What To Do.... What To Do....???

The other day I was watching a new Ghanaian movie, The Perfect Picture (you know I'm current with these things. Oh, you didn't know?). Anyway, it's a really nice movie, beautifully done. It doesn't have twists and turns. I expected it would end the way it did. But that's not the point of this post.

You know how love making scenes in Nigerian movies make you wanna puke and remain celebate, right? Don't tell me I'm the only one they have that effect on. This movie, however, was different. The love making scene was really nice. It didn't have them sweating profusely under a thick, ugly, multi-colored blanket and grunting like they were trying to force out a slice of shit that was double the size of their anus. Too graphic?

Instead, it looked like they were making love AND loving it. In fact, it didn't even look like one or both partners were being punished through sex. It didn't look like the man was trying to jam his penis and his entire body into the woman's little orifice. Ah, that must be what making love looks and sounds like.

Oh, get this. They even did it in more than one position. Yes! This movie had Africans procreating in a position that did not involve the man lifting and throwing his entire weight on the woman. They like to refer to this as missionary. It's not the position that I have qualms with. It's the way the Nigerian/African movies usually do it. Makes my eyes hurt.

Funny enough, that is still not the gist of this post. The gist is that I was watching the movie with my mother. So what exactly was I supposed to do when the love making scene came on? Watch it with mom? Eww. Concentrate on my laptop and pretend I didn't know what was on TV? Yawn, stretch, and pretend to be sleepy? Say 'Eww' and forward that scene (only to come back and watch it when Mom is not around)? I even thought about prentending not to know what they were doing.

[INSERT SERIOUS IGBO ACCENT] Mommy, why are Uncle and Aunty naked and looking dazed? Sex????? Mommy, what is this sex that you speak of, and why are they doing it? To have children???? But Mommy, is it sweet or bitter? [EXIT SERIOUS IGBO ACCENT].

On second thoughts, I figured that wouldn't work either. So I braced up and finished the movie. I am woman enough to watch soft porn a movie with my mom.

P.S. The Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio will air on Thursday, July 2nd 2009 @ 10:00 AM U.S. Eastern time (3:00 PM Naija time), Nigerian Tact (Or Lack Of It). We'll be talking about the way Nigerians use the least diplomacy when dispensing their usually not-sought opinions. E-mail me with your stories/comments/questions. radio@verastic.com