Dear readers, how was your Easter? Hope good. If so, to God be the glory. The main aim of writing this post... Oh, the good ol' letter-writing days in secondary school!
Soooo... I was jejely (innocently minding my business) walking past the condom aisle in Giant Food Store when I spotted the unimaginable. I had to go back and take a second look. Yeap, Giant locked each box of condoms in a plastic, indestructible box. (Okay, maybe it was destructible, but still...) Imagine that!
Look @ this; they are all in prison. This is no way to live. This is America. Where is the freedom???
At least, there were specific instructions on how to bail them...
I was an innocent passerby; no, I was not shopping for condoms, only to realize they were prisoned - obviously against their will. I was actually in the store to buy my favorite yogurt (La Creme - strawberry flava. Used to be Vanilla until March of this year, but anyway...). I was walking past the condom aisle - more like it was adjacent to the middle aisle - not that I walked right in front of it. Okay, why am I taking all this time to explain that I was not condom-shopping? I'm starting to sound guilty, and I'm innocent, darn it! Stop looking @ me like that.
So I cannot understand why the Giant people have the condoms locked in boxes. Have people been stealing condoms, or do the Giant people just want to see the embarrassed looks on people's faces when they take one big box to the cashier to bail a box of condoms out? Unless, of course, people are no longer embarrassed to buy condoms. When I worked for mom's pharmacy in Naija (about 10 years ago), people would muffle their words when they asked for condoms.
Imagine if you were going to see your husband in Naija or something, and you'll be staying there for a month. Exactly how many of these boxes are you expected to take up to the cashier? Speaking of which, I wonder if condoms are sold wholesale. And now that I think of it, I don't recall ever seeing a "Buy 10, get 10 free" sale for condoms. How come?? Don't the condom people want users of condoms to be safe? Anyway, if you were a man buying condoms wholesale (maybe like 300 of them at once) and the cashier were to be a Nigerian male, he'd probably say something along the line of, "Nawa oo! Oh boy, na how many congo you wan shine dis weekend? Abi na blom-blom (balloons) you wan blow dey give pikin?" I'd like to see a mother's reaction when she finds her child/children blowing condoms. That should be interesting.
So back to Giant... If people have been stealing condoms, I'd expect the Giant people to be happy. At least, that means they're practicing safe sex. This reminds me of when the Lifestyles people (a brand of condoms) came to my school and distributed all manners of condoms. That was when I knew that condoms were flavored. What the hell for?? Do people lick them? Condoms even glow in the dark. Again, I ask... what the hell for? Maybe in case NEPA takes light and you need help finding "it?" It wouldn't be hard; you'll just need to follow the glow. Or maybe if you need a hard glow torch? I don't know.
Anyway, LifeStyles distributed all manners of condoms and stickers to us. I had all my condoms in a bag which I just dumped in my room. Then one day... mom found it! She almost passed out. This was one instance where the line, "It's not what it looks like; I can explain" came in handy....and was even true. I was so naïve, I tell you. I had a Lifestyles sticker that said, "Just wear it" and I never knew it was referring to condoms. I proudly stuck that sticker on my bookshelf. It was several years later that I realized that the picture in the sticker was a penis. If I had known then what I know now, this sticker would be nowhere near my bookshelf! Which kin yeye message am I tryna send...? And to think that I have so many Christian books in this bookshelf sef. What can I say? I've had my moments.
Yeap... definitely a penis.
...And yes, I realize there is no such word as "prisoning." I just like the sound of it. Sue me.
