bat!

I jumped out of bed, screamed, and ran out of my bedroom, still wearing only my underwear. In my haste to run out, I left my cell phone and the cordless phone on my bed, and I was too scared to go back, so I decided to use the phone in my mom's room. I called my mom @ work to tell her of our uninvited guest. She said I should call 911. I said, "Mom, I don't think people call 911 for bats". By the time I got off the phone with mom, I was questioning my decision 2 call her. She was of no help 2 me. But then again, what did I xpect her to do?

So I sat on her bed, my heart in my mouth, trying to think of what to do next. I lay on her bed, looked up on the vent in her room, and I thought I saw something, so I turned her lights on...

....yeap, another bat.

So, I jumped up. Put on a t-shirt I saw on her bed, tied her wrapper and rushed out to the living room. I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom, but I didn't for 2 reasons:
1. There might be a bat in there
2. Staying in there would not help me in anyway.

So I sat on the couch....just for me to see a bat flying around in the living room.

At this point, I grabbed my keys and ran out of the house. I didn't run out of the building, but I was out of the house. I didn't know what else to do, so I knocked on my neighbour's door (He's a young Igbo guy in his late 20s/early 30s).

I: N, can you come 2 my house & help me please? I have bats
N: You have bats?
I: Yea, so can u help me, please? I need 2 get rid of them.
N: R u sure they're bats?
I: (getting irritated) Yes, I'm sure, go take a look.

He opened my door, and the bat that was in the living room was now perched on the window blind.

N: Wow, that's really a bat. But where did they come from? Did you offend any1 in the village?
I: N, are you seriously thinking these bats came from Naija?
N: Yes now! Bats don't come 2 people's houses, so who did you offend in the village?
I: N, those bats r not from the village.
N: Okay, maybe they're not, but where did they come from? If they're not from the village, then they must all be born from one mother, and their mother is in your house, so she released two children to go and get food. But who sent the mother?
I: So basically, what you're saying is that these are not ordinary bats abi? Whether it's mother and children or only two children, someone must have sent them.
N: Yes.

I: Okay, that's good. N, are you going 2 help me chase these bats away or not?!

I couldn't believe it! This person was born here o (though he was raised in Naija) but he came back over ten years ago. I called animal control and they said they couldn't do anything about it because it was a weekend, and it was already about 10pm @ this time. But they said I had bats because my house was close to the woods/trees, and apparently, it was a normal thing 4 them 2 get into houses. I called the apartment maintenance people, and they said they were coming.

N finally decided to help me get rid of the bats. By the way, they were two bats (it was the one in my room that came out 2 the living room). So N opened the windows and took the screens (nets) out. So we (more like he) chased the bats while I screamed. Homeboy didn't want to hit the bats...just in case they were witches. He didn't want them 2 be mad @ him and come back to kill him. One of the bats actually died cause I guess he mistakenly hit it.

The apartment maintenance people finally showed up....@ one AM! We told him the bats were gone, but they (apartment people) had 2 send their men in the following day to fix the window screens, and guess what the moo moo said? He said, "I hope y'll didn't kill any of the bats because it is illegal to kill bats, and you could go to jail for that...and even pay a high fine."

Wat rubbish! The bats shoulda thought about that b4 invading my house and nearly sending me 2 an early grave. Apparently, there was a hole in the ceiling of the equipment room - that's where they came in from. I screamed tire that day o! Bats r just very ugly creatures. They look like flying rats. I do not think there is anything demonic about them, but I don't like them.

Sorry 4 making this post so long; wasn't my intention.

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There's a new movie coming out called, Overwhelmed's Pictures...featuring her boobs & famous bowlegs. It will be showing in all theatres near you. But you have to buy ur tickets in advance. They cost only $5, so make ur check payable 2 Vera Ezimora.

I was gonna catch up on blogs, but my waist is falling down right now. Today is my 2nd day with Ms. Flow, and I am not finding it funny @ all. I've been holding my waist like an old woman, so lemme go lie down for a few minutes. I'll be back 2 catch up on my fav blogs.

Wish me well, please.

Hopefully, I'm Back On Track

So because I was absent for a lil while, all these small small girls (AKA Diamond, Nilla, Calabar Gal & the rest of them) think they can start bugging me 2 update ehn? Take time o!

Who woulda thought that getting engaged to my boo, Guy Horny would disrupt my life so much. I tell you, that guy never gets tired. He is taking a shower right now, and that is how I am currently able to update. He is a tiger!

Yesterday, I went to see Norbit. I laughed so hard, my stomach was hurting, and I had tears running down my face. The movie just came out on Friday, 9th Feb., featuring Eddie Murphy being the regular funny entertainer he always is. If you like silly comedies, then you should see this. Click HERE to see the preview.

Thanks a lot for reading chapter five of Every Woman, and thanks to every1 that wrote and left comments, thanks! And for those that have not read it, don't lemme get you o.

So what are you all planning for Valentine? It's hard for me to believe that a whole me, Vera Ezimora AKA Hopleless Romantic, I am not looking 4ward 2 Valentine. How can this be?! I dunno why or how oh, but I have absolutely no anticipation 4 Valentine; I am not looking forward to it, and I am not excited about it. In fact, the only reason why I even thought about it was because I was looking thru my day planner. I dunno if Boyfriend has anything planned; if he does, that would be great, but if not...oh well. But thank God sha that GH, my fiance has some Blogville plans 4 us... isn't that right, baby? But in my life away from Blogville, ain't nothing happening....to my knowledge anyway. Now if any of you were to buy me gifts (platinum/silver jewelry), of course, I won't refuse it.

Calabar Gal, I checked Eubury Press out; it seems they only publish non fiction? Abi was I just seeing things?

I have been away from Blogville for quite a while, and I feel like I have soooo much catching up 2 do, which I will get to soon as I publish this post. I have been keeping up with Diamond's bachelorette though. Interesting stuff. I didn't bother tryna figure out who the bachelors are, but I think I know who the bachelorette migiht be. I might be wrong sha, but then again, when am I ever wrong?

I've been having some issues with my Blog. When I wanna put up a new post, I don't have the option of changing my font, font size, font color, and page allignement. Is this an issue with Blogger, or is something just wrong with mine? If it's just mine, then how do I fix it, please? Azuka, where art thou?! Abeg help me cause not having color on my post is driving me bananas.

Alright, I'm out. I'll be back in a few. *KISSES*

Every Woman 5 Has Been Published

Sorry oh! I know I have been missing for a while. Well, being newly engaged comes with its own perks....especially when you're engaged to someone like Guy Horny. Let's just say he's been living up to his name - not that I'm complaining, of course.

GH has been absolutely wonderful! You know how you dream of your ideal man, and hope that you meet a man with some of the features you dream of? Well, GH comes with all the features, and then some! Oooh, am I lucky or what?

Anyways, I have published chapter five of Every Woman, and you can click HERE to read it.

I'll be back to update better tomorrow.

Forgive me, please.... but my baby calls!

Of Course...I Accept, Guy Horny

My Dearest One,

What started out as a mere joke has turned into something overwhelmingly delightful. I have always dreamt of having it all, but I never really thought I could have it all...until I met you, of course.

I cannot believe that YOU have asked ME to spend the rest of my life with you. The thought of going to bed in your arms and waking up to see your breathe-takingly handsome face is more than I have ever wanted. And this is only the beginning...

I have a lot more to say, but I will save that for my vows. However, lemme just mention that I am the luckiest woman alive to be given the honor to share her life, love, body, soul and spirit with a man of your caliber. Does it really get any better?

So yes, GH, I am accepting your proposal! With the kind of proposal you made, how can any girl in her right mind say no?

Click HERE to see the proposal.

Positively Blushing

It's official oh; right now, I am warm and flushed. My face has that sweaty glow, except that it's not from sweating. It's from blushing so much. Lemme stop beating around the bush abeg. Have you read UNBoorish Male's blog lately? After reading it, you'll understand why I feel the way I do right now.

As most of you know, TaureanMinx WAS (yes, I said WAS) my rival; she tried to come between me and Boorish Male, but she has learnt the hard way that she was wasting her time - the time she could have used to find herself a bobo to buy her at least one biro on Valentine's day. But anyways... here is the comment she left on Boorish Male's blog "Playeerrrrr. Vera don't mind this man oh, he was boorishly chasing me just yesterday! Ok I kid lol. But Mr Boor, you have broken my heart into tiny groundnut pieces. It has shattered and is in shambles. But we do not choose who we love, I understand that. Goodbye my love"

And here is Guy Horny's 1st comment on Boorish Male's post, "Boy you are cheap and outdated. You're more booring than your screen name.Just wait till tomoro to see what i have planned for Vera is. Then we shall know whose Princess VERAlin Ezimora, The Princess of Weirdshire, Blogville is.Back off! Now! If i were you I wont loose both ways, Tminx is on her way to Babaalaye so you better act fast"

Guy Horny's 2nd comment: "@everyone, Boorish must have paid some1 to write these lines. His real lines are those kai kai ones he gave Tminxs some weeks back"

Click HERE to read the whole story.

Last time I blogged about Baba Alaye and his crush, and I also put a comment up a comment that was posted by Baba Alaye's alleged crush. She left me a comment on my last post saying, "". I would have asked TMinx (our one & only go-to girl for Blogville gist) to investigate this issue, but I don't know if she will really be the best person to do the job. Anyways, nothing can be hidden under the sun abi?

Dilch left me a comment saying she heard I was (am) Baba Alaye's crush. Now which one of you little bugs have been spreading that rumor? Dilch, I am by no shape or form, Baba Alaye's crush. If I were Baba Alaye's crush, I would.... well, never mind what I would do.

However, TMinx, you should investigate what is going on between unNaked & Ms Zee. Apparently, I am not the only one who noticed it, but I guess the rest of you were too chicken to say it. But why now? I'm not after unNaked oh. In fact, I am still recovering from the shock that she is a HE. I dunno why I thought unNaked was female....but that was before I realized what was (still is) going on between him and Ms Zee. unNaked, no vex with me abeg.

Cherub left me this comment on my other blog, "By the way, i called u yesterday, and i'm still expecting u to call me back if not, i'd bombard ur phone till i hear ur sweet voice". The reason I'm bringing it up is that she never wants to admit her love for me, and when I say something about it, she'll say I'm dreaming. But as una don see, no be dream o!

Overwhelmed has confirmed that her avatar which has been called stones/sweets/jelly beans/pebbles/skittles are indeed pebbles.

As you all can see, I am naturally loved o! I have not even jazzed these people, and yet I am getting such love; it must be the cooking spray I spray on my hair each morning. Or could it be the akara oil I use to moisturize my body every morning? Hmmmmm

I'm out. Be back in a few.

This Is Totally Random

Here's what I have been thinking about lately.

Is anyone still tryna figure out who Baba Alaye's crush is? For a while, I couldn't figure it out, but then I looked @ his blog one more time, and it was sooooo easy to figure out. On his last post, someone left a comment with the name 'Baba Alaye's Crush'. Her comment was "I can't take it anymore. I think I have a crush on you Babaalaye (your blogville persona). But I don't know what to do about it. How do I proceed? I can't reveal my name publicly, I have a reputation to protect so please don't ask me to). " If indeed this was Baba Alaye's crush, then I wanna say... thanks for clarifying it (your feelings) up 4 us oh. But now that you have left this comment, are you still living in oblivion and thinking no1 knows? You might as well just post with ur real name jo! After all, na you be the first person 2 have a crush on a Blogger?... not that I'm saying I have or I do oh! *smile*

Am I the only one who has noticed there is some kinda hanky panky going on between Unnaked Soul & Ms Zee? Calm down, I am not tryna "snatch" Unnaked Soul. I just figured every1 should look in2 their mysterious relationship because all these warm emails they have been sending back and forth, e no dey ordinary o. Besides, no1 has sent me a warm email!

Life Of A Stranger Called Me has the weirdest link ever. I cannot even read it. I don't know what it's saying, or what it's supposed to say. And I definitely don't know what it means either. It even has two dashes (--) somewhere in between it, which makes it a lot harder 4 me 2 comprehend. LOL. It does not help that the title of the blog is almost the same as the link...xcept that the link has an extra 'n' ('manybe' instead of 'maybe'), so now I don't know which one is right....not that it will help me understand it anyway. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Overwhelmed's avatar has been causing confusion between me and my husband (Guy Horny)...and you know we are newly weds, so we don't need this wahala. He blogged about it some time ago, and he called them 'stones'. I thought they were jelly beans. Calabar Gal called them sweets, and Omohemi Benson called them pebbles. Oya Overwhelmed, come and explain yourself, please.

The Professor has been giving me the short end of the stick. I shoulda known things didn't quite add up when Ms Zee somehow started leaving comments on Professor's blog before me. This is the comment he left on Ms Zee's last post, "By the way, I've updated. You might want to run ahead and leave a comment before Vera gets there... ". Hmmm, somebody (AKA The Professor) is trying me o! You thought I wouldn't find out abi?

BHookey's blog has mysteriously disappeared. I could have sworn she had a blog there the last time I checked. In fact, I think there was a post with her picture sef....abi am I seeing things? Somehow, the thing has disappeared to wherever blogs disappear to.

Temmy Tayo has a bone 2 chew with Calabar Gal (even though she discretely said "Calabar GirlS). My wonder is if Calabar Gal knows anything about this. I think Calabar Gal is married to Temmy Tayo's ex. Yeap, that's my story and I am sticking to it. You might call me an instigator, but do I really care? Oya Calabar Gal, let the fight begin! On second thoughts, A Calabar Girl mighta caused wahala bw Temmy & Ex. Shebi all of una don read about Temmy & her ex. Does any1 know the tribe of the girl ex cheated with? Hmmmm. I be undercover CIA o!

Guy Horny, I have not forgotten about the favorite avatar post. I'll still do it. Right now, I have two favorites; I need to come up with the third. Has any1 else done the post about your 3 favorite avatars? Guy Horny wants us to do it, so y'll might wanna do it ASAP.


Have a lovely day; I'm off to do some writing...after I catch up on my blog rolls, of course.

*Confused* & *Overwhelmed*

Oh my, could I be turning into an amalgamation of OverwhelmedNaijaBabe & ConfusedNaijaGirl? Tufia kwa!

I didn't think this could ever happen, but I am officially confused....and overwhelmed. I have three wonderful husbands, and they all wanna be first. How I go fit do this thing?

Okay, lemme review.

First Husband: Bloke - AKA Mr. Dependable. He has been there for me since sha. Even when I didn't have any other husbands, he was there for me. He claimed me as his one and only (after I fought Overwhelmed, Cherub and so many others off). And he is very goal-oriented and career-minded. The problem is that he is hot and cold. Most times, he's just luke warm. I feel like I constantly have 2 say, "Bloke, am I still ur wife?" And did I mention all the disappearing acts he pulls? E don tey since I see my husband 4 house o! I suspect he's spending time with that Overwhelmed chic, but if I see a strand of his hair in her possession ehn, I will show two of them what hot water does to garri. I no send o!

Second Husband: UNBoorish Male - AKA Mr. Romantic. He has been soooo romantic. In short ehn, I could have sold my birth rite to him...just to hear him say something. He does all the lil things you want your husband to do. He buys me aunty Buky's evening akara (with hot bread and cold fanta o!), he buys me meatpie...with real meat inside, AND he even takes me to that nice smelling gutter....since we cannot afford the beach. So you see, he is just too romantic. The problem of course is that he has that T-Minx (the real kpom; 4get what she might tell u) chasing him up & down. But I guess I should not be worried sha. I mean, what does she have that I don't...apart from chicken pox... ?

Third Husband: Guy Horny - AKA Mr. ..err, do I really have 2 tell you? Everyone knows what he is best @ right? Ehn, the other day sef, he bought me a nice red ride. I love the car sha, and I have been cruising around town in it. Needless 2 say, people have been envying me like crazy. I think the car is designers o! I might be wrong, but I think there is a place I saw FUBU written on it....abi them no dey make car? The problem is that I dey fear 4 him. He's living up 2 his name too much, so I dunno wat 2 do. It's not like I could tell him 2 keep his weapon of mass destruction on the table b4 going 2 work. Or can I??

So what am I supposed 2 do? This thing just dey give me sleepless nights o.

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Guy Horny, I think you might like this site. Say Paris!

Next Stop: GUY HORNY

You know what they say: once you pop, you can't stop (all pun intended). Well, I have been popped, and now, I can't stop....

Wait lemme xplain, biko. As you all know, I love God's creations. I mean, isn't he seriously the best artist out there? ... Which is why I had 2 marry Bloke. We have been happily married, of course, but I recently realized polygamy isn't so bad... if I am the one wife with plenty husbands. So after I acquired Bloke, I put my plan in motion 2 "acquire" Boorish Male. Well, let's just say mission accomplished. Forget what TMinx might have told you. That girl is in serious denial; perhaps she needs a second dose of pox to straighten her out. Or maybe it's the first one that has messed with her brain chemistry.

So err.... Guy Horny, what's up now? Hehehehe.

Consider this my marriage proposal: *down on one knee* Guy Horny, ever since I met you, I have not been myself. I find myself doing things I usually wouldn't be doing. I bleached my skin...just to be yellow the way you like it. I take several showers each day... just to be wet for you. (Pun intended???). I tried wearing that mini skirt you bought me, but it was too tight for me, so I rubbed vaseline and groundnut oil all over my skin, and now I'm inside it. Of course, I dunno how I will get out of it, but I will figure it out later. I wear green eye shadow all the time because I know you like it on my eyes. Even when my eyes looked like they were glowing in the dark, that did not stop me. Last week, I wore that thong for you... even though I couldn't find it later; it must have mysteriously disappeared inside somewhere... I don't know where. Not to worry, I have scheduled an appointment with the doctor to find it. And at your request, I wore my birthday suit and handcuffed myself to the bed. Unfortunately, I forgot to call you and let you know, and I lost the keys. So even though I was handcuffed to the bed for a week in my birthday suit until the neighbours got worried and found me in my disturbing position, it did not change my luff 4 u.

So how about it, Guy Horny??


Bloke & Boorish Male, I hope you understand that this has NOT changed the way I feel about you both. You're still my first and second (respectively), and GUY HORNY has nothing on you.

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• Guy Horny just put up a post about avaters. Check it out HERE and he has also put up the third part of his fusions with Lindiwe HERE
• My good friend, Babasola got a blog in August of 2006, but just started posting today. Show him some love, please. Click HERE

Ahem...!

It has come to my attention that there is some serious hanky panky going on....right under my nose oh!

What is this I hear about Boorish Male & Taurean Minx?? It's 12:39AM here, and I am blogging, so y'll better take me seriously oh. If you love TMinx, you better warn her...for her own sake oh, that when I blink and open my eyes, she better not be eating akara and akamu with Boorish Male. Ah ah, wetin sef?!

This Blogville has just become a different neighbourhood. What is up with people stealing other people's errr ehm.... whatever!

TMinx: You need to report here and explain yourself with immediate effect because if I have to come down there myself, you will not like the result @ allll. Two of us will have to wear one pant, and I guarantee you will not like it. I have super-thigh power oh! If I put a block of cement between my thighs, I can crack it o! Ehen, don't say I didn't warn you.

Boorish Male: You too... Mr. Romantic. What do you think you're doing sef? Right under my small, fine, pointed nose, you're saying you'll give TMinx akara and akamu. Since when did that one start sef?? When was the last time you brought me kunu @ work ehn? When was the last time you bought me bread and fanta...ehn Mr Romantic?! Would it have killed you to stick one candle in the birthday moi moi you bought me? Oya, come & denounce TMinx before kata kata will burst here o.

Hmmm, I am boiling right now o! In fact, my blood is so hot, it has entered a different blood group. Right now, I am so angry, I can get a woman pregnant. No try me oh, TMinx! Because if you try me, na full blown belle you go wake up with tomorrow oh...and goodluck finding the 'father'.

Nonsense!

Ehen, Bloke, my love, don't mind them ehn. Let's go back inside. Don't mind these yeye people, you know Boorish Male has nothing on you. Let's go back inside, so I can finish waxing your back. But baby, this hair sha.....even if you be grizzly bear sef... haba! On second thoughts, we could sell it, so that hairless people like Calabar Gal can have some human hair on their head...or wherever they want it.


Click HERE to read my new article about Blogville.

I'm off to bed.

LOL

In case you have not figured it out, I cannot come up with a better title for this post, so here goes. I have a buncha things 2 talk about...and none of them would bring about world peace.

ONE DOWN, PLENTY MORE TO GO

These birthday gifts of mine are taking their sweet time coming to me. Busola gave me this pair of green shoes for my birthday. Perfecto! They're size 10 even though I wear 9. There was no size nine, and I refused to let a size come between me and this beauty. I'll stuff it with tissue if I have to! This second picture is my mom's feet in the shoes. She actually wears a size 8. I went under the dinning table and put her feet in them, then I took a picture. I doubt if she knows I took a picture...although it flashed. What I do know is that she definitely doesn't know what I'm doing with the picture....hehehehe. I eagerly await the rest of my gifts; I dunno why they're taking there sweet time coming. This should be illegal!

Overwhelmed, my nwunye di and stylish sista, what say you about these shoes?

HE'S IN MY MIND

Two days ago, I was washing dishes @ about 3am (don't ask why I was washing dishes @ 3am), and guess who I was thinking about? Yeap, Lindiwe! But I couldn't remember where I had heard the name from, or who the name belonged to. I just kept thinking of Lindiwe. Who the hell was Lindiwe?? At a point, I thought I mighta seen her in a movie or read about her in a novel. Finally, I got it! She was/is the girl Guy Horny has been writing about. Crap! He (Guy Horny) has invaded my privacy (AKA my mind). Why else would I be thinking about Lindiwe??? My people, do you think I can build a solid case against Guy Horny and sue him 2 court?

LEE

Lee called me yesterday, but unfortunately, I was not available. I just heard the message right now, where she was seriously begging me not to put her message on my blog. LOL. I wasn't gonna do that! Nawa 4 all you chickens sef. So because I put Busola's voice one time, una no go gree pesin rest again ehn? LOL. Anyways, don't worry, your voice is safe with me. However, you did not leave a call-back number, so how we go do am?

Funny thing is, you're not the first person to make this request. And I doubt you'll be the last too. You guys are just toooooo funny. LOL

AZUKA

I called Azuka back yesterday, and this time we talked for more than a minute! Abeg my blogging siblings, we need to do something about this Azuka's shyness o! He doesn't even like talking 2 girls...although he did relish the sound of my voice, lol.

Here's what I propose we do: we kidnap him and lock him up in a tight place with countless girls. They have to torture him until he talks to all of them. The best way to overcome a fear is to face it. Oh, and since Azuka does not like big breasted and big yanshed chics, make sure that the ones we lock him up with are HEAVILY ENDOWED... I mean, Front, Back, and Side. *I don't know what the side is, but make sure they have it!*

CONFUSED NAIJA GIRL

She left me a comment the other day saying that next year, bloggers would throw me a party in Blogville. Now, I really KNOW she is confused. LOL. I have been tryna understand/comprehend a party in Blogville. What's gonna happen? We're gonna be leaving comments simultaneously? Odikwa risky o! But I eagerly await said party anyways. More like an e-party, but I dey wait sha. Lemme start compiling all the gifts I want for 2008. And no, I do NOT want e-gifts!

CALABAR GAL IS CHEAP!!!

On my birthday, she said this prayer for me (and I quote): "that goodness and mercy make pursue and overtake you and that men and women that you know not of, fall over themselves to do you good!!!" Now guess what prayer she said for Bloke on his birthday? Yeap, the same one!

Calabar gal, how could you?! That was supposed to me mine, mine, mine!!! How could you give it away? I know Bloke is my husband et al, but that's my prayer!!! *sobs... sobs*. I will never forgive you for this indecency o! Why couldn't you say him another prayer? Now, half of the people that woulda been falling over themselves to do me good would go to Bloke. How could you?!

Alright, I think I have said all I came here to say today. Although I do kinda feel like I left something out. Oh well.

By the way, thanks for all the comments, emails, and phone calls concerning Every Woman (4). Thanks!!!

*KISSES*

Introducing...Little Vera!!!

This is what I used to look like. If it helps you put a face on me, I still kinda look the same...except much bigger, of course. A lotta people say I look the same, so who knows, with this you might be able to reccognize me....not that I'm really hiding my face.



Both pictures were taken in Russia. Did you notice my hot, convertible green ride? I was ridin' dirty o! I was a baaaad chic. I shoulda taken the picture with my sunglasses, so that you could see just how hott I was. Boys used to die for me ooooo..... I think.

My family said I still take pictures the same way...with my head bent to one side. Mmmm. I guess old habits really do die hard, huh? I still remember those clothes I was wearing. Now, I doubt if my thigh will go through them, lol. When you're a child, life is just perfect. Our house in Russia was small, but I never even knew. I'm pretty sure I felt like I was the richest chic around...but apparently not.

If you look at that picture of me on my car, you can see the bed by the right. Both my parents were students (in med school). I still don't know if I was a planned baby....or one of those oops-I-didn't-pull-out-on-time babies. But I still maintain that I am not/was not the result of a broken condom!

I've been promising to finish Every Woman (4), and @ last I am done. Thank God! I was supposed to write about Nia, but I was having writer's block, so I wrote about Offiong instead. Now that I'm done with Offiong, I think I know what to write about Nia, so stay tuned.

As usual, feedback is imperative, please. Tell me what you think, and give me some constructive criticism, so I can make it better next time. Leave comments or email me; I'll respond to all comments and/or emails. You can call too, but I do not guarantee to be available to talk. However, if you leave a call-back number, I will return your call. With that said, I have not forgotten that I owe Nilla, Azuka, and NaijaDude a call back. Pardon my procastination, please. It's in my blood. Ezimoras are famous for procastination.

Click HERE to read Every Woman - Chapter 4.

Thanks Y'll

p.s. I gotta go cook something special for Bloke. Tomorrow is his birthday. Happy Birthday in advance, dear. Let's not light all the candles this year, please. We wouldn't want the fire department in our house again, would we? LOL.

Samuel Is Dead!!!

It's been hard to believe, but Samuel is dead. Here is the video of his funeral which I personally performed. I have (more like had) two fish (fishes?). They're both small male betta fishes. Samuel was the smaller one, and Phillip (the bigger one) killed it - at least that's what I believe. Phillip has been hitting Samuel, and finally Samel gave up the ghost. Oh well. Guess it's time for another fish shopping.

I even wore all black to show him his last respect. Hmmmmm. I had on a pair of black pants, a black shirt, a black shirt, and black gloves. I even wore a very high heeled pair of black shoes. Twasn't funny, but hey, I did it. I am a strong gal o!

By the way, is anyone interested in seeing a picture of Little Vera?


London Buki called me and she's not feeling so well. So pray for her quick recovery please.

Samuel's Funeral

Thanks Y'll!!!

To everyone who resides in Blogville, I just wanna say SHAME!!! A big, fat shame to all of you. You were all too cheap to send me a gift. Everyone came up with excuses, and even the excuses sef were cheap. *shaking head in dismay* With that being said, I guess I should say thanks for calling and/or commenting....even though I woulda preferred the gifts o!

A highlight of my day...

Everyone is running late with my gift. Funmi already got me a turquoise purse. I like it BUT it's from Tommy Hilfiger, and we all know he does not like black people. I woulda managed it, but it has TH written boldly allll over it, so I wanna return it. What do you think? Oh, and lemme mention that she bought the purse because it matches HER shoes. That's another reason why I should return it. That's a picture of the bag sitting on my bed.

I stayed home all day....though I had to cook again cause mom and her people (AKA my relatives) ate too much of the food I cooked before. Anyways, Funmi convinced Boyfriend to have this Naija woman bake me a cake. Funmi ordered it, but believe me, even though it said, Happy Birthday Vera, that cake really wasn't mine. I mean, Funmi was sooo excited about the cake ehn. She made it pink because she likes pink.


I dunno why Funmi put my age on the cake o! Anyways, I told her to clean it off and take a picture, but then she made a smudge which made it look like 23. Oh well. Funmi tasted the cake before me sef...another sign that she only used my name as an excuse to get herself some cake. Pathetic friends I have right? I did not bother putting candles on the cake cause I was afraid that blowing out that many candles would set the alarm on the smoke detector off, lol.

Boyfriend took this picture of his food...I dunno why. Anyways, that's Funmi's leg there and those cell phones belong to me and Funmi. The left one is mine. Do you see the two grains of rice on the table next to the food (on the right hand side)? If you can't see it, click on the picture to see a bigger picture. You see it? So now, you can see how he's messing up my table!!!

Busola was planning on getting me a pair of pyjamas from Victoria's Secret. Why? Because it's cute. Now, have I ever given this chic the impression that I may be remotely interested in a pair of pyjamas? Why needs clothes to sleep? I wear my underwear and a t-shirt to bed, and that's just fyne! During the winter, I might add a pair of sweat pants and a sweater, but I don't do pyjamas. I don't even wear night gowns; they restrict my movement while sleeping. Thank God she hasn't gotten it yet sha. She has decided to get me a pair of shoes after all.

Ibukun brought me cheesecake today...although I am a little pissed that it has chocolate in it. I don't do chocolate. You'd think she'll know by now, abi? Yeye girl! Anywayz, I'm keeping it till Boyfriend gets here since he likes cheesecake too. Who wants a slice?

A few things I wanna say:

* If you call me and do not leave a message, I wouldn't know if I should call back or not. People called me from these area codes and did not leave messages: 416, 304, 620

* Biodun called me twice. The first time, I think she might have mistakenly said her real name, so she hung up and called back...then she said Biodun. Hehehe. If that's the case, your secret is safe with me sha...unless you piss me off. I called you back already and left a message; hope you got it. Thanks for calling!

* The Professor asked if I'm married. Well, it depends. In Blogville, I am married to NaijaBloke, but in real life, I have not tied the nut yet. Why do you ask? Do you wanna marry me? If that's the case, just know I am very open to polygamy...as long as it's a one woman + many men arrangement.

* Calabar Girl prayed that people do not fall over themselves in their quest to do me good. Now, why would she say a prayer like that?! Of course, I didn't say Amen to that. I want people to fall all over themselves for me. Why not, if not?

Lemme stop here. I don't wanna make this post too long. I assume y'll must have lives??

Night Y'll!! (I'm off to wash dishes.)

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

Alright, it is OFFICIALLY my birthday!! So oya, start sending me your birthday love....and by love, I mean GIFTS!!!

It's 1:14am here, and guess what I'm doing for my birthday right now? I'm frying fish and cooking red (jollof) rice. I already fried some chicken. After cooking, I'll clean the bathroom floor. I already cleaned the tub yesterday, so it's squeaky clean now. I have no plans for today, but I will be back (maybe tomorrow) to tell you how the day went.

Some people have already wished me a happy birthday on my previous post; Nilla even did it three times. That girl loves me too much. Sure, if you ask her, she'll say it was a mistake, but I know betta! My best friend, Busola was the first to wish me a happy birthday on my blog...I dunno what's feeling like!

Gotta run. My husband, Bloke is drawing a bath for us. He says he's tryna be romantic, but I think he's tryna wash off the smell of food from my body before we errr..... you know. Hmmmph, men!

Anywayz........ start sending me my gifts IMMEDIATELY!!!

Two More Dayz...

Okay, enough of the sour emotions. I'm back to counting my birthday down. I took the liberty of including more perfumes to the list of things I want. Let's see what they are, shall we?

TRESOR by LANCOME PARIS

I have wanted this perfume for ever!!! Wait, b4 you make any mistakes, I want the Eau de parfum spray NOT the Eau de toilette spray abeg. Don't make any mistakes o! Ehen. There's a picture of it here, and I just think it is such a romantic perfume. I might be wrong, but I know I'm right about is that I do want it! It retails for $79.50 @ Macy's.

ROMANCE by RALPH LAUREN

This is one that I have loved since Naija. It was love @ first sniff. I haven't used it since I came here though, but I never forgot about it. You never forget about a first (or second, or third, or fourth, or...) love, you know. The point is that you never forget about any perfume, period! It retails for $69.50 @ Macy's

DELICIOUS RED by DKNY

Please, pay attention to the "RED" because there is a Delicious by DKNY but the bottle is green. I like the red one better...don't ask me why cause I don't know either. It retails for $68 @ Macy's.

ARMANI CODE FOR WOMEN by ARMANI

Blogger won't lemme put the picture, but you can look @ it HERE. This perfume came out sometime last year, and that was when I fell for it. I don't know which one I like better between it and the Delicious RED but they are both very good perfumes though. Abeg, not that I'm saying there is any slow person here oh, but do pay attention to the "for women" part please because there is Armani Code which is just for men, although "For MEN" isn't part of the name like this one. It retails for $52.50 @ Macy's. Cheap, I know, but what can I say?

By the way, let me clarify something. I'd prefer having a gift set instead of just the perfume, but if the perfume is all you can afford, then I guess I can be understanding this year, but let it not happen in 2008 oh! One the 15th of January (a day after my wonderful birthday), I'm gonna start compiling my gift list for my birthday next year. Oh, I guess I have to compile Feb 14th gift list and jara gift list in March. Oh, and also those other just-because gifts. Hmmmmm! T'is the season to receive!

JABRA BT 250V

Last but not least, I like this bluetooth headset. I have been needing one for the longest time. So feel free to pick one up for me. I don't really care about the color, but just make sure it's a NEW one. It retails for $69.95 @ Best Buy






That will be all for now.

It's Been Four Years Already....

I'm taking a break from my birthday countdown to acknowledge someone very, very close to my heart.

It's been four years already, but it doesn't feel like it @ all. The only evidence I have that it's been that long is that I have grown older, and so has his son.

Four years ago (January 11th 2003), he passed away. We didn't see it coming; it just happened. It was three days before my birthday and I was home with Funmi and her sister, Seun. Funmi came by to give me my birthday gift (a brown Kenneth Cole purse); she gave it to me three days early...I don't remember why.

She left and the evening was pretty much the same until my Grandma called me and couldn't control her emotions on the phone. She was crying non stop. She said he passed out. How could he have just passed out? I thought my Grandma was just being overly dramatic and making things bigger than they were, but I panicked. I told her to calm down, but I was panicking inside. My mom was @ work; I called her and told her he had passed out, so she got off work immediately and came to pick me up at home.

We got there and my Grandma was still wailing. She was sitting on the sofa and crying. My aunt's friend was there with her one year old son, and tryna calm Mama down. I was already crying even though I didn't want to believe anything was actually wrong. Mama said he had been rushed to the hospital by the Emergency crew. Was it that serious?

Mom rushed off to the hospital. I kept crying and trying to console my Grandma. I told her not to worry; he was probably too stressed out. He probably didn't eat enough. He probably overworked himself. It was probably just fatigue. Whatever it was, it was going to be okay.

I carried Toby and tried to cheer him up. He was born on my birthday - Jan 14th. We were both supposed to be celebrating our birthday in three days time, and now, his father had passed out. Toby didn't even know what was going on. He didn't know Daddy had been rushed to the hospital. I called my mom countless times and kept asking, "How is Uncle?". Every time I asked, she said, "I'll call you back". We waited in suspense. The suspense was more agonizing than the thought of him passing out.

Finally, they came back. My aunt came in and had no emotion on her face. She looked like she wasn't even on earth with us. I watched as everyone walked into the house and I kept asking about Uncle but no1 was talking. My aunt sat on the sofa with her hands on her head. My Grandma was still wailing...but now even more. Finally, mom fell on the steps and said, "George has killed us."

He was dead. It was just that fast. He died of a heart attack. It happened while he was sleeping. But how could he have a heart attack? He was only 42. We didn't even know he had a heart problem. He hadn't seen his only child turn one. His wife (my aunt - mom's baby sister) was still in her thirties) There were so many things that were wrong. It just wasn't his time. Toby (his son) still didn't know what was going on. It had to be a mistake. But it wasn't.

There is sooooooo much more to write. His death was only the tip of the iceberg but I can't write all that right now. I'm getting too emotional. The wetness on my laptop would stand to testify this truth. Life is so unfair.

Toby turns five on Sunday. He asks about his father all the time. We tell him he's in Heaven, but he doesn't know what that means yet. He wants to know when he will come back. Uncle George, though not related to me by blood treated me like his own child. How come the good ones are always the first to go?

Help me pray that his soul rests in peace. Thanks.

Six More Dayz...

For those of you that are about three hours (or more) ahead of US, it should be five days more in your area. Just in case you didn't know, I'm telling you now that I intend to count the days to my birthday down.

So after a lot of very emotional battle, I finally decided to settle for other gifts for my birthday...although I would readily accept the ones I really want. Now, I know y'll are all hot and bothered about what I want, so lemme ease your pain and tell you what I want.

• A camcorder like one of the ones HERE
• A bottle (or complete gift set) of Euphoria by Calvin Klein (See picture HERE)
• A bottle (or complete gift set) of Provocative Woman by Elizabeth Arden. (See picture HERE)
• A pair (or pairs) of shoes in any color other black, white, brown or cream. Basically, I'll like colors like blue, green, yellow, pink, purple, etc. I wear a size 9 or 91/2. I don't want open-toe shoes, please; just want regular pumps like the ones HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE (I realize these are a lot of shoes, but understand now...)
• I guess jewelry would work too. I only do silver and platinum; of course, diamonds on the silver or platinum wouldn't hurt a bit. You know diamonds are forever, right?
• I'm a big fan of hand bags too. So something like this would be greatly appreciated. Click HERE HERE HERE HERE
• A gift card to Macy's won't be a bad idea...I guess.... as long as it has a substantial amount of money in it.

I know what you're thinking - "Vera, are you sure this is all you want?". Well, of course I want more, but who will give it (them) to me? I'm gonna keep hoping that Oprah replies one of my letters. I mean, is the mail system really that bad??

Finally, I couldn't resist updating you on some of the search words that have brought people to my site. Enjoy!

• what to do when eaten expired food (I hate to say this, but this is really the wrong place to look for that)
• searching for soul mate in Nigeria with big b (what is the big b? breasts? butt? what??)
• patience ozokwor death (I didn't hear she's dead oh.)
• free love spell of mother-in-law (is this to make the mother-in-law love you??)
• dating igbo men (Lemme know when you find out, please).

Alright, beautiful people...I'll have to stop here till next time. Remember, it's just six more days! Yay!!!

Night!

Random Talk

I'M A BLOGGER WINNER!!!

Yes o! See me, I didn't even vote, but I still won the catetogy of "Blogger I'd Most Like To Meet". I feel sooooo special! Well, I guess it's because I am. LOL. I'm honestly tempted to give a speech, but I'll save you the heartache.

So now that I know I am the blogger most people wanna meet, I guess the question is...when, where, and ARE YOU PAYING?

Needless to say, I am really thankful to everyone who voted for me, and for those who voted for other people, forget you then! Hehehe.











SEARCH WORDS FOR MY BLOG

My one and only...AKA Azuka helped me install this analytics thing on my blog. In my words, I'd describe it as a very detailed site meter. Shey una understand?

Anyways, I am able to see what people searched for that brought them to my blog, and I have to say, I have found some very funny things. Here's a few:

• why do men like bitches?
• sweet things to do for a fiance
• tongolo meaning
• allergies to "always pads"

But the top three FUNNIEST ones are

• how can you take a bra off without taking your top off? (I'm believing this is a guy asking this question because I think every girl knows).
• na by force to marry? (someone has been under pressure 2 get married, LOL)
• my balls stink and my girlfriend doesn't like it (she doesn't? I wonder why!)

Needless to say, I dunno why these searches have brought people to my site. I'm very much contented with the "Verastic" and "Vera Ezimora" searches. But stinky balls??? Errr, no! I need to have a meeting with these search engines, for real. Someone get me google's number.

LADIES, DID YOU KNOW THIS??

So, I was reading a book (the one you'll soon be reading about), and in the book, a girl was trying to determine if this new guy she just met might be working with a lot or not. Of course, y'll know about the shoe size thing, right? Well, that's not what this is about.

She was looking to make sure that his second toe was longer than his big toe. Apparently, that's a sign. Well, I didn't know that! Anyways, as soon as I read that, I proceded to check out my own toes, and while I was checking, I was hoping my own second toe was bigger than my big toe. Then it hit me - why am I checking? This thing doesn't apply to me!

If you care for the results, I'll tell you. The second toe of my left foot is a little bit longer (almost unnoticeable) than my big toe. But on my right foot, the big toe is clearly longer than my second toe. So what does this mean - that I have a big what??

LOVE IS NEVER PAINLESS

I went to the library the other day to return some books, and I found myself picking some books to read. I picked this book because I saw Zane's name on it; as you can see, her name is boldly written on it (so I didn't even notice the other names written on the bottom of the book).

Anyways, the book has three novellas in it (Zane's own is the last). I gave the first novella a shot, but it was taking too long to get to the interesting part, so I quit. I skipped to the last novella by Zane, and I loved it. After that, I read the second novella, which was also good.

Anyway, the point is that I'd recommend two-thirds of this book to anyone. I don't know how logical it shounds to recommend two-thirds of a book, but if you've been keeping up with my blog, you'd know I'm not very logical.






I apologize for this post being long; it wasn't my intention. I just had a buncha things 2 say.

Good night, my beautiful people.

Eleven Dayz More....

First of all, lemme say Happy New Year!!! This is my first post for 2007, and all I can say is, "WOW!". We are actually in 2007. But I doubt that every1 is already in 2007 because on the 31st of December 2006, my grandma was making a toast for 2007, and she thanked God for a great 1996 and hoped for an even better 1997. LOL. That is soooooo ten years ago! (Yes, I know I sound White, but who cares?)

This is an expensive period for any1 who is romantically interested in or involved with me. Ask them for details.

December: Xmas gift for Vera
January: Birthday gift for Vera
February: Valentine gift for Vera
March: Jara gift for Vera

Hehehehehehehe

So my birthday is eleven days away. On the 14th of January 2007, I will be officially old. Woah!!! Funny enough, I don't know what I want for my birthday....which is sooo unlike me. Am I growing out of gifts? Gosh, I hope not! That's the last thing I wanna grow out of.

My friends have asked me what I want 4 my birthday, but I don't know. Every year I ask for shoes and purses and perfumes, etc, but this year, I dunno know what I want. I mean, I could always ask for shoes and purses, but I just feel like they'll be too cheap, you know. I can't ask for a laptop and/or a camera because I already have those, so what do I ask for then?? And I don't want jewelry either because the only person who will buy me expensive jewelry is Boyfriend and I'm saving that request for Valentine's Day.

Of course, for my birthday, I could always ask for those other gifts I've always wanted 2 ask for. I'm talking about simple INEXPENSIVE things like...

• That cheap house on Belair Road that costs less than $500, 000.00 (five hundred thousand dollars)
• A 2008 Range Rover (WARNING: I SAID 2008 NOT 2007! Since we're already in 2007, I need something newer....you know?)
• I guess I could manage a $10, 000 (ten thousand dollars) VISA debit card to update my wardrobe.
• Two healthy German Shepherd dogs (male & female) to go with the new house. And of course, a lifetime supply of dog food and health insurance 4 the dogs.
• Perhaps, a one month paid vaccation to Russia wouldn't hurt either.
• A private yacht? Errr, maybe. I guess I could manage it...even though I don't really care for it.
• Someone to sponsor my $250, 000.00 (two hundred & fifty thousand dollars) wedding; that includes the rings, and traditional marriage, so don't get alarmed. Cheap right? I know.

But who will give me these things? Hmmmm, I need to write Oprah again. Perhaps, she didn't get my other 317 letters. Well, they probably got lost in the mail anyway....you know how it is!

Since I only have common people in my life (hehehehe), I guess I could settle for the Euphoria (Calvin Klein) gift set I've been eyeing @ Macy's. It retails for only $299. When I say 'settle', I don't mean they (my friends) shuld all put their money together 2 buy it for me o! I mean ONE person should buy it for me. The rest can buy me other stuff.

Busola said she already knows what she'll give me, but she won't tell me. Either way, I know that girl won't be buying me any of the things mentioned above - that cheap girl. I seriously need to stop associating with poor, common folks. Hehehehe.

So...does any1 have any bright ideas about what I should ask for? Help please!

Goodbye 2006.....Welcome 2007!

I was going to do that survey thingy that has been running thru several blogs recently, but I feel like it might be too scripted and/or rigid, so I'm just gonna write whatever.

2006 has been one heck of a year. It came so fast, and it's leaving even faster. There are many things I thought/hoped I would accomplish in 2006 that I didn't, but on the other hand, there were a few unexpected miracles here and there.

I believe I have grown and matured a little more over this year. I've always been a patient person, but now, I am learning to be even more patient and give people room for mistakes because I know they will make them - just like I do (and will continue to do).

I have learnt (though not completely) how to deal with an issue without detaching myself emotionally in order not to get hurt by it anymore. I bring this up because this year (about May or June), Boyfriend and I almost broke up. In fact, I broke up for a minute, but Boyfriend wouldn't let me - funny, I know. He did some things, I did some things, and I just couldn't handle them. The situation between us got really bad, so I dealt with it the only way I knew how - I completely detached myself emotionally, so I became untouchable. Or maybe UNHURTABLE. But that's not human, so of course, that phase did not last - Thank God.

So now, I am learning the meaning of marriage (No, I am neither married nor engaged). I just want to learn to be patient with Boyfriend and every other person in general. Needless to say, I know I am also a lotta work to deal with. Alright, enough about him.

I had some issues with school this year. It was (still is) very frustrating, but I know I already did my part, so all I can do now is wait on the Lord to do his part. I know He did not bring me this far to leave me. Busola wonders how come I am so relaxed about the situation, and I told her it's because there is nothing I can do about it, so what's the point of stressing anyway? I am learning not to waste my time worrying about things I cannot change.

I feel like I just celebrated my birthday, and now all of a sudden, I have to do it all over again - except this time, I will be one year older. Some issues are becoming very real to me, and they scare the crap outta me. Busola is engaged...which means that by His Grace, I might be too sometime soon. Even though we (Busola & I) have always fantasized about marriage and motherhood, I am actually very scared.

Being married and having kids are both unchangeable situations. I do not believe in divorce, so that's not an option. However, people still get divorced. But what happens if I suddenly don't feel like being a mother anymore? Where do I return the baby? I am not aware of any return policies on babies, and I doubt if there is any "try it free for 90 days, and if you don't like it, send it back to us @ no cost to you" policies either. Well, let me not worry too much about babies and/or marriage. When I get to that bridge, I will cross it.

My writing is my baby thus far. I believe I have improved tremendously on my writing. A lot of my readers have testified to it too, and I am really, really happy about that. I am very grateful to God for giving me this gift. I did not learn to write per se; I just write. I've been writing stories since I was about five, but at that time, I did not know how much I loved writing. I just thought it was a hobby, but now I know it's much more than that, and for this gift, I am eternally grateful to God.

For 2007, I have dreams. BIG DREAMS! Of course, I don't know how this year will go, but I am very optimistic about the future. I am always optimistic. I always have faith in God to do the best for my life. If the names people bear affect their personality, then I can say that my name Vera affects my personality. Vera is a Russian name, and it means 'faithful'. Therefore, I am!

I don't think I have ever been this honest on my blog before...without joking, and you better not get used to it. I am not a serious person. I discuss serious issues, but I would rather not be too serious about them; seriousness takes the fun out of them. A joke here and there always makes me feel better.

Finally, I just wanna say thanks to everyone who has been keeping up with me. I'm talking about the bloggers, readers, anonymous readers that have left & continue to leave comments...thank you all! I have gotten to know a lot of bloggers (on the Blogville level, of course), and it is pretty interesting the things I have in common with you all. I have also spoken with a few, and they have been great pleasures to speak to. Thanks for calling!

I wish you all a very prosperous New Year!

I'll see y'll next year!

By the way, my birthday is on the 14th of January. I share this day with my four year old sweetheart (who will be turning five), a cousin in the army (stationed in Germany), and three other friends. Funny, huh?

*Hugs & Kisses*

A Very Merry Christmas!!

Sooohow was your Christmas? Nice? Fun? Okay? Boring? Painful? Merry? I think I would say mine was merry. I actually did not do anything special, but somehow I had a blast. I usually get all depressed during times like Christmas because I always have such great expectations for it, and then when the day comes, absolutely nothing happens.

I was so merry that I decided to play with my camera and take more pictures of my eye...cause you know how the world is in need of more pictures of Vera's eye. And these pictures are here to prove that my eye comes in different shades...not just green! And let no1 say anything about the size of my eye!!

This year was good sha. I expected absolutely nothing to happen; in fact, all I was looking forward to was sleep. I was really sleepy because in the past few days I have not had enough sleep (don't ask why). Remember Frank (Busola's fiance) had a get-together on Saturday? Well, it went great! What was supposed to be a small get-together turned out to be a dancing party because Frank's best friend decided to hijack the party, and so he invited the whole of Maryland. Either way, it was great! I took all the pictures as usual.

Here's one of Frank and Busola. They look great, don't they? Yeah, yeah, I have a thing for beautiful people. *Busola, don't let this get to your head please - you're not that fine!*

Do not be fooled by the size of Busola's breasts - they are not that big (not that they even look big now). She's wearing a VERY padded strapless bra. Who does she think she's fooling? I know what lies beneath!! I have seen them many, many times, and I know their vital statistics (*cough*). She may fool the bloggers who don't know her, but I refuse to be fooled! No amount of pads and/or gels can fool me. I know her stuff like the back of my hands. Should I have admitted that?





OUR TV DEBUT

On Christmas day, we (I, mom, aunt, and grandma) went to the Basilica in Baltimore, which is the oldest catholic cathedral in America. It was recently renovated, so we decided to check it out. Whilst inside the church, this Asian lady kept taking pictures, and she came to me and took a few shots of me while I was kneeling down & praying (like the good gal that I am). After taking the shots, she asked for my name (which I gave her), and then she told me she was a photo journalist. Apparently, she works for a newspaper here in Baltimore.

After the service, my grandma and I walked out of the church...only to be stopped by a news crew for an interview. They asked us how we felt about Christmas inside the church and all that, and we said it was great...of course. So last night, I saw myself (and my grandma) on the news. Hmmmm. I was smiling too much for comfort.

But you know the funniest part of this TV DEBUT (for lack of a better word), my mom came out of the church before us, and she was walking really fast to make sure that her SUV had not been towed (cause we parked in a NO PARKING zone; parking downtown is a hassle). She was wearing a traditional lace gown, which was soooo beautiful. She had on a nice, big gele (scarf) and some nice pointy-toed shoes. In all her beauty and majesty, she almost tripped on her dress when she came out of the church, and guess what? Yeap, the had it on TV!! Can you believe that crap! Now, I can only imagine what celebrities feel like; I mean, the darn paparazzi are alwayz there. How wrong is that?! When I saw my mom almost trip, I couldn't stop laughing. It was a sight to behold. The one time she gets to be on TV, she had to go and almost fall down. LOL. Ain't that something???

On saturday (the 23rd) my camera started acting funny. The memory card wouldn't lock in, so I took it right back to the store and got a new camera. Now, I have a Kodak camera, and I actually like this one better than the Samsung I just returned. I'm yet to meet anyone who has used so many digital cameras in such a short period. The good thing is that I gat some change back - $60. Can you believe the Samsung we bought in October has now gone down by $80??? How crazy is that?? The new camera cost $60 less than the original price of the Samsung, but if I had decided to get the Samsung again, I woulda gotten $80 back.

Anyways, so the pictures I took of my eye in my merry state were taken with the new camera. And lemme just say that whoever makes fun of the size of my eye will have pepper stuffed down his/her you-know-what.

So now I have a new philosophy for being satisfied (and merry, of course): NO EXPECTATIONS, NO DISAPPOINTMENTS. Trust me, it works for everything. And I do mean everything.

So how merry was your Christmas?

...And So He Called...

Who is the he? Hmmm, he is none other that Boorish Male o. Unfortunately, I wasn't available at the time he called, so he left me a message. When I heard the message, I fell instantly in love. You shoulda heard his voice. Of course, I could always put the message on here for all to hear, but why would I wanna share my message with all you husband-snatching bloggers? (Overwhelmed and Bojouxoxo take note).

I dunno why I miss important calls like that of Boorish Male and somehow be available for yeye calls from yeye people (Bijouxoxo, take note). While I realize that openly confessing my attraction for Boorish Male's voice might be tantamount to me getting some mad beatings from his girlfriend/fiancee/wife (if he has one) and thereby resulting in the tarnishing of my very clean image (*cough*), somehow I just don't care.

Funmi came 2 my house last night, and I played the message for her. We both fell on the couch with our eyes closed. Funmi said, "Oh my God, his voice is soooo hotttt!! And he even wished you a merry Christmas." Yes indeed, he did. We played that message more than twenty times - yes, his voice was that sexxxy. Every time the message got to the end, Funmi said, "Play it again!"

In fact, I love the voice so much that I even considered printing it out and putting it under my pillow, but then I realized I couldn't print out his voice. So now I'm thinking about burning it on a cd, so I can put it on repeat while I sleep. Maybe then, he will even come into my dream and whisper sweet nothings in2 my ear. Hehehehehe. Boy oh boy!!!

Boorish Male, sorry if I am putting you on the spot oh, but you know I just had to acknowledge the fact that I have a sexxxy voice on my voicemail.

Oh, errr, Bloke you know I still love you. Yea, Boorish Male may be tryna tempt me with his rather sexxxy voice, but I still love you. You know that right?? *kisses*

Tomorrow, I'll be in Frank's (Busola's fiancee) house for his birthday get together. We're gonna be playing games like Cherades, Twister, Monopoly, and Jackpot. It's not a dancing party (thank God), so I'm gonna dressed casually and comfortably. I intend to kick some mad ass @ the games, and if possible, take loadza pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Until next time.... Have a Blessed day and Merry Christmas!!!

I'm Bringing Blogging Back...

*singing* them other bloggers don't know how to blog...*

Alright, I just had to get that song off my chest. You know, ever since I was born, I have always known that I've got at least one song in my heart, and finally, it is out!!!

I wasn't gonna mention this, but since Bijouxoxo has made it obvious that she doesn't understand why I talk about it, I will talk about it then. Miss Flo (AKA my period) just came into town yesterday. There I was listening to my baby cousin as he sang with the rest of his pre-K friends at their carrol, and then I started feeling a lil weird. That was when it occured to me that I may be experiencing a CODE RED...literally! So off to the bathroom I went to resusitate my dignity, and lo and behold, Ms. was only about a centimeter away from causing havoc. Is that graphic enough, or do you need more details? Hehehehe. Bijouxoxo, how you like me now???

YES, IT IS HUMAN

In fact, to be more precise, it is Uju. Remember I said I had to take her tracks off the other day? Well, after that, we were watching a Naija movie, and she was feeling cold...possibly because I didn't turn the heat on; I don't like feeling so warm...I'd rather be cold, but anyways... She was feeling cold, but she was too lazy to go get the blanket from the closet, and I wouldn't let her pull the blanket off my bed cause I hate it! I'd have to make the bed over to make the blanket look neat and all.

Anyways, she decided to cover herself self with newspapers (her head is on the left; if you look real well, you'll see part of her head). It's on days like this one that I begin to question my sanity for being involved with people that are evidently insane. I think their craziness is rubbing off on me because I was very normal before I met them. By the way, she does not know I took this picture of her, but I'm pretty sure she would find out soon.

THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT??

I'll tell ya! Yesterday, I was @ my aunt's house and her friend was called my aunt to ask her for a gift idea for her five year old son's teacher. My aunt couldn't think of anything good, so her friend got off the phone. Few minutes later, she called back and said she had figured it out. She would give her son's teacher a deodorant. A deodorant?! One single stick?! Who on earth does that? I could not stop laughing. I told her to prepare to get beaten up after having a series of flat tires. LOL. If she was thinking about giving him a gift set containing a deodorant and after-shave and all that good smelling stuff I like smelling on Bloke (wink* wink*), it would be better, but a single stick??? Errrrr...I think not!

ON THE NEWS

A five year old boy in kindergaten has been suspended from school. Why??? You'd never guess, trust me. Alright, fine, try to guess. Nope....! Nope...! Not that either. Okay, I'll tell ya. He was suspended for sexual harrassment. Apparently, he pinched his class mate on her butt. Errr, am I the only one who thinks Americans have gone berseck with all these their sexual rubbish? I mean, does every lil thing have to be sexual? How on earth does a five year old sexually harrass someone?

Anyways, they showed the statistics of sexually related suspensions among kindergaten students (crazy right?), and apparently, last year, there were 4 suspensions for sexual assault. This troubles me. What exactly do they mean by sexual assault - rape??? My God, I fear for the future of my children. What the heck is this world turning to? I dunno if this statistics if onlt for Maryland or the whole of U.S., but either way it's troubling. When did kindergaten kids stop getting in trouble for not sharing and start getting in trouble for sexually related crimes? Odikwa risky o!!!

Well, lemme stop here for today. I have more to write actually, but I don't wanna write too much. Bloke is calling me already. Nite y'll!!!

I gotta go put some make-up on my face and go 2 bed. Now, b4 you go running off and spreading the false truth that I am crazy, lemme explain. I don't just put make-up on before going to bed, but i got a buncha new MaryKay make-up from my aunt yesterday, so I wanna do some practice make-up b4 going 2 bed. I'm not gonna wash it off because I don't like washing make-up off as soon as I put it on. Hmmmm...on second thoughts, perhaps, I should just practice tomorrow after taking a shower. Did you know make-up is the only form of art I know? Now you do.

Once again....good nite. Sweet dreams....of me...

Lazzzzzzzy

OK - I guess I can only ignore all the "update Vera!" for so long. All these small small people that have been disturbing my me time ehn....I'm not calling any names, so if you say it's London Buki, Biodun, Overwhelmed, ChainReaders, etc, well, you might be right, but I won't mention names.

Sooooooo.....I have been reallly, reallly lazy to do anything lately. I have neither updated my blog nor read any other blog. I haven't even written anything lately. Why? Because I have so much to read and so much to write, and so I have just chickened out and decided to do neither. Of course, one might argue that this isn't a very fruitful way of dealing with wahala, but that's the only way that I know.

Busola is having a get together for her fiance, Frank on the 23rd of this month (which is on saturday). If anyone lives in or has been to Maryland, then you would know that Maryland has a lotta Nigerians....and half of them are not worth knowing. Do I need to mention that I am the ring leader of the other half that are absolutely worth knowing? Anywho...there has been a whole lotta drama surrounding the whole issue of Frank's get-together. Let's just say that some people don't know how to take a hint. I mean, if you didn't receive an invitation, it only means one thing....YOU'RE NOT INVITED!!! Of course, you'd think that the fact that the host of the party (Busola) doesn't like/talk to them would give them a clue.... but nope..... some people just don't get it.

So what are y'll doing for Christmas? I don't have any plans at all. I'll probably be sleeping on that day sef. I'm not gonna lie to you...typing this post right now is a real drag! Can you tell? I can't even remember the time I started typing this post, but right now it's 12:13am and I am still not done. Mehn.......

Uju is on her way here for me to take the tracks off her hair. I dunno why I always have to be responsible for that girl's hair. Oh well!

Mehn, I'm sorry, but I cannot pretend anymore. I wanna keep typing, but it isn't flowing @ all, and I don't wanna just give you a buncha crap to read. I wanna also lie and say that I am working on chapter 4, but you'll know I'm lying since I already said I have not done any kinda writing in a while. Abeg, don't be mad @ me jare.

In my defense, I am really pissed off right now. I could change things, but what is it gonna cost me?

Nite Y'll

p.s. Kokoro ewa called me today, and you will not believe the nerve of that crazy girl! She had the balls to tell me to leave her man, Bloke. Can you believe her insanity?! And to add insult to injury sef, she said I sound 'nice'....err, what was she expecting? Any1 that knows that crazy fart-smeller should go and warn her o...because if I vex ehn...!!!

another p.s. I don't feel like proof-reading, so deal with the typographical errors (if any).

The Silly Things We Do (2)

A while ago, I put up the post of The Silly Things We Do (1). Now, I'm gonna write the second edition bout my daddy. Abeg share this laugh with me.

My father is a medical doctor, and his clinic is right across our house in Plateau State. He has a storage room in the house that is filled with medication et al. My father is never in a hurry to do anything...just like me. He'd wake up in the morning and start watching makosa music videos instead of going to work; a lot of times, his workers would have to call him and tell him that he has patients waiting 4 him.

On this day, my dad was taking his sweet time as usual, and then one of his patients decided to come to our house herself to tell my dad that she had been waiting 4 him. When she came, my dad was taking a shower, so she decided to wait in the living room. That day, it was only my dad, my cousin, and I that were home.

The woman decided to use the bathroom (not the one dad was taking a shower in). She did the number two, and it was stinking!!! She flushed the toilet, but damn!!! When dad came out of his bedroom, I told him that the woman was waiting 4 him in the living room. He went into the storage room to get some medication(s) or something like that, but he had to go past the bathroom that the woman used. So when he was passing, he was all like, "Hmmph! These children (me and my cousin), what did you people eat? This place stinks! We have a visitor, and you couldn't even have the decency of flushing the toilet after you. Hmmph!"

The man was all fanning his nose every time he had to pass that bathroom. He said it over and over that me and my cousin were nasty, etc, and we should stop eating junk. The man even had the nervesto go and apologise to the woman for the foul odor in the house. The woman didn't say anything back. What was she supposed to say - 'sorry, Doctor, it was me'? LOL

My cousin and I didn't even bother telling him it wasn't us that did it. We just let him run his mouth and stick his foot deeper down his throat. When he was done attempting to embarass me and my cousin, we finally decided to tell him. He was so shocked! And ashamed, of course, but I doubt if his shame was half as much as that woman's own. That's what she gets for shitting in the Doctor's house, LOL. She shoulda held her shit in the clinic, but she just had to come and stink up the house. LOL.

Boy oh boy...the good ol' days! I wouldn't mind a repeat of that event at all...as long as I'm not the person who polluted the house. But seriously, the foul odor of that woman's shit was lethal. It was literally lethal gas; in fact, I am surprised we didn't have to evacuate the house until further notice. Yeap, it was that bad.

Until later sha. Have a wonderful day!

Thanks Y'll!!!

Haven't been to/on Blogville in a while. Since I published the third chapter of Every Woman, I have been tryna respond to emails and all that sort. Anyways, I just wanna thanks to everyone that read Every Woman and commented on it, wrote to me, and/or called. I really appreciate it. Okay lemme stop being all mushy...it's unnatural.

Someone called from U.K and left me a message on my voicemail. I couldn't call back because there was no call-back number. So my dear U.K. caller, abeg, call me back...or better yet, send me an e-mail. I tend to respond to e-mails a lot faster.

NaijaDude was sweet enuff to call me the other day too (I think that was on Thursday). The funny thing about the situation is that I was watching a Naija movie with my mom, and I picked the call on speaker phone, so my mother could hear him. At that time, I didn't even know it was NaijaDude, and then next thing my mom and I were hearing some dude saying, "Vera, I have a crush on you. I love you, Vera, and I want to take you to the moon." I was laughing so hard, and so was my mom. I was thinking, "who is this psycho now?" LOL. And my mom was probably thinking, "nawa for children of nowadays...".

Anyways, when he finally told me it was him, we had a blast talking. Right NaijaDude??? Thanks for calling sha, and trust me, I will be calling you one of these days. Be prepared to be very surprised. I have 2 say that I am really sorry that you personally know that crazy chic, Overwhelmed. It must be really tough being you!

Another call I feel I should mention is one from a girl/lady. She was calling to say she loved my story. Maybe I didn't hear her well, or maybe I misunderstood what she said, but I think she said she didn't want to send me an email cause she didn't want her cover to be blown...as in she was an anonymous caller. I repear, I may have misunderstood, but I think that's what she said. Needless to say, I am still very thankful for that call...and all others, of course.

Abeg, just in case any1 calls me and I do not pick up, please do leave a message and a call-back number, okay? I have to say that I am not good at returning phone calls promptly...unless the person needs emergency medical assistance. Hehehehehe. Anyways, my point is that if you need a quick response, e-mail might be faster for you...if I don't pick up your call, of course.

As for now, I gats to go get my beauty sleep. NaijaBloke is already in bed waiting for me...and I wouldn't wanna keep him waiting. He doesn't quite like waiting.

Night Y'll!!!

Every Woman - Chapter 3 Has Been Published

I bet you thought this day will never come to pass, huh? Well, you thought wrong! Funmi, Busola, and Ibukun (especially Busola) have been on my neck about publishing the third chapter, so here it is.

Busola has called me like everyday to disturb me about the third chapter. She won't even say 'how are you, Vera?', or 'Have you eaten today, Vera?' Intead, the 1st thing she'd say is, "Have you finished chapter 3?!" Haba!

Anyways, as always, I'd absolutely love to get some feed back. Leave comments PLEASE! E-mail me if you wanna - verastic@yahoo.com and/or call too if you wanna 443-834-7374.

Click HERE to read it.

Thanks y'll!!!

What Does This Look Like???

What in Heaven's name does this thing look like? I cannot understand why this thing is hanging on the wall in my living room. My mother put it up there, and I do not know what this is supposed to be. She thinks it's decoration, but I think it's nasty! This thing looks like 2 balls hanging on the wall. Yes, I mean, a man's balls. C'mon, look @ it well. Why the hell is it on the wall? What is so decorative about this thing?

One time I caught Boyfriend staring @ it, and when he saw me looking at him, we both burst out laughing. Then he asked, "what is this supposed to be?" Shoot, beats me! I don't know what the makers had in mind when they made it, and I don't know where it is supposed to be kept, but I know I don't like it. I don't like the shape it takes, and I don't like the image it brings to my head. What if some oyibo person enters my house and starts thinking I'm a pervert for hanging balls on the wall?

I honestly don't understand my mother. She got this thing from the dollar store, but I don't know why she got it. I think she just got it because of the price and nothing else. Or could she actually be attracted to these balls? Even if they do not have the disturbing shape that they do, I still would't take them for free. Yet, my mother paid one dollar for these masculine balls.

Am I missing something here?

BORAT

Soooo I finally saw this movie. Twas really funny. If you're the type who does not enjoy racial or crude jokes, then perhaps, this movie isn't for you.

Borat is from Khazakistan (4give my spelling if it's wrong), and his government sent him 2 USA to learn the culture. It's one heck of a ride! But you know what is even funnier (in a disturbing way)? The people in this movie weren't even acting!...that is, with the exception of the people that made the movie. If you're confused by what I am saying, then sorry, but I dunno how else to explain it.

You shoulda seen when Borat met a black man. Apparently he had never met a black person before. He described the black man as being "naturally chocolate, without make-up". LOL. I couldn't stop laughing when I heard that. And it may interest you to know that in the entire Khazakistan, Borat's sister is the 4th best prostitute...and she has a trophy to show for it. Well, ain't that something?!





IS THIS WEIRD?

Yesterday, I ordered a box of pizza. I ate two slices, then I cut off all the crusts from the remaining slices. I put each crust in a lil ziplock bag (for convenience) and put it in the freezer. I threw the actual pizza away. So now, I have been snacking on the crusts. Whenever I feel like eating one, I just bring out a bag, throw it in the microwave for a few seconds...and voila!!! My snack is ready. I ought to order pizza more often. Too bad I can't order only the crusts. Needless to say, I really only ordered the pizza because I was craving the crusts. Mmmmm, yummy!!!

EVERY WOMAN - CHAPTER 3

I know I have been talking about it forever, but the 3rd chapter of Every Woman really is almost done. By His Grace, I shuld be putting it up tomorrow. Bear with me, please.

Okay, I guess that's it for now. I'm off to bed. Gotta wake up early to curl-iron my hair. I just washed it today, so I'm kinda looking like Tina Turner. Oh, and I've been putting my hair under my nose and sniffing it. Smells sweet!!! Am I crazy?

Nite Y'll!